Night Out

Had a nice night out for a change.. Went out with some friends and my kid sister. It was this place called "Ugly" and it really is ugly. The interior is so far from anything stylish, the popular drinks are served in a potty instead of a glass and their Long Island Ice Tea is wicked. The music went from zero day to way old. The people went from barely legal to way old. Nice place.

Had a wicked strawberry margarita. I don't even remember the last time I had alcohol.

I saw J. He wanted to see me. I said no, it wouldn't do us any good.

Oh, the update. So, my kid sister (the one that our shit-of-a-mum tortured) has moved in my town, she's working and hopefully better. I wish she had more friends, but gladly she has some..

I'm not talking with my other kid sister. She compared me to our mother. That's unforgiven and will stay such.

I'm not talking with my older sister. I'm tired of her stories. They are always the same, bills, money, complaining of people.. And I feel like shit for her life never seems to get any better. And I wish I could make her life better.

I still don't have a job. I've been sending shitload of applications and CV's around. Apparently no one wants to hire a woman. Especially one who looks like me and has been sick since last November.

I had another set of antibiotics for mycoplasma pneumonia. The doctors didn't believe I felt shitty in my lungs until one brave doctor sent me to have blood work done. After the blood test they had to agree I was right (of course I know my body better than them, I've lived with it for over 29 years..) For two weeks I was like a vampire, avoiding sunlight (because the antibiotics made my skin sun allergic). It's been four weeks since I ate the last antibiotics (this time) and I should go have some blood work done. The crappy thing? I don't feel well.

This Is So Silly

just bumped into a picture on the web. Just randomly browsing and I hit this picture. I didn't know who this guy was but something in that small pic made me hit it  and enlarge it. I burst into tears. I couldn't breathe. I don't mean like this fake girl thing you read in novels and stuff, but I was unable to breathe, like I had an asthma attack. I couldn't stop crying.

I might have spoken about the man in my dreams. The man I've seen in my dreams since I was a little girl, six or seven! So it's been forever. Before I even watched tv. It was this distinctive look that has changed only a bit in all this time. Sometimes this man in my dreams was the devil, an angel, someone I had a crush on.. but the looks never changed really much.

The man in my dreams is a real person. He has been living and breathing all my life. I have never seen him nor heard of him.

This is so freaky, scary, stupid, everything.

Imagine my disappointment when I realized he's really someone. First I thought I might have seen him in a movie or in photos.. so I started some extensive studying and I was glad to find out that I have never seen any shows he has been on, has only done little things that'll go straight to dvd or get cancelled - so they never arrive to my country.

The creepiest stuff.. I started watching his show and saw him exactly in the same clothes the man in my dreams wears.  He even smiles the same way. That is so creepy I hate it. It almost made me throw up, really. Twice.

So, Alex O'Loughlin, he looks just like someone I've known all my life. Why the hell couldn't he be someone else? A no one. But now this all ends up to being a crush over a celebrity, no matter how much I explain it. I wish I had my old diaries so I'd have some proof. But my shit of-a-mother has destroyed them. Or given them. Or sold them..

Anyway, I'm still spooked after three days. 

And I hate the show Moonlight, because in that show a character has seen this man in her dreams since she was a little girl after he had saved her from death. I saw him first... In real life dreams! Fuck you. I have had that in REAL LIFE. For 22 years!

EDIT: So I photoshopped. Or Gimped in this case. This is the difference between Alex and the man in my dreams. Clickety click to notice the difference in larger amounts..