A Gay Surprise on the Double

So,

a friend came out of the closet with a nice declaration of relationship to a person of the same sex. Everybody's known his interests forever, but no one ever actually said it or asked about it and he has never told himself. I was never sure and we're not that close, he's a friend of a good friend.

I'm not against gay people. That's the way they were coded and this is they way I was coded, there's nothing anyone can do about it.

So why are my thoughts so weird?

Has he told his parents?
What does is ex-girlfriend think now? Does she think she made her gay because of their botched relationship?
I hope I hadn't said anything bad against gay people in front of him.
I hope I didn't try to match him with a girl...

That kind of thoughts.
 
Everyone else has been congratulating and being happy. I'm just numb. Why can't I feel happy or am I - somewhere I don't want to let myself know - against the homosexuals?

I tried to think being gay is against the nature, that the default is something between a woman and a man. But it is natural. We're monkeys and monkeys have homosexual encounters. They are not driven away or shunned. The Greek based their relationships between the men and the women were only for breeding. The mightiest thinkers on Earth, the Greeks. The fathers of drama. There's nothing really weird about being gay. I just can't see it any other way than it's obvious.

So why is it bothering me? Well, not bothering but raising these weird, useless thoughts?

Well, there's one thing that really bothers me. I posted my thoughts on Facebook. I guess I wrote it so that one person got it the wrong way and asked me what I meant by it and added; "I was only thinking because, you know, I'm gay.."  Now, in his profile he says he is interested in men, but I always thought it was a joke. He's that kind of a person, into weird jokes that are sometimes baffling, so I thought this was one of them. So he's gay too. I've known him  - though not so well, more like every third weekend, lately Facebook kind of known - for almost nine years and it never occurred to me. So he's been openly gay all this time and I thought it was a joke. Should I be ashamed or does it mean I'm really so okay with this stuff that I don't have a real stand on this. No real opinion.

This doesn't change how I feel about these people or change the way I treat them, I don't actually care. But why these thoughts? It can't be because I'd regret the things I've said or done in front of them, they already know I'm an idiot.

And About The Sims 3

After a pretty extensive gameplay of Sims 3  I can say a few things..

The bad things:

• A.I. - Not good. Not good at all. (They still are idiots.)
• Music: Gets on your nerves. (It's too simmified)
• Unpassable intro (there's a mod for that, thank heavens)
• Stupid launcher system (which you can pass, thank heavens)
• Too ugly default people (people aren't really that ugly, not even the ugly ones and not all black people have puffy lips, large noses and flat forehead)
• Too stupid names (What cruel person would give their kids THAT kind of names anyway?)
  
• Ridiculous save times (even with all patches it takes me 2 hours to save a town with 30 families)
• Patches (make half ready and then patch? Not a decent thing to do)
  

The good things:

• There's something to the game that makes me play it
  
• World Adventures - awesome! (minus the fact that there are no hotel rooms etc)
• The scenery
• Mods
  

Still waiting for:

• Makin' Magic
• Pets
• Apartments

But the fact is: without people who make mods to remove stupidities or add things, the game would suck. Big time.

Even though people on More Awesome Than You are rude as hell and way too much in love with themselves, you might want to check whatsitsnames Awesome mod. It has saved me from so many days of killing off my sims because of the stupid things they do. Don't read anything they write, just read the manuals that come with what you download and you don't get pissed off at them. I even considered donating to the site they keep, but then I figured that I better not, I dont' want to support that kind of behavior.

But, like we learned from Stan, it's always a choice between a douche and a turd sandwich.

Wait! They Ate What? Take a Picture!

So I happened to pop by at People.com

They had made news of what some whatsitsnames ate. Who the poo cares? If I go to a celebrity site I want to know who's making a new album, who dropped out of movie -  or what horrid clothes we might expect H&M launch next fall, but this? Is it really all about where they spent their vacation, what they ate and who were they out with? I just don't get it.

I found a site that mainly centers on female celebs and their bodies. I don't know what men think and I'm sure they enjoy watching a well-formed body, but I don't consider an anorexic body anything more that hideous.

I read that a female athlete was publicly humiliated by some idiot who claimed she's fat. That girl has zero percent overweight. I'm sure there are a bunch of fifteen-year-olds throwing up because of that right about now.  That's sick. Even if it's coming out of your opposition.

I'm sure most brits already noticed the pictures of girls that didn't know how to dress for winter. There was this one pic of a girl passed out on snow. It was supposed to show how stupid she was, not dressing up properly for winter, but all I noticed that she was already frostbitten and the photog took a pic instead of helping her up and to warmth! That is so sick.

There was this incident with people taking pictures instead of helping: The guy died. What the fuck is wrong with people today?


And a completely different subject: me.

My sleeping pattern is.. well.. gone scrambled. I go to bed at six am and wake up at 2 pm. It's because I don't have to go anywhere. I have been trying to stay awake until next evening but being almost 29 it doesn't go so well as it did when I was 19... Or I try going to bed by 10 pm and just stay in bed until I fall asleep. Most nights I'll lay in bed for seven hours, then give up.. Is this insomnia? Sub-somnia? Or am I just so much a night person..?

Tired

I've slept almost the whole day. Horrible dreams! I was in love with J's friend and J was in love with L. I didn't want him and her be together so I slit her throat, cut very deep. I cut a small cut to J's throat and he started to choke in his own blood. Then I felt ill and pity -and woke up. It's hard to breathe, I guess that's why I had a nightmare.

That dream, however, made me think why the 2nd woman always get the hate, not the man?

Enlightenment

I just realized something. I've been kept out.

I've been out of something and by telling this I'm going make at least one of my two followers think I'm the shallowest person online ever.

I never knew there was  a Matt Dallas... I saw a cute guy in Eastwick and then I started watching Kyle XY - now either my taste in cute men has changed very recently because two days ago I still thought Chris Evans was heaven on earth or I just have been kept out. I stole this pic from imdb just to make my point. Don't sue me, pic rights owners..


He is fresh faced, boyish with dark curly hair and those eyes you can't figure out. He's got this rumpled, just-woken look to him that makes both the girls and the mothers love him.

It's just a shame that he's not so into girls nor mothers. His genes should stay on Earth. I don't mean that being gay is bad, but you can't make kids with other boys -yet- so he'd need a girl... Those genes should keep on going. Really. Really.

Just a thought.. all the pretty girls in my school were kind of mean to other girls. I've always been snubbed by the really handsome guys so I don't really know but is it really true that beautiful outside rarely meets beautiful inside?

I'd really, really like to meet a straight guy who's devilishly handsome, funny, smart and can spend 12 hours a day playing Fallout 3 and doesn't go partying every weekend. Actually I'd like to meet a gay guy who's like that.

There's no such thing, is there?

Another Year Behind

This year I'm going to be 29.

It feels funnier each day. Like I'd have to start thinking about kids, house and work. Stop living in dreams. But I don't want to. A few days ago I was just talking with a friend and I said I don't feel a day over 15. My body is just getting old but I still think the same things I thought in high school. I play on PC and on Wii, have snowball fights, all my hobbies are almost the same I had has a kid (minus the sports). I'm all the same except grown ups pay attention what I have to say, I worry about bills and think about groceries.. but the rest? I guess I'll have to start growing up soon. But what if I never grow up?

Change of subject: My dreams:

Today when I was watching HP: Prisoner of Azkaban, I realized something when Dumbledore's line came up:

"Let them sleep for in dreams we enter a world that’s entirely our own. Let them swim through the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud."

I think that's the reason I like to sleep. Now that I've practiced to remember and guide my dreams, I can sometimes decide what to watch. Like yesterday I felt like having a love dream and there it came. It was weird because the person I wanted to be the leading man was not the one I wanted but it was nice to watch. My nightmares have almost disappeared completely. Every night used to be like hell, but these days it's like one nightmare/week. Excellent. At least I'm at peace with something..

I still have pneumonia, btw. 2nd round of antibiotics.