Sunday

.. Something Is Up..

I've been on such a good mood for too many days.

Something is going to explode, I'm sure of it.

By the way.. I have been thinking what to do with my short story of 100+ pages when I'm done with it... I'm going to put it online, of course. But where? Make another blog where to post it? Just put it online somewhere and link to as many sites as possible?

Saturday

Have Yourself A Very Merry Christmas..

I'll be thinking about three people in particular. Of course I'll try to spend a moment thinking about anyone who's ever been someone to me, but the three people who have affected me the most since last Christmas are in my thoughts today. A, for being there in my dreams and making most nights so precious that daylight seems unimportant, and even garish. C for being the driving force in my novel writing by just being alive, and a certain J, who deserves more than I'm able to give and be.

Merry Christmas to every Christian in the world. May you be able to celebrate this day without having to be afraid of your lives.

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates today for their own reasons.

Merry Christmas to everyone who lets us celebrate this day, regardless of their own opinions, beliefs and customs.


Last but not least, I wish Merry Christmas to the Mother. I love my home planet, and so should everyone else. It's the only place we got.

Tuesday

A Weird Reminder

Remember a post where I mentioned I bumped into a Chris Evans -dobbelgänger? Well, I saw him again. He's an engineering student at my school, and we both attended a pre-christmas party. I saw him there, and gawked like an idiot. I instantly remembered he was the guy I bumped into this one summer. It's funny that I don't remember the last name of a guy who I used to date in high school (I remember his BMW), but I still remember what this guy was wearing on the day I saw him for the first time. It's funny that I don't remember what J was wearing on the first day I met him, but I remember this. It's weird. And it's not that I want to talk with him or get to know him. No, actually I prefer it to be something like a dream.

How crazy is that?

About school.. I've had my first practice now, and I have realized that this education leads to being an overglorified ass-wiper. I'm not going to spend years in school, and do shit job - literally. That is the reason you go to school, to be able to do something else than ass-wiping.

If I get a job during spring 2012, I'm quitting.

To some obscurity of cloud --
It will not do to say of night,
Since dark is what brings out your light. 

 -Robert Frost-

Monday

I Hate That Ginger Bitch & Other School Stuff

So, there's this Canadian girl in my class. I fucking hate that bitch. She's a ginger, and she has no soul. She's evil, arrogant, thinks too highly of herself.. and she took my practice placement from right in front of my nose. I asked her to change placements, but she refused. And she whispered (too loudly for it to not to be a whisper) that I need the extra miles, because I'm a fat cow. Well, she's a skinny, boobles, short hobbit. I tried to reason with her, telling that her trip to my current placement is shorter than for me, but no. So I hate her. I had been talking about the placement for a week, and that BITCH took that from right in front of my nose! I wish she would die a fiery death.

She has caused quite the dent in my belief of Canucks being nice people.

I just hate that ginger bitch. If I was a witch, I'd summon a disease upon her.

About the school. Well, the honeymoon is over. I've clashed already with three people, and one of them  has managed to make the rest of them hate me. Just because she misunderstood something I wrote, and didn't bother to ask before she started a huge rant. I basically did their job, and this was the thanks. Another case is with the ginger slut, and there's one with a Romanian cuckoo (who I actually believed to be nice). I've been skipping classes, and hating my time at school. I thought about quitting three times. I've been crying twice. No matter where I go, I seem to make things bad for me. I guess I'm a failure. And yes, I've been told it's not my fault, that I am nice and helpful to people, but it really doesn't help. I'm some sort of a catalyst to people. I decided I'll never be nice to anyone. And I'll speak with my classmates only if necessary.

Good things follow: I'm not afraid of needles anymore.

Saturday

It Can't Rain All The Time

It's been raining for almost a month now. Not every day, but most of the time.

I go to school by bike, and it's really not nice. No matter

About school... so far, I've enjoyed the school. I haven't even ditched a class yet. It's weird.

And now something completely different:


It's the extra tooth I'm growin in my jaw bone. <3

Thursday

Silent Lucidity

An incredibly vivid dream again.

It was weird to wake up and find myself from my own bed. It had felt like I had just been somewhere warm, and there was a guy called Josh.

Now, I don't know anyone named Josh, but he seemed so familiar.

We desperately wanted to touch each other, just to hold a hand, or even brush an arm, anything. There was nobody else there, but still we couldn't. I think that over the dream I felt it would be wrong to do it, because of J. Funny, it usually hasn't kept any of the creepy dreams away, especially ones like these.

But it felt like falling in love with someone, not ever wanting to lose them. 

Anyway, I was awaken for just a moment, to realize it had been a dream, and where I was, but still asleep enough to be able to continue (I've been practicing this since high school) the dream. It's easy, but you need to practice remembering your dreams, and then learn how to fall back asleep, even if you don't feel like sleeping. You only have moments to do it.

Before I fell back asleep I reminded myself that it was okay to do it, that it was only a dream.

I managed to continue from exactly the moment I had woken from.

A little boy, his son, not much older than a toddler I think, was heading towards me, and I took him in my arms, and held him. The boy touched my forehead with his forehead, and stayed in that position, until Josh took my hand. He just held my hand, and I felt such a power, a surge of emotion fill me.. I can't even explain it. Like we were complete, a unit.

I put the boy back on the ground, and he happily toddled off. Then Josh kissed me, and I was so relieved..

I woke about 25 minutes later, and still could feel the sensation. It has now been three hours, but I still feel relieved. And I still smile.

Monday

Another One Bites the Dust

Remember this post?


Well, he won't be playing Spartacus from now on, as he lost his fight with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Rest in Peace, Andy Whitfield.

I hope that the rest of the guys I listed in my Cutie Nobodies list get to live.

Wednesday

Back To School

 So, I'm back to school.

It's an English speaking programme, and I'm very unhappy that most of the people there are not foreign. It felt like a good opportunity to have fun learning a profession I could actually get a job in, and maybe better my language skills. But yippikay-ee, everyone's fuckin' Finnish, with their Finnish accent. Except for the Canadian ginger, who looks like a bitch and who keeps giving me some nasty evil looks for absolutely no reason. I actually thought I'd like to get to know her before I talked with her. All the other girls are pretty and they've already done the clicque thing. And as usual, I'm out. Well, nothing new there. I'm blaming my mum who thought it was necessary to beat me up for absolutely no reason whatsoever instead of letting me go to someone's house or have someone over.

I'm not one who can fake-smile all day long, be all giddy and love the stupid games you play to get to know each other's face. After the first day, my face actually hurt from all the smiling. And by afternoon I desperately wanted a drink. I don't drink, and I'm getting a drink today.

The school really starts on Monday. I'm pretty sure I'll not make it to the end.


Oh, and happy birthday to someone special. Hope you have a good day. A little birthday song for you: 


Thursday

A Writer's Block

I've been working on one thing for over a year now. It's a silly little thing, and it sucks, but still I keep writing it. The people have grown to be like friends, and it's weird to stop writing it every day when J returns home. It's funny that writing it, I'm somewhere else, among different people, and I'm different, and when I return back to my own life, I'm frustrated. It's a stupid love story, a triangle, trashy, like the ones you buy for a flight and then throw away.

I write it in English, and I know I shouldn't, because I write better in my own language. But some things are better said in English.

So, about the block. It's not that I cannot write anything, it's that I have too much. I write different scenes, I call them scenes. Then I decide they're too much, or too stupid, and destroy them. I've written 200 pages and destroyed 120.

And I can't read books anymore. I see a beautiful description, and I want to copy it. Plagiate, if you will.

Monday

Past Life Experiences..

So, about me getting physically ill after seeing Alex O'Loughlin for the first time...

A friend, who is basically a yahoo over anything new agy, weird, paranormal etc, just explained that reaction. According to him, we have met in a past life - and in that life I've done something bad to him, so I had a violent reaction... so I asked around and had a recommendation of regression therapy. I would like to tell that I did go and have therapy to remember my previous lives, but since I don't believe in anything like that, I didn't.

Once, years ago, I did a humourous test about past lives - and according to it, in my previous life I was a chicken. Apparently he choke on a chicken bone in his previous life. Or that I was a poisoner (witch) in my life before my short life as a chicken, and he happened to be the victim. The reason I would think a witch would have poisoned anyone was because of one of these things: Either he was a crappy husband and I poisoned him, probably using a little belladonna cooked in his food.. maybe I burned the dinner that night... or I was in love with the town hottie - him - and fed him poison instead of the love potion. Or it might be that he was en evil lord and he just got what he deserved.

Now, when it comes to Karma.. my life has been pretty crappy this time, so probably I've now paid my dues. His life seems nice now, so apparently he got a reward for the sudden ending of his past life. Now, if he was bad and still he's rewarded in this life, my karma is just biting me in the ass, because I apparently killed an innocent person? Oopsy. I'm starting to think my theory no 2. with the love poison did me.

No Disappointments Until You Wake Up

For a moment your stupid, unworthy life is perfect. You are happy, you know yourself and you are perfect - as much as you can. No disappointments until you wake up.

There are mornings that I wish I never wake up. Then, after a nightmare-ridden night I'm glad to wake. Now is that a dilemma or what? Other people worry about getting water to drink or someone bombing them on their way home..

Is it happiness that you actually sleep about 25 years of your life - or does it take something away? Is it a waste of a precious life or just waste of time? I read that you only learn in dreams, your brain works out the daily things and refine it to learning.. but what can you learn of a perfect life that disappears every morning you happen to wake up to your shit of a life?

Why are we cursed with the ability to have dreams? It's like the evolution's last 'fuck you' to mock us or something. Why give someone the best days of their lives, then wake them up to the reality that they are on a refugee camp with nothing but the clothes they stand up in? Isn't it cruelty? What about some poor fucker, who can barely write - can only put their words right out when they are deep in sleep?

Now, why this ramble? I was thinking about myself, my dreams. I do have a good life when compared to millions of others. I'm educated, well-enough behaving, I have a nice guy, a few good friends, apartment with a  nice view, something to do every day and really no worries. Then why do my dreams affect me so much? Why a life I never had returns to my dreams night after night so that I can't be grateful of what I actually have? I'm constantly trying to tell myself to return to real life after a night... but yesterday I found myself smiling like an idiot for the whole day.


Now, let's put that half aside and talk about something else. I'm that kind of a person that I get deeply affected by something, mostly it's a tune in a song, a picture, a sound I hear. Like on a very windy day I stopped to hear the wind blowing in a grove of pines. Have you ever stopped to listen how much different it is from when it's deciduous trees?


Tune of today:

Sunday

He Makes Me Cry

I had this dream
you knew who I am
and loved what you saw
you loved me
as I am

waking up like this
after a life like that
I want to sleep

I am an old soul
and somehow I know
we were one in another time
it was another life
in it I did wrong

if this is what I deserve
I hope I get to rest
I cannot come back

a life is worth living
but if it's going to be
another life like this,
I don't want it
just take it away

Saturday

What a Month!

It's been hell, this month renovating our new apartment.

You wake up at 7 in the morning, go to the apartment, do stuff and by the time you're back in bed, it's already past midnight and it's about seven hours until you get up and repeat the last day. it's like one of those nightmares that you wake up in your dream and relive everything again.

We should be able to move today and everything is just not finished. Some of the woodwork isn't done. The new place isn't cleaned up yet... and I'm so tired! I just want to sleep 12 hours without waking up in the middle thinking I should be painting or something.

I thought renovating would be fun. It could be if you could only do a couple of hours a day, not around the clock for a whole month. I hate it. I don't ever want to see another paintbrush, piece of laminate flooring, sanders, hammer drills, screw drivers..

Sunday

Ice Hockey

Yayyy! Finland won! IIHF World Cup Gold is OURS!

Yes, yes, yes, 6-1.

And the best thing? We won the final against Sweden. Oh, sweet victory!

I don't give a shit about ice hockey, I only listened to the match, but it's been sixteen years since our last gold medal. It was time to bring gold home. This is a good day for the Finns. Maybe this victory brings some patriotism to the people.

Wednesday

Goodbye Nokia, Welcome... what?

So, I gave up my Nokia. Because of them moving all the production from Finland to China. The Finns are losing a lot of jobs because of this China-phenomenon. Plus Nokia has Elop running it. And it's connected with Microsoft. And it rejected Android.

I've always (well, almost always, I had a Samsung once for a few months until it broke) had a Nokia phone, for almost 14 years now. I've never had to take a phone to warranty service and I've never had problems.

I've had a ZTE Blade for a few weeks now - and it's already gone to warranty service. It has the worst adapters, battery and capacitive display - but hey, it's a €100 phone. My last phone, a Nokia N958GB (which is back in service now that my Blade is having some work done), cost a bit under €600 and I was perfectly happy with it. Not that price says anything.. My cheap Nokias have NEVER needed any extra maintenance. I've never had a Nokia break, I've just always bought a new one.

But, as Nokia betrayed the Finns, I might as well buy some other brand. I've been having wet dreams about Samsung Galaxy S, but all our money goes to the mortgage now.

Tuesday

A Tiny Update

The last time I wrote.. was in January.

A lot of things have happened since.

My friend who was murdered has a kid brother, who is now under suspicion of killing his girlfriend. That sweet boy! That kid - the friendliest ever. Good boy, who enjoyed playing outside.. social.. Now just a pathetic worthless druggie. That's how little you know people around you! I'm ashamed to know that boy now..

And the job.. well, it was a hoax. I was supposed to go and teach and they said they're going to pay me according to the amount of lessons I give. Nothing was said about selling the courses as well - not until I got the contract and was about to sign. So, I would have had to spend hours selling the courses, but I wouldn't have gotten paid. I so quit that thing. Guess my bad luck is still on its track.

J bought an apartment. We've been renovating it. It's a two-bedroom apartment with a fabulous view. I can hardly wait getting it ready so we can move. My hand - well, actually it's my wrist and thumb  - hurts like hell. I'm suspecting a carpal tunnel syndrome.. But I'm not going to the doctor. Too many bad experiences from that health clinic. Well, as soon as we move to another neighborhood, I can change my clinic. Oh, and about that neighborhood.. a lot of young families, some elders and no immigrants. I guess we're part of white flight then..

By the way, J pays 30% direct tax of his paycheck. Plus VAT and other taxes. Wow it's great to live in Finland. And they are expecting us Finns to pay up the debts of Portugal, Ireland and Greece. Greece is what makes me roll around in anger.. They may retire at the age of 53. If I get a job, I'll be able to retire at 73. J will be able to retire at 68. How unfair is that? They get to retire while they still have some strength left, but we're basically in grave before we can stop working.
 
My kid sister found a boyfriend. He drinks a bit too much, but he's young. They are both young. But he's from the countryside, from a good family and is just what my kid sister needs: a well-bred boy, who is social and has a job. After a disaster of a relationship that's exactly what my sister deserves. That's a good thing.

My elder sister is pregnant. Again. This is her sixth. In all fairness, she didn't want to get pregnant this time and was denied sterilization when she asked for it six years ago (she was 28 at that time) after her fourth kid. I'm worried. She has arthritis and we're worried it's going to strike her back. If it does, she'll be a single mom of six who needs personal assistants. She is my sister and I love her, but she's so stupid. The Finnish social system and all the monetary support the government gives is meant to be short-term. She's now having her sixth kid of welfare. I haven't had one - partly because I don't have job and I don't want the government (and all the tax payers) having to feed the baby. I'm ashamed of my sister and a bit angry, but at the same time proud that she wants to work and has been working for a couple of months before this pregnancy.

We've been talking about having a baby ourselves too. I have three worries: First, my mental  health. If I'm crazy like my shit-of-a-mother is, I don't want J or the baby anywhere near me.  Second, money. J could support all three of us right now. But with a mortgage and these times in economy, it's too risky. We might end up on welfare too - and that's definitely what I do not want. Three, my weight. I'm obese right now and it's supposed to harm the baby. It's stupid anyway, I eat properly but still bulge from every corner. No chips, no sweets, no chocolate, no hamburgers, pizzas... Oh, there is a fourth worry. I'm 30 now. I'm getting old for having my first baby. Most women have one at the age of 26. And in four years my fertility rate goes down and risk rate goes up. I'm in a hurry. J could wait. He could take a twentysomething thai woman at his fifties and have as many as he wishes but my time is running out.

I've been worried for my country for years now and finally there's a little light of hope. The True Finns (as CNN named then, I'd prefer Concervative Finns) or Perussuomalaiset got a whopping 34 seats in the parliamental election. They would have needed only two more to gain the most power. Unfortunately there are still many idealistic idiots in the country. And of course the media paints the Perussuomalaiset's as neonazi, racist and all. And that's not what they are.. I'm happy that they are now working to save this country from news like this.

The leaves are green and getting bigger every minute. It's almost summer. And it's almost a crime to sit inside on a day like today.

Thursday

Rest In Peace, Dear Friend

It's sort of funny how things turn out. Funny, but definitely creepy.

Without the druggie dead in our neighborhood I would have never ended up knowing that an old childhood friend of mine was brutally murdered last summer.

I knew about the death but I never knew who the victim was. Then I heard his name and hoped it was someone else. When I saw a picture of the victim, I knew.

He was drowned and when he didn't die during the drowning sequence, they beat him up with shovels and stood on his throat. They sung happy songs (children's play songs)  to cover up the sounds of killing that dear boy. He didn't die of all the kicking, beating and tormenting, so they buried him. He finally met his death and choked in dirt. He was left in his shallow grave but it wasn't enough for the three murderers. They dug him up, wrapped him and moved him 20 kilometers away from the city and put him in an empty house where the police found him after his worried relatives filed him missing.

I've known that boy since I was 12. He was a hunter, an avid fisherman. He loved to make lures for fly-fishing. He served in the second most prestigeous military unit in the country and served well. He enjoyed his drink, but always in a positive manner. He had many, many friends and relatives. He chose these three guys as friends and had to pay for it dearly.

I used to play on PlayStation with him and his kid brother. He introduced me to hockey trading cards, to their gold fish and other kids to play with. I never had other kids to play with at home. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere and because my shit-of-a-mum beat me up constantly for no reason whatsoever I could never bring friends over. So it was not before I was taken from her that I learned to actually talk with other kids and play.

Rest in Peace, dear friend.

No matter what the murderers defend themselves with or how many lies they tell and are able to feed the court, we know you are a star. We know the truth.


"Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly."— Neil Gaiman (Fables and Reflections)

Sunday

The Murder In The Neighborhood

Okay, so, basically now we know what happened. The woman killed was a druggie, her kid taken away to foster care. Crimes, you know, the works. The dude who allegedly killed her had been convicted of murder once already and had gotten out early. There are two more people involved, the wife of the killer and the brother-in-law of the victim. All criminals, druggies.

One druggie less, I say.

It's a strange January. It's a uphill-downhill ride with the temperatures. Tomorrow it will be something closer to zero (centigrade) and just today it was -21 (centig.). And the day after tomorrow it's supposed to be back to -20. It should be -20 the whole month through.  I'm glad there's lots and lots of snow.

I'm nervous about starting at my new job. I've been overlooked in so many interviews I've lost every bit of confidence I once had plenty of. I'm half expecting to be fired. Everyone's saying be positive, be positive.. well, I can't magic the effin positive from nothing. FFS.

Friday

And Taking My Words Back..

I apologize for my prejudice. It wasn't "honor murder" as I suggested.

The woman murdered in our neighborhood was a regular, home grown drugaddict criminal who was murdered by several people together. I heard a rumor they had told her that if she entered the city, they'd kill her. She did enter the city and they did kill her.

Apparently this was an inside thing of a group that has a variety of crimes on their rap sheet: drugs, theft, violence.

The public opinion is -of course- on the victim's side. Apparently she had spawned a child (that was in the custory of the woman's mother because the vic wanted to "go have a fun night out" = go back to her old habits) and everyone is all coochy-coo and "devastated". I do feel sorry for the kid. Actually I want to give a good spanking to the social worker who didn't take the kid and put it to foster care. Foster care is better than relatives if the relatives are useless.

Hello people... That's one druggie criminal less. And the ones who finished her off? In prison where they should spend the rest of their lives. But knowing the judicial system here, all of them are out in just a few lousy years, back in their business, having their rents and living paid for them - and just spending government funds.. that could be used in .. say.. caring of the elderly people? Funding afternoon activities for the less fortunate kids? Nooo.. cause they are druggie criminals, they are worth more to the society.

I'm not sorry for her. The kid is the only thing that worries me here. The grandmother obviously did a good (NOT!) work raising her daughter so raising her granddaughter might not end too well either.

I would have felt compassion if she had been killed because of crazy religiopolitic mumbo-jumbo that doesn't allow women their freedom. But I don't feel compassion because I don't give a rat's ass about people who waste their only life taking drugs. If she's had a hard life, you say? I've had a shitty life and you don't see me or thousands of other shitty lifed people taking drugs and commiting crimes.

Well, actually I'm commiting a crime... I'm speaking out my mind. It's actually punishable in today's world. Even if you base your opinion on the truth, the truth is so inconvenient to some well connected people that you are slowly silenced. Yes, even in a country that has always had it's pride in letting people speak their minds, vote according to their own preferences.. even here.

Just As I Complained..

I got a job.

I'm not going to celebrate, though. Not until I've gone through at least three succesful days on the job. Or not until the first paycheck.

I don't know how much I'm going to earn. I only know that it depends on how many lessons I give. It can be something from €30-€2800/month. I hope it's closer to the latter.

I'm a teacher. And just a year ago I swore I won't enter another school. And this is worse: These are kids from 5-13 years.

I'm glad kids usually like me. I hope they like me 'cause I have no authority among kids. I'm practically a kid myself... I'm like Peter Pan without all the nutty talk. Well.. that's debateable.

I know what I'm going to buy first, though. A new graphics card. Or an external hard drive. And yes, I'm still a girl. I need a new GPU more than a pair of UGGs.

Wednesday

Soooo, Murder In The Neighborhood, eh?

A 35-year-old guy killed a woman of 27. I don't know in which building but I know it was on the same street. He killed her on Epiphany eve, stuffed her in a sports bag and carried her to the woods on the outskirts of the town. A passerby found the bag and paid attention to it because her foot was sticking out.

That's so creepy. It's just a year since the roma people shot other romas and now this. I used to think this neighborhood was peaceful and quiet and after the crazy immigrant who I've been dealing with and the shooting and the murder I'm starting to think this is not a safe place anymore. I sure as hell am not letting my kid sister walk up here alone again. I'm not a tiny girl like her but I'm starting to think I'm too afraid to walk outside alone myself.

Since I'm prejudicial I'm voting this to be the sole aftermath of letting so many "asylum seekers" (that are actually here after the free upkeep, not the safety) and them bringing their problems with them. But since I'm also fair, I'm willing to apologize for this statement if we find out it's not an honor crime.

Oooh, New Year!

Well, hi

It's a new year. I still haven't broken my new years promise which was whine less and be nicer to everyone.

I have, indeed, whined less. And I've smiled to people even if they didn't smile back. Everyone should try that every now and then. Surprisingly you feel better if one out of the 200 people you smiled at smiles back.

It's still an awesome winter even though it was two days above zero (centigrade). It's been snowy, cold and awesome. I've been out more this winter than last year combined (and I'm not exaggerating).


We went to see the fireworks on new years eve. It was sad that the whole firework show given by the town was covered in low hanging clouds.. or mist.. or something. It was bizarre, the red, green, blue and golden flashes inside the mist thing.

I still don't have a job. I've been looking, been interviewed, but I guess I'm not good enough. I have a strategy, though. I'm going to look fabulous the next time. I heard some men hire girls for their looks, not how much work experience or education they have. That's my strategy. I'm onto it. I've lost 8 kilos since I made that decision. I still look kind of cute (and I know I've looked hot at one point since I got hired for two jobs by men that proved to be quite the old perverts).  

Oh and I've lost the eight kilos by losing everything that says 'light' from my diet. Apparently you do need whole milk and actual fats to stay fit. You don't eat as much as you've being nourished with less... If you want to lose weight: Lose all that says "light"..  I've already dropped all energy drinks since my last toothy experience and a couple more after that. Of course it means I don't get to drink sugary juice or cola. (I do have a cola day. I can drink cola on Fridays. I also have a karkkipäivä (Finnish kids usually have one day a week they can eat candy). That's why our teeth are among the best in world. I'm not sure if I remembered to tell about the last of my wisdom teeth that was removed last autumn. Removing that caused a whole jawbone infection. Jesus Christ the pain... I was basically on horse tranquilizer and antibiotics. I'm glad I don't have to do that ever again. Oh and I now know I have an extra tooth growing above my teeth. It's awesome. I have to upload the röntgen image sometime. Now I'm too lazy.

I must have done something really mean in my previous life for getting this much shit on this one. Well, actually, according to one fortune teller, in my past life I was a chick (that got eaten), before  that I was a sailor that was working on a slave ship from Congo to New Amsterdam or something - and before that I was a witch and I'm responsible for poisoning three people. I guess being a chicken once paid all my previous sins and now I'm only getting the minor stuff. Like having mostly shitty life. And J is my price for making this life (after the chicken part) mostly law-abiding.

We've been planning a trip to Sweden and Norway next summer. We, or J, is going to drive the whole 3000 kilometers in seven days. It's going to be hell. I hope the car AC dies or something. I get to visit the world's northernmost IKEA in Haparanda, Sweden. And I get to show J what it looks like in the North. Show him why I love Lapland (no matter if it's Finnish, Swedish or Norwegian Lapland or all of them). I hope he likes it. The scenery up their is something you either love or hate.

First I wanted to go to this awesome little place called "Å i Lofoten". It's a small old fishing village (with all new houses) that rents 'rorbuer' or fishing cabins. I checked it on Google Maps Street View and the scenery was so awesome I instantly knew that's the place I want to go to. Then I found out they charge over 1050 NOK (It's 135€) a night. In a cabin you a) can't get linen for (they charge extra), b) you need to clean the cabin yourself and c) no breakfast. You can get a business class hotel room in Helsinki city for one night with that price - with continental breakfast, swimming pool and a sauna. Lofoten is an experience I can easily pass if two nights there eat almost half of our hotel budget. In Finland, we get two nights with that price in a real hotel room with breakfast and in Sweden, we get two nights and a boat trip for that price. So we changed our plan, we're going to leave Lofoten i Norge for good and just go by and spend the money on a eco whale safari. I don't know about the eco stuff more than they don't roar the engines around the whales. I'd rather go see live whale tails once in my life than pay for too much for a small cabin you have to clean up yourself. I knew Norway was expensive but that expensive. But I heard they get good wages for basically being lazy workers. By the way, I've been learning Norwegian for a few days now. I heard they hate Finns so we need to sound at least Swedish. I'm so glad I can do "sjungande svenska" or 'flowing' Swedish.. It's easier to learn Norwegian when you already know Swedish. But some of the words.. my favorites so far are 'drosje' for taxi and 'sykehus' for hospital  - I like the way they sound when you pronounce them with near correct accent.

Oh and I'm so going to work in Norway. After we go check it and if I can master the language there. Of course J will get a job, he's so good at what he does. I don't mind being the mailman. The goddamn mailman earns almost 19€/h. It's a shitload more than here. I heard they are quite the language racists, though, so you really need to speak the language if trying to get a job. In Norway, you pay less taxes, earn more, have more vacation (darned oil money, it's the oil..), they actually encourage having kids.. and they have the most awesome sceneries in the world.. It's my country. The people I'm not so sure of.

... and more about the language. I know I'm good. I speak nearly perfect Canadian accent (yeah, they do have an accent) English, I can speak proper, genuine Swedish.. when I'm not in the country and around people who speak it themselves. When I'm amongst the native speakers I go insecure, tackle with words. Except for when I'm drunk. And I haven't been drunk for a while now.

I better finish this before it turn out to be a goddamn novel.