Again I had such a vivid dream it has been hard to concentrate. I only remember a pair of piercing blue eyes, messy faux-hawk hairdo, and an amazing, amazing body. And again kisses that do not happen. What's with the goddamn kisses that don't happen? I need a Joseph or someone to explain these dreams.
And I decided to quit the school. I want to be a nurse, and I'm sure I would make a good one, but I will not be wiping people's asses for the rest of my life. Gerontology is up and coming subject, but I haven't spent almost my whole life in school to wipe other people's asses. That job is for the ones who drop out of high school.
Showing posts with label Dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dream. Show all posts
Friday
Thursday
Silent Lucidity
An incredibly vivid dream again.
It was weird to wake up and find myself from my own bed. It had felt like I had just been somewhere warm, and there was a guy called Josh.
Now, I don't know anyone named Josh, but he seemed so familiar.
We desperately wanted to touch each other, just to hold a hand, or even brush an arm, anything. There was nobody else there, but still we couldn't. I think that over the dream I felt it would be wrong to do it, because of J. Funny, it usually hasn't kept any of the creepy dreams away, especially ones like these.
But it felt like falling in love with someone, not ever wanting to lose them.
Anyway, I was awaken for just a moment, to realize it had been a dream, and where I was, but still asleep enough to be able to continue (I've been practicing this since high school) the dream. It's easy, but you need to practice remembering your dreams, and then learn how to fall back asleep, even if you don't feel like sleeping. You only have moments to do it.
Before I fell back asleep I reminded myself that it was okay to do it, that it was only a dream.
I managed to continue from exactly the moment I had woken from.
A little boy, his son, not much older than a toddler I think, was heading towards me, and I took him in my arms, and held him. The boy touched my forehead with his forehead, and stayed in that position, until Josh took my hand. He just held my hand, and I felt such a power, a surge of emotion fill me.. I can't even explain it. Like we were complete, a unit.
I put the boy back on the ground, and he happily toddled off. Then Josh kissed me, and I was so relieved..
I woke about 25 minutes later, and still could feel the sensation. It has now been three hours, but I still feel relieved. And I still smile.
It was weird to wake up and find myself from my own bed. It had felt like I had just been somewhere warm, and there was a guy called Josh.
Now, I don't know anyone named Josh, but he seemed so familiar.
We desperately wanted to touch each other, just to hold a hand, or even brush an arm, anything. There was nobody else there, but still we couldn't. I think that over the dream I felt it would be wrong to do it, because of J. Funny, it usually hasn't kept any of the creepy dreams away, especially ones like these.
But it felt like falling in love with someone, not ever wanting to lose them.
Anyway, I was awaken for just a moment, to realize it had been a dream, and where I was, but still asleep enough to be able to continue (I've been practicing this since high school) the dream. It's easy, but you need to practice remembering your dreams, and then learn how to fall back asleep, even if you don't feel like sleeping. You only have moments to do it.
Before I fell back asleep I reminded myself that it was okay to do it, that it was only a dream.
I managed to continue from exactly the moment I had woken from.
A little boy, his son, not much older than a toddler I think, was heading towards me, and I took him in my arms, and held him. The boy touched my forehead with his forehead, and stayed in that position, until Josh took my hand. He just held my hand, and I felt such a power, a surge of emotion fill me.. I can't even explain it. Like we were complete, a unit.
I put the boy back on the ground, and he happily toddled off. Then Josh kissed me, and I was so relieved..
I woke about 25 minutes later, and still could feel the sensation. It has now been three hours, but I still feel relieved. And I still smile.
Monday
No Disappointments Until You Wake Up
For a moment your stupid, unworthy life is perfect. You are happy, you know yourself and you are perfect - as much as you can. No disappointments until you wake up.
There are mornings that I wish I never wake up. Then, after a nightmare-ridden night I'm glad to wake. Now is that a dilemma or what? Other people worry about getting water to drink or someone bombing them on their way home..
Is it happiness that you actually sleep about 25 years of your life - or does it take something away? Is it a waste of a precious life or just waste of time? I read that you only learn in dreams, your brain works out the daily things and refine it to learning.. but what can you learn of a perfect life that disappears every morning you happen to wake up to your shit of a life?
Why are we cursed with the ability to have dreams? It's like the evolution's last 'fuck you' to mock us or something. Why give someone the best days of their lives, then wake them up to the reality that they are on a refugee camp with nothing but the clothes they stand up in? Isn't it cruelty? What about some poor fucker, who can barely write - can only put their words right out when they are deep in sleep?
Now, why this ramble? I was thinking about myself, my dreams. I do have a good life when compared to millions of others. I'm educated, well-enough behaving, I have a nice guy, a few good friends, apartment with a nice view, something to do every day and really no worries. Then why do my dreams affect me so much? Why a life I never had returns to my dreams night after night so that I can't be grateful of what I actually have? I'm constantly trying to tell myself to return to real life after a night... but yesterday I found myself smiling like an idiot for the whole day.
Now, let's put that half aside and talk about something else. I'm that kind of a person that I get deeply affected by something, mostly it's a tune in a song, a picture, a sound I hear. Like on a very windy day I stopped to hear the wind blowing in a grove of pines. Have you ever stopped to listen how much different it is from when it's deciduous trees?
Tune of today:
There are mornings that I wish I never wake up. Then, after a nightmare-ridden night I'm glad to wake. Now is that a dilemma or what? Other people worry about getting water to drink or someone bombing them on their way home..
Is it happiness that you actually sleep about 25 years of your life - or does it take something away? Is it a waste of a precious life or just waste of time? I read that you only learn in dreams, your brain works out the daily things and refine it to learning.. but what can you learn of a perfect life that disappears every morning you happen to wake up to your shit of a life?
Why are we cursed with the ability to have dreams? It's like the evolution's last 'fuck you' to mock us or something. Why give someone the best days of their lives, then wake them up to the reality that they are on a refugee camp with nothing but the clothes they stand up in? Isn't it cruelty? What about some poor fucker, who can barely write - can only put their words right out when they are deep in sleep?
Now, why this ramble? I was thinking about myself, my dreams. I do have a good life when compared to millions of others. I'm educated, well-enough behaving, I have a nice guy, a few good friends, apartment with a nice view, something to do every day and really no worries. Then why do my dreams affect me so much? Why a life I never had returns to my dreams night after night so that I can't be grateful of what I actually have? I'm constantly trying to tell myself to return to real life after a night... but yesterday I found myself smiling like an idiot for the whole day.
Now, let's put that half aside and talk about something else. I'm that kind of a person that I get deeply affected by something, mostly it's a tune in a song, a picture, a sound I hear. Like on a very windy day I stopped to hear the wind blowing in a grove of pines. Have you ever stopped to listen how much different it is from when it's deciduous trees?
Tune of today:
Friday
This Is So Silly
just bumped into a picture on the web. Just randomly browsing and I hit this picture. I didn't know who this guy was but something in that small pic made me hit it and enlarge it. I burst into tears. I couldn't breathe. I don't mean like this fake girl thing you read in novels and stuff, but I was unable to breathe, like I had an asthma attack. I couldn't stop crying.
I might have spoken about the man in my dreams. The man I've seen in my dreams since I was a little girl, six or seven! So it's been forever. Before I even watched tv. It was this distinctive look that has changed only a bit in all this time. Sometimes this man in my dreams was the devil, an angel, someone I had a crush on.. but the looks never changed really much.
The man in my dreams is a real person. He has been living and breathing all my life. I have never seen him nor heard of him.
This is so freaky, scary, stupid, everything.
Imagine my disappointment when I realized he's really someone. First I thought I might have seen him in a movie or in photos.. so I started some extensive studying and I was glad to find out that I have never seen any shows he has been on, has only done little things that'll go straight to dvd or get cancelled - so they never arrive to my country.
The creepiest stuff.. I started watching his show and saw him exactly in the same clothes the man in my dreams wears. He even smiles the same way. That is so creepy I hate it. It almost made me throw up, really. Twice.
So, Alex O'Loughlin, he looks just like someone I've known all my life. Why the hell couldn't he be someone else? A no one. But now this all ends up to being a crush over a celebrity, no matter how much I explain it. I wish I had my old diaries so I'd have some proof. But my shit of-a-mother has destroyed them. Or given them. Or sold them..
Anyway, I'm still spooked after three days.
And I hate the show Moonlight, because in that show a character has seen this man in her dreams since she was a little girl after he had saved her from death. I saw him first... In real life dreams! Fuck you. I have had that in REAL LIFE. For 22 years!
EDIT: So I photoshopped. Or Gimped in this case. This is the difference between Alex and the man in my dreams. Clickety click to notice the difference in larger amounts..
Monday
Another Year Behind
This year I'm going to be 29.
It feels funnier each day. Like I'd have to start thinking about kids, house and work. Stop living in dreams. But I don't want to. A few days ago I was just talking with a friend and I said I don't feel a day over 15. My body is just getting old but I still think the same things I thought in high school. I play on PC and on Wii, have snowball fights, all my hobbies are almost the same I had has a kid (minus the sports). I'm all the same except grown ups pay attention what I have to say, I worry about bills and think about groceries.. but the rest? I guess I'll have to start growing up soon. But what if I never grow up?
Change of subject: My dreams:
Today when I was watching HP: Prisoner of Azkaban, I realized something when Dumbledore's line came up:
"Let them sleep for in dreams we enter a world that’s entirely our own. Let them swim through the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud."
I think that's the reason I like to sleep. Now that I've practiced to remember and guide my dreams, I can sometimes decide what to watch. Like yesterday I felt like having a love dream and there it came. It was weird because the person I wanted to be the leading man was not the one I wanted but it was nice to watch. My nightmares have almost disappeared completely. Every night used to be like hell, but these days it's like one nightmare/week. Excellent. At least I'm at peace with something..
I still have pneumonia, btw. 2nd round of antibiotics.
It feels funnier each day. Like I'd have to start thinking about kids, house and work. Stop living in dreams. But I don't want to. A few days ago I was just talking with a friend and I said I don't feel a day over 15. My body is just getting old but I still think the same things I thought in high school. I play on PC and on Wii, have snowball fights, all my hobbies are almost the same I had has a kid (minus the sports). I'm all the same except grown ups pay attention what I have to say, I worry about bills and think about groceries.. but the rest? I guess I'll have to start growing up soon. But what if I never grow up?
Change of subject: My dreams:
Today when I was watching HP: Prisoner of Azkaban, I realized something when Dumbledore's line came up:
"Let them sleep for in dreams we enter a world that’s entirely our own. Let them swim through the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud."
I think that's the reason I like to sleep. Now that I've practiced to remember and guide my dreams, I can sometimes decide what to watch. Like yesterday I felt like having a love dream and there it came. It was weird because the person I wanted to be the leading man was not the one I wanted but it was nice to watch. My nightmares have almost disappeared completely. Every night used to be like hell, but these days it's like one nightmare/week. Excellent. At least I'm at peace with something..
I still have pneumonia, btw. 2nd round of antibiotics.
Wednesday
In Dreams, We..
And I thought I was the one having weird dreams. I have been chatting a bit with a woman at my workplace. Today she told me about this dream she keep seeing all over again. In this dream, she owns a small studio apartment. She knows it's there and is happy to have that place. Suddenly she remembers that she has cats and dogs in there and goes there, usually by bike. She always finds one of the cats there, dead and feels guilt, then wakes up.
I have recurring dreams, too, but mine are always somewhat enjoyable, minus the ones I've been haunted by the devil or its minions.
Just yesterday I noticed (as I was watching Miss Potter for the umpteenth time) that I haven't seen Ewan McGregor in my dreams for quite some time now. Thank heavens. By the way, I love the movie Miss Potter and I don't understand why. I think it's because I don't like my mother, neither does Miss Potter in the movie. She's something of an oddity in her time, so am I. Maybe it's the music. Or Ewan McGregor singing "Let me teach you how to dance" without harmonizers etc.
I rarely cry in the movies, but this one manages to open the floodgates almost every time. Well, I was pretty emotional yesterday, because Hubble was released back to its lonely orbit.
Tune of the moment: Peter Gabriel - I grieve
I grieve for you
You leave me
Let it out and move on
I have recurring dreams, too, but mine are always somewhat enjoyable, minus the ones I've been haunted by the devil or its minions.
Just yesterday I noticed (as I was watching Miss Potter for the umpteenth time) that I haven't seen Ewan McGregor in my dreams for quite some time now. Thank heavens. By the way, I love the movie Miss Potter and I don't understand why. I think it's because I don't like my mother, neither does Miss Potter in the movie. She's something of an oddity in her time, so am I. Maybe it's the music. Or Ewan McGregor singing "Let me teach you how to dance" without harmonizers etc.
I rarely cry in the movies, but this one manages to open the floodgates almost every time. Well, I was pretty emotional yesterday, because Hubble was released back to its lonely orbit.
Tune of the moment: Peter Gabriel - I grieve
I grieve for you
You leave me
Let it out and move on
Thursday
The Kiss
Yet another kiss dream:
I've kissed this person in a dream once before, but this time I hadn't even thought about him for ages. We used to spend some time together before J came along, but have grown distant through the years. He has kissed me in real life, so I know how weird the dream is.
So, we were at a party somewhere and I saw him. He came towards me, chatted with me and J and as soon as J got out of sight, he kissed me. In real life, he's not into kissing, so I was surprised even in the dream. The kiss was very passionate, long and.. umm.. wet. I was thunderstuck when he stopped. Then he pulled me further away from people and started acting very
According to dreammoods "If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her."
Not romantic interest, definitely not, but I think that is true on the whole. That ship sailed years ago. So, I guess this was just one of my quirks on the dream front.
I have been on a very good mood today, smiling all the time. I wonder if it's because of the dream..
Also, I happened to bumb into this guy I dated for a very short time before I met J. He remembered me, but didn't even greet. I don't remember his name anymore. After all, we went out for three weeks or so.. Well, I left him because he was a wuss. He's still handsome as hell, though. Wuss.
I've kissed this person in a dream once before, but this time I hadn't even thought about him for ages. We used to spend some time together before J came along, but have grown distant through the years. He has kissed me in real life, so I know how weird the dream is.
So, we were at a party somewhere and I saw him. He came towards me, chatted with me and J and as soon as J got out of sight, he kissed me. In real life, he's not into kissing, so I was surprised even in the dream. The kiss was very passionate, long and.. umm.. wet. I was thunderstuck when he stopped. Then he pulled me further away from people and started acting very
According to dreammoods "If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her."
Not romantic interest, definitely not, but I think that is true on the whole. That ship sailed years ago. So, I guess this was just one of my quirks on the dream front.
I have been on a very good mood today, smiling all the time. I wonder if it's because of the dream..
Also, I happened to bumb into this guy I dated for a very short time before I met J. He remembered me, but didn't even greet. I don't remember his name anymore. After all, we went out for three weeks or so.. Well, I left him because he was a wuss. He's still handsome as hell, though. Wuss.
Monday
Time Warp Dude Is Hawt
I never actually realized how hot the guy in Time Warp is. You know, the bald one. Jeff Lieberman is a real-life scientist. In case you haven't seen Time Warp, it's just passed its first season of hi-speed camera action. In addition to that beautiful set of brown eyes and a sharp nose, he's not only smart in robotics, but musical. I didn't know that before today, but somehow I've had this image of him playing electric guitar. I don't know if he does play guitar, but anyway.
He's hawt and I must confess having a few nice dreams about him. No, really. Of the few people in public's eye, I'd really like to hear what goes inside his head.
He's hawt and I must confess having a few nice dreams about him. No, really. Of the few people in public's eye, I'd really like to hear what goes inside his head.
Thursday
I Wish I'd Live To The Day..
I wish I'd live to the day when recording one's dreams would be possible. A Japanese group of neuroscientits or a group of nerds anyhow have gone one step closer to recording dreams: they have succeeded in recording random images shown to the person prior to the tests.
Monday
A Nice Weekend
I visited my friend L this weekend. We had a bit of girly fun, like farting and playing Wii (yeah, I dragged ours to her place). I love the town she lives in. They've left some of the buildings from 19th and 20th century unlike in my home town, where they've torn down almost everyting older than 1930 and built ugly concrete projects. Her town is not much bigger than this, but it seems like a bigger place. And how polite the people are. The cashiers actually can talk and they are helpful too. Unlike here. I was on good mood the whole weekend despite the high blood pressure that was diagnosed as a migraine, anemia, bi-polar disorder or panic disorder is still quite high. It annoys my to feel and hear my heart beat.
A good weekend ended with a nice dream. I forgot most of it almost instantly, but there was this guy with blonde curly hair, who followed me at a book fair. I noticed him staring, but he didn't turn his eyes away. As I walked away, he followed. I was not bothered. After finding a book about a color (I don't remember what color, maybe it was cirulean blue, but blueish anyway), I read a paragraph. There was a name, which I don't remember. The writer sounded something like Alexander Dumas. While I was reading, he came to me and started talking, like we've known for ages. He started talking about this study. It was about relationships, how people have grown too careful and getting married after nine years is too late, that relationships grow boring if they don't move fast enough. He finished his pedantic talk and then said: I want to be married in ten months. It was, like, he was giving an order rather than just stating something. I blushed. I said: "I'm with someone." He shrugged and said: "No, I didn't mean it like that. We can be, sort of, like friends and not risk your relationship, but we can change the status if you ever feel like it. Now this guy was cute and all, but all I could think about was J, how much he has done for me in good and bad and decided I'd rather be with one I know than possibly go tumbling down. Then he started to appear everywhere and I was soon intrigued and I figured he was too. In the end, I fell in love with him and the rest of the dream is X-rated, but it left me a good feeling.
This dream was apparently effected by Twilight, which I didn't like. It held somewhere inside me, I think, because the whole stare-at-me-follow-stuff was straight from that movie.
A good weekend ended with a nice dream. I forgot most of it almost instantly, but there was this guy with blonde curly hair, who followed me at a book fair. I noticed him staring, but he didn't turn his eyes away. As I walked away, he followed. I was not bothered. After finding a book about a color (I don't remember what color, maybe it was cirulean blue, but blueish anyway), I read a paragraph. There was a name, which I don't remember. The writer sounded something like Alexander Dumas. While I was reading, he came to me and started talking, like we've known for ages. He started talking about this study. It was about relationships, how people have grown too careful and getting married after nine years is too late, that relationships grow boring if they don't move fast enough. He finished his pedantic talk and then said: I want to be married in ten months. It was, like, he was giving an order rather than just stating something. I blushed. I said: "I'm with someone." He shrugged and said: "No, I didn't mean it like that. We can be, sort of, like friends and not risk your relationship, but we can change the status if you ever feel like it. Now this guy was cute and all, but all I could think about was J, how much he has done for me in good and bad and decided I'd rather be with one I know than possibly go tumbling down. Then he started to appear everywhere and I was soon intrigued and I figured he was too. In the end, I fell in love with him and the rest of the dream is X-rated, but it left me a good feeling.
This dream was apparently effected by Twilight, which I didn't like. It held somewhere inside me, I think, because the whole stare-at-me-follow-stuff was straight from that movie.
Sunday
Most Bizarre Dream..
I had a dream about Colin Farrel. It wasn't a typical love dream for me, but a wee weird one. Unlike the pics and videos what we usually see everywhere, he was very kind, spoke softly and looked at me in such a way..
We were at his house (one my mind productions of course). The house was very modern, furnished minimally and it was full of light. We were somewhere close to the ocean since I could hear the waves.
I was leaving him (!! Who would leave Colin Farrell anyway?) and he was sad and sort of disappointed. He looked at me in such a way I can't even describe. I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that face in any of his movies or pics, so it must be one of my mind productions. It broke my heart. I just told him that he's too famous and I don't like his "showing off" and I wish he'd go back the way he used to be.
I woke up and was - once again, like - is this planet Earth?
We were at his house (one my mind productions of course). The house was very modern, furnished minimally and it was full of light. We were somewhere close to the ocean since I could hear the waves.
I was leaving him (!! Who would leave Colin Farrell anyway?) and he was sad and sort of disappointed. He looked at me in such a way I can't even describe. I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that face in any of his movies or pics, so it must be one of my mind productions. It broke my heart. I just told him that he's too famous and I don't like his "showing off" and I wish he'd go back the way he used to be.
I woke up and was - once again, like - is this planet Earth?
Thursday
Poor Guy..
"omg.....i think i've found my one true love....*sigh** omg he's so freaking HOTTTTT!"
I read this hearbreaking line in a comment for this video on You Tube. I was searching for the annoying Nanny (I don't remember her name) series and I wound up with this one (having Chris Evans on it)
Poor Chris Evans. I wonder how many love letters he receives. And how many he actually answers to. Why do these girls spend time dreaming of him? Don't they know he farts and burbs just like anyone? Don't they know that he dated Jessica Biel? Only one of 1000 of his fans (or less) would measure up to Jessica Biel.
It's funny how the fan stuff comes around.. thinking they know someone from reading stuff on the Internet or seeing some interviews. How can one be IN LOVE with someone they have never met? I know that a good looking guy might cause some day dreaming, but not love, I'm sure.
I have never been a real fan type though I used to pretend being fan because my friends were. I never had the droolers for NKOTB. I claimed to be a Tom Cruise fan, but I never really liked him but I knew a boy that had a crush on me hated him... I have had countless dreams of Ewan McGregor and Jensen Ackles, but I couldn't care a bite if they were standing next to me in line (because I'd be out of my league ;))
I used to be a X-Files fan, does that count?
I read this hearbreaking line in a comment for this video on You Tube. I was searching for the annoying Nanny (I don't remember her name) series and I wound up with this one (having Chris Evans on it)
Poor Chris Evans. I wonder how many love letters he receives. And how many he actually answers to. Why do these girls spend time dreaming of him? Don't they know he farts and burbs just like anyone? Don't they know that he dated Jessica Biel? Only one of 1000 of his fans (or less) would measure up to Jessica Biel.
It's funny how the fan stuff comes around.. thinking they know someone from reading stuff on the Internet or seeing some interviews. How can one be IN LOVE with someone they have never met? I know that a good looking guy might cause some day dreaming, but not love, I'm sure.
I have never been a real fan type though I used to pretend being fan because my friends were. I never had the droolers for NKOTB. I claimed to be a Tom Cruise fan, but I never really liked him but I knew a boy that had a crush on me hated him... I have had countless dreams of Ewan McGregor and Jensen Ackles, but I couldn't care a bite if they were standing next to me in line (because I'd be out of my league ;))
I used to be a X-Files fan, does that count?
Friday
Someone I don't know
A dream:
I was trying to call J, but a trainee answered his phone and introduced himself as someone I hadn't heard of earlier. He told me he doesn't know where J is - and the rest of the dream I have already forgotten.
A few days before J had told me they had two new trainees but he couldn't remember their names.
The next day he told me the trainee's name is really Joni.
Funny, eh?
I was trying to call J, but a trainee answered his phone and introduced himself as someone I hadn't heard of earlier. He told me he doesn't know where J is - and the rest of the dream I have already forgotten.
A few days before J had told me they had two new trainees but he couldn't remember their names.
The next day he told me the trainee's name is really Joni.
Funny, eh?
Thursday
My Dreams
I deleted my dream blog so I decided to put them up here and from now on, my dreams will be on this one..
Incoherent
I exploded a few schools,
then ran away.
But I chose to hide in a hotel room in a basement of an apartment building.
My "co-workers" just happened to be there.
Two people can - obviously - hide well in a sideboard.
Big cars outside.
Kiss
He kissed me in my dreams.
Just the way I like to get kissed.
How did he know?
Fish
I'm driving on a highway. I'm right behind a truck and I see some sedans in front of me. They're driving really fast. Everything is in hue (almost all of my dreams are in hue), the grass is too green and bright to my eyes. The sky is bluer than ever.
I'm happy in my thoughts. I've just visited a guy I'm secretly dating (in this dream, not in real life). I let my thoughts linger in that kiss he gave me just when I was leaving. I love his eyes.
The sky is actually as blue as his eyes.
Suddenly I'm driving all alone on that road. The truck has vanished.
I see a biker. He's drunk. Or there's two of them on that bike, I don't know for sure.
I put the breaks on, and in that millisecond I have time, I manage to avoid hitting the biker. After I've gone pass him, I look in the rearwiew mirror and see him/them falling.
I stop my car, take a safety vest from the glove compartment, put it on as I run to check if they are okay, calling the ambulance.
The ambulance gets there before me. They are treating the two men. I can't see because they're surrounded by the paramedics. I think the other one was decapitated.
When they give up, I get to see them.
It's two fish.
The other is like a normal fish, but the other one is almost chrome white with light blue patterns on its side.
It has the same customization I did in Need For Speed: Carbon yesterday.
And I wake up. Laughing.
The Dream Guy
My dream guy returned..
A beautiful guy.
The bluest eyes I've ever seen.. I'm sure they look turquoise when he's by the sea. And when it's winter and it's snowing, they are grey.
He is so beautiful. Why is he with me? He's an angel and I'm the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Dark, long hair.
He takes a quitar.
"Close your eyes", he says.
I close my eyes and he starts playing.
Then he sings.
He hits the notes perfectly.
I open my eyes and he looks at me with so much love in his eyes.
And I wake up..
In the hospital
I'm in a hospital with my mother. We're sitting in a lounge, waiting for my turn. I'm nervous, I don't like doctors.
Suddenly I remember I'm not supposed to be on this ward, I have to be somewhere else. I know I'm late so I'm going to lie that I haven't been called in. I walk a wide corridor and look around. Everything is very modern and stylish. This looks like an expensive hospital.
I go to the nurses station and ask for my doctor and say I wasn't called in and pretend to be humble by asking "have I got the wrong time". The nurse apologizes and guides me to the doctors room.
It's a surprise, it's another doctor than usually. This one is handsome, in a quirky way. His room is weird, more like an office than an examination room. It's dark and it has windows on all the walls and blinds.
It looks like a CSI Las Vegas lab...
We start talking, I tell him about my asthma and how I've needed the medicine more often than lately. He says "It could come back, let me listen to your lungs." He asks me to take my shirt off, in more flirtatious voice than professional. I look at him and see he's interested, so I go to the blinds and start closing them. I say: "This is what they do in E.R, too", and I smile. He smiles back.
I wake up for a short moment to turn the alarm off. I want to finish this dream.
I'm back in his room. I have been having tests done on me and it's morning already. I don't know what has happened to me and him, but he's flirting openly. I show him my leg that has a bug bite on it, but he isn't interested of it. Instead he wants to keep touching my leg.
Then I remember my mum. I had forgotten her in the waiting area. I run to seek for her, but she is nowhere to be found. An old man turns to me on his seat and says "Hey, you haven't been kidnapped from the ladies room after all!"
I take my cell phone, but the battery is off. I go to my doctor and say I got to go find my mum. He has almost an evil grin on his face when he tells me to go. I'm a bit scared so I run to the halls and end up somewhere that looks like an ultra-modern vault. I start crying. A nice guard comes to me and asks me if I'm okay. I explain my situation and he feels sorry for me, so he lets me into his room that has many chargers there. I can't figure out which one to put in despite that I remember what is needed. They are labelled and I have to read all the labels to find the right one. Once I find one, I plug it in and start reading a magazine I've found in my bag. It's named "Romantic Storyline" and it has romantic, cheesy novels in it. I don't want to read it, though, so I toss it back in my bag and take my phone in my hand
... and the alarm rings again..
The nice thing in this dream is that I watched it twice in a row. Between the dreams I remember waking up, and saying "I want to see THAT dream again". So I did. But the second time it was changed a bit. I liked the first - the romantic one better..
Another Cabin dream
I'm in a cabin with three handsome guys and a girl. She's my best friend. We have no relationship with the guys, but I know I'm going to hit it out with someone. These guys used to be in the army with me. We were assigned to a place somewhere in the Americas, on a mission that involved some very creepy characters, such as this huge alligator that was able to come through solid metal bars..
We're outside the cabin, it's winter. Not cold, though.
We're all wearing parkas and really enjoying the outside weather.
It's getting dark.
Snow on the ground..
Pine trees. I look around and listen to the others laughing.
A Amtrack train going by almost without sound.
"That's creepy", I say. "Almost without sound."
They look at the train as it passes by, almost hovering, making a humming sound
I think: "In Finland, that train would make a lot more noise."
Finland?
I wake up.
Housewarez
I think I'm in a mall. A huge, almost empty mall with white everything. I'm outside a store called Housewarez. I see some salespeople there and decide to enter although I know what will happen. As I walk, I have to be careful, there are traps. I am able to avoid all the traps once again, but I'm sure not everyone can avoid them. I see a group of three come in: two young (handsome) men and one young woman. I hear one of the young guys answering a saleswoman's question. He says "I'm very good with peaches" and he winks her.
They succesfully avoid the first three traps, but now they are moved into something different. All three of them lay down on a test bed and suddenly the bed turns around, slowly. I go peek and there's a long drop to pitch black. Somehow I like it. They're going to fall to pikes or something, I'm sure. But instead they float slowly and end up on their feet to a something that appears to be straight out of a puzzle game. They have metallic, huge letters that they have to put in order. One of the guys figures out the word and moves the letters to form a word "carnivalium".
The second task is something weird. There are a lot of fruits lined up. I recognise most of them, but they don't. The other guy asks the one who claimed to be good with peaches: "Didn't you know everything about peaches?" He answers with a shrug. The third task is another word-order thing, but I don't care about that.
I have gotten a thought in my head. What if someone doesn't make it out of the traps? Do they die. I go outside through the walls to the blinding bright morning. I look through the windows, if I can see something. I notice that the guys and the girl have gotten out and are walking right below somewhere. They decide to find out what happens to the ones who don't get out.. They are looking through the windows too. I'm the only one who can get that high, so I peek to the employees' lounge and I see a fridge.
I know. That's what happens.
And that's what happened to me. That's why I'm floating.
... and I wake up in sweat.
The Cabin
I'm in a cabin with an older man. I think his name is Michael. His hair is short and almost black and his eyes are piercing blue. We kiss and hug. I haven't told him anything about J, he thinks I'm single. J on the other hand thinks I'm in the cabin just relaxing.
I get a text message. J is coming. I panic. I have to get Michael out, so I sent him to the meadow close by - to pick daisies.
J comes and he's all lovey-dovey. I just want to get rid of him. I'm trying to find my phone to warn michael that my ex has come and he has to pretend he's a mate of my stepfather and here just visiting with his son (who I claim to be a brat). I can't find my phone. Soon Michael returns and I open the door to him. I hope that J doesn't remember me lying about his son, because he returns with a pretty petite blonde, whom I know from somewhere I can't recall. I introduce them heavily emphasizing some words and winking my eye to Michael. He doesn't wink back but I think he gets it.
Suddenly there's a lot of people coming into the cabin. I don't really know anyone, so I want to get some peace and quiet. We go out and I hear a strong current running somewhere. I get exited, but it's just a water drain.
The forest is so beautiful and green, but the only thing I can think of is how to clear this mess I've made.
Falling Leaves
I'm walking on a path. It's the path that I used to take when going home from school. It is a bright cold fall and the leaves all falling. They are bright yellow.
I see a friend of mine coming towards me. He stops me and kisses me.
And I wake up...
Ireland
An old house, an Irish one.
I'm standing on the lawn, looking at the people passing by. Some of them are dressed up in victorian peasant style, some of them are dressed modern, some of them clown suits. They are all of different age and sex.
I'm dressed up in a long dress, it's emerald green and made of silk. My hair is bright red and it's made very nicely. I feel so pretty.
Here comes a man, he's shorter than I, but I don't care. I love to see him and feel myself instantly at ease. He tells me to hurry or the bus will leave me. But I don't want to go.
I look at the ocean. The day is rainy, so everything is a bit grey. The waves hit the stones.
I want to marry this short man.
Ewan
Yet another addition to my ever-repeating Ewan dreams..
Somehow I have ended up to Cambridge university. Everyone is minding their own business, just walking around. It's a beautiful, sunny early summer's day. I'm walking to a huge red-tiled building. The building has huge windows and doors, but it's the most beautiful I've ever seen. I take a deep breath and head to the main entrance.
I have to stop. It's Ewan. Why is he here and not filming somewhere? Oh right. I forgot (how did I even know it), he's here because he's tutoring some aspiring artists here. I know I shouldn't, he loves his wife. I love him despite I've never met him before and I know he loves me. I feel his need to talk to me, I can see it in his face and it almost crushes me.
It's heartbreaking. It hurts.
Suddenly everything is in hue. I only see the brick walls, the water somewhere, the green of the trees. I can hear distant talking and the wind playing in the leaves.
Ewan is somewhere close to me. I can't see him, but I can hear his words. He's been looking for me, because he has something important to tell me. He keeps talking but I can't listen. I'm so full of the love he gives that I'm hurting.
I wake up mumbling these words: "Ewan, Ewan, how can I get to him, to let him tell me.."
Sometimes my dreams won't "let go" and I stay in the dream's mood the rest of the day. This is going to be one of those days.
Two dreams
I meet up with my old fling, a guy who I had a crush on for many years.
He's even hotter than what he used to be, but he still can't keep his mouth closed. I don't like men who walk around with their loose jaw.
He talks to me.
How soft can his voice be?
He asks me if I have been okay and leans closer. He almost kisses me. I can feel his lips so close to mine, but they barely touch.
He is a bad kisser in real life. Like kissing a steak.
Now I know he's a good kisser and I want him to kiss me so badly. He wants it too, I can feel the sparkles between us. But he won't.
He loves me. He doesn't say it but I feel it with every single bone in me. He asks me and I tell him that I have loved him every day since we met the first time. He's happy.
It's hot in here. And red. Orange.
I hear a bird singing. I go to the window, look outside.
There's a war. Everybody's running.
I'm not sure if this is a part of the same dream because:
I go out of a british row-house.
I have a shotgun in my hand. A pump action one.
I am hunting zombies again.
Everything is sterile, allium and other metals. Except the walls, they are dark red tile. And the asphalt. Everything is so clean. No rubbish on the streets...
The zombies look vicious: bloodshot eyes, grey skin, their clothes are neat - however. I think I know some of them, but I keep shooting as they try to attack. They are too slow, they can't run. I'm happy as I remember playing a PC game with zombies that were able to run.
I really did play that game.
A child zombie, it used to be a nine-or-so -year old boy. It crawls on the floor and tries to get under me so it can bite. I shoot. Empty gun. No rounds left in my pockets. Shit..
I have acid in a spray bottle. That keeps them away while I try to find another gun. I find a Winchester rifle (how the hell do I know what gun it is..). It's no use, because I don't have time to aim. I need another shotgun. There are weapons all over but no shotguns. I need an UMP. At least an UMP, I say and keep running. I hear gunshots, then alarm.
And I wake up to my alarm clock.
The Longest Dream
I met my senior high schoold best friend, Kirsten again.
My father comes and picks me up with his BMW z3. I't dark grey. He's so young and handsome. I look down and I see the kind of clothes teenagers use these days.
I'm having a dream, I realize. My father is really old, I don't use those ridiculous clothes and my father is supposedly poor. This must have something to do with my Sims, since I buy that car to my sims often. Let's keep on looking.
We start talking and my father insists that I do as he tells me. I'm not going to do it, I tell him and then we argue. I start screaming and telling him to pull over. I'm not coming home! Let me out of the car or I'll jump! I open the door and act as if I'm jumping off. I won't, really. He's driving really fast and I know I'm going to break my legs if I jump. He pulls over. He's not worried, though - and not angry anymore.
He pulls over in front of a tall apartment building. It must have at least 40 floors. I go in.
An ambulance passes by. I wake up for a second. Hmm, where was I?
My friend, Kirsten comes and opens the door. She looks exactly the way she was when I saw her the last time. So young.
She lets me in and I ask if it is okay for me to stay there for awhile. Yes, her parents want to meet me. She leads me through a pink hall to the livingroom, where there are at least four adults sitting, I wave my hands and feel kind of embarassed. I don't like the color of the livingroom: everything is some shade of peach.
I meet her brother. A drop dead gorgeous brother, who's going out. I don't dare look at his face, but I feel as if he's calling me.
Kirsten is the only child.
We go to Kirsten and her brother's room. They share, almost adults. Well, it's not my place to judge. Kirsten tells me to get comfortable, so I do, I go veg on the couch. There is another guy in the room and he's even more handsome than Kirsten's brother. We are introduced. Kirsten tells me his whole name.
I don't remember the name anymore. Note to self: remember names and lottery numbers from now on!
He's flirting with me and I instantly like him. I might actually fall in love with this type of guy. He asks me what kind of music do I like. I tell him that I like electronica, mostly trance.
Which isn't true. I like house music.
He gets excited. He puts on some music and is jamming, when Kirsten interrupts. She doesn't tell it straight, but I get the impression that this guy has a girlfriend.
But it cannot be true! He's calling me so strongly without saying a thing and I want to. But if he has a girlfriend, no chance. I won't meddle with other people's girlfriends. He goes out of the room for awhile and Kirsten tells me to come sit with her.
Where is my shirt and bra? I'm topless and I have to hurry under the blanket she's offering. What the hell? I look outside. There are kids there, playing live action role play. But we're on the top floor. I can see a couple of wild west dudes having a duel. Then a kid comes and knocks on the window. He says a word and I don't understand. He's asking for something. I wrap myself in the blanket and walk to the box he's pointing at. There is a lot of stuff.
Kirsten takes a tissue from the box and hands it to the boy. She grins. They paid, so they get what they want. Mmmkay, I say and wonder what the hell is going on.
The guy ain't coming back. Kristen drops hints of a girlfriend. We get back to the couch and I look at the side table. There's a bank statement there. It's Kirstens and it states, that she owns one part of a company and she has a million on her account. I'm so jealous. And wonder why they live in a place like this with so much money in their hands. I don't ask.
I woke up, feeling so depressed. I need that money.
Got Ditched
I got ditched in my dream:
We have a woman visiting our house when I'm coming home. I notice she is very pretty and I'm jealous. I practically throw her out, screaming and threatening her life.
All the walls are black. The door is blue. Our house has a lot of rooms.
J is angry. Furious.
I ask: What can she do for you I haven't done for you?!
J starts to yell: She will never say bad things to me and you have never made me laugh!
I listen to him ramble and then it hits me: This isn't true. It's not like that, he was laughing with me yesterday.
And I woke up.
Fat, Mean Woman
I work at the K-mart.
I'm not sure what my job is and I'm just checking the places, putting the coffee maker on, checking the worker's lounge, seeing if any customers need help.
I see a photographer and look to my co-worker who says, no cameras. I go to get him and he denies he has a camera. I insist him to show it and it appears he has a light meter. I get interestesd, I tell him I used to do photography and I'd like to test it. He agrees, smilingly. I notice he looks like my father. I take the apparatus in my hand as if was a gun, laugh and pretend I'm shooting my co-worker. She laughs. I give the light meter back to the guy and go see what's the problem with a very large punjabi woman.
I ask her what's the problem, she accuses me of denying something. I don't know what she's talking about since I'm new at the job and I've never seen her. I try to be polite, but she's very offensive. She keeps on blaming my and two of my co-workers come to the rescue. To witness. I'm trying to be polite, but she's getting on my nerves as she starts to raise her voice. I guide her to the workers lounge to cool of but there she starts the circus: she starts screaming and throwing insults and I'm gettin more baffled. I just try to say I'm calling the manager to come and solve her problem, since I can't obviosly help her. Then I said: In America I'd obviosly be fired right after an incident like this. Not here, luckily, here customers need to use their brain too. The woman fled off and me and my co-workers were sitting there laughing, watching the other customers through a one-way glass.
The punjabi woman came back, this time with a little black dog, maybe a bulldog. I let her in to the workers lounge and then the dog attacks me. It doesn't hit skin, but I lie to my co-workers and ask them to call 112. I feel the dogs teeth on my skin, but they are not going in. I don't take him off, but keep asking the woman why she is going this. She laughs like a maniac and says "You calling the police, why?". I tell her that she is disturbing me and that I don't care if I get fired, customers like her are not why I'm working here. The dog has a diarrhoea and I feel sorry for it for awhile, then I start shaking it off my leg.
I woke up laughing. I've never worked in a market, not on sales anywhere and I have a dream like this..
"When I was going up the stairs, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today, I wish, I wish he'd go away. "
Incoherent dream this time..
* Anna-Nicole, wearing a black, stylish (!!) cocktail dress. Feeling fat, but not fat
* In a contest of somekind..
* A mean woman, a rival. Very beautiful. Only her vicious look makes her seem not so pretty
* A guy more handsome than anyone
* A cruise ship
* Candlelight everywhere
* Nightfall
* A lighthouse somewhere in the distance?
* A steam room, someone sitting there
* Trying to put potato chip bags down the toilet
* Toilet flooding
* Taking the bags out
* Panic
* Water disappears
* Relief
And I wake up.
Playing
A short night, badly slept, can't remember the dream.
I have been playing Travian - a browser game. My dream was about that. I have a Gaul village and I got attacked by a huge army of another player. They had a little problem though, my walls didn't give in, so I ended up laughing at the Roman army. They were trying so hard, but they just bounced off the walls and were like WTF?
Colors: Travian game colors.
I'm not sure if it was another dream, but I clearly remember getting some (5?) numbers on the phone. The problem is, however, I don't remember them all. The numbers I'm sure about are 22 and 6. This week's lottery numbers?
Confusion
Sometimes it's hard to remember your dreams. Like today.
I remember the confusion. And the drop dead gorgeous guy. And the overwhelming love (I wish I'd experience IRL too) and the colors in hue.
Maid
I lived back in the 17th century.
Was a maid and the young master was giving me very hard time. I did everything he ever came to think, but it still wasn't enough, he was cruel and unusual in every way. His friend was the only one who thought of me and sometimes kept me from getting a beating. In the end the master finally came out as a loving person with bad parents breathing down on his neck - and he wanted to marry me. We went through a lot of things (like going over a breaking dam), but in the end he got the permission to marry me.
When I walked down the aisle with him, I looked at his friend and realized it was him who I had loved all the time.
The colors: Very gothic, dark, dark red, grey
The surroundings: Dark tan stone walls, arches, paintings, stained glass, heavy furniture, dark wood, the water (in the dam) was very clear and the current was very strong..
Feelings: fear, love, intimacy
Zombies & Ice hockey
The disease spread thru drinking water.
No one came to think that the water they drank could be the reason, so the ones who stayed healthy drank only bottled water. It didn't infect when tap water was used to cooking (boiling).
I was among the people who survived and had to be among the ones who started to kill these zombies. The only problem was that they had to be shot twice, so I was low on ammo. I had one shotgun, one MP5SD and one UMP. My team consisted of my junior high school mates (not friends - IRL most of them I hated). We had to pack some food.
We started in a place where there was a black panther whom I got scared at first. But then I saw my teammates feed it, so I fed it my carrots. I wanted to give it meat, but I thought it would make it start craving for human meat as well.
After shooting some zombs I came to this stadium, where were all the rest of the ones who weren't drinking tap water, watching a four team ice hockey game. I knew everyone playing and they knew me. Their physical weight was displayed on the score board and I was, like, shit, all these players weight less than me.
The colors: Much like half-life 2
The surroundings: Sewer, halls
Feelings: Fear, excitement, disappointment
Planting Oak Trees
It was a big park next to a huge cathedral, somewhere outside this country, but somewhere it gets snowy in the winter. It was a cloudy afternoon. I went through the iron fence, closed it behind me and made sure it was closed. The park was fenced with large smooth stones and it mainly grew pine trees. There were a lot of big squirrels, they were friendly and watching me all the time. There were some people, women. I don't remember who they were or what they were saying, but I'm pretty sure they were people I once knew. I was walking there, looking at the church. The day got colder and it started snowing, very slowly. I noticed I was holding an oak tree seedling. I didn't want to plant it because it was so cold and the wind was going very brisky. But I knew it had to start growing someday, so I planted it. I had trouble digging a hole to the ground because I had nothing but my hands to use, but I made a very deep hole, then put it there. I buried it too deep, but I knew it would have time to get through the soil until it was time for it to grow.
The colors: Everything was grey, shaded grey, even the green had some grey in it.
The surroundings: Large yard, river stones, cathedral, tall trees
Feelings: hope, familiarity, like I'd been there before
Incoherent
I exploded a few schools,
then ran away.
But I chose to hide in a hotel room in a basement of an apartment building.
My "co-workers" just happened to be there.
Two people can - obviously - hide well in a sideboard.
Big cars outside.
Kiss
He kissed me in my dreams.
Just the way I like to get kissed.
How did he know?
Fish
I'm driving on a highway. I'm right behind a truck and I see some sedans in front of me. They're driving really fast. Everything is in hue (almost all of my dreams are in hue), the grass is too green and bright to my eyes. The sky is bluer than ever.
I'm happy in my thoughts. I've just visited a guy I'm secretly dating (in this dream, not in real life). I let my thoughts linger in that kiss he gave me just when I was leaving. I love his eyes.
The sky is actually as blue as his eyes.
Suddenly I'm driving all alone on that road. The truck has vanished.
I see a biker. He's drunk. Or there's two of them on that bike, I don't know for sure.
I put the breaks on, and in that millisecond I have time, I manage to avoid hitting the biker. After I've gone pass him, I look in the rearwiew mirror and see him/them falling.
I stop my car, take a safety vest from the glove compartment, put it on as I run to check if they are okay, calling the ambulance.
The ambulance gets there before me. They are treating the two men. I can't see because they're surrounded by the paramedics. I think the other one was decapitated.
When they give up, I get to see them.
It's two fish.
The other is like a normal fish, but the other one is almost chrome white with light blue patterns on its side.
It has the same customization I did in Need For Speed: Carbon yesterday.
And I wake up. Laughing.
The Dream Guy
My dream guy returned..
A beautiful guy.
The bluest eyes I've ever seen.. I'm sure they look turquoise when he's by the sea. And when it's winter and it's snowing, they are grey.
He is so beautiful. Why is he with me? He's an angel and I'm the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Dark, long hair.
He takes a quitar.
"Close your eyes", he says.
I close my eyes and he starts playing.
Then he sings.
He hits the notes perfectly.
I open my eyes and he looks at me with so much love in his eyes.
And I wake up..
In the hospital
I'm in a hospital with my mother. We're sitting in a lounge, waiting for my turn. I'm nervous, I don't like doctors.
Suddenly I remember I'm not supposed to be on this ward, I have to be somewhere else. I know I'm late so I'm going to lie that I haven't been called in. I walk a wide corridor and look around. Everything is very modern and stylish. This looks like an expensive hospital.
I go to the nurses station and ask for my doctor and say I wasn't called in and pretend to be humble by asking "have I got the wrong time". The nurse apologizes and guides me to the doctors room.
It's a surprise, it's another doctor than usually. This one is handsome, in a quirky way. His room is weird, more like an office than an examination room. It's dark and it has windows on all the walls and blinds.
It looks like a CSI Las Vegas lab...
We start talking, I tell him about my asthma and how I've needed the medicine more often than lately. He says "It could come back, let me listen to your lungs." He asks me to take my shirt off, in more flirtatious voice than professional. I look at him and see he's interested, so I go to the blinds and start closing them. I say: "This is what they do in E.R, too", and I smile. He smiles back.
I wake up for a short moment to turn the alarm off. I want to finish this dream.
I'm back in his room. I have been having tests done on me and it's morning already. I don't know what has happened to me and him, but he's flirting openly. I show him my leg that has a bug bite on it, but he isn't interested of it. Instead he wants to keep touching my leg.
Then I remember my mum. I had forgotten her in the waiting area. I run to seek for her, but she is nowhere to be found. An old man turns to me on his seat and says "Hey, you haven't been kidnapped from the ladies room after all!"
I take my cell phone, but the battery is off. I go to my doctor and say I got to go find my mum. He has almost an evil grin on his face when he tells me to go. I'm a bit scared so I run to the halls and end up somewhere that looks like an ultra-modern vault. I start crying. A nice guard comes to me and asks me if I'm okay. I explain my situation and he feels sorry for me, so he lets me into his room that has many chargers there. I can't figure out which one to put in despite that I remember what is needed. They are labelled and I have to read all the labels to find the right one. Once I find one, I plug it in and start reading a magazine I've found in my bag. It's named "Romantic Storyline" and it has romantic, cheesy novels in it. I don't want to read it, though, so I toss it back in my bag and take my phone in my hand
... and the alarm rings again..
The nice thing in this dream is that I watched it twice in a row. Between the dreams I remember waking up, and saying "I want to see THAT dream again". So I did. But the second time it was changed a bit. I liked the first - the romantic one better..
Another Cabin dream
I'm in a cabin with three handsome guys and a girl. She's my best friend. We have no relationship with the guys, but I know I'm going to hit it out with someone. These guys used to be in the army with me. We were assigned to a place somewhere in the Americas, on a mission that involved some very creepy characters, such as this huge alligator that was able to come through solid metal bars..
We're outside the cabin, it's winter. Not cold, though.
We're all wearing parkas and really enjoying the outside weather.
It's getting dark.
Snow on the ground..
Pine trees. I look around and listen to the others laughing.
A Amtrack train going by almost without sound.
"That's creepy", I say. "Almost without sound."
They look at the train as it passes by, almost hovering, making a humming sound
I think: "In Finland, that train would make a lot more noise."
Finland?
I wake up.
Housewarez
I think I'm in a mall. A huge, almost empty mall with white everything. I'm outside a store called Housewarez. I see some salespeople there and decide to enter although I know what will happen. As I walk, I have to be careful, there are traps. I am able to avoid all the traps once again, but I'm sure not everyone can avoid them. I see a group of three come in: two young (handsome) men and one young woman. I hear one of the young guys answering a saleswoman's question. He says "I'm very good with peaches" and he winks her.
They succesfully avoid the first three traps, but now they are moved into something different. All three of them lay down on a test bed and suddenly the bed turns around, slowly. I go peek and there's a long drop to pitch black. Somehow I like it. They're going to fall to pikes or something, I'm sure. But instead they float slowly and end up on their feet to a something that appears to be straight out of a puzzle game. They have metallic, huge letters that they have to put in order. One of the guys figures out the word and moves the letters to form a word "carnivalium".
The second task is something weird. There are a lot of fruits lined up. I recognise most of them, but they don't. The other guy asks the one who claimed to be good with peaches: "Didn't you know everything about peaches?" He answers with a shrug. The third task is another word-order thing, but I don't care about that.
I have gotten a thought in my head. What if someone doesn't make it out of the traps? Do they die. I go outside through the walls to the blinding bright morning. I look through the windows, if I can see something. I notice that the guys and the girl have gotten out and are walking right below somewhere. They decide to find out what happens to the ones who don't get out.. They are looking through the windows too. I'm the only one who can get that high, so I peek to the employees' lounge and I see a fridge.
I know. That's what happens.
And that's what happened to me. That's why I'm floating.
... and I wake up in sweat.
The Cabin
I'm in a cabin with an older man. I think his name is Michael. His hair is short and almost black and his eyes are piercing blue. We kiss and hug. I haven't told him anything about J, he thinks I'm single. J on the other hand thinks I'm in the cabin just relaxing.
I get a text message. J is coming. I panic. I have to get Michael out, so I sent him to the meadow close by - to pick daisies.
J comes and he's all lovey-dovey. I just want to get rid of him. I'm trying to find my phone to warn michael that my ex has come and he has to pretend he's a mate of my stepfather and here just visiting with his son (who I claim to be a brat). I can't find my phone. Soon Michael returns and I open the door to him. I hope that J doesn't remember me lying about his son, because he returns with a pretty petite blonde, whom I know from somewhere I can't recall. I introduce them heavily emphasizing some words and winking my eye to Michael. He doesn't wink back but I think he gets it.
Suddenly there's a lot of people coming into the cabin. I don't really know anyone, so I want to get some peace and quiet. We go out and I hear a strong current running somewhere. I get exited, but it's just a water drain.
The forest is so beautiful and green, but the only thing I can think of is how to clear this mess I've made.
Falling Leaves
I'm walking on a path. It's the path that I used to take when going home from school. It is a bright cold fall and the leaves all falling. They are bright yellow.
I see a friend of mine coming towards me. He stops me and kisses me.
And I wake up...
Ireland
An old house, an Irish one.
I'm standing on the lawn, looking at the people passing by. Some of them are dressed up in victorian peasant style, some of them are dressed modern, some of them clown suits. They are all of different age and sex.
I'm dressed up in a long dress, it's emerald green and made of silk. My hair is bright red and it's made very nicely. I feel so pretty.
Here comes a man, he's shorter than I, but I don't care. I love to see him and feel myself instantly at ease. He tells me to hurry or the bus will leave me. But I don't want to go.
I look at the ocean. The day is rainy, so everything is a bit grey. The waves hit the stones.
I want to marry this short man.
Ewan
Yet another addition to my ever-repeating Ewan dreams..
Somehow I have ended up to Cambridge university. Everyone is minding their own business, just walking around. It's a beautiful, sunny early summer's day. I'm walking to a huge red-tiled building. The building has huge windows and doors, but it's the most beautiful I've ever seen. I take a deep breath and head to the main entrance.
I have to stop. It's Ewan. Why is he here and not filming somewhere? Oh right. I forgot (how did I even know it), he's here because he's tutoring some aspiring artists here. I know I shouldn't, he loves his wife. I love him despite I've never met him before and I know he loves me. I feel his need to talk to me, I can see it in his face and it almost crushes me.
It's heartbreaking. It hurts.
Suddenly everything is in hue. I only see the brick walls, the water somewhere, the green of the trees. I can hear distant talking and the wind playing in the leaves.
Ewan is somewhere close to me. I can't see him, but I can hear his words. He's been looking for me, because he has something important to tell me. He keeps talking but I can't listen. I'm so full of the love he gives that I'm hurting.
I wake up mumbling these words: "Ewan, Ewan, how can I get to him, to let him tell me.."
Sometimes my dreams won't "let go" and I stay in the dream's mood the rest of the day. This is going to be one of those days.
Two dreams
I meet up with my old fling, a guy who I had a crush on for many years.
He's even hotter than what he used to be, but he still can't keep his mouth closed. I don't like men who walk around with their loose jaw.
He talks to me.
How soft can his voice be?
He asks me if I have been okay and leans closer. He almost kisses me. I can feel his lips so close to mine, but they barely touch.
He is a bad kisser in real life. Like kissing a steak.
Now I know he's a good kisser and I want him to kiss me so badly. He wants it too, I can feel the sparkles between us. But he won't.
He loves me. He doesn't say it but I feel it with every single bone in me. He asks me and I tell him that I have loved him every day since we met the first time. He's happy.
It's hot in here. And red. Orange.
I hear a bird singing. I go to the window, look outside.
There's a war. Everybody's running.
I'm not sure if this is a part of the same dream because:
I go out of a british row-house.
I have a shotgun in my hand. A pump action one.
I am hunting zombies again.
Everything is sterile, allium and other metals. Except the walls, they are dark red tile. And the asphalt. Everything is so clean. No rubbish on the streets...
The zombies look vicious: bloodshot eyes, grey skin, their clothes are neat - however. I think I know some of them, but I keep shooting as they try to attack. They are too slow, they can't run. I'm happy as I remember playing a PC game with zombies that were able to run.
I really did play that game.
A child zombie, it used to be a nine-or-so -year old boy. It crawls on the floor and tries to get under me so it can bite. I shoot. Empty gun. No rounds left in my pockets. Shit..
I have acid in a spray bottle. That keeps them away while I try to find another gun. I find a Winchester rifle (how the hell do I know what gun it is..). It's no use, because I don't have time to aim. I need another shotgun. There are weapons all over but no shotguns. I need an UMP. At least an UMP, I say and keep running. I hear gunshots, then alarm.
And I wake up to my alarm clock.
The Longest Dream
I met my senior high schoold best friend, Kirsten again.
My father comes and picks me up with his BMW z3. I't dark grey. He's so young and handsome. I look down and I see the kind of clothes teenagers use these days.
I'm having a dream, I realize. My father is really old, I don't use those ridiculous clothes and my father is supposedly poor. This must have something to do with my Sims, since I buy that car to my sims often. Let's keep on looking.
We start talking and my father insists that I do as he tells me. I'm not going to do it, I tell him and then we argue. I start screaming and telling him to pull over. I'm not coming home! Let me out of the car or I'll jump! I open the door and act as if I'm jumping off. I won't, really. He's driving really fast and I know I'm going to break my legs if I jump. He pulls over. He's not worried, though - and not angry anymore.
He pulls over in front of a tall apartment building. It must have at least 40 floors. I go in.
An ambulance passes by. I wake up for a second. Hmm, where was I?
My friend, Kirsten comes and opens the door. She looks exactly the way she was when I saw her the last time. So young.
She lets me in and I ask if it is okay for me to stay there for awhile. Yes, her parents want to meet me. She leads me through a pink hall to the livingroom, where there are at least four adults sitting, I wave my hands and feel kind of embarassed. I don't like the color of the livingroom: everything is some shade of peach.
I meet her brother. A drop dead gorgeous brother, who's going out. I don't dare look at his face, but I feel as if he's calling me.
Kirsten is the only child.
We go to Kirsten and her brother's room. They share, almost adults. Well, it's not my place to judge. Kirsten tells me to get comfortable, so I do, I go veg on the couch. There is another guy in the room and he's even more handsome than Kirsten's brother. We are introduced. Kirsten tells me his whole name.
I don't remember the name anymore. Note to self: remember names and lottery numbers from now on!
He's flirting with me and I instantly like him. I might actually fall in love with this type of guy. He asks me what kind of music do I like. I tell him that I like electronica, mostly trance.
Which isn't true. I like house music.
He gets excited. He puts on some music and is jamming, when Kirsten interrupts. She doesn't tell it straight, but I get the impression that this guy has a girlfriend.
But it cannot be true! He's calling me so strongly without saying a thing and I want to. But if he has a girlfriend, no chance. I won't meddle with other people's girlfriends. He goes out of the room for awhile and Kirsten tells me to come sit with her.
Where is my shirt and bra? I'm topless and I have to hurry under the blanket she's offering. What the hell? I look outside. There are kids there, playing live action role play. But we're on the top floor. I can see a couple of wild west dudes having a duel. Then a kid comes and knocks on the window. He says a word and I don't understand. He's asking for something. I wrap myself in the blanket and walk to the box he's pointing at. There is a lot of stuff.
Kirsten takes a tissue from the box and hands it to the boy. She grins. They paid, so they get what they want. Mmmkay, I say and wonder what the hell is going on.
The guy ain't coming back. Kristen drops hints of a girlfriend. We get back to the couch and I look at the side table. There's a bank statement there. It's Kirstens and it states, that she owns one part of a company and she has a million on her account. I'm so jealous. And wonder why they live in a place like this with so much money in their hands. I don't ask.
I woke up, feeling so depressed. I need that money.
Got Ditched
I got ditched in my dream:
We have a woman visiting our house when I'm coming home. I notice she is very pretty and I'm jealous. I practically throw her out, screaming and threatening her life.
All the walls are black. The door is blue. Our house has a lot of rooms.
J is angry. Furious.
I ask: What can she do for you I haven't done for you?!
J starts to yell: She will never say bad things to me and you have never made me laugh!
I listen to him ramble and then it hits me: This isn't true. It's not like that, he was laughing with me yesterday.
And I woke up.
Fat, Mean Woman
I work at the K-mart.
I'm not sure what my job is and I'm just checking the places, putting the coffee maker on, checking the worker's lounge, seeing if any customers need help.
I see a photographer and look to my co-worker who says, no cameras. I go to get him and he denies he has a camera. I insist him to show it and it appears he has a light meter. I get interestesd, I tell him I used to do photography and I'd like to test it. He agrees, smilingly. I notice he looks like my father. I take the apparatus in my hand as if was a gun, laugh and pretend I'm shooting my co-worker. She laughs. I give the light meter back to the guy and go see what's the problem with a very large punjabi woman.
I ask her what's the problem, she accuses me of denying something. I don't know what she's talking about since I'm new at the job and I've never seen her. I try to be polite, but she's very offensive. She keeps on blaming my and two of my co-workers come to the rescue. To witness. I'm trying to be polite, but she's getting on my nerves as she starts to raise her voice. I guide her to the workers lounge to cool of but there she starts the circus: she starts screaming and throwing insults and I'm gettin more baffled. I just try to say I'm calling the manager to come and solve her problem, since I can't obviosly help her. Then I said: In America I'd obviosly be fired right after an incident like this. Not here, luckily, here customers need to use their brain too. The woman fled off and me and my co-workers were sitting there laughing, watching the other customers through a one-way glass.
The punjabi woman came back, this time with a little black dog, maybe a bulldog. I let her in to the workers lounge and then the dog attacks me. It doesn't hit skin, but I lie to my co-workers and ask them to call 112. I feel the dogs teeth on my skin, but they are not going in. I don't take him off, but keep asking the woman why she is going this. She laughs like a maniac and says "You calling the police, why?". I tell her that she is disturbing me and that I don't care if I get fired, customers like her are not why I'm working here. The dog has a diarrhoea and I feel sorry for it for awhile, then I start shaking it off my leg.
I woke up laughing. I've never worked in a market, not on sales anywhere and I have a dream like this..
"When I was going up the stairs, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today, I wish, I wish he'd go away. "
Incoherent dream this time..
* Anna-Nicole, wearing a black, stylish (!!) cocktail dress. Feeling fat, but not fat
* In a contest of somekind..
* A mean woman, a rival. Very beautiful. Only her vicious look makes her seem not so pretty
* A guy more handsome than anyone
* A cruise ship
* Candlelight everywhere
* Nightfall
* A lighthouse somewhere in the distance?
* A steam room, someone sitting there
* Trying to put potato chip bags down the toilet
* Toilet flooding
* Taking the bags out
* Panic
* Water disappears
* Relief
And I wake up.
Playing
A short night, badly slept, can't remember the dream.
I have been playing Travian - a browser game. My dream was about that. I have a Gaul village and I got attacked by a huge army of another player. They had a little problem though, my walls didn't give in, so I ended up laughing at the Roman army. They were trying so hard, but they just bounced off the walls and were like WTF?
Colors: Travian game colors.
I'm not sure if it was another dream, but I clearly remember getting some (5?) numbers on the phone. The problem is, however, I don't remember them all. The numbers I'm sure about are 22 and 6. This week's lottery numbers?
Confusion
Sometimes it's hard to remember your dreams. Like today.
I remember the confusion. And the drop dead gorgeous guy. And the overwhelming love (I wish I'd experience IRL too) and the colors in hue.
Maid
I lived back in the 17th century.
Was a maid and the young master was giving me very hard time. I did everything he ever came to think, but it still wasn't enough, he was cruel and unusual in every way. His friend was the only one who thought of me and sometimes kept me from getting a beating. In the end the master finally came out as a loving person with bad parents breathing down on his neck - and he wanted to marry me. We went through a lot of things (like going over a breaking dam), but in the end he got the permission to marry me.
When I walked down the aisle with him, I looked at his friend and realized it was him who I had loved all the time.
The colors: Very gothic, dark, dark red, grey
The surroundings: Dark tan stone walls, arches, paintings, stained glass, heavy furniture, dark wood, the water (in the dam) was very clear and the current was very strong..
Feelings: fear, love, intimacy
Zombies & Ice hockey
The disease spread thru drinking water.
No one came to think that the water they drank could be the reason, so the ones who stayed healthy drank only bottled water. It didn't infect when tap water was used to cooking (boiling).
I was among the people who survived and had to be among the ones who started to kill these zombies. The only problem was that they had to be shot twice, so I was low on ammo. I had one shotgun, one MP5SD and one UMP. My team consisted of my junior high school mates (not friends - IRL most of them I hated). We had to pack some food.
We started in a place where there was a black panther whom I got scared at first. But then I saw my teammates feed it, so I fed it my carrots. I wanted to give it meat, but I thought it would make it start craving for human meat as well.
After shooting some zombs I came to this stadium, where were all the rest of the ones who weren't drinking tap water, watching a four team ice hockey game. I knew everyone playing and they knew me. Their physical weight was displayed on the score board and I was, like, shit, all these players weight less than me.
The colors: Much like half-life 2
The surroundings: Sewer, halls
Feelings: Fear, excitement, disappointment
Planting Oak Trees
It was a big park next to a huge cathedral, somewhere outside this country, but somewhere it gets snowy in the winter. It was a cloudy afternoon. I went through the iron fence, closed it behind me and made sure it was closed. The park was fenced with large smooth stones and it mainly grew pine trees. There were a lot of big squirrels, they were friendly and watching me all the time. There were some people, women. I don't remember who they were or what they were saying, but I'm pretty sure they were people I once knew. I was walking there, looking at the church. The day got colder and it started snowing, very slowly. I noticed I was holding an oak tree seedling. I didn't want to plant it because it was so cold and the wind was going very brisky. But I knew it had to start growing someday, so I planted it. I had trouble digging a hole to the ground because I had nothing but my hands to use, but I made a very deep hole, then put it there. I buried it too deep, but I knew it would have time to get through the soil until it was time for it to grow.
The colors: Everything was grey, shaded grey, even the green had some grey in it.
The surroundings: Large yard, river stones, cathedral, tall trees
Feelings: hope, familiarity, like I'd been there before
I Want Snow :(
I do not understand why I'm waiting for the snow. The winter here is dark and long and I will probably get sick of the darkness and the coldness before january, but I want it to snow so badly.
My heart broke: I saw a duck boy swimming next to a dead duck girl. The boy tried to lift her head up from under the water and pushing her towards the shore. Then it quacked three times with such a heartbreaking voice my day was ruined. I was late from work that day anyway and I stayed to watch him give up. As the girl ducks body was drifting along the current, the boy stopped quacking. Then it yelled one more time and then went to the others. I wonder if it remembers that girl duck. Or did it really feel sad or was it just me humanizing the event..?
And now to the lighter thoughts of the day:
Imagine a guy so handsome you keep thinking that you must be dreaming - that there cannot be such a guy alive on earth.
Imagine the guy holding a guitar.
Imagine the heavenly blue, big eyes, long lashes and black hair.
Imagine him looking at you as if he was the shyest guy on earth.
Imagine him whispering "Close your eyes".
Hear him singing to you hitting perfect notes.
Now wake up.
My heart broke: I saw a duck boy swimming next to a dead duck girl. The boy tried to lift her head up from under the water and pushing her towards the shore. Then it quacked three times with such a heartbreaking voice my day was ruined. I was late from work that day anyway and I stayed to watch him give up. As the girl ducks body was drifting along the current, the boy stopped quacking. Then it yelled one more time and then went to the others. I wonder if it remembers that girl duck. Or did it really feel sad or was it just me humanizing the event..?
And now to the lighter thoughts of the day:
Imagine a guy so handsome you keep thinking that you must be dreaming - that there cannot be such a guy alive on earth.
Imagine the guy holding a guitar.
Imagine the heavenly blue, big eyes, long lashes and black hair.
Imagine him looking at you as if he was the shyest guy on earth.
Imagine him whispering "Close your eyes".
Hear him singing to you hitting perfect notes.
Now wake up.
Monday
The Night In Hell
If all the bees on earth would die, the humans would follow four years later.
Fate, do you hear me? I swear I'll never take a swing at a bee again. Never.
Now, about my night in hell.
I woke up three times last night.
The first time I woke up to somebody calling my name, my first name, the one I don't use. I thought it was IHQ, but he was snoring his lungs out. But he only calls me by my nickname.
The second time I woke up, was that I just opened my eyes. The light from outside formed a cross on the wall. I was very freaked out and turned the light on. But the third time.. it took me almost two hours to be able to sleep again. I woke up to someone pulling my leg. Really pulling.
First I thought it was J kicking me in his dreams.. But he was facing the other way..It was pulling me outwards, so it wasn't a cramp. It was as if someone would be at the bedpost and pull. I was still really scared when I got to work. And the fact that I actually saw something in our livingroom, made it worse. I turned the TV on to watch good morning finland and then I saw something dark standing right outside the door. I thought it was J who came back to pick up something he forgot. I said hi and it was gone.
...
Fate, do you hear me? I swear I'll never take a swing at a bee again. Never.
Now, about my night in hell.
I woke up three times last night.
The first time I woke up to somebody calling my name, my first name, the one I don't use. I thought it was IHQ, but he was snoring his lungs out. But he only calls me by my nickname.
The second time I woke up, was that I just opened my eyes. The light from outside formed a cross on the wall. I was very freaked out and turned the light on. But the third time.. it took me almost two hours to be able to sleep again. I woke up to someone pulling my leg. Really pulling.
First I thought it was J kicking me in his dreams.. But he was facing the other way..It was pulling me outwards, so it wasn't a cramp. It was as if someone would be at the bedpost and pull. I was still really scared when I got to work. And the fact that I actually saw something in our livingroom, made it worse. I turned the TV on to watch good morning finland and then I saw something dark standing right outside the door. I thought it was J who came back to pick up something he forgot. I said hi and it was gone.
...
Another one..
I have liked this song for quite some time now, though it was published somewhere in 1990. I don't like most of the song, but the first two minutes and these lyrics.
For a person who's had a lot of nightmares and think dreams are valuable, I find these lyrics quite comforting.. I wish someone would sing this to me. I rarely like music that has been made by long haired men, but I might do an exception here:
For a person who's had a lot of nightmares and think dreams are valuable, I find these lyrics quite comforting.. I wish someone would sing this to me. I rarely like music that has been made by long haired men, but I might do an exception here:
Silent Lucidity
Hush now, don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over
... or has it just begun?
There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didn't realize it and you were scared
It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly you hear and see
This magic new dimension
I will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
I will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you
In Silent Lucidity
If you open your mind for me
You won't rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumbling down, and a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn
You're safe from the pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but...
I will be watching over you
I am gonna help to see it through
I will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you...
Thursday
I'm getting old.
I read my old scribblings and noticed, that last year, well all my life until the last few weeks I've been the kind of girl to fall for older men. I mean older - at least ten years.
I have this theory that I'm getting old. Why? Well, I'm checking the young guys.. Such as this little cutie pie, who spent the whole five hours I slept, in my dreams.. And the other cutie pie from the same series (which I still don't like) was another visitor. Though I don't want to talk about THAT part. It's private ;)
This time I had a nice dream about being loved once again. I'm starting to believe my dreams tell me what I don't have. Passionate, desperate, ground shaking love. The one that I've never felt in real life. My mind just replaces the childhood dream guy with these hunks - and it makes me feel WORSE. I have this beautiful, perfect life in dreams and every single morning I wake up to a disappointment. I don't have any of it and my stupid mind plays tricks on me.
I'm so fed up with sleeping, I rather stay awake.. No... I love sleeping, but I hate the waking up -part. I just spent four hours looking for a perfect image of what I have in my dreams, but - of course - couldn't find, since perfection only happens in my dreams.
The pic (once again) is probably copyrighted (since it's a screenshot), sorry, whoever you are.
I have this theory that I'm getting old. Why? Well, I'm checking the young guys.. Such as this little cutie pie, who spent the whole five hours I slept, in my dreams.. And the other cutie pie from the same series (which I still don't like) was another visitor. Though I don't want to talk about THAT part. It's private ;)This time I had a nice dream about being loved once again. I'm starting to believe my dreams tell me what I don't have. Passionate, desperate, ground shaking love. The one that I've never felt in real life. My mind just replaces the childhood dream guy with these hunks - and it makes me feel WORSE. I have this beautiful, perfect life in dreams and every single morning I wake up to a disappointment. I don't have any of it and my stupid mind plays tricks on me.
I'm so fed up with sleeping, I rather stay awake.. No... I love sleeping, but I hate the waking up -part. I just spent four hours looking for a perfect image of what I have in my dreams, but - of course - couldn't find, since perfection only happens in my dreams.
The pic (once again) is probably copyrighted (since it's a screenshot), sorry, whoever you are.
Wednesday
Creepy..
This time it's not unconscious, like with Ewan McGregor, who used to be a regular star in my dreams even though I only liked to watch his movies. I don't really think Ewan's that handsome and besides, if I ever had the chance to meet him, I would never try get between a married couple with kids. But I'm kinda glad the Cambridge dream was the last one I've had of him.
But with Jensen Ackles... I fuckin' hate him. Why? Of course these are the things that are told to the public and might not be true, but I have learned, that he insists people be honest with him (as do I. I can tell a lie as soon as it is told. And can't lie myself either), he does photography (which is something I like to do as well), sings and plays the guitar (and I have always had a major thing with guys who can play guitar and sing.. I have slept with two guys just because they sung so beautifully. And I've slept with three DJ's)..
I have seen some of the Supernatural episodes at least twenty times.. Why? I get to see Jensen. I get to wonder if that's the way he really smiles when he remembers something from years back. I get to wonder if he's really that much of a chauvinist in real life. I get to wonder if his smile is always that fake.. If he's a real dick IRL.. I get to wonder if he really wears those clothes IRL. I could easily check the latter by reading celeb magazines or surfing the paparazzi sites, but you know what? It's his life. I don't really care because it doesn't have anything to do with mine. The only celeb site I go to, is People. And I rarely see Ewan, Jensen or Jared (Who's also become a regular visitor in my dreams) on the pages of that (web) mag. If I ruled the world, I would jail all the paparazzis as stalkers.
... but anyway. It's so sad I'm not beautiful and don't live in Alaska (or where the hell they shoot Supernatural in). I will never have the chance to talk with him and see if he really is the way he is. And what's more sad, I will never get to try what it's like to kiss those perfect lips and see if his eyes are really greenish. AND NEITHER WILL MOST OF YOU, who daydream about Jensen..
Jensen Ackles: Get the fuck out of my dreams. I'm definitely NOT your type. I'm 26 and live half across the world and I have never been the fan -type. I don't have bright blue eyes and blonde hair, I don't have silicone boobs and I'm not rich. I've had enough of Ewan so I don't need you. Jared Padalecki: The same goes with you. GTFOOMD! Though you are really cute.. Like I have said some time earlier, if I would know Jensen and Jared IRL, I'd probably end up with Jared, who looks more witty than his overly-angelic-drop-dead-gorgeous friend and to whom I'd have to reach up if I wanted to get kissed.
But here's the thing. I have always had crushes on the guys that are tall and handsome (like Jared), that have one unique thing in their appearance (like the something strange in Jared's face) and appear gay-ish. But I have always ended up with a guy about my height, who can make me laugh every day over stupid things no one else would laugh to - and won't open the car door to me, doesn't ask me constantly if I'm in the need of something or if I'm okay and if I get pissed off, lets me rant and don't get involved. If you are like that, Jensen, feel free to e-mail me. :)
By the way.. I slept with a guy who sung Enrique Iglesias' Hero to me in 2001. Remember sisters, that's not a reason to sleep with anyone, you only get to laugh at yourself each time you hear the song.
Well, I guess I'm a sucker for musical men, whether they sing, play or spin.
But with Jensen Ackles... I fuckin' hate him. Why? Of course these are the things that are told to the public and might not be true, but I have learned, that he insists people be honest with him (as do I. I can tell a lie as soon as it is told. And can't lie myself either), he does photography (which is something I like to do as well), sings and plays the guitar (and I have always had a major thing with guys who can play guitar and sing.. I have slept with two guys just because they sung so beautifully. And I've slept with three DJ's)..
I have seen some of the Supernatural episodes at least twenty times.. Why? I get to see Jensen. I get to wonder if that's the way he really smiles when he remembers something from years back. I get to wonder if he's really that much of a chauvinist in real life. I get to wonder if his smile is always that fake.. If he's a real dick IRL.. I get to wonder if he really wears those clothes IRL. I could easily check the latter by reading celeb magazines or surfing the paparazzi sites, but you know what? It's his life. I don't really care because it doesn't have anything to do with mine. The only celeb site I go to, is People. And I rarely see Ewan, Jensen or Jared (Who's also become a regular visitor in my dreams) on the pages of that (web) mag. If I ruled the world, I would jail all the paparazzis as stalkers.
... but anyway. It's so sad I'm not beautiful and don't live in Alaska (or where the hell they shoot Supernatural in). I will never have the chance to talk with him and see if he really is the way he is. And what's more sad, I will never get to try what it's like to kiss those perfect lips and see if his eyes are really greenish. AND NEITHER WILL MOST OF YOU, who daydream about Jensen..
Jensen Ackles: Get the fuck out of my dreams. I'm definitely NOT your type. I'm 26 and live half across the world and I have never been the fan -type. I don't have bright blue eyes and blonde hair, I don't have silicone boobs and I'm not rich. I've had enough of Ewan so I don't need you. Jared Padalecki: The same goes with you. GTFOOMD! Though you are really cute.. Like I have said some time earlier, if I would know Jensen and Jared IRL, I'd probably end up with Jared, who looks more witty than his overly-angelic-drop-dead-gorgeous friend and to whom I'd have to reach up if I wanted to get kissed.
But here's the thing. I have always had crushes on the guys that are tall and handsome (like Jared), that have one unique thing in their appearance (like the something strange in Jared's face) and appear gay-ish. But I have always ended up with a guy about my height, who can make me laugh every day over stupid things no one else would laugh to - and won't open the car door to me, doesn't ask me constantly if I'm in the need of something or if I'm okay and if I get pissed off, lets me rant and don't get involved. If you are like that, Jensen, feel free to e-mail me. :)
By the way.. I slept with a guy who sung Enrique Iglesias' Hero to me in 2001. Remember sisters, that's not a reason to sleep with anyone, you only get to laugh at yourself each time you hear the song.
Well, I guess I'm a sucker for musical men, whether they sing, play or spin.
My Dreamcatcher Is Borkened
I have this nice little dreamcatcher, bought it from a cute Indian stuff selling store. I've never been a believer in anything much, but this time I decided to believe and so far it has been working great. I used to have these horrid nightmares and they kept getting worse - I usually woke up screaming, panicked and sweatty every night..
Well anyways, after getting that dreamcatcher I've had - what - like 4 nights with nightmares. 4 nights in almost eight months is not bad after about 5000 nights with nightmares. I've been very happy after having good, beautiful, colorful dreams night after nights. I have developed an ability to keep watching a dream. Two best things I've had so far is: watching the same dream again on the following night and being able to go back in the dream and push it forward the way I want it to be.
New problems have occured though. Because I like sleeping, I sleep a lot. I always abuse the snooze button (who the hell invented that devil? Like we'd be tired after sleeping for 8 hours anyway) more badly than Kate Moss her cocaine.
And the gorgeous guys in my dreams - what the hell is that? Ewan McGregor, Jensen Ackles and surprisingly Sebastian Stan (who looks a bit like my ex, M).. Why? I see so many gorgeous guys out in the real world I keep wondering why the hell I keep having dreams of this handsome trio... Why can't I dream about the gorgeous exchange student in media studies?
And the sickest thing is that I have most of my dreams in English which - some of you may have noticed - is not my first language.
I'm scared to take my dreamcatcher off. What if the bad dreams come back and the dreamcatcher won't work again?
How to I unload Ewan McGregor out of my head? I don't even like most of his movies and anyone having a wife is a big IRL turnoff for me anyway. I'm not one of those girls who gather every single thing about their idol and post it all on a website. I'm not a fan, I don't drool over them (except for Ewan when he sings) and I don't talktalktalk about them all the time and find every gossip and wish they'd get rid of their wives/girlfriends/boyfrieds/whatev. I couldn't care less of Ewan IRL and still he haunts my dreams!
I once made a spell for me to appear in Ewans' dreams, just as a joke since I don't believe in that stuff. I guess that backfired and I'm getting all the Ewan I need (and don't want). So, kids, remember the rule of three times three. What ever you send out, it may come back powered three times.
Ewan, get the hell out of my head. Please.
Oh yeah, the other thing too, I keep having premonitions. They're just little things, mere hunches. I've been wrong twice, but usually they are a bit f**ked up. Like, this friend of mine. I hadn't talked with her for over a year and hadn't seen her either. I had a dream she had a baby boy. It was such a strong dream I had to dig up her number and call her. Surprise, surprise, she was pregnant and her due date was the following day. I told her about my dream and she promised to call me back when the baby had arrived. Three days and she texted: "A baby girl, big and healthy". I had a dream of myself drowning in a cockpit of a lorry, going through ice. Two days later this guy went down. I had a dream of drowning in an icy river and the next day I got a call from my sister telling my uncle went through the ice with a snowmobile and drowned.
So I've heard them déjavuthevers may be a sign of a future Alzheimer's. If it's true, I'm definitely one of those going down with it.
Well, time to go meet Ewan. Nites.
By the way, sorry if I seem to be all over the shop with my blog stuff - a bit comes up in my head, and then it f**ks off and then I just scribble what's left of it..
Well anyways, after getting that dreamcatcher I've had - what - like 4 nights with nightmares. 4 nights in almost eight months is not bad after about 5000 nights with nightmares. I've been very happy after having good, beautiful, colorful dreams night after nights. I have developed an ability to keep watching a dream. Two best things I've had so far is: watching the same dream again on the following night and being able to go back in the dream and push it forward the way I want it to be.
New problems have occured though. Because I like sleeping, I sleep a lot. I always abuse the snooze button (who the hell invented that devil? Like we'd be tired after sleeping for 8 hours anyway) more badly than Kate Moss her cocaine.
And the gorgeous guys in my dreams - what the hell is that? Ewan McGregor, Jensen Ackles and surprisingly Sebastian Stan (who looks a bit like my ex, M).. Why? I see so many gorgeous guys out in the real world I keep wondering why the hell I keep having dreams of this handsome trio... Why can't I dream about the gorgeous exchange student in media studies?
And the sickest thing is that I have most of my dreams in English which - some of you may have noticed - is not my first language.
I'm scared to take my dreamcatcher off. What if the bad dreams come back and the dreamcatcher won't work again?
How to I unload Ewan McGregor out of my head? I don't even like most of his movies and anyone having a wife is a big IRL turnoff for me anyway. I'm not one of those girls who gather every single thing about their idol and post it all on a website. I'm not a fan, I don't drool over them (except for Ewan when he sings) and I don't talktalktalk about them all the time and find every gossip and wish they'd get rid of their wives/girlfriends/boyfrieds/whatev. I couldn't care less of Ewan IRL and still he haunts my dreams!
I once made a spell for me to appear in Ewans' dreams, just as a joke since I don't believe in that stuff. I guess that backfired and I'm getting all the Ewan I need (and don't want). So, kids, remember the rule of three times three. What ever you send out, it may come back powered three times.
Ewan, get the hell out of my head. Please.
Oh yeah, the other thing too, I keep having premonitions. They're just little things, mere hunches. I've been wrong twice, but usually they are a bit f**ked up. Like, this friend of mine. I hadn't talked with her for over a year and hadn't seen her either. I had a dream she had a baby boy. It was such a strong dream I had to dig up her number and call her. Surprise, surprise, she was pregnant and her due date was the following day. I told her about my dream and she promised to call me back when the baby had arrived. Three days and she texted: "A baby girl, big and healthy". I had a dream of myself drowning in a cockpit of a lorry, going through ice. Two days later this guy went down. I had a dream of drowning in an icy river and the next day I got a call from my sister telling my uncle went through the ice with a snowmobile and drowned.
So I've heard them déjavuthevers may be a sign of a future Alzheimer's. If it's true, I'm definitely one of those going down with it.
Well, time to go meet Ewan. Nites.
By the way, sorry if I seem to be all over the shop with my blog stuff - a bit comes up in my head, and then it f**ks off and then I just scribble what's left of it..
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