Today I..

Put that thing in pieces, changed the processor, fixed stuff and put it all in one. And it took me five hours.

Well, that sure was a day well spent.

I also have a new favorite pop song which I listened the five hours I was fighting with the laptop.

Goo Goo Dolls - Before It's Too Late

Three Memories

These things just came into my mind today. All of these happened years ago, but suddenly they were in my mind - like they were yesterday:

There was a guy I had a crush on. We were working on some project together when I had to go home. I left in a hurry and had to go through the back door. It was winter, cold as hell. It was snowing. I had a portable cd-player with me and I put some music on. I turned the music loud, put some mittens on and started walking. I took some ten or more steps and got scared the shit out of me. It was my project mate who took me by the hand, pushed me to the wall and pushed himself to me. Then it was him leaning towards me, putting his hands to the wall and bent down. I remember him being at least ten inches taller than me. He had blonde hair and grey eyes. And boy, he was a good kisser - not that I knew a lot about kissing then - but anyway.

The other memory, it was in senior high I suppose, when I was doing some homework at the school lounge (pictured, btw- by the table I marked with a red arrow.) I was doing some dna stuff, trying to memorize what the teacher taught as I felt someone standing behind me. I felt his breath in my hair when he whispered: "Can I kiss you?" I - being the idiot I am, said: "I'll have to think about it." This was the guy I had been hanging out with, going out for drives and stuff. I don't remember his name anymore, but I remember his face. He never did kiss me, because we were interrupted by some of his friends. I hate myself for being that kind of an idiot.

The last and the newest one: I was out for a walk with this guy. It was late evening, late fall. Cold. It was a starry night and we walked to the pier and just talked and talked and looked at the stars. I don't even know how late it was when we finally went to his place, but I was freezing. So he took my clothes off and tucked me into his bed. And there we slept until his brother came to wake up us in the morning. Him holding me, like I was something he might lose any second.

Sometimes you just want to stay in your memories. Today was like that.

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

I went to see this a few days ago.

And I took J with me - a big mistake. Do not take your significant others to watch this movie unless you're sure he likes a girl-flick. Since this is one. The ending was shitty, but I really did like this movie. And I simply love Cate Blanchett. There's really something different in that woman. She's running middle age and is gorgeous. I wish I'd look like that when I get older.

If you like other historical dramas, go see it. It might not be worth your money, but it's worth your time.

A long long time ago

I had a little movie marathon of my own. The results:

A Bridge to Terabithia

Surprised me positively. Like really. I thought it was just another movie added to the long line of fantasy/whatevers, but for a kids movie it was rather good. Though the sappy ending could have been avoided by just making the boy drown. Or someone else.

Is this the bridge to the Gigabyte? Or something. The name annoys me.

Shrek The Third

I actually laughed. A waaaay better than Shrek 2.

Reeker

Why, why, why the hell did they have to actually point the details in the ending as if EVERYONE didn't already realize what happened. And I'm pretty damn sure they used exactly the same set as in Identity.

Good material. Especially the jumping through the mirror -part made me laugh. Check it out.

Reaping

I fell asleep before half of the movie was gone. I really did fall asleep. And it was around 7 pm, when I went to see it! I managed to watch the end.. Besides, I never did realize Hilary Swank is a girl. Creepy. The ending, however seems to have been copied of several other films in which !!SPOILER!! The character ends up impregnated with some devil seed !!SPOILER!!..

Return to the House on Haunted Hill

Shit, shit shit shitshitshitshitshitshit. Who the hell actually PAID these actors?

Happy Birthday!

So,

Happy birthday, Gerard Butler. May your other 38 years be filled with love, joy and happiness. And at least one really good movie (without singing).. Also: Steve Zahn turns 40 (!!). I would've figured he'd be something closer to 35 than 40. But a human mind is an erroeous fun. Or what ever the heck the correct word is.

For the birthday boys (and girls):

When forty winters shall besiege thy brow,
And dig deep trenches in thy beauty's field,
Thy youth's proud livery so gazed on now,
Will be a tattered weed of small worth held:
Then being asked, where all thy beauty lies,
Where all the treasure of thy lusty days;
To say within thine own deep sunken eyes,
Were an all-eating shame, and thriftless praise.
How much more praise deserved thy beauty's use,
If thou couldst answer 'This fair child of mine
Shall sum my count, and make my old excuse'
Proving his beauty by succession thine.
This were to be new made when thou art old,
And see thy blood warm when thou feel'st it cold.

And that, my friends, is something that came out of Shakespeare's feather (pen).

Dang..

My ex boyfriend will look like this fella in 20 years.

I thought him cute when we were teenagers, but I guess he'll look better growing old..

My So Called Life

I remembered this litte show..

That had - haha - Jared Leto - in it.

Suddenly it's everything about Jared Leto. Like a week ago my sister tells me she is a Jared Leto fan. My other sister called to tell me about Leto's band 30 seconds to Mars (which I've known since 2005), two days ago I watched Alexander after remembering "it was this cute-as-hell guy playing Alexander's lover" and it turned out to be Jared Leto. What's up with the sudden change of the occupant of my thoughts?

He's 36. I can't believe he is 36. He's old. I'll be old in ten years. Getting old sucks.

And I hate Claire Danes for kissing him. Not that I would want to kiss him myself. According to my source, Jared Leto is a frequent d-train passenger who loves himself too much, raises himself above others and knows he's way too good for everyone "ordinary". Or not. Who knows. Maybe he's the sweetest guy, shy and humble.. Or not. Most likely not. Of the 40 Americans I know (of which two are somewhat famous) I know only one who doesn't annoy me just by being himself. I hate the fake smiles everyone seems to have. And the small talk. Asking "How are you" without even wanting to know if you really are okay. Saying "like" in every possible occasion. "Honestly", or "To tell you the truth."


To change the topic, let's go to:

Fate.

I pay attention to something. Suddenly it becomes the top news a few days later.

I'm starting to believe everything is planned in advance and there's nothing I can do. What ever I choose, the outcome has already been decided. No matter how badly I screw up, somehow the sun shines a few days later.

I think of someone and they call me. Or we meet somewhere.

Like Jared Leto haunting me. Suddenly he's everywhere. Not here though, of which I'm sort of happy. It would be like he's the king of Egypt and I'm yesterdays' leftovers..

Oh..

By the way, my blog came up as a search result when somebody did a search on "I slept with Jensen Ackles". Google bot thinks I did, however, because I talked about sleeping with someone who sung Enrique Iglesias' Hero to me and about Jensen Ackles in a post. Thumbs up, Google Bot!

Our Own Idiot

There has been a lot happening today in our little country.

A schoolboy shot eight, injured at least 5 people and shot himself in a school shooting in southern Finland. The 18-year old boy was known for his ravings at the internet service You Tube by the (now removed) account "natural selector 89". Today his nick is sturmgeist89.

Please, do NOT start blaming the video games, movies, music or whatever... There are gazillion of us who do play violent games and we're not into killing anyone. He was just a messed up kid who would have probably spent 5 years in jail and then released back to the society. If he didn't die.

Great country. I bet now half of the new games get banned, metal detectors introduced in schools and stuff like that..

Snow

It started snowing..

... and it's turning into shlush.

Also:

I hate Angelina Jolie and her stupid fake accent in Alexander (which I watched again after realizing Jared Leto was in it)..

1408 & Resident Evil: Extinction

We went to see 1408 yesterday. I liked it. I liked it very much, especially the end. The woman has a priceless expression on her face. Go see it and you know what I mean ;)

We also saw Extinction. Which I liked. I just loved the way it ended! I have to keep my fingers crossed to see Milla yet in another Resident Evil. No one else than Milla can be Alice, in my opinion..

Go see. Could be worth your money...

All Hallow's Eve

The Finns celebrate Halloween a few days later than the Americans.

Well, technically it's not the same party, but basically it's about the dead people.

They reported a poltergeist event in the local paper. We're visiting J's mum (we sleep in separate beds here, which is hilarious) and they have their own village paper where the museum ghost was apparently seen and it rolled all the carpets on the floor. Creepy, eh?

We went for a nice walk to the cemetery where J's father is buried. That cemetery is the most beautiful place on christmas eve with the thousands of candles. Last year it was snowing and all those candles made it look so alive I cannot believe it. The headstones were lit and the shadows of the trees were dancing.. wow. I wish I can take a picture this year.

Most Beautiful Eyes On Earth - Males Over 25 And Jared Leto

.. is yet one more added to my favorite eyed DDG guys -list.

I didn't realize he's that old already. Ten years my senior! :) It's funny that he's been around for ever and I never noticed how beautiful his eyes are. And that dark hair (funny, I remebered him as a blonde..) suits him SO WELL.

He looked cute even after he gained 30 pounds or so to a crappy movie..

I actually didn't realize it was him in a TV series I used to watch as a teenager: My So Called Life which - I think - spawned Claire Danes (who hasn't changed a bit since 1994) and presented Jared's brother Shannon (who the fuck gives their son a girls' name?)... Which made me wonder how can two people from the same parents be so different? The other is beautiful and the other is... well.. is.

I also learned he had a part in the movie Alexander - which I bought on DVD a long time ago. Of course I didn't notice him because I was drooling over the adonis -lookalike Colin Farrell. It's just so funny you don't see someone until something happens.

Something happened to me.

Well, anyway, the list of the Most Beautiful Eyes On Earth - Males Over 25

1. Daniel Craig
2. Jensen Ackles
3. Jared Leto
4. Ewan McGregor
5. Gerard "Gerry Butler"

I Want Snow :(

I do not understand why I'm waiting for the snow. The winter here is dark and long and I will probably get sick of the darkness and the coldness before january, but I want it to snow so badly.

My heart broke: I saw a duck boy swimming next to a dead duck girl. The boy tried to lift her head up from under the water and pushing her towards the shore. Then it quacked three times with such a heartbreaking voice my day was ruined. I was late from work that day anyway and I stayed to watch him give up. As the girl ducks body was drifting along the current, the boy stopped quacking. Then it yelled one more time and then went to the others. I wonder if it remembers that girl duck. Or did it really feel sad or was it just me humanizing the event..?

And now to the lighter thoughts of the day:

Imagine a guy so handsome you keep thinking that you must be dreaming - that there cannot be such a guy alive on earth.

Imagine the guy holding a guitar.

Imagine the heavenly blue, big eyes, long lashes and black hair.

Imagine him looking at you as if he was the shyest guy on earth.

Imagine him whispering "Close your eyes".

Hear him singing to you hitting perfect notes.

Now wake up.

The Night In Hell

If all the bees on earth would die, the humans would follow four years later.

Fate, do you hear me? I swear I'll never take a swing at a bee again. Never.

Now, about my night in hell.

I woke up three times last night.

The first time I woke up to somebody calling my name, my first name, the one I don't use. I thought it was IHQ, but he was snoring his lungs out. But he only calls me by my nickname.
The second time I woke up, was that I just opened my eyes. The light from outside formed a cross on the wall. I was very freaked out and turned the light on. But the third time.. it took me almost two hours to be able to sleep again. I woke up to someone pulling my leg. Really pulling.
First I thought it was J kicking me in his dreams.. But he was facing the other way..It was pulling me outwards, so it wasn't a cramp. It was as if someone would be at the bedpost and pull. I was still really scared when I got to work. And the fact that I actually saw something in our livingroom, made it worse. I turned the TV on to watch good morning finland and then I saw something dark standing right outside the door. I thought it was J who came back to pick up something he forgot. I said hi and it was gone.

...

Need To Fall In Love

Sometimes you just miss it.

I've never done drugs but I suppose that falling in love is the ultimate high.

By the way, I had a dream of my friend earlier this year. A kiss that never happened between us. At that time I thought it was an omen of a goodbye and it was. It was an omen of a whithered friendship, I think. According to dreammoods, kiss that ends before it happens "indicates that you are unsure of how he or she really feels about you."

That was something weird anyway, we were friends but sometimes he was, like, there was something else.

The Fly Is Still Alive

Yes, and it's tearing my nerves.

Should I feed it? Wonder if I could keep it alive through winter, would it like me?

Naah, just kidding. :)

The weather is nice, cold, but the sun is shining. I wish that winter would come soon this year.

Oh.. I have had this very unpleasant thought of not seeing year 2008 - for quite some time now. I also keep getting those panic attacks - the ones that I get when my tanatophopia kicks in. I have been able to hide them from J many times and I hope he won't see them, since he gets so scared.

I heard that some people know when they are going to die, that they have these dreams full of actual feelings - or they feel terrible lightness and start seeing everything as it would be the last time. I have had all of that lately. And you know what..? I would be relieved. That it would finally be over. I wouldn't have to wake up at night and suddenly realize that it could be over any time, I wouldn't have to be afraid that J would get into a car accident. I wouldn't have to care. My mother would be glad for finally getting rid of me for good - since that's what she's wanted since the day I was born. My sisters would be happy for me, since they would think I could have peace.

I wish I could live without a days regret, not feeling sorry for myself or anyone else. One perfect day would be enough for me - and I'd be ready to die. Do you hear that, fate? I'll exchange one perfect day - for the rest of my days.

.. I know that
only time can tell us how
to carry on without each other..

Fly At the Roof

There's a fly at my roof.

I bet it will die tonight and it will fall straight into my open mouth and I wake up eating that fly.

That would be just my luck.

Congrats, Sputnik!

It's been 50 years from the launch of Sputnik 1.

"Beep, beep, beep", it said.

Then it crashed and burned..

Rest In Peace, Sputnik.

Intern

Yes, I'm an intern now.

Long days, boring hours and no pay.

That's what kills me. The fact that I don't get paid for working 8 hours 15 minutes, working when others go for lunch and working without proper guidance. I'm glad I haven't electocuted anyone yet.. And when working ovetiring gigs, In addition there's the commuting for ages. By bike. Through heavy traffic.

I thought I'd instantly start losing weight, but no, I haven't. Because I'm too tired to actually COOK something decent. That for we buy what ever we feel like and usually it's something you can prepare with no effort at all - and unfortunately mostly it's something without any healthy thingets in it.

The weather is sooo fine right now, has been for three days. The temperatures are more than 10 degrees higher than usually this time of year, the sun is shining, the wind is amazing.

And soon it will be winter. Snow up to your thigh, days with barely two hours of daylight. I love that season..

Which reminds me of my shitty overcoat. Gotta get a new one.

The Saddest Tune

Sometimes I hear a tune that makes me shed a few tears. Listen to this little piece of an upcoming game mod Blackmesa (on Source engine). If that link doesn't work in a few days, go to http://www.blackmesasource.com/downloads.html and download Theme.

Wonder if it does the trick on anyone else.

It has been snowing in the northernmost part of the country. Fabulous. I love winter and hope it comes soon this year. In 2006 we had to wait until christmas to get decent snow.

Fear of the Death + Paranormal chitchat

I read somewhere, don't quite remember from where that some people think the end of the world is near. UFO sightings have tripled (at least that's how it feels like) and UFOs are regular visitors on news walls as well.

Let me throw some fuel to the fire and add the little incident wich we had with two unidentified flying objects a couple of weeks ago: We had been fishing and it was already dark, (Which taught me a new thing: it's hard trying to catch a fish without seeing where to cast) we were able to see the stars already. We were going to the car, when J suddenly noticed a bright light very low.

It didn't move, so I thought it must be a helicopter hovering or something. We were looking at it (and I tried to catch it on my cell phone camera - which ended up with nothing) and wondering if it was the shuttle that had launched the day before. But. There were two ligths very close, they didn't move, until they suddenly put their lights off. Meaning as if someone had switched the headlights off. The other one went compeletely dark, but the other one stayed lit very dim.

J's theory is that we saw the shuttle and ISS turning, but I checked and they were below the horizon. I know a little something about the star system, so I know it wasn't a planet (a double?!) AND I have seen a couple of fireballs (meteors) shooting down, so it wasn't that either.

What was it, then? If I wouldn't happen to be a sceptic, I'd vote for an UFO. There are no military bases near where we were. I'm not talking about - like - alien UFOs, but just an unidentified flying (or hovering, in this case) object. It's a shame my cell phone vid camera sucks, so I can't post it on youtube.

A lot of weird things have been happening lately, adding to this whole UFO sighting things.. a man suddenly attacked another man in a hamburger joint and took a good bite of his forehead. More people go missing than ever, weird accidents happen..

I'm just waiting for the paranormal-investigating-world to announce something big.

We were watching a movie called Gwai Wik, which was - in lack of a better word - a compilation. we saw hints of Phone, Ring, Dark Water, Resident Evil and Silent Hill. In some parts it was a very beautiful movie, but most of it was crap. The idea was nice, however, and would make a nice 5,2 IMDB star rating Hollywood flick. This movie left me this very creepy feeling..

Have I mentioned I have tanatophobia? The fear of death. It's hard to explain, but it is serious enough to launch a panic attack. I just need to "realize" that someday this all will be over for me and I'm so scared the day just might be tomorrow. I start crying hysterically. It's like an image that pops into my head and I can't get rid of it until it grows up to a panic attack. I have had two of those attacks while J has been around and he's always scared of my behavior..

.. I just wish that there really would be something else than this. Something more.

If you can prove me that there is "another side" of life, or ghosts or spirits or whatever, please make my life easier. The one life. It sucks to be raised Christian, to believe that there is only one lifetime on this earth and after that you'd either go to heaven or hell. I wish I was taught we'd live again without remembering.

I hate religions.

Despite of the fact that I hate what humans to other animals, to other humans and this planet, I'd like to be a human in my next life.

By the way, shoudn't all Christians avoid working, since they only get one life?

I don't understand why we have to acquire stuff and work our butts off and then just die. What's the point?!

I hate the greed. Which I, by the way, can't write myself off.

After all, I'm just a human. A weird one, though.

Last Weeks of Summer

This year I'm definitely going to miss this summer.

I don't even understand why, it's been a crappy, rainy summer.

Somehow the thought of the winter is like taking a huge weight off my shoulders.

... And one of my oldest friends had the guts to tell me he has liked me ever since we first met. I wonder how my life would be if he had told me that seven years ago.

Toothache

My tooth broke and it kills me. I'll get to the doctor tomorrow, but it kills me anyway :(

I have a friend that looks like Jared Padalecki. This friend of mine is too thin and a bit too bad-toothed, but with some muscle, he could safely double as Jared. I wonder if I could persuade him to grow his hair and maybe visit the gym with me. We could try if he'd go as Jared.

I wish I had a friend that looked like Jensen. :(

AND I AM NOT A FAN! I still think he can't put a credible smile on his face. And according to the dream I had last night, he's a real dick.

Another one..

I have liked this song for quite some time now, though it was published somewhere in 1990. I don't like most of the song, but the first two minutes and these lyrics.

For a person who's had a lot of nightmares and think dreams are valuable, I find these lyrics quite comforting.. I wish someone would sing this to me. I rarely like music that has been made by long haired men, but I might do an exception here:

Silent Lucidity

Hush now, don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over
... or has it just begun?

There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didn't realize it and you were scared
It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly you hear and see
This magic new dimension
I will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
I will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you
In Silent Lucidity

If you open your mind for me
You won't rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumbling down, and a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn
You're safe from the pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but...
I will be watching over you
I am gonna help to see it through
I will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you...

I Know Now..

I know what I want to do when I grow up.

I want to be a helicopter pilot.

I realized that a few days ago, when I was looking at a helicopter lifting of from a platform. To be able to fly. I don't care about planes, they are just cold and fast, but with a helicopter you'd really have to know how to fly..

I have always loved helicopters, ever since I was a little girl. I remembered I used to smile all the time when I got near to any helicopters and I have a vague memory about having a little toy helicopter.

The only problem is that I would need to have LASIK, go to the school and buy myself a helicopter. I need to win in the lottery.

Money is the only thing that will stop me with this dream. Being a helicopter pilot only requires good eye sight and money, all the rest can be memorized or learned.

I hate being poor.

Night Owl

The tune of the day for the hunk of the year:

Now playing: Sander Van Doorn - By Any Demand. Go, listen to it before it starts playing on MTV and all the shabby "clubs" you wouldn't dare show your face in..

By the way.. I'm sure I've forgotten something, I'm getting a hammering headache and I've becoming some kind of a night owl, since it's 3:26 am, I haven't been clubbing and I'm still awake.

Oh, and I went to see Die Hard 4.0 yesterday. Despite of all the "wrong" information given there (about servers and stuff and over-gloryfying the hacking thing), I loved the flick. I can honestly say that I think this is the best of the Die Hards. And the evil hacker king... aaw, what a cutie pie..

Bruce Willis, dude, you're still the man!

Oh, and I checked what makes a person a fan. And I'm not. It's not my fault, that my inner whatever likes to keep Jensen (or Ewan) a regular visitor in my dreams. The reason I have Jensen's photos in my blog is that he's cute. I'm not dreaming of marrying him, or dating him, or seeing him IRL.

Girls, he might be a total dick and he'd probably date only pure homegrown texas silicone implanted botoxed 22-year-old I'm-a-model. That's what they all do. Except Ashton Kutcher who married his grandmother :)

Good Morning

I haven't slept all night for some strange reason...

Some mornings waking up sucks, so I decided to skip that part today. It's six a.m. and the sun is just getting up, so there's no reason to go to bed. I'm gonna wait til the clock turns a bit more, take a shower and then try sleeping.

Meanwhile, lets get into my favorite topic, being currently mr. Dean Winchester a.k.a Jensen Ackles.

How can a smile be as fake as this?

If someone tells me Jensen Ackles is something more than a pretty face, I'll tell then to go screw themselves. This little pretty boy can't even fake a smile and not look fake.

It's as if he's trying to act that he's acting a smile.

But he IS so adorable and by now I have learned one thing in life: you're going to get far just by being adorable.

I'm so tired.

Think I'm gonna go take a nap. Just a nap.. just.. a... na..p

Dean Winchester's Ring

Haha!

I figured that one out.

I bet Dean Winchester's ring (in Supernatural) is actually Jensen Ackles' wedding ring. He's married to his girlfriend and wants to tribute her by wearing the wedding ring in his right hand. I suppose that's nothing new. I happened to find a shop that sells wedding rings exactly like the one Dean wears..

So girls, lock your dreams in the Box Of Dead Wishes and throw it into the garbage, because all hope has to be abandoned. Or not.

Or, of course I just might be wrong and the ring just might be a Tibetan prayer spin ring..

I'm getting old.

I read my old scribblings and noticed, that last year, well all my life until the last few weeks I've been the kind of girl to fall for older men. I mean older - at least ten years.

I have this theory that I'm getting old. Why? Well, I'm checking the young guys.. Such as this little cutie pie, who spent the whole five hours I slept, in my dreams.. And the other cutie pie from the same series (which I still don't like) was another visitor. Though I don't want to talk about THAT part. It's private ;)

This time I had a nice dream about being loved once again. I'm starting to believe my dreams tell me what I don't have. Passionate, desperate, ground shaking love. The one that I've never felt in real life. My mind just replaces the childhood dream guy with these hunks - and it makes me feel WORSE. I have this beautiful, perfect life in dreams and every single morning I wake up to a disappointment. I don't have any of it and my stupid mind plays tricks on me.

I'm so fed up with sleeping, I rather stay awake.. No... I love sleeping, but I hate the waking up -part. I just spent four hours looking for a perfect image of what I have in my dreams, but - of course - couldn't find, since perfection only happens in my dreams.

The pic (once again) is probably copyrighted (since it's a screenshot), sorry, whoever you are.

Creepy..

This time it's not unconscious, like with Ewan McGregor, who used to be a regular star in my dreams even though I only liked to watch his movies. I don't really think Ewan's that handsome and besides, if I ever had the chance to meet him, I would never try get between a married couple with kids. But I'm kinda glad the Cambridge dream was the last one I've had of him.

But with Jensen Ackles... I fuckin' hate him. Why? Of course these are the things that are told to the public and might not be true, but I have learned, that he insists people be honest with him (as do I. I can tell a lie as soon as it is told. And can't lie myself either), he does photography (which is something I like to do as well), sings and plays the guitar (and I have always had a major thing with guys who can play guitar and sing.. I have slept with two guys just because they sung so beautifully. And I've slept with three DJ's)..

I have seen some of the Supernatural episodes at least twenty times.. Why? I get to see Jensen. I get to wonder if that's the way he really smiles when he remembers something from years back. I get to wonder if he's really that much of a chauvinist in real life. I get to wonder if his smile is always that fake.. If he's a real dick IRL.. I get to wonder if he really wears those clothes IRL. I could easily check the latter by reading celeb magazines or surfing the paparazzi sites, but you know what? It's his life. I don't really care because it doesn't have anything to do with mine. The only celeb site I go to, is People. And I rarely see Ewan, Jensen or Jared (Who's also become a regular visitor in my dreams) on the pages of that (web) mag. If I ruled the world, I would jail all the paparazzis as stalkers.

... but anyway. It's so sad I'm not beautiful and don't live in Alaska (or where the hell they shoot Supernatural in). I will never have the chance to talk with him and see if he really is the way he is. And what's more sad, I will never get to try what it's like to kiss those perfect lips and see if his eyes are really greenish. AND NEITHER WILL MOST OF YOU, who daydream about Jensen..

Jensen Ackles: Get the fuck out of my dreams. I'm definitely NOT your type. I'm 26 and live half across the world and I have never been the fan -type. I don't have bright blue eyes and blonde hair, I don't have silicone boobs and I'm not rich. I've had enough of Ewan so I don't need you. Jared Padalecki: The same goes with you. GTFOOMD! Though you are really cute.. Like I have said some time earlier, if I would know Jensen and Jared IRL, I'd probably end up with Jared, who looks more witty than his overly-angelic-drop-dead-gorgeous friend and to whom I'd have to reach up if I wanted to get kissed.

But here's the thing. I have always had crushes on the guys that are tall and handsome (like Jared), that have one unique thing in their appearance (like the something strange in Jared's face) and appear gay-ish. But I have always ended up with a guy about my height, who can make me laugh every day over stupid things no one else would laugh to - and won't open the car door to me, doesn't ask me constantly if I'm in the need of something or if I'm okay and if I get pissed off, lets me rant and don't get involved. If you are like that, Jensen, feel free to e-mail me. :)

By the way.. I slept with a guy who sung Enrique Iglesias' Hero to me in 2001. Remember sisters, that's not a reason to sleep with anyone, you only get to laugh at yourself each time you hear the song.

Well, I guess I'm a sucker for musical men, whether they sing, play or spin.

Feedback

If you happen to want to comment me (nicely, of course), feel free to email me at sindustry _at_ canada _dot_ com. No spam, please, let's be nice to each other.

When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be..

...a doctor

But I'm too stupid and wasn't smart enough in high school to read extra physics and chemistry. Here one can't pay oneself into med school.

... a writer

But despite all the great stories and excellent ideas, the process never goes on long enough. I need a muse.

... a game programmer

But I hate programming

... a 3D animator

No schools in this country. Well, there are schools, but zero good ones.

... an astronaut

I'm too stupid, too blind and too sick

and yes, I'm a girl.

And the more "feminine" wannabe's:

... a flight attendand

But I hate people who play difficult only because they can. And my ears start to hurt when the pressure shifts. And I'm legally blind.

... a singer

But I can't sing.

... a nurse

But I didn't get in school

So I'm a zero. Happy days.

The List

All of my BF's or one night stands or hangouts' initials (as introduced by our dear imaginary friend Laura Palmer in her imaginary diary):

Oldest first:
S.?. 1 night
J.A. 3 nights
H.U. 2 nights
H.?. 1 night
O.?. 2 days
T.O. 4 nights
H.?. 2 days
M.?. 1 night
?.?. 2 nights (and yeah, I didn't even ask his name..)
M.T. 10 months
M.R. 3 weeks
K.A. 2 months
J.M. 12 nights
N.?. 1 night
H.?. 1 month
?.? 1 night (I don't remember his name anymore)
M.?. 1 night
J.M. 1 night
M.C. 3 days
J.S. 7 years

And NO, I haven't had sex with all of these, you perv :)

Haibane

If anyone of you happens to watch Haibane Renmei, you might know about a haibane's dream. Well, It wasn't my first dream, I'm sure, but I remember a dream that has always told me something is going to change, so it has a great meaning to me.

Without explaining it fully, It's mainly about learning to fly. So I guess my name as a haibane would be Lift off (as in start flying)..

I have to ask a friend for a translation..

100th Post

I was planning to make this 100th post worth something.

But I have nothing to tell, no news, no gossip, nothing. Instead I decided to tell my ten favorite things and ten non-favorite things. This is what we used to do when we were kids, scraping answers to someone elses slambook...

1. Thunder.

2. Getting kissed by someone.

3. Rice porridge.

4. Standing on a beach, watching the waves hit the rocks. Watching the clouds.

5. Laughing with my best friend.

6. Seeing an old couple walking on a Sunday afternoon.

7. Remembering a nice dream when I wake up.

8. Seeing a drop-dead-gorgeous guy.

9. Holding a newborn baby.

10. Being alone, reading a good book.

And the shitty part:

10. Overly rich people doing charity.

9. Hollywood.

8. Sickness (I'd rather see the billion sick people on earth dying instead of curing them)..

7. Poverty (My own).

6. War.

5. Too expensive movie tickets.

4. Death.

3. Communism.

2. Overpopulation.

1. All religions. They cause most of the troubles.

Argh!

It sucks to be poor.

I have now 9k loan and no way to pay it back.

Shitshitshit.

I have to dump J and go to Russia, find a rich, old, fugly guy and be his pet. Yeah, that's a good plan.

Yet Another Supermarket Visit

We went shopping today and this is what I overheard a boy approximately eight years old saying to his parents:

"I decide what we buy AND YOU PAY IT"

Now this was nothing a cute kid could say. I wouldn't let my children speak to me in that way. What kind of an adult that boy will become if he can stomp over his parents like that!!

I'm against violence on children, but that boy could deserve a spanking for once in his life.

Travian

Currently I'm playing Travian. I'm quite hooked on it, so this might be a little longer project than I first believed it could be..

I'm currently playing on four different servers in three different languages and just might want to start a game on a French server, though my skills on that language are rather vague.

I made my first hack to sims 2. I changed the Mystery Sim memory to "I met Jamie" and made a nice little icon to that.. The name Jamie can be used on male and a female, so it saved me a lot of trouble to try to bind names to certain sex. And sims can be gay too, so that would add just too much trouble.

I'm off to bed now. I've been sitting on the computer for two whole days (because of the heavy rain we're getting and going out is a call for flu) and I have slept five hours in the last 46 hours. I'm feeling - drunk - for some reason.

My favorite Sims 2 -sites

http://sims-2.gameslife.ru/
http://mangosims2.free.fr/
http://www.aroundthesims2.com/
http://www.pimp-my-sims.com/
http://www.raonsims.com/
http://www.holysimoly.com/
http://www.muranomobilia.com/
http://www.modthesims2.com/

Happy Simming ;)

Fluffy Little Seed

"My heart is like a cup

Every day, drop by drop, my glass cup fills up a little more.

And so today, it feels like my cup became full."

Fat, Fat and Fat

I'm on a diet, and on my last one.

I will never wear size 14 again. NEVER!

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Mother,

I hope that one day you'll see what you have done and for a short moment will feel all the terror you have made us, your children, feel.

I hope that after realizing the damage you have done will make you come and say you're sorry and ask for our forgiveness. Only then you can have it.

If you can't understand your own mistakes, none of your grandkids will come visit you, no one will send you cards on christmas. Three of them hate you already. Not because they were told what you are, but because of your words and actions they have had to experience when we were trying to make you part of the family you couldn' t make us.

You will die alone, mother. How does it make you feel? To think that there will be no one holding your hand when you take your last breath. There will be none of your children present when you've put in to the ground. There will be no long time friends there, no husbands, no sisters, no brothers, no one but a priest from the church you abandoned long time ago and which abandoned you.

You have burned all the bridges behind you.

Happy Mother's Day, mother.

All your children spend their mother's day with someone elses' mother... And probably I'm the only one who thinks of you, me, who has gotten the worst out of you.

Oh, I have one memory to share with you, mother:

When I left my foster parents house after living there for almost eight years, the mother gave me a book. It was a very sad story of a little girl who eventually found her place in life - and it was called "The Little Well-bred Girl". In it's first leaf it read:

"I hope you will find your place in life, little well-bred girl. I hope that you will find your inner child, because you never learned how to be one. I hope that one day you will raise another well-bred girl who will never have to learn life the way you have learned."

Mother, I don't wish I was never born. I wish I was born to someone else than you. I'd might be a whole lot more than just leftovers.

This mother's day is dedicated to you, S, though we were never allowed to call you mother.

Tales From The Past

Today J's mother, who is over 70 already, told me this when I asked if she knew any real ghost stories. She told me a story which her best friend told her of her experience.

Aile was a girl at her early twenties at that time. She went to work at a house for a day, it was summer. She had to spend the night in. At that time, it was not unusual for people to give a place to sleep for workmen, relatives, bypassers, there were very few crimes. She was given the little guest room next to the large room that would now be described as the dining hall, but at time it was more than just a dining room, all the social activity in the house happened in that room. The mistress of the house warned her she might have hard time sleeping there because of all the noise. She was wondering what was the point until it was time to go to bed. She described the noise as "if someone was riding horseback inside". They were telling that there were just noises, nothing else. No one would get hurt. She was horrified, of course. The girl who shared her room was brave enough to go see, but there was nothing there, just the sound. Obviously they were tired the next day, but at least Aile had big news for her best friend. J's mother keeps wondering if they pulled a prank on her, but she remembers that the house became somewhat famous and the noises kept on going even when the house was empty. It's a shame she couldn't remember the exact spot where the house used to be, but she remembers the village. So it could be possible to find this farm, if it still exists.

She also told me what her father had told her. This was a bit farther away in the past, it was the time her granddad was in his twenties. He, too, had been working at a house and had to stay some nights there every now and then. The workmen were sleeping all together in a large room. There were no noises, but a little more annoying ghost, I suppose. This one pulled the pillows from the sleeping people. This young man, however was a cold-nerved guy who didn't get startled when his pillow was pulled to the floor. He took the pillow, put it back under his head and kept sleeping. The master of the house told the workmen that the ghost doesn't do any harm, that it was a prankster and just kept pulling the pillows. J's grandgranddad solved the problem on his own behalf the next night when they were sleeping. He had taken some ash next to the wooden bench he slept on. When one of his "roommates" swore over the pillow-stealing ghost, he woke up too and saw a figure only from the waist up. He took the ash and threw the ash at the figure. It disappeared and he was the only one who could sleep his nites at peace after that.

J's mum also told me about a man who lived at her village when she was in her early twenties. It was told, that the man could lay a curse on anyone. He had said that if someone ever steals from his garden, the culprit would paralyze. Two boys, one she knew from school and another who she barely knew, went. They both paralyzed the next day. She told me it really happened overnight. The other boy and his mother went to this man an apologized and shortly after he got much better, but the other boy didn't go apologize. He remained paralyzed the rest of his life. She also told me this man was responsible for many other hexes too. Everyone were afraid of him and were scared to say anything bad about him. It was told that this man also had a clear consciousness at his death bed. He felt no remorse whatsoever and refused a priest. He was buried in church ground and was blessed by a priest. To keep him from coming back beyond the grave.

These were true stories. I have known J's mum for six years and I can say she's the most straightforward, honest and true person I've known. So she wouldn't lie, I'm sure. It's a shame she's already starting to forget things and I'd like to ask more, but I don't want to make her feel bad for not remembering.

So, Good night kids, there are true ghosts out there.

The Un-read Blog

No one reads my blog. I've been doing this since 2k5 and still no hits..

Except for four returning customers that include one friend. So thanks to the three of you who keep reading my nutty thoughts.

Well, I started making this for myself anyway, so I don't mind.

So, if you happen to stop by, here's a blog you can't find. Really, you can't. Use Google, anything, I'm scribbling the only Un-read blog on the intahweb. It's funny that Google obviously hosts this, my account is for Google and even they don't know about me...

It's kind of funny.. or kind of sad. Whichever you like best.

My Dreamcatcher Is Borkened

I have this nice little dreamcatcher, bought it from a cute Indian stuff selling store. I've never been a believer in anything much, but this time I decided to believe and so far it has been working great. I used to have these horrid nightmares and they kept getting worse - I usually woke up screaming, panicked and sweatty every night..

Well anyways, after getting that dreamcatcher I've had - what - like 4 nights with nightmares. 4 nights in almost eight months is not bad after about 5000 nights with nightmares. I've been very happy after having good, beautiful, colorful dreams night after nights. I have developed an ability to keep watching a dream. Two best things I've had so far is: watching the same dream again on the following night and being able to go back in the dream and push it forward the way I want it to be.

New problems have occured though. Because I like sleeping, I sleep a lot. I always abuse the snooze button (who the hell invented that devil? Like we'd be tired after sleeping for 8 hours anyway) more badly than Kate Moss her cocaine.

And the gorgeous guys in my dreams - what the hell is that? Ewan McGregor, Jensen Ackles and surprisingly Sebastian Stan (who looks a bit like my ex, M).. Why? I see so many gorgeous guys out in the real world I keep wondering why the hell I keep having dreams of this handsome trio... Why can't I dream about the gorgeous exchange student in media studies?

And the sickest thing is that I have most of my dreams in English which - some of you may have noticed - is not my first language.

I'm scared to take my dreamcatcher off. What if the bad dreams come back and the dreamcatcher won't work again?

How to I unload Ewan McGregor out of my head? I don't even like most of his movies and anyone having a wife is a big IRL turnoff for me anyway. I'm not one of those girls who gather every single thing about their idol and post it all on a website. I'm not a fan, I don't drool over them (except for Ewan when he sings) and I don't talktalktalk about them all the time and find every gossip and wish they'd get rid of their wives/girlfriends/boyfrieds/whatev. I couldn't care less of Ewan IRL and still he haunts my dreams!

I once made a spell for me to appear in Ewans' dreams, just as a joke since I don't believe in that stuff. I guess that backfired and I'm getting all the Ewan I need (and don't want). So, kids, remember the rule of three times three. What ever you send out, it may come back powered three times.

Ewan, get the hell out of my head. Please.

Oh yeah, the other thing too, I keep having premonitions. They're just little things, mere hunches. I've been wrong twice, but usually they are a bit f**ked up. Like, this friend of mine. I hadn't talked with her for over a year and hadn't seen her either. I had a dream she had a baby boy. It was such a strong dream I had to dig up her number and call her. Surprise, surprise, she was pregnant and her due date was the following day. I told her about my dream and she promised to call me back when the baby had arrived. Three days and she texted: "A baby girl, big and healthy". I had a dream of myself drowning in a cockpit of a lorry, going through ice. Two days later this guy went down. I had a dream of drowning in an icy river and the next day I got a call from my sister telling my uncle went through the ice with a snowmobile and drowned.

So I've heard them déjavuthevers may be a sign of a future Alzheimer's. If it's true, I'm definitely one of those going down with it.

Well, time to go meet Ewan. Nites.

By the way, sorry if I seem to be all over the shop with my blog stuff - a bit comes up in my head, and then it f**ks off and then I just scribble what's left of it..

Paris Hilton

Why should Paris be freed after what she's done?

Doesn't she have enough brain to read her own papers? Why blame the rep?

And the mother - oh - my - god.. "After all the money we spent?". Well, that proved my belief that you can get out of a lot of things with a big fund...

Paris, you belong in jail, so stop counting on your rich parents and famous name.

Hope no one falls for your little "petition".

One friend of mine just said: "The celebs should get twice the time they get just because people look up to them and learning that you can buy your way out of jail by blaming others and handing a big pack of money, is not teaching anything to anyone."

I cannot agree more.

Oh yeah, and I just spent nine days being living half life. I had a terrible flu and I was going nutty after day 6. The sun was shining and all that shit - and I was sitting inside blowing my nose.

Congrats Hubble!

A Late Happy Birthday to Hubble. May your 17-years of life extend to many more!

Hubble precisely measured the age of the universe. It found evidence of dark energy. It brought you images of distant galaxies in the young universe. And now, with Servicing Mission 4 (SM4), the Hubble Space Telescope will look onto the universe with new eyes, surpassing even its previous vision.

"Hubble was designed to be repaired and upgraded by astronauts, and these servicing missions have occurred several times since Hubble’s launch in 1990. SM4 has an ambitious program of activities. Over a series of five spacewalks, astronauts will replace worn-out telescope components, installing new batteries, new gyroscopes, a refurbished Fine Guidance Sensor, replacement thermal blankets, and more. It will significantly enhance Hubble's prowess with the installation of two new science instruments: the Wide Field Camera 3 and the Cosmic Origins Spectrograph. These upgrades will keep Hubble functioning at the pinnacle of astronomy well into the next decade. "

Hubble celebrated with a wonderful picture of a place where stars are born (not L.A. you goofs)

Thank you, NASA!

Apparently someone there has brains AND heart!

The pic is courtesy of NASA of course and I did not ask for a permission to post it here.

Something About Death...

First, I'd like to ask a different question: Why do the dead people become angel -like? According to their friends and families they haven't done anything wrong, were nice, popular, polite appy all their lives, never said anything bad.. this happens every single time. Like the people who died in Virginia Tech. They were all happy, perfect kids according to anyone who was interviewed for the cameras. But what if, in real life, they were all typical American over-spoiled kids who might have said something bad to Seung Cho? My heart goes out to the first victim, the dude, since he was only trying to solve the situation and might just have been collateral. What if he KNEW who he was about to shoot? Someone who had made a prank he didn't find funny, someone who had dissed his words... Or he might have just been nutty, the one who knows is dead already. Everytime something like this happens, suddenly everyone's a psychoanalyst. This writing today is the result of my short day as a psychoanalyst.

Every "witness" interviewed in any case of violence, that they "should have paid attention" to the things they "suddenly" remembered after she was killed. Everyone they knew even vaguely have something to say about the culprit and "the cold look in his eyes". But let me say here, if you, for example, ever find out your wife is a bitch, manipulates you, thinks only of herself and her vision of perfect life (two kids, marriage, big career...) wouldn't you feel a bit cold sooner or later? Wouldn't you feel bad that the woman you had loved for over a decade would push you away? What if they became cold to the people who now speak against him because he KNEW they'd betray him sooner or later (and talking to the media about their opinions on the couple in order to gain monetary benefit IS betraying).

I'm cold to people I don't appreciate, let's see if I kill someone in ten years. I appear proud to people I don't know, let's see if I kill someone in ten years. I play counter-strike and other first person shooters, I make levels for some games, I don't like spoiled people, I don't like to socialice with people I don't know, but value my rare friends even more, I like guns, I have used a gun, I used to play airsoft, I like to be alone, I suffer from slight depression every now and then - and I've had the worst childhood most of you can only see in the movies. That makes me a murderer, right? But sorry people, I value this only life we get too much to take someone's life away, so fuck you analysts! Oh, and the only gun I own is a Desert Eagle .50 with 6mm plastic rounds.

Death doesn't forgive your sins. You just become rotting meat. Being murdered doesn't make you a saint, death that comes too soon, doesn't make anyone a saint. No one is forgiven in death, really. Well, maybe the pope.

Stupid, Stupid People!

Water can be purified and saltwater de-salted -and the ice down south can be melted, but even the poorest countries must understand that the fish and the billion little things need the water in the ocean and taking(/ messing with) their water might end up destroying the whole little planet and the animals (including us).

Oh, and STOP EATING FISH! Poor things. Sushi for example is very fashionable now but the poor tuna is almost extinct. I blame Island, Faroe Islands, Japan, US and Canada! Norweigans, at least, are doing SOMETHING to not take all the fish.. Well, do not stop eating fish, it's good for your health, but eat only the fish that are not half-extinct. If you eat less fish some fishermen might go unemployed, but that's the governments job to do...

And a message to our friends in the BIG countries, especially in North America: Don't drive those feckin' cars to everywhere! You CAN actually walk to the grocery. You need so much oil because everyone has to have a car (and if you don't, it's so uncool) and you need to drive everywhere. I know it's a long way from the suburbs to the nearest K-Mart, but walking actually makes you feel good. Half of your fat people would not be so fat if they'd have to walk somewhere occasionally. When I stayed in the US and even in (the great country I admire) Canada everyone looked at me like I was nutty because I wanted to walk the three kilometers to downtown or when I wanted to walk to the park to go jogging. Who the hell drives to the park to go jogging anyway?! They thought I was nutty because I chose to walk to the cafeteria instead of driving to the other side of the campus. I blame the marketing campaigns in the early 50's when they were like "Get a car, the ultimate freedom in the free country"..

Oh, and about the free country of US?... You can't teach any religion in schools because it might offend someone. What happened to the learning thing? You don't have to teach religion in a way they do in sunday schools, but in a more philosophical way. I'm not a religious person and my home wasn't a religious one, but my home country apparently teaches religion in such a way that I found it quite interesting. Why can't you take the religion - stuff as in learning other cultures. Suing everyones ass for everything. You spill coffee on you in McDonalds' and they have to pay you for YOU being an idiot. The neighbors I had in the US were so afraid of saying or doing anything because they were afraid they'd get sued. One guy was so afraid of going to work because one of his mates got fired because he said "It's okay to think and read the manual" when a woman asked a very stupid question. And what about his friend who got fired because he refused to take a hint about working overtime without pay!

... and what about the free speech? I'd probably get sued by publishing this if the US could really monitor what's in the Internet.

And a message to the governments of the greatest oil-consuming countries: START PROMOTING CARPOOLS, PUBLIC TRANSPORT and monitor the ad-campaigns. A family of four DOES NOT need a SUV, they can do well with a sedan. A family of nine, NEEDS a SUV. A family of three DOES NOT. A car doesn't have to be V8 and consume 12 litres per 100 km (2,5 gallons per 62 miles) (and don't blame me for miscalculation, i use the metric system) ..

Even in my own country, looking at the traffic in the morning, many cars have only one passenger, the driver. Because our country doesn't promote it, people are selfish(they don't want to get up 10 minutes earlier to get the buddy who works in the next cubicle) and they are always buying bigger, expensive cars because they can afford an expensive car. Multiple cars in the same family is just overexaggerating.

Let me explain the point of today's whine:

I knew a family of four:

The Dad worked and his commute was about 16 kilometers.
The Older son was at school 3 kilometers from the house.
The Younger son was at school 5 kilometers from the house.
The Mom had her evening classes 2 kilometers from the house.
The swimming hall was 4 kilometers away.
The mall was 6 kilometers away.
The nearest supermarket was 3 kilometers away.
The grandparents lived 3 kilometers away.
The church was 2 kilometers away.

Dad drove a SUV. The mother was a stay-at-home-mom who worked part-timely for a writer or something, so she did her work by e-mail. She drove a SUV. Their older son was almost 18. He had a car because his school approved student parking and it would have been uncool if he didn't have a car of his own. He drove everywhere, even to his best friends' house which was as far as about 100 meters. They drove to the grandparents. They drove to the church. They drove everywhere. They had bikes and inliners but they were rarely used.

Mom stayed at home most of the day, until dinner. After dinner (when dad had come home) she drove to her evening class, in her own car. I walked the same distance every day. Dad came straight home for work and drove the son to his practice but didn't drive his car other than go to his own things on Sunday. They did their shopping every other day, together, Dad driving Mom's car. The family was saving money for a fourth car for the youngest, who "had" to take the school bus. They were something like upper middle class, they had a lot of loan, one for the house, one for the cars and the mother always had to calculate what they can eat. Mom had to visit doctor every month because of her heart and they'd have to pay that bill too and the younger son had asthma.

They were given this advise:

Have only two cars. Mom and sons share the other car since dad is the "bacon bringer".
Turn of the lights when not needed. Turn of the TV, not leave it on standby.
Don't bathe. Take a shower of 15 minutes and turn of the shower when applying shampoo and stuff. Fill up the washing machine (they actually had been washing a few tightie-whities at a time). Stop buying cola, granola bars etc.

The son started to walk to his friends house. The family went shopping every Saturday, plan the week ahead and buy food for the whole week. Mom started to walk or bike to the classes when the son needed the car and she walked or biked to the grocery to get milk and stuff to fill up. Mom lost 24 pounds. Her heart (of course) was doing much better. The youngest son started swimming so his asthma got better.. They were all less stressed. The kids' grades went from C to B+. Mom and Dad were doing much better since mom lost weight, dad had more time to her and to himself, they weren't as tired as they used to and they didn't have to be worrying about the money all the time since they saved in:

Petrol
Insurance
Electricity
Food
Medical expenses
All car related stuff
Rates

They paid what was left of their loans that year.. because of the 15k they got by selling moms SUV and the 10k Mom's mom had left her in her will and the 5k they had saved for the youngsters' car, the 30k in the College fund and the 5k they saved in a year for doing a life-style check-up. The sons started working part time, their pay wasn't big, but they agreed to spending their money to their own needs and stop asking from their parents. Mom&Dad calculated that without loans burdening them they could save the younger kids' college fund wholly by the time it was time for him to apply and they could easily take a loan for the older kids' college.

Sadly I haven't had contact with them for a long time now and I don't know if they took the "American way" again.. But I'm pretty sure that their lives were worse because they had too many cars :) If you happen to be reading this, don't get offended. I used this is an example of how your new way should be an example to all the "western countries". It's funny that I forgot the advise I gave you - until last Friday when I thought of you...

Old

I'm 26 today.

Actually, I've been 26 for almost five hours now and the first thing I woke up to this morning was J singing Happy Birthday to me. WHEN I WAS TRYING TO SLEEP! Singing Happy Birthday should be against the law when the one receiving it is either: sleeping, playing or in labor.

Yesterday I realized I don't hate children. I thought I did, but after having a long discussion with a friend of mine I understood I actually hate the parents that allow their kids to behave badly, don't punish them, take them to the grocery store and let them scream and cry there... I shouldn't blame the kids for their behavior, but their stupid parents. PARENTS: DO NOT TAKE YOUR KIDS TO THE SUPERMARKET if they don't know how to behave. I give ten thumbs up for the shops that offer kiddie stops. I wish there was one for the bad behaving men too...

How Can One Be So Sad...?

My zebra finch is dying.

He miscalculated his flight and hit a doorframe. At first I hoped he was just stunned and then I hoped that he had a little concussion but now, after almost six hours since he fell I'm starting to believe he will die before morning. Dying alone is the worst thing someone can do - and though he is "just" a bird, he is my family and though he has a bad wing and missed a toe from the day one, he's my bird.. I'm going to hold him in my hand until he takes his last breath.

I'm still hoping for a change, but every hour that goes by just makes me hope he is not in pain and will go soon.

I don't believe in angels nor god, but I hope that there is a heaven for birds.

The Dream Guy

I met the man in my dreams again, the one I've seen since I was a child. Now, I might have mentioned that he takes different faces but I always know it's him. This time was much different though, I was searching for him, going to visit him in the prison he was in. I was trying to get to him, not the other way around as usual. That prison was a good place to be in, with good food, plenty of pretty girls for him and everything. and I was talking with him and he was flirting with me and I wanted to give him my phone number. He gave me a note book and turned a new page, but I had a glimpse of the other pages that were full of phone numbers already. I wanted him to choose me, so I took him to the ladies room, unbuttoned his jeans and wrote my phone number to his lower belly. Then I realized it's not him that I want, but his brother.

Now comes the creepy part: the dream guy looked just like Dean Winchester in the temptation scene of ep15 of Supernatural, wearing the same clothes. Even the colors of the dream were the same.. I saw the episode today for the first time - and had the dream three nights ago.

I have always been a sucker for the heartthrobs, but in real life, I've always end up with a pal of his, whom I didn't notice at first, but then I realize he's much cuter and might have a brain. Has happened to me three times already... So I guess this dream really had a message in it: In real life, if I was near Jensen Ackles, I'd have the hots for him, but after having a chat with him I might notice that Jared Padalecki might actually be more interesting and charming. Not that I ever will find out if they are really pals in real life. Nor ever see them in real life anyway.

And I'm not a fan of the show nor the guys. Actually, I find Supernatural being a cheap-set show that has had two good episodes, one decent and many crappy. Jensen isn't that good looking either. He's only drop dead gorgeous, and I know he knows it and has let his good looks get the best of his good charateristics, which are there, I'm sure. Padalecki might actually be my prefferred choice in real life, though he might be a real asshole. You just can't know. Once people hit the "celebrity" status they never show their real me to anyone else than the ones they have known before they "made it". That just sucks. I just wish people would leave their idols alone or if they see their idol, wouldn't go screaming to them. Well, some celebs are so full of theirselves they might enjoy it, but most of them would like people to

How do I know this? Well, I have experience of only two celebs, but they might agree with me.

I hate it when the famous people can't even go shopping without having an unwanted entourage of people wanting autographs, pictures or just a few words. I can't understand why people need to know everything about a guy who plays a creepy guy in a tv show or has the leading role in the new hit movie. They are just human beings and would deserve their own peace. All the celebs marry and date other celebs mainly because they can't go to the "normal people places" because they can never tell if it's a golddigger or a true person there talking with them. It sucks that people with celeb status only date people who are somehow connected to the media business. I'm sure a lot of celebs would be happier if they dated people who wouldn't give a shit what they are, just who they are. I know this sounds a bit naive, but not everyone who watches TV or the movies think that the actor or actress doesn't ever go take a dump or fart or have bad hair days. And yes, GIRLS FART TOO!

The first "celeb" I met was sitting next to me in a pub. He was having lunch with his assistant, I think.. I asked him if he was who I thought he was and he was just, like, yup. I figured he wanted to have his lunch (btw, he had wine) in peace and he acted very cold to his assistant too, so I said "Cool," and finished my lunch. I have told some of my friends about the day I sat next to a star in a pub, but I must confess I got more excited than I let my friends know.

The second was in a pub, chatting with a guy for a very long time, we had fun and he offered me a drink. I didn't know who he was, though I thought he was really cute and nice. I asked him what he did for a living and he got a bit upset because he thought I was faking, that "everyone knows him". I really didn't understand it was him and that I've seen him in television and in the movies as well. He asked me that how could I not recognize him. I said: you look different in real life and I've only seen the characters he's played, not him. Then I said where I'm from and that we don't have that much celeb magazines in my country - and the few mags we have, I don't read. Then I had to go. I never asked for his autograph, his phone number nor anything, just thanked for the drink and left. I hope he remembers me as the girl who never reads celeb mags and doesn't drink beer. But I must confess I sometimes think what would have happened and where I'd be if I really would have tried to hit on him and ask him out, or even ask for his phone number :) I have told this to none of my friends before (except the ones in Canada who were there too) so some of you will know about it now. I will never tell his name or give you hints of who he is because I heard that a woman who dated the Finnish prime minister for a while wrote a book about their relationship and all the idiots buy that book. Now that's pathetic.

My Little Sims Life Stories Review

There are two stories to play: Riley's and Vincent's. I started with Riley's story beacuse it unlocks Vincent's and I didn't feel like free gameplay. I played Riley's story through in little less than four hours. There were a few nice twists and turns, but for a person who's played the Sims since it was first launched in Europe (and Sims 2 after that), it was too easy and too short. Someone less familiar with the Sims legacy might find some more challenge there. Vincents' story took me about three hours, a bit less - maybe. Not to spoil the surprise, but I really liked the sort of funny ending in Vincent's story!

The thing that annoyed me most was the definite storyline. I had no influence on what was going on and that - to be honest - sucks. You knew what was about the happen.

The items were mostly ripped from the Sims 2 too. The good thing - however - is the fact that they went through the trouble of making new wallpapers and stuff. The objects that are received as gifts were nice and being rewarded all through the story was good.

I also find it weird-ish that Sims Life Stories seems to run on Sims 2 "lite" engine. They only have removed some stuff (like the gardener and decaying flowers) and left most of the bugs there. The idiotisms still excist: the things-to-do queue got flushed away when something happened (needs a hack, someone!), the guests went straight to the refrigerator even though the buffet table was stocked and many, many others .

They should have added a couple more stories to play to keep the "I-got-ripped-again" - boogeyman out of our minds..

...Or was this just another scheme to fool us poor addicts to spend our last dollars to buy yet another buggy EA-money-making game..

The test-settings:
CPU: P4 3,4GHz HT +Zalman CNPS9500 LED
PSU: 400W Be Quiet Straightpower
Memory: PC3200 1,5GB
Motherboard: ASUS P4V800D-X
Hard Drive(s): 1x300GB Seagate Barracuda SATA 7200rps
Video Card: MSI RX1950PRO, 256MB
Display: 1152x864 100Hz

My PC isn't the worst of them all, but still: the same issues caused terrible lags. All the settings full it took a lot of memory (over 250000kb), but I noticed a slight decrease in the CPU usage compared to Sims 2 (and all the expansions and stuff sets I have). But one must remember this game is MEANT to run on mobility CPU's, so their game experience might be a bit better than mine..

So, Sims Life Stories offers you a good way to spend a few hours but that's about it.
Do not buy it if you already own the Sims 2 and you own a computer that can handle the very "heavy" game. Sims Life Stories is NOT worth the price, so you better save the money from SLS and buy the new upcoming expansion, Seasons.. However, If you own a laptop and you're not as addicted as myself, go and buy SLS. Please take a note that the minimun requirements are a joke, it needs at least 1gig memory, 2,8 mobility CPU and a laptop with no internet connection, firewall and antivirus.

NOTE: I found out that The Sims 2 compatible objects (non-expansion - that is) can be imported to the game the same way as with the Sims 2 objects are imported. These objects need to be unique meshes with their own unique ID's and their recolors. Maxian recolors don't seem to work. I haven't tested the objects in the storymode yet. The cheats are not accessible in the storymode, but the freeplay mode is okay with the old ctrl-shit-c help -all -thingy.

Happy New Year

I just remembered my blog :)

Well, I finally gave up on my prejudice and went to see Casino Royale. Well, I didn't like it, really, but I spent the two and a half hours waiting for yet another close-up to see Daniel Craig's eyes. And during every close-up I was like "No one can have eyes like that.." and then "Those can't be his real eyes" and so on and so forth. I missed the whole plot, but who cares. How can all the british men be butt ugly, but have eyes so tempting and so beautiful.. *drool*

Oh and he should have left that bitch drown, really.