Have a nice journey and say hi to the stars above, Heath Ledger.
The whatever religious group in where-ever US have stated that it's good that Heath is dead. Personally I think this group is full of brainwashed nutcases and I hope they don't get to keep their children and teach them the same fucked up beliefs.
If I were to run the US, I'd patch up a law that states all the religiously overactive parents should be arrested and their children taken away. And all the foster homes should be non-religious. It's sick that a nation that doesn't allow teaching religions (from a historic point of view) allows these nutcases to "spread their word".
I don't care if the adults take on the looney stuff, but I think life is too short for the children to be ruined. Religioius opinions and actions are a form of terrorism. They attack my eyes, ears and thoughts though not my body.
In Finland, where I went to high school, religion was taught at school. I was evangelic lutheran, but my catholic, protestant, orthodox and atheist friends had their own classes. Nowadays the immigrant muslims have their own classes too, though I've heard they are taught the act of religion, not the history or the why's. At our classes, it wasn't this preaching -kind of studying or reading the bible (though it was read at couple of occasions), but a theological study of what is thought to have happened, what became of it and why. Though I have been in church only eight times in my life, I enjoyed the classes because of the teacher who was really good at what he was doing and NEVER tried to convert us to anything more than what we were. Though he was deeply religious himself, he never let it show and was objective in his points of view. That is how religion should be taught!
I don't like it that there is a state church in many countries (but at least the british have finally done something about it). And I don't like the muslims. I'm sorry to say it and I would probably get into the hatelist of some people, but I simply can't stand the idea of that religion. I must, however, remind myself of the crusades, but at least the christians learned their lessons a few hundred years ago. I have read the quran, and have never found the reasoning to how they use women, children and that book - to gain their own earthly desires. A real believer would cherish that faith, not state it to everyone nearby. And NOT beat up women for speaking their minds. But I don't like the women either. They are succumbed to this.. this state of half existing, being half-wit and half-minded. That cannot be a good religion that takes away someones' value as a human.
I just wish that my country would accept all muslim unmarried women as refugees. Why only unmarried? Because I wouldn't want the men here. The men are the ones who commit crimes in this country, the men are the ones who beat up women, cheat the social security and drive better cars than normal families that work their butts out. The unmarried women would be safe and they could continue to practice their religion, but be free to go to school, shopping, working, anything they would want. And maybe marry a honest normal guy, who would listen to her opinion, let her decide for herself... But the poor things are so brainwashed, they cannot know of anything better..
I don't understand the work of the missionaries. Do they really think that the people in Africa were grateful for the religion? They were just happy that they got help in infrastructure, food production and the civic stuff. I bet that most of the people in Africa are as much as pagan as us newly born pagans, but they go to church to get lessons in reading and writing and possibly some clear water. If I ruled the world, I would forbid the spreading of the religions AND would deny any country from having a state church. I would allow teaching of the religion, but as a psychological and historic study. I wouldn't allow state money to build up churches, monasteries or mosques and wouldn't allow religious programs in radio or TV.
Religions have bought nothing but war and blooshedding and false friendship on this planet. Start counting from the year 3000 BC and see how many wars or murders were caused because of religion. Even the calendar is off. I was stated to born 1981, but my real year of birth would be, what, 8049?
Hey, I went off-topic.
How surprising.
Well anyway, good night, Ledger. Happy decomp, as we normal non-religious monkeys would state.
When people were made, there were some pieces left - enough to make one more person. That's me. I'm leftovers.
Wednesday
Thursday
My Dreams
I deleted my dream blog so I decided to put them up here and from now on, my dreams will be on this one..
Incoherent
I exploded a few schools,
then ran away.
But I chose to hide in a hotel room in a basement of an apartment building.
My "co-workers" just happened to be there.
Two people can - obviously - hide well in a sideboard.
Big cars outside.
Kiss
He kissed me in my dreams.
Just the way I like to get kissed.
How did he know?
Fish
I'm driving on a highway. I'm right behind a truck and I see some sedans in front of me. They're driving really fast. Everything is in hue (almost all of my dreams are in hue), the grass is too green and bright to my eyes. The sky is bluer than ever.
I'm happy in my thoughts. I've just visited a guy I'm secretly dating (in this dream, not in real life). I let my thoughts linger in that kiss he gave me just when I was leaving. I love his eyes.
The sky is actually as blue as his eyes.
Suddenly I'm driving all alone on that road. The truck has vanished.
I see a biker. He's drunk. Or there's two of them on that bike, I don't know for sure.
I put the breaks on, and in that millisecond I have time, I manage to avoid hitting the biker. After I've gone pass him, I look in the rearwiew mirror and see him/them falling.
I stop my car, take a safety vest from the glove compartment, put it on as I run to check if they are okay, calling the ambulance.
The ambulance gets there before me. They are treating the two men. I can't see because they're surrounded by the paramedics. I think the other one was decapitated.
When they give up, I get to see them.
It's two fish.
The other is like a normal fish, but the other one is almost chrome white with light blue patterns on its side.
It has the same customization I did in Need For Speed: Carbon yesterday.
And I wake up. Laughing.
The Dream Guy
My dream guy returned..
A beautiful guy.
The bluest eyes I've ever seen.. I'm sure they look turquoise when he's by the sea. And when it's winter and it's snowing, they are grey.
He is so beautiful. Why is he with me? He's an angel and I'm the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Dark, long hair.
He takes a quitar.
"Close your eyes", he says.
I close my eyes and he starts playing.
Then he sings.
He hits the notes perfectly.
I open my eyes and he looks at me with so much love in his eyes.
And I wake up..
In the hospital
I'm in a hospital with my mother. We're sitting in a lounge, waiting for my turn. I'm nervous, I don't like doctors.
Suddenly I remember I'm not supposed to be on this ward, I have to be somewhere else. I know I'm late so I'm going to lie that I haven't been called in. I walk a wide corridor and look around. Everything is very modern and stylish. This looks like an expensive hospital.
I go to the nurses station and ask for my doctor and say I wasn't called in and pretend to be humble by asking "have I got the wrong time". The nurse apologizes and guides me to the doctors room.
It's a surprise, it's another doctor than usually. This one is handsome, in a quirky way. His room is weird, more like an office than an examination room. It's dark and it has windows on all the walls and blinds.
It looks like a CSI Las Vegas lab...
We start talking, I tell him about my asthma and how I've needed the medicine more often than lately. He says "It could come back, let me listen to your lungs." He asks me to take my shirt off, in more flirtatious voice than professional. I look at him and see he's interested, so I go to the blinds and start closing them. I say: "This is what they do in E.R, too", and I smile. He smiles back.
I wake up for a short moment to turn the alarm off. I want to finish this dream.
I'm back in his room. I have been having tests done on me and it's morning already. I don't know what has happened to me and him, but he's flirting openly. I show him my leg that has a bug bite on it, but he isn't interested of it. Instead he wants to keep touching my leg.
Then I remember my mum. I had forgotten her in the waiting area. I run to seek for her, but she is nowhere to be found. An old man turns to me on his seat and says "Hey, you haven't been kidnapped from the ladies room after all!"
I take my cell phone, but the battery is off. I go to my doctor and say I got to go find my mum. He has almost an evil grin on his face when he tells me to go. I'm a bit scared so I run to the halls and end up somewhere that looks like an ultra-modern vault. I start crying. A nice guard comes to me and asks me if I'm okay. I explain my situation and he feels sorry for me, so he lets me into his room that has many chargers there. I can't figure out which one to put in despite that I remember what is needed. They are labelled and I have to read all the labels to find the right one. Once I find one, I plug it in and start reading a magazine I've found in my bag. It's named "Romantic Storyline" and it has romantic, cheesy novels in it. I don't want to read it, though, so I toss it back in my bag and take my phone in my hand
... and the alarm rings again..
The nice thing in this dream is that I watched it twice in a row. Between the dreams I remember waking up, and saying "I want to see THAT dream again". So I did. But the second time it was changed a bit. I liked the first - the romantic one better..
Another Cabin dream
I'm in a cabin with three handsome guys and a girl. She's my best friend. We have no relationship with the guys, but I know I'm going to hit it out with someone. These guys used to be in the army with me. We were assigned to a place somewhere in the Americas, on a mission that involved some very creepy characters, such as this huge alligator that was able to come through solid metal bars..
We're outside the cabin, it's winter. Not cold, though.
We're all wearing parkas and really enjoying the outside weather.
It's getting dark.
Snow on the ground..
Pine trees. I look around and listen to the others laughing.
A Amtrack train going by almost without sound.
"That's creepy", I say. "Almost without sound."
They look at the train as it passes by, almost hovering, making a humming sound
I think: "In Finland, that train would make a lot more noise."
Finland?
I wake up.
Housewarez
I think I'm in a mall. A huge, almost empty mall with white everything. I'm outside a store called Housewarez. I see some salespeople there and decide to enter although I know what will happen. As I walk, I have to be careful, there are traps. I am able to avoid all the traps once again, but I'm sure not everyone can avoid them. I see a group of three come in: two young (handsome) men and one young woman. I hear one of the young guys answering a saleswoman's question. He says "I'm very good with peaches" and he winks her.
They succesfully avoid the first three traps, but now they are moved into something different. All three of them lay down on a test bed and suddenly the bed turns around, slowly. I go peek and there's a long drop to pitch black. Somehow I like it. They're going to fall to pikes or something, I'm sure. But instead they float slowly and end up on their feet to a something that appears to be straight out of a puzzle game. They have metallic, huge letters that they have to put in order. One of the guys figures out the word and moves the letters to form a word "carnivalium".
The second task is something weird. There are a lot of fruits lined up. I recognise most of them, but they don't. The other guy asks the one who claimed to be good with peaches: "Didn't you know everything about peaches?" He answers with a shrug. The third task is another word-order thing, but I don't care about that.
I have gotten a thought in my head. What if someone doesn't make it out of the traps? Do they die. I go outside through the walls to the blinding bright morning. I look through the windows, if I can see something. I notice that the guys and the girl have gotten out and are walking right below somewhere. They decide to find out what happens to the ones who don't get out.. They are looking through the windows too. I'm the only one who can get that high, so I peek to the employees' lounge and I see a fridge.
I know. That's what happens.
And that's what happened to me. That's why I'm floating.
... and I wake up in sweat.
The Cabin
I'm in a cabin with an older man. I think his name is Michael. His hair is short and almost black and his eyes are piercing blue. We kiss and hug. I haven't told him anything about J, he thinks I'm single. J on the other hand thinks I'm in the cabin just relaxing.
I get a text message. J is coming. I panic. I have to get Michael out, so I sent him to the meadow close by - to pick daisies.
J comes and he's all lovey-dovey. I just want to get rid of him. I'm trying to find my phone to warn michael that my ex has come and he has to pretend he's a mate of my stepfather and here just visiting with his son (who I claim to be a brat). I can't find my phone. Soon Michael returns and I open the door to him. I hope that J doesn't remember me lying about his son, because he returns with a pretty petite blonde, whom I know from somewhere I can't recall. I introduce them heavily emphasizing some words and winking my eye to Michael. He doesn't wink back but I think he gets it.
Suddenly there's a lot of people coming into the cabin. I don't really know anyone, so I want to get some peace and quiet. We go out and I hear a strong current running somewhere. I get exited, but it's just a water drain.
The forest is so beautiful and green, but the only thing I can think of is how to clear this mess I've made.
Falling Leaves
I'm walking on a path. It's the path that I used to take when going home from school. It is a bright cold fall and the leaves all falling. They are bright yellow.
I see a friend of mine coming towards me. He stops me and kisses me.
And I wake up...
Ireland
An old house, an Irish one.
I'm standing on the lawn, looking at the people passing by. Some of them are dressed up in victorian peasant style, some of them are dressed modern, some of them clown suits. They are all of different age and sex.
I'm dressed up in a long dress, it's emerald green and made of silk. My hair is bright red and it's made very nicely. I feel so pretty.
Here comes a man, he's shorter than I, but I don't care. I love to see him and feel myself instantly at ease. He tells me to hurry or the bus will leave me. But I don't want to go.
I look at the ocean. The day is rainy, so everything is a bit grey. The waves hit the stones.
I want to marry this short man.
Ewan
Yet another addition to my ever-repeating Ewan dreams..
Somehow I have ended up to Cambridge university. Everyone is minding their own business, just walking around. It's a beautiful, sunny early summer's day. I'm walking to a huge red-tiled building. The building has huge windows and doors, but it's the most beautiful I've ever seen. I take a deep breath and head to the main entrance.
I have to stop. It's Ewan. Why is he here and not filming somewhere? Oh right. I forgot (how did I even know it), he's here because he's tutoring some aspiring artists here. I know I shouldn't, he loves his wife. I love him despite I've never met him before and I know he loves me. I feel his need to talk to me, I can see it in his face and it almost crushes me.
It's heartbreaking. It hurts.
Suddenly everything is in hue. I only see the brick walls, the water somewhere, the green of the trees. I can hear distant talking and the wind playing in the leaves.
Ewan is somewhere close to me. I can't see him, but I can hear his words. He's been looking for me, because he has something important to tell me. He keeps talking but I can't listen. I'm so full of the love he gives that I'm hurting.
I wake up mumbling these words: "Ewan, Ewan, how can I get to him, to let him tell me.."
Sometimes my dreams won't "let go" and I stay in the dream's mood the rest of the day. This is going to be one of those days.
Two dreams
I meet up with my old fling, a guy who I had a crush on for many years.
He's even hotter than what he used to be, but he still can't keep his mouth closed. I don't like men who walk around with their loose jaw.
He talks to me.
How soft can his voice be?
He asks me if I have been okay and leans closer. He almost kisses me. I can feel his lips so close to mine, but they barely touch.
He is a bad kisser in real life. Like kissing a steak.
Now I know he's a good kisser and I want him to kiss me so badly. He wants it too, I can feel the sparkles between us. But he won't.
He loves me. He doesn't say it but I feel it with every single bone in me. He asks me and I tell him that I have loved him every day since we met the first time. He's happy.
It's hot in here. And red. Orange.
I hear a bird singing. I go to the window, look outside.
There's a war. Everybody's running.
I'm not sure if this is a part of the same dream because:
I go out of a british row-house.
I have a shotgun in my hand. A pump action one.
I am hunting zombies again.
Everything is sterile, allium and other metals. Except the walls, they are dark red tile. And the asphalt. Everything is so clean. No rubbish on the streets...
The zombies look vicious: bloodshot eyes, grey skin, their clothes are neat - however. I think I know some of them, but I keep shooting as they try to attack. They are too slow, they can't run. I'm happy as I remember playing a PC game with zombies that were able to run.
I really did play that game.
A child zombie, it used to be a nine-or-so -year old boy. It crawls on the floor and tries to get under me so it can bite. I shoot. Empty gun. No rounds left in my pockets. Shit..
I have acid in a spray bottle. That keeps them away while I try to find another gun. I find a Winchester rifle (how the hell do I know what gun it is..). It's no use, because I don't have time to aim. I need another shotgun. There are weapons all over but no shotguns. I need an UMP. At least an UMP, I say and keep running. I hear gunshots, then alarm.
And I wake up to my alarm clock.
The Longest Dream
I met my senior high schoold best friend, Kirsten again.
My father comes and picks me up with his BMW z3. I't dark grey. He's so young and handsome. I look down and I see the kind of clothes teenagers use these days.
I'm having a dream, I realize. My father is really old, I don't use those ridiculous clothes and my father is supposedly poor. This must have something to do with my Sims, since I buy that car to my sims often. Let's keep on looking.
We start talking and my father insists that I do as he tells me. I'm not going to do it, I tell him and then we argue. I start screaming and telling him to pull over. I'm not coming home! Let me out of the car or I'll jump! I open the door and act as if I'm jumping off. I won't, really. He's driving really fast and I know I'm going to break my legs if I jump. He pulls over. He's not worried, though - and not angry anymore.
He pulls over in front of a tall apartment building. It must have at least 40 floors. I go in.
An ambulance passes by. I wake up for a second. Hmm, where was I?
My friend, Kirsten comes and opens the door. She looks exactly the way she was when I saw her the last time. So young.
She lets me in and I ask if it is okay for me to stay there for awhile. Yes, her parents want to meet me. She leads me through a pink hall to the livingroom, where there are at least four adults sitting, I wave my hands and feel kind of embarassed. I don't like the color of the livingroom: everything is some shade of peach.
I meet her brother. A drop dead gorgeous brother, who's going out. I don't dare look at his face, but I feel as if he's calling me.
Kirsten is the only child.
We go to Kirsten and her brother's room. They share, almost adults. Well, it's not my place to judge. Kirsten tells me to get comfortable, so I do, I go veg on the couch. There is another guy in the room and he's even more handsome than Kirsten's brother. We are introduced. Kirsten tells me his whole name.
I don't remember the name anymore. Note to self: remember names and lottery numbers from now on!
He's flirting with me and I instantly like him. I might actually fall in love with this type of guy. He asks me what kind of music do I like. I tell him that I like electronica, mostly trance.
Which isn't true. I like house music.
He gets excited. He puts on some music and is jamming, when Kirsten interrupts. She doesn't tell it straight, but I get the impression that this guy has a girlfriend.
But it cannot be true! He's calling me so strongly without saying a thing and I want to. But if he has a girlfriend, no chance. I won't meddle with other people's girlfriends. He goes out of the room for awhile and Kirsten tells me to come sit with her.
Where is my shirt and bra? I'm topless and I have to hurry under the blanket she's offering. What the hell? I look outside. There are kids there, playing live action role play. But we're on the top floor. I can see a couple of wild west dudes having a duel. Then a kid comes and knocks on the window. He says a word and I don't understand. He's asking for something. I wrap myself in the blanket and walk to the box he's pointing at. There is a lot of stuff.
Kirsten takes a tissue from the box and hands it to the boy. She grins. They paid, so they get what they want. Mmmkay, I say and wonder what the hell is going on.
The guy ain't coming back. Kristen drops hints of a girlfriend. We get back to the couch and I look at the side table. There's a bank statement there. It's Kirstens and it states, that she owns one part of a company and she has a million on her account. I'm so jealous. And wonder why they live in a place like this with so much money in their hands. I don't ask.
I woke up, feeling so depressed. I need that money.
Got Ditched
I got ditched in my dream:
We have a woman visiting our house when I'm coming home. I notice she is very pretty and I'm jealous. I practically throw her out, screaming and threatening her life.
All the walls are black. The door is blue. Our house has a lot of rooms.
J is angry. Furious.
I ask: What can she do for you I haven't done for you?!
J starts to yell: She will never say bad things to me and you have never made me laugh!
I listen to him ramble and then it hits me: This isn't true. It's not like that, he was laughing with me yesterday.
And I woke up.
Fat, Mean Woman
I work at the K-mart.
I'm not sure what my job is and I'm just checking the places, putting the coffee maker on, checking the worker's lounge, seeing if any customers need help.
I see a photographer and look to my co-worker who says, no cameras. I go to get him and he denies he has a camera. I insist him to show it and it appears he has a light meter. I get interestesd, I tell him I used to do photography and I'd like to test it. He agrees, smilingly. I notice he looks like my father. I take the apparatus in my hand as if was a gun, laugh and pretend I'm shooting my co-worker. She laughs. I give the light meter back to the guy and go see what's the problem with a very large punjabi woman.
I ask her what's the problem, she accuses me of denying something. I don't know what she's talking about since I'm new at the job and I've never seen her. I try to be polite, but she's very offensive. She keeps on blaming my and two of my co-workers come to the rescue. To witness. I'm trying to be polite, but she's getting on my nerves as she starts to raise her voice. I guide her to the workers lounge to cool of but there she starts the circus: she starts screaming and throwing insults and I'm gettin more baffled. I just try to say I'm calling the manager to come and solve her problem, since I can't obviosly help her. Then I said: In America I'd obviosly be fired right after an incident like this. Not here, luckily, here customers need to use their brain too. The woman fled off and me and my co-workers were sitting there laughing, watching the other customers through a one-way glass.
The punjabi woman came back, this time with a little black dog, maybe a bulldog. I let her in to the workers lounge and then the dog attacks me. It doesn't hit skin, but I lie to my co-workers and ask them to call 112. I feel the dogs teeth on my skin, but they are not going in. I don't take him off, but keep asking the woman why she is going this. She laughs like a maniac and says "You calling the police, why?". I tell her that she is disturbing me and that I don't care if I get fired, customers like her are not why I'm working here. The dog has a diarrhoea and I feel sorry for it for awhile, then I start shaking it off my leg.
I woke up laughing. I've never worked in a market, not on sales anywhere and I have a dream like this..
"When I was going up the stairs, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today, I wish, I wish he'd go away. "
Incoherent dream this time..
* Anna-Nicole, wearing a black, stylish (!!) cocktail dress. Feeling fat, but not fat
* In a contest of somekind..
* A mean woman, a rival. Very beautiful. Only her vicious look makes her seem not so pretty
* A guy more handsome than anyone
* A cruise ship
* Candlelight everywhere
* Nightfall
* A lighthouse somewhere in the distance?
* A steam room, someone sitting there
* Trying to put potato chip bags down the toilet
* Toilet flooding
* Taking the bags out
* Panic
* Water disappears
* Relief
And I wake up.
Playing
A short night, badly slept, can't remember the dream.
I have been playing Travian - a browser game. My dream was about that. I have a Gaul village and I got attacked by a huge army of another player. They had a little problem though, my walls didn't give in, so I ended up laughing at the Roman army. They were trying so hard, but they just bounced off the walls and were like WTF?
Colors: Travian game colors.
I'm not sure if it was another dream, but I clearly remember getting some (5?) numbers on the phone. The problem is, however, I don't remember them all. The numbers I'm sure about are 22 and 6. This week's lottery numbers?
Confusion
Sometimes it's hard to remember your dreams. Like today.
I remember the confusion. And the drop dead gorgeous guy. And the overwhelming love (I wish I'd experience IRL too) and the colors in hue.
Maid
I lived back in the 17th century.
Was a maid and the young master was giving me very hard time. I did everything he ever came to think, but it still wasn't enough, he was cruel and unusual in every way. His friend was the only one who thought of me and sometimes kept me from getting a beating. In the end the master finally came out as a loving person with bad parents breathing down on his neck - and he wanted to marry me. We went through a lot of things (like going over a breaking dam), but in the end he got the permission to marry me.
When I walked down the aisle with him, I looked at his friend and realized it was him who I had loved all the time.
The colors: Very gothic, dark, dark red, grey
The surroundings: Dark tan stone walls, arches, paintings, stained glass, heavy furniture, dark wood, the water (in the dam) was very clear and the current was very strong..
Feelings: fear, love, intimacy
Zombies & Ice hockey
The disease spread thru drinking water.
No one came to think that the water they drank could be the reason, so the ones who stayed healthy drank only bottled water. It didn't infect when tap water was used to cooking (boiling).
I was among the people who survived and had to be among the ones who started to kill these zombies. The only problem was that they had to be shot twice, so I was low on ammo. I had one shotgun, one MP5SD and one UMP. My team consisted of my junior high school mates (not friends - IRL most of them I hated). We had to pack some food.
We started in a place where there was a black panther whom I got scared at first. But then I saw my teammates feed it, so I fed it my carrots. I wanted to give it meat, but I thought it would make it start craving for human meat as well.
After shooting some zombs I came to this stadium, where were all the rest of the ones who weren't drinking tap water, watching a four team ice hockey game. I knew everyone playing and they knew me. Their physical weight was displayed on the score board and I was, like, shit, all these players weight less than me.
The colors: Much like half-life 2
The surroundings: Sewer, halls
Feelings: Fear, excitement, disappointment
Planting Oak Trees
It was a big park next to a huge cathedral, somewhere outside this country, but somewhere it gets snowy in the winter. It was a cloudy afternoon. I went through the iron fence, closed it behind me and made sure it was closed. The park was fenced with large smooth stones and it mainly grew pine trees. There were a lot of big squirrels, they were friendly and watching me all the time. There were some people, women. I don't remember who they were or what they were saying, but I'm pretty sure they were people I once knew. I was walking there, looking at the church. The day got colder and it started snowing, very slowly. I noticed I was holding an oak tree seedling. I didn't want to plant it because it was so cold and the wind was going very brisky. But I knew it had to start growing someday, so I planted it. I had trouble digging a hole to the ground because I had nothing but my hands to use, but I made a very deep hole, then put it there. I buried it too deep, but I knew it would have time to get through the soil until it was time for it to grow.
The colors: Everything was grey, shaded grey, even the green had some grey in it.
The surroundings: Large yard, river stones, cathedral, tall trees
Feelings: hope, familiarity, like I'd been there before
Incoherent
I exploded a few schools,
then ran away.
But I chose to hide in a hotel room in a basement of an apartment building.
My "co-workers" just happened to be there.
Two people can - obviously - hide well in a sideboard.
Big cars outside.
Kiss
He kissed me in my dreams.
Just the way I like to get kissed.
How did he know?
Fish
I'm driving on a highway. I'm right behind a truck and I see some sedans in front of me. They're driving really fast. Everything is in hue (almost all of my dreams are in hue), the grass is too green and bright to my eyes. The sky is bluer than ever.
I'm happy in my thoughts. I've just visited a guy I'm secretly dating (in this dream, not in real life). I let my thoughts linger in that kiss he gave me just when I was leaving. I love his eyes.
The sky is actually as blue as his eyes.
Suddenly I'm driving all alone on that road. The truck has vanished.
I see a biker. He's drunk. Or there's two of them on that bike, I don't know for sure.
I put the breaks on, and in that millisecond I have time, I manage to avoid hitting the biker. After I've gone pass him, I look in the rearwiew mirror and see him/them falling.
I stop my car, take a safety vest from the glove compartment, put it on as I run to check if they are okay, calling the ambulance.
The ambulance gets there before me. They are treating the two men. I can't see because they're surrounded by the paramedics. I think the other one was decapitated.
When they give up, I get to see them.
It's two fish.
The other is like a normal fish, but the other one is almost chrome white with light blue patterns on its side.
It has the same customization I did in Need For Speed: Carbon yesterday.
And I wake up. Laughing.
The Dream Guy
My dream guy returned..
A beautiful guy.
The bluest eyes I've ever seen.. I'm sure they look turquoise when he's by the sea. And when it's winter and it's snowing, they are grey.
He is so beautiful. Why is he with me? He's an angel and I'm the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Dark, long hair.
He takes a quitar.
"Close your eyes", he says.
I close my eyes and he starts playing.
Then he sings.
He hits the notes perfectly.
I open my eyes and he looks at me with so much love in his eyes.
And I wake up..
In the hospital
I'm in a hospital with my mother. We're sitting in a lounge, waiting for my turn. I'm nervous, I don't like doctors.
Suddenly I remember I'm not supposed to be on this ward, I have to be somewhere else. I know I'm late so I'm going to lie that I haven't been called in. I walk a wide corridor and look around. Everything is very modern and stylish. This looks like an expensive hospital.
I go to the nurses station and ask for my doctor and say I wasn't called in and pretend to be humble by asking "have I got the wrong time". The nurse apologizes and guides me to the doctors room.
It's a surprise, it's another doctor than usually. This one is handsome, in a quirky way. His room is weird, more like an office than an examination room. It's dark and it has windows on all the walls and blinds.
It looks like a CSI Las Vegas lab...
We start talking, I tell him about my asthma and how I've needed the medicine more often than lately. He says "It could come back, let me listen to your lungs." He asks me to take my shirt off, in more flirtatious voice than professional. I look at him and see he's interested, so I go to the blinds and start closing them. I say: "This is what they do in E.R, too", and I smile. He smiles back.
I wake up for a short moment to turn the alarm off. I want to finish this dream.
I'm back in his room. I have been having tests done on me and it's morning already. I don't know what has happened to me and him, but he's flirting openly. I show him my leg that has a bug bite on it, but he isn't interested of it. Instead he wants to keep touching my leg.
Then I remember my mum. I had forgotten her in the waiting area. I run to seek for her, but she is nowhere to be found. An old man turns to me on his seat and says "Hey, you haven't been kidnapped from the ladies room after all!"
I take my cell phone, but the battery is off. I go to my doctor and say I got to go find my mum. He has almost an evil grin on his face when he tells me to go. I'm a bit scared so I run to the halls and end up somewhere that looks like an ultra-modern vault. I start crying. A nice guard comes to me and asks me if I'm okay. I explain my situation and he feels sorry for me, so he lets me into his room that has many chargers there. I can't figure out which one to put in despite that I remember what is needed. They are labelled and I have to read all the labels to find the right one. Once I find one, I plug it in and start reading a magazine I've found in my bag. It's named "Romantic Storyline" and it has romantic, cheesy novels in it. I don't want to read it, though, so I toss it back in my bag and take my phone in my hand
... and the alarm rings again..
The nice thing in this dream is that I watched it twice in a row. Between the dreams I remember waking up, and saying "I want to see THAT dream again". So I did. But the second time it was changed a bit. I liked the first - the romantic one better..
Another Cabin dream
I'm in a cabin with three handsome guys and a girl. She's my best friend. We have no relationship with the guys, but I know I'm going to hit it out with someone. These guys used to be in the army with me. We were assigned to a place somewhere in the Americas, on a mission that involved some very creepy characters, such as this huge alligator that was able to come through solid metal bars..
We're outside the cabin, it's winter. Not cold, though.
We're all wearing parkas and really enjoying the outside weather.
It's getting dark.
Snow on the ground..
Pine trees. I look around and listen to the others laughing.
A Amtrack train going by almost without sound.
"That's creepy", I say. "Almost without sound."
They look at the train as it passes by, almost hovering, making a humming sound
I think: "In Finland, that train would make a lot more noise."
Finland?
I wake up.
Housewarez
I think I'm in a mall. A huge, almost empty mall with white everything. I'm outside a store called Housewarez. I see some salespeople there and decide to enter although I know what will happen. As I walk, I have to be careful, there are traps. I am able to avoid all the traps once again, but I'm sure not everyone can avoid them. I see a group of three come in: two young (handsome) men and one young woman. I hear one of the young guys answering a saleswoman's question. He says "I'm very good with peaches" and he winks her.
They succesfully avoid the first three traps, but now they are moved into something different. All three of them lay down on a test bed and suddenly the bed turns around, slowly. I go peek and there's a long drop to pitch black. Somehow I like it. They're going to fall to pikes or something, I'm sure. But instead they float slowly and end up on their feet to a something that appears to be straight out of a puzzle game. They have metallic, huge letters that they have to put in order. One of the guys figures out the word and moves the letters to form a word "carnivalium".
The second task is something weird. There are a lot of fruits lined up. I recognise most of them, but they don't. The other guy asks the one who claimed to be good with peaches: "Didn't you know everything about peaches?" He answers with a shrug. The third task is another word-order thing, but I don't care about that.
I have gotten a thought in my head. What if someone doesn't make it out of the traps? Do they die. I go outside through the walls to the blinding bright morning. I look through the windows, if I can see something. I notice that the guys and the girl have gotten out and are walking right below somewhere. They decide to find out what happens to the ones who don't get out.. They are looking through the windows too. I'm the only one who can get that high, so I peek to the employees' lounge and I see a fridge.
I know. That's what happens.
And that's what happened to me. That's why I'm floating.
... and I wake up in sweat.
The Cabin
I'm in a cabin with an older man. I think his name is Michael. His hair is short and almost black and his eyes are piercing blue. We kiss and hug. I haven't told him anything about J, he thinks I'm single. J on the other hand thinks I'm in the cabin just relaxing.
I get a text message. J is coming. I panic. I have to get Michael out, so I sent him to the meadow close by - to pick daisies.
J comes and he's all lovey-dovey. I just want to get rid of him. I'm trying to find my phone to warn michael that my ex has come and he has to pretend he's a mate of my stepfather and here just visiting with his son (who I claim to be a brat). I can't find my phone. Soon Michael returns and I open the door to him. I hope that J doesn't remember me lying about his son, because he returns with a pretty petite blonde, whom I know from somewhere I can't recall. I introduce them heavily emphasizing some words and winking my eye to Michael. He doesn't wink back but I think he gets it.
Suddenly there's a lot of people coming into the cabin. I don't really know anyone, so I want to get some peace and quiet. We go out and I hear a strong current running somewhere. I get exited, but it's just a water drain.
The forest is so beautiful and green, but the only thing I can think of is how to clear this mess I've made.
Falling Leaves
I'm walking on a path. It's the path that I used to take when going home from school. It is a bright cold fall and the leaves all falling. They are bright yellow.
I see a friend of mine coming towards me. He stops me and kisses me.
And I wake up...
Ireland
An old house, an Irish one.
I'm standing on the lawn, looking at the people passing by. Some of them are dressed up in victorian peasant style, some of them are dressed modern, some of them clown suits. They are all of different age and sex.
I'm dressed up in a long dress, it's emerald green and made of silk. My hair is bright red and it's made very nicely. I feel so pretty.
Here comes a man, he's shorter than I, but I don't care. I love to see him and feel myself instantly at ease. He tells me to hurry or the bus will leave me. But I don't want to go.
I look at the ocean. The day is rainy, so everything is a bit grey. The waves hit the stones.
I want to marry this short man.
Ewan
Yet another addition to my ever-repeating Ewan dreams..
Somehow I have ended up to Cambridge university. Everyone is minding their own business, just walking around. It's a beautiful, sunny early summer's day. I'm walking to a huge red-tiled building. The building has huge windows and doors, but it's the most beautiful I've ever seen. I take a deep breath and head to the main entrance.
I have to stop. It's Ewan. Why is he here and not filming somewhere? Oh right. I forgot (how did I even know it), he's here because he's tutoring some aspiring artists here. I know I shouldn't, he loves his wife. I love him despite I've never met him before and I know he loves me. I feel his need to talk to me, I can see it in his face and it almost crushes me.
It's heartbreaking. It hurts.
Suddenly everything is in hue. I only see the brick walls, the water somewhere, the green of the trees. I can hear distant talking and the wind playing in the leaves.
Ewan is somewhere close to me. I can't see him, but I can hear his words. He's been looking for me, because he has something important to tell me. He keeps talking but I can't listen. I'm so full of the love he gives that I'm hurting.
I wake up mumbling these words: "Ewan, Ewan, how can I get to him, to let him tell me.."
Sometimes my dreams won't "let go" and I stay in the dream's mood the rest of the day. This is going to be one of those days.
Two dreams
I meet up with my old fling, a guy who I had a crush on for many years.
He's even hotter than what he used to be, but he still can't keep his mouth closed. I don't like men who walk around with their loose jaw.
He talks to me.
How soft can his voice be?
He asks me if I have been okay and leans closer. He almost kisses me. I can feel his lips so close to mine, but they barely touch.
He is a bad kisser in real life. Like kissing a steak.
Now I know he's a good kisser and I want him to kiss me so badly. He wants it too, I can feel the sparkles between us. But he won't.
He loves me. He doesn't say it but I feel it with every single bone in me. He asks me and I tell him that I have loved him every day since we met the first time. He's happy.
It's hot in here. And red. Orange.
I hear a bird singing. I go to the window, look outside.
There's a war. Everybody's running.
I'm not sure if this is a part of the same dream because:
I go out of a british row-house.
I have a shotgun in my hand. A pump action one.
I am hunting zombies again.
Everything is sterile, allium and other metals. Except the walls, they are dark red tile. And the asphalt. Everything is so clean. No rubbish on the streets...
The zombies look vicious: bloodshot eyes, grey skin, their clothes are neat - however. I think I know some of them, but I keep shooting as they try to attack. They are too slow, they can't run. I'm happy as I remember playing a PC game with zombies that were able to run.
I really did play that game.
A child zombie, it used to be a nine-or-so -year old boy. It crawls on the floor and tries to get under me so it can bite. I shoot. Empty gun. No rounds left in my pockets. Shit..
I have acid in a spray bottle. That keeps them away while I try to find another gun. I find a Winchester rifle (how the hell do I know what gun it is..). It's no use, because I don't have time to aim. I need another shotgun. There are weapons all over but no shotguns. I need an UMP. At least an UMP, I say and keep running. I hear gunshots, then alarm.
And I wake up to my alarm clock.
The Longest Dream
I met my senior high schoold best friend, Kirsten again.
My father comes and picks me up with his BMW z3. I't dark grey. He's so young and handsome. I look down and I see the kind of clothes teenagers use these days.
I'm having a dream, I realize. My father is really old, I don't use those ridiculous clothes and my father is supposedly poor. This must have something to do with my Sims, since I buy that car to my sims often. Let's keep on looking.
We start talking and my father insists that I do as he tells me. I'm not going to do it, I tell him and then we argue. I start screaming and telling him to pull over. I'm not coming home! Let me out of the car or I'll jump! I open the door and act as if I'm jumping off. I won't, really. He's driving really fast and I know I'm going to break my legs if I jump. He pulls over. He's not worried, though - and not angry anymore.
He pulls over in front of a tall apartment building. It must have at least 40 floors. I go in.
An ambulance passes by. I wake up for a second. Hmm, where was I?
My friend, Kirsten comes and opens the door. She looks exactly the way she was when I saw her the last time. So young.
She lets me in and I ask if it is okay for me to stay there for awhile. Yes, her parents want to meet me. She leads me through a pink hall to the livingroom, where there are at least four adults sitting, I wave my hands and feel kind of embarassed. I don't like the color of the livingroom: everything is some shade of peach.
I meet her brother. A drop dead gorgeous brother, who's going out. I don't dare look at his face, but I feel as if he's calling me.
Kirsten is the only child.
We go to Kirsten and her brother's room. They share, almost adults. Well, it's not my place to judge. Kirsten tells me to get comfortable, so I do, I go veg on the couch. There is another guy in the room and he's even more handsome than Kirsten's brother. We are introduced. Kirsten tells me his whole name.
I don't remember the name anymore. Note to self: remember names and lottery numbers from now on!
He's flirting with me and I instantly like him. I might actually fall in love with this type of guy. He asks me what kind of music do I like. I tell him that I like electronica, mostly trance.
Which isn't true. I like house music.
He gets excited. He puts on some music and is jamming, when Kirsten interrupts. She doesn't tell it straight, but I get the impression that this guy has a girlfriend.
But it cannot be true! He's calling me so strongly without saying a thing and I want to. But if he has a girlfriend, no chance. I won't meddle with other people's girlfriends. He goes out of the room for awhile and Kirsten tells me to come sit with her.
Where is my shirt and bra? I'm topless and I have to hurry under the blanket she's offering. What the hell? I look outside. There are kids there, playing live action role play. But we're on the top floor. I can see a couple of wild west dudes having a duel. Then a kid comes and knocks on the window. He says a word and I don't understand. He's asking for something. I wrap myself in the blanket and walk to the box he's pointing at. There is a lot of stuff.
Kirsten takes a tissue from the box and hands it to the boy. She grins. They paid, so they get what they want. Mmmkay, I say and wonder what the hell is going on.
The guy ain't coming back. Kristen drops hints of a girlfriend. We get back to the couch and I look at the side table. There's a bank statement there. It's Kirstens and it states, that she owns one part of a company and she has a million on her account. I'm so jealous. And wonder why they live in a place like this with so much money in their hands. I don't ask.
I woke up, feeling so depressed. I need that money.
Got Ditched
I got ditched in my dream:
We have a woman visiting our house when I'm coming home. I notice she is very pretty and I'm jealous. I practically throw her out, screaming and threatening her life.
All the walls are black. The door is blue. Our house has a lot of rooms.
J is angry. Furious.
I ask: What can she do for you I haven't done for you?!
J starts to yell: She will never say bad things to me and you have never made me laugh!
I listen to him ramble and then it hits me: This isn't true. It's not like that, he was laughing with me yesterday.
And I woke up.
Fat, Mean Woman
I work at the K-mart.
I'm not sure what my job is and I'm just checking the places, putting the coffee maker on, checking the worker's lounge, seeing if any customers need help.
I see a photographer and look to my co-worker who says, no cameras. I go to get him and he denies he has a camera. I insist him to show it and it appears he has a light meter. I get interestesd, I tell him I used to do photography and I'd like to test it. He agrees, smilingly. I notice he looks like my father. I take the apparatus in my hand as if was a gun, laugh and pretend I'm shooting my co-worker. She laughs. I give the light meter back to the guy and go see what's the problem with a very large punjabi woman.
I ask her what's the problem, she accuses me of denying something. I don't know what she's talking about since I'm new at the job and I've never seen her. I try to be polite, but she's very offensive. She keeps on blaming my and two of my co-workers come to the rescue. To witness. I'm trying to be polite, but she's getting on my nerves as she starts to raise her voice. I guide her to the workers lounge to cool of but there she starts the circus: she starts screaming and throwing insults and I'm gettin more baffled. I just try to say I'm calling the manager to come and solve her problem, since I can't obviosly help her. Then I said: In America I'd obviosly be fired right after an incident like this. Not here, luckily, here customers need to use their brain too. The woman fled off and me and my co-workers were sitting there laughing, watching the other customers through a one-way glass.
The punjabi woman came back, this time with a little black dog, maybe a bulldog. I let her in to the workers lounge and then the dog attacks me. It doesn't hit skin, but I lie to my co-workers and ask them to call 112. I feel the dogs teeth on my skin, but they are not going in. I don't take him off, but keep asking the woman why she is going this. She laughs like a maniac and says "You calling the police, why?". I tell her that she is disturbing me and that I don't care if I get fired, customers like her are not why I'm working here. The dog has a diarrhoea and I feel sorry for it for awhile, then I start shaking it off my leg.
I woke up laughing. I've never worked in a market, not on sales anywhere and I have a dream like this..
"When I was going up the stairs, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today, I wish, I wish he'd go away. "
Incoherent dream this time..
* Anna-Nicole, wearing a black, stylish (!!) cocktail dress. Feeling fat, but not fat
* In a contest of somekind..
* A mean woman, a rival. Very beautiful. Only her vicious look makes her seem not so pretty
* A guy more handsome than anyone
* A cruise ship
* Candlelight everywhere
* Nightfall
* A lighthouse somewhere in the distance?
* A steam room, someone sitting there
* Trying to put potato chip bags down the toilet
* Toilet flooding
* Taking the bags out
* Panic
* Water disappears
* Relief
And I wake up.
Playing
A short night, badly slept, can't remember the dream.
I have been playing Travian - a browser game. My dream was about that. I have a Gaul village and I got attacked by a huge army of another player. They had a little problem though, my walls didn't give in, so I ended up laughing at the Roman army. They were trying so hard, but they just bounced off the walls and were like WTF?
Colors: Travian game colors.
I'm not sure if it was another dream, but I clearly remember getting some (5?) numbers on the phone. The problem is, however, I don't remember them all. The numbers I'm sure about are 22 and 6. This week's lottery numbers?
Confusion
Sometimes it's hard to remember your dreams. Like today.
I remember the confusion. And the drop dead gorgeous guy. And the overwhelming love (I wish I'd experience IRL too) and the colors in hue.
Maid
I lived back in the 17th century.
Was a maid and the young master was giving me very hard time. I did everything he ever came to think, but it still wasn't enough, he was cruel and unusual in every way. His friend was the only one who thought of me and sometimes kept me from getting a beating. In the end the master finally came out as a loving person with bad parents breathing down on his neck - and he wanted to marry me. We went through a lot of things (like going over a breaking dam), but in the end he got the permission to marry me.
When I walked down the aisle with him, I looked at his friend and realized it was him who I had loved all the time.
The colors: Very gothic, dark, dark red, grey
The surroundings: Dark tan stone walls, arches, paintings, stained glass, heavy furniture, dark wood, the water (in the dam) was very clear and the current was very strong..
Feelings: fear, love, intimacy
Zombies & Ice hockey
The disease spread thru drinking water.
No one came to think that the water they drank could be the reason, so the ones who stayed healthy drank only bottled water. It didn't infect when tap water was used to cooking (boiling).
I was among the people who survived and had to be among the ones who started to kill these zombies. The only problem was that they had to be shot twice, so I was low on ammo. I had one shotgun, one MP5SD and one UMP. My team consisted of my junior high school mates (not friends - IRL most of them I hated). We had to pack some food.
We started in a place where there was a black panther whom I got scared at first. But then I saw my teammates feed it, so I fed it my carrots. I wanted to give it meat, but I thought it would make it start craving for human meat as well.
After shooting some zombs I came to this stadium, where were all the rest of the ones who weren't drinking tap water, watching a four team ice hockey game. I knew everyone playing and they knew me. Their physical weight was displayed on the score board and I was, like, shit, all these players weight less than me.
The colors: Much like half-life 2
The surroundings: Sewer, halls
Feelings: Fear, excitement, disappointment
Planting Oak Trees
It was a big park next to a huge cathedral, somewhere outside this country, but somewhere it gets snowy in the winter. It was a cloudy afternoon. I went through the iron fence, closed it behind me and made sure it was closed. The park was fenced with large smooth stones and it mainly grew pine trees. There were a lot of big squirrels, they were friendly and watching me all the time. There were some people, women. I don't remember who they were or what they were saying, but I'm pretty sure they were people I once knew. I was walking there, looking at the church. The day got colder and it started snowing, very slowly. I noticed I was holding an oak tree seedling. I didn't want to plant it because it was so cold and the wind was going very brisky. But I knew it had to start growing someday, so I planted it. I had trouble digging a hole to the ground because I had nothing but my hands to use, but I made a very deep hole, then put it there. I buried it too deep, but I knew it would have time to get through the soil until it was time for it to grow.
The colors: Everything was grey, shaded grey, even the green had some grey in it.
The surroundings: Large yard, river stones, cathedral, tall trees
Feelings: hope, familiarity, like I'd been there before
Resolution 2008
1. I will lose 20 kilos
2. I will stop swearing
3. I will finish school
4. I will go to the dentist
And that's about it.
2. I will stop swearing
3. I will finish school
4. I will go to the dentist
And that's about it.
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