Kisses That Do Not Happen

So,

I've noticed that movies don't have these liplocking, twisting, raw Clark Gable -type kisses anymore, but kisses that do not happen.

First kiss that didn't happen - and I noticed was in Identity, where Ed and Paris argue in the rain and he leans to her as to kiss her but never does. Kissing her would have ended the angry, fear filled situation but not kissing her ended it up too. Just the almost -moment there... Just a second in the movie. I didn't really enjoy the rest, though I have it on DVD.

Another kiss that doesn't happen comes in the middle of an argument - in rain - as Mr. Darcy confesses his love and proposes to Lizzie, who is pissed off by the way he arguments the difference in their situation in life. The kiss doesn't happen because of the propriety rules of the time. Check Pride & Prejudice starring Keira Knightley to see the moment.

My favorite kiss that doesn't happen is in Stardust. While Tristan and Yvaine are walking towards the village of Wall, Tristan pushes Yvaine to a bush to hide from the people coming towards them. He falls on her and she asks isn't he tempted (to kill her and have her heart for eternal life) and it seems to the viewer that she asks him doesn't he feel tempted to kiss her and he almost does. Check Stardust with Claire Danes and Charlie Cox.

I think I like kisses that don't happen in life too.

This one guy who would have kissed me but didn't have a chance since we were interrupted, I never got to know what kind of a kisser he was and now I'm free to imagine he would have been the perfect one. He was also devilishly handsome, so way out of my league.

There have been kisses that I wish didn't happen..

...and kisses that were meant to happen.

I love kisses. I'm in a kissing mood today. Wish I had someone to kiss.

The Kiss

Yet another kiss dream:

I've kissed this person in a dream once before, but this time I hadn't even thought about him for ages. We used to spend some time together before J came along, but have grown distant through the years. He has kissed me in real life, so I know how weird the dream is.

So, we were at a party somewhere and I saw him. He came towards me, chatted with me and J and as soon as J got out of sight, he kissed me. In real life, he's not into kissing, so I was surprised even in the dream. The kiss was very passionate, long and.. umm.. wet. I was thunderstuck when he stopped. Then he pulled me further away from people and started acting very

According to dreammoods "If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her."

Not romantic interest, definitely not, but I think that is true on the whole. That ship sailed years ago. So, I guess this was just one of my quirks on the dream front.

I have been on a very good mood today, smiling all the time. I wonder if it's because of the dream..

Also, I happened to bumb into this guy I dated for a very short time before I met J. He remembered me, but didn't even greet. I don't remember his name anymore. After all, we went out for three weeks or so.. Well, I left him because he was a wuss. He's still handsome as hell, though. Wuss.

Three Memories

These things just came into my mind today. All of these happened years ago, but suddenly they were in my mind - like they were yesterday:

There was a guy I had a crush on. We were working on some project together when I had to go home. I left in a hurry and had to go through the back door. It was winter, cold as hell. It was snowing. I had a portable cd-player with me and I put some music on. I turned the music loud, put some mittens on and started walking. I took some ten or more steps and got scared the shit out of me. It was my project mate who took me by the hand, pushed me to the wall and pushed himself to me. Then it was him leaning towards me, putting his hands to the wall and bent down. I remember him being at least ten inches taller than me. He had blonde hair and grey eyes. And boy, he was a good kisser - not that I knew a lot about kissing then - but anyway.

The other memory, it was in senior high I suppose, when I was doing some homework at the school lounge (pictured, btw- by the table I marked with a red arrow.) I was doing some dna stuff, trying to memorize what the teacher taught as I felt someone standing behind me. I felt his breath in my hair when he whispered: "Can I kiss you?" I - being the idiot I am, said: "I'll have to think about it." This was the guy I had been hanging out with, going out for drives and stuff. I don't remember his name anymore, but I remember his face. He never did kiss me, because we were interrupted by some of his friends. I hate myself for being that kind of an idiot.

The last and the newest one: I was out for a walk with this guy. It was late evening, late fall. Cold. It was a starry night and we walked to the pier and just talked and talked and looked at the stars. I don't even know how late it was when we finally went to his place, but I was freezing. So he took my clothes off and tucked me into his bed. And there we slept until his brother came to wake up us in the morning. Him holding me, like I was something he might lose any second.

Sometimes you just want to stay in your memories. Today was like that.

My So Called Life

I remembered this litte show..

That had - haha - Jared Leto - in it.

Suddenly it's everything about Jared Leto. Like a week ago my sister tells me she is a Jared Leto fan. My other sister called to tell me about Leto's band 30 seconds to Mars (which I've known since 2005), two days ago I watched Alexander after remembering "it was this cute-as-hell guy playing Alexander's lover" and it turned out to be Jared Leto. What's up with the sudden change of the occupant of my thoughts?

He's 36. I can't believe he is 36. He's old. I'll be old in ten years. Getting old sucks.

And I hate Claire Danes for kissing him. Not that I would want to kiss him myself. According to my source, Jared Leto is a frequent d-train passenger who loves himself too much, raises himself above others and knows he's way too good for everyone "ordinary". Or not. Who knows. Maybe he's the sweetest guy, shy and humble.. Or not. Most likely not. Of the 40 Americans I know (of which two are somewhat famous) I know only one who doesn't annoy me just by being himself. I hate the fake smiles everyone seems to have. And the small talk. Asking "How are you" without even wanting to know if you really are okay. Saying "like" in every possible occasion. "Honestly", or "To tell you the truth."


To change the topic, let's go to:

Fate.

I pay attention to something. Suddenly it becomes the top news a few days later.

I'm starting to believe everything is planned in advance and there's nothing I can do. What ever I choose, the outcome has already been decided. No matter how badly I screw up, somehow the sun shines a few days later.

I think of someone and they call me. Or we meet somewhere.

Like Jared Leto haunting me. Suddenly he's everywhere. Not here though, of which I'm sort of happy. It would be like he's the king of Egypt and I'm yesterdays' leftovers..

Oh..

By the way, my blog came up as a search result when somebody did a search on "I slept with Jensen Ackles". Google bot thinks I did, however, because I talked about sleeping with someone who sung Enrique Iglesias' Hero to me and about Jensen Ackles in a post. Thumbs up, Google Bot!

Need To Fall In Love

Sometimes you just miss it.

I've never done drugs but I suppose that falling in love is the ultimate high.

By the way, I had a dream of my friend earlier this year. A kiss that never happened between us. At that time I thought it was an omen of a goodbye and it was. It was an omen of a whithered friendship, I think. According to dreammoods, kiss that ends before it happens "indicates that you are unsure of how he or she really feels about you."

That was something weird anyway, we were friends but sometimes he was, like, there was something else.

A little confession...

I have to say that there was one thing about the new version of the movie Pride and Prejudice I liked. It was just a moment when Lizzie and Mr. Darcy are fighting in the rain - when Darcy is actually trying to propose and Lizzie lets him know what kind of a man she thinks he is. The moment is almost about to end to a kiss but I guess in those times kissing wasn't supposed to happen until the permission from the church.. But the fact that the kiss doesn't happen is the thing that makes me like that scene. I wish that whoever-she-is wasn't Lizzie, because I liked the BBC version Lizzie more and this one has weird, too big eyes and a jawline I've never seen on a woman. She's weird.

There is one other movie that has the same kind of effect. The almost-kiss happens also in Identity. I guess I like the tension in those moments and find myself happier when nothing happens and lets the imagination run the rest of the story.

Those things help me sleep.

Unlike the fact that I played Natural Selection for the whole weekend, more than 10 hours a day. I hunted aliens in my dreams.

That's the reason I didn't make it to school in time.

Kissing

Not that I would do what I'm thinking of - it just occured to me that a certain feeling disappears after the first kiss you share with someone. I'm not sure everyone understands what I'm saying, but I will try to explain it: You know when you hear a song that just makes you close your eyes and stand still - you simply forget where you were going and what you were thinking just before you turned the radio on. That's the feeling you get when you kiss someone for the very first time. It's a little twitch in your tummy just a blink of an eye before the kiss - when you suddenly realize that the moment is going to lead to a kiss and you really, really like the one who's standing there in front of you. And it's an one-time-offer only - it will never happen again with this same person. I can barely remember the feeling but I have this strange anxiety (I guess it's about the springtime) that I have to feel it again. But no worries, I have no plans of making it happen. I just keep thinking that it's something one loses after making a promise of staying together with someone for the rest of one's life.

The tune of the moment - it's 3am now - is something that feels like the first kiss with someone special. Every single time. Listen to this. Beethoven - Moonlight Sonata (Op 27 No 2 for piano in D-minor is the one I have)

More about kissing. Have you ever had disappointments? You really wait for the courage to kiss someone and when the moment finally comes the person is a bad kisser - or his breath stinks - or he tries to stick his tongue right through your head - OR he just feels like eating a snail, wet, loose and - ummm, well, you know - boring. One very big disappointment was a friend of mine who I really badly wanted to kiss me and whom I had a big crush. When he finally did, I went numb - He is a tall, strong and goodlooking guy who kisses like he thinks he would break the one he's kissing. I felt thunderstruck - in the bad meaning. I've had the other end too: a guy - another crush again - was a perfect kisser for me and every time he kissed me I had to struggle not to start dancing. But that first kiss sting was there only once.

It's strange, this, how us humans - we ended up like this. No other animal on this planet kisses like we do - and if they did, it wouldn't mean so much to them as it feels for a human. A kiss is a seal of a faithful friendship, dedication - or pure desire. It can start and end a relationship, it makes promises but can be a lie too.