Daphne Mezereum
Monday
Saturday
Nature Trail
We went for a little walk in "the nature", the little park in our town.. The park is left completely in it's natural state, so our adventure there included a lot of cold, wet stuff to sink our feet in..
A few images of runt trees. The fungus is very beautiful. These kind of forests are very important to ecosystem, but there are not much left because of the government run arboriculture.
We also heard a lot of birds. Surely we heard (and saw) tree creepers, european greenfinches, common chaffinches, black-billed magpies, a few hooded crows trying to hit squirrel nests, willow warblers, a lesser spotted woodpecker, a flock of canada geese (or something like that) flying over us and various tits and starlings..
A pretty good day bird-wise. I actually felt a bit sad there, remembering our little angel-bird :(
A few images of runt trees. The fungus is very beautiful. These kind of forests are very important to ecosystem, but there are not much left because of the government run arboriculture.
We also heard a lot of birds. Surely we heard (and saw) tree creepers, european greenfinches, common chaffinches, black-billed magpies, a few hooded crows trying to hit squirrel nests, willow warblers, a lesser spotted woodpecker, a flock of canada geese (or something like that) flying over us and various tits and starlings..
A pretty good day bird-wise. I actually felt a bit sad there, remembering our little angel-bird :(
Friday
Yesterday Was When You Died
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. -Jacques Deval
I just keep thinking..
She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back. She didn't fight back.
And..
What if she hoped we were there to save her.. What was her last though. Are they capable of thought like us? What if she hoped my hand would come and take her away...?
And..
Would it be different now if we had kept the door open? She could've flown out to safety...
And..
I didn't look at the cage when I went to the kitchen first thing in the morning. I didn't look. What if she was still alive? What if I could've helped her?
It's funny that when I heard about my uncle, I couldn't have cared less, but when my pet bird died, I cried. I have actually been crying for eight hours now.
Her roommate, the white one, DOES miss her and this is not me humanizing it. I've been watching their behavior for over a year now and I know now that she is confused. It broke my heart when she was going on the floor, pecking at the rug and doing her "meep" sound which they used in order to know where the other one was. No reply. She did it again a couple of times, then went to the place where the other one used to peck the oven and "meep". Now it's all quiet. I cannot believe how much I miss that sound. And I feel sorry for the white one who is now all alone.
"In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing."
-Robert Ingersoll
Thursday
Today Was When You Died
Today was a particulary fine spring day: The sun was shining from a bright blue sky and the wind blew softly from the East. There is no snow at all and I already saw green grass growing by the wall. Today was the perfect day to believe in soul, believe in angels and believe in god. Today was a particulary fine day to die, but not for you.
I woke up, did what I usually do during the day and paid no attention. I walked by at least ten times today and never checked if you were okay. You were lying there the whole day and I didn't even notice. I talked to you and expected no answer, like always. You never answered to me anyway, so I didn't mind.
J found you there, laying on your tummy, in the corner. He called me and cried. I couldn't look at you for more than just a second. But that second was enough for me to see you were dead. For the rest of my life I will remember how calm and soft you were, just laying there. I hoped you were still alive but your cold body told me the grim reality. You were there no longer.
I know you died when I was sleeping. I didn't hear if you called for help or suffered long before the release finally came. I don't know what were your last thoughts of if you were capable of thinking anymore. I don't understand why you didn't fight back. I can't understand why you were picked and not someone else less important to us.
I know who killed you but though I tried, I couldn't revenge your death. I looked at his eyes but instead of anger I felt pity. I'm sorry. It would've been so easy to me - just a quick snap - but it wasn't really his fault. It was mine. I brought him to your life and - trust me - it will haunt me for a long time.
Today was a particulary fine day to realize there is no god. Because if there were, everyone would die of old age rather than by someone else's actions.
Tomorrow J will look up a good place for what's left of you. It will be somewhere under a tree so there is shelter for you. He'll make sure that the sun will shine there and the wind won't be too harsh.
And though you were just a bird, I have shed more tears than the day my first love was buried.
Because you were my own.
Good bye, Täplä. I will remember the white of your wings and how beautiful your feathers look like even at death. I will remember how you used to groom my fingers and I think I can still hear the sound your wings made when you flew. Your color will stay in my thoughts and I hope one day I'll see someone like you and can imagine it's you.
Oh, by the way, Lumikki is calling out for you and doesn't understand. You weren't there today and she's looking for you. She's alone for there is no one to sleep by her side anymore. But lucky for her, she doesn't understand and in time will forget about you..
I wonder if my heart will ever mend
I just let you slip away
4 am forever
I woke up, did what I usually do during the day and paid no attention. I walked by at least ten times today and never checked if you were okay. You were lying there the whole day and I didn't even notice. I talked to you and expected no answer, like always. You never answered to me anyway, so I didn't mind.
J found you there, laying on your tummy, in the corner. He called me and cried. I couldn't look at you for more than just a second. But that second was enough for me to see you were dead. For the rest of my life I will remember how calm and soft you were, just laying there. I hoped you were still alive but your cold body told me the grim reality. You were there no longer.
I know you died when I was sleeping. I didn't hear if you called for help or suffered long before the release finally came. I don't know what were your last thoughts of if you were capable of thinking anymore. I don't understand why you didn't fight back. I can't understand why you were picked and not someone else less important to us.
I know who killed you but though I tried, I couldn't revenge your death. I looked at his eyes but instead of anger I felt pity. I'm sorry. It would've been so easy to me - just a quick snap - but it wasn't really his fault. It was mine. I brought him to your life and - trust me - it will haunt me for a long time.
Today was a particulary fine day to realize there is no god. Because if there were, everyone would die of old age rather than by someone else's actions.
Tomorrow J will look up a good place for what's left of you. It will be somewhere under a tree so there is shelter for you. He'll make sure that the sun will shine there and the wind won't be too harsh.
And though you were just a bird, I have shed more tears than the day my first love was buried.
Because you were my own.
Good bye, Täplä. I will remember the white of your wings and how beautiful your feathers look like even at death. I will remember how you used to groom my fingers and I think I can still hear the sound your wings made when you flew. Your color will stay in my thoughts and I hope one day I'll see someone like you and can imagine it's you.
Oh, by the way, Lumikki is calling out for you and doesn't understand. You weren't there today and she's looking for you. She's alone for there is no one to sleep by her side anymore. But lucky for her, she doesn't understand and in time will forget about you..
I wonder if my heart will ever mend
I just let you slip away
4 am forever
Tuesday
Remember Me And I Shall Live Forever
Thomas Young deciphered the first comprehensible word of the Rosetta Stone: Ptolemy. A name of Alexander the Great's general, Ptolemy. As we all know, the basis of understanding the ancient Egypt, was on that stone.
The French man, Champollion or something, whose name I can't even pronounce (or write) discovered the name Ramesses and finally cracked the code. He was awarded the first professure of egyptology in the world and he died knowing he would be remembered.
When you meet someone whose language you don't understand and who does not understand you, you exchange names and that's the beginning of understanding and friendship.
When a child is given a name, he or she becomes the part of the society.
When you are mentioned the name Alexander and if you're taught history, you know who it is that is spoken of.
Or Beethoven..
"Remember me for what I have done and I shall never die."
I've done nothing in my life, no useful theories, no beautiful composings, no literary works.
So I'll just leave a tomb stone behind me and in 200 years, someone will walk by and not even look at it..
It sucks to be a nobody.
The French man, Champollion or something, whose name I can't even pronounce (or write) discovered the name Ramesses and finally cracked the code. He was awarded the first professure of egyptology in the world and he died knowing he would be remembered.
When you meet someone whose language you don't understand and who does not understand you, you exchange names and that's the beginning of understanding and friendship.
When a child is given a name, he or she becomes the part of the society.
When you are mentioned the name Alexander and if you're taught history, you know who it is that is spoken of.
Or Beethoven..
"Remember me for what I have done and I shall never die."
I've done nothing in my life, no useful theories, no beautiful composings, no literary works.
So I'll just leave a tomb stone behind me and in 200 years, someone will walk by and not even look at it..
It sucks to be a nobody.
Monday
"When in Rome, do as the Romans do"
Every time we travel somewhere we are warned not to do certain things. Such as show leg in public when visiting certain Islamic countries, show the bottoms of our feet to someone.. When we move to Egypt, we keep ourselves from breaking their laws and insulting their beliefs... In Saudi-Arabia, I would not dare show skin below my neck.
My country has been accepting immigrants in a rather minimal amount. We don't get much of the trouble as do countries like the UK, Sweden or France.. My country has to build mosques in order to help refugees to cohabilitate to the society (isn't that the way they are taught to keep to themselves instead of getting to know their new surroundings)... The immigrants who are coming here demand more monetary support, more places for them to hang out, more understanding, more.. more and more.. They are fed by taxpayers, their clothes are paid by taxpayers, their children are educated and then they go back to their own country. I reckon that's stealing. They get everything and give nothing in return. At least they should have the decency to try living here after they are given a life.
And we are blamed to be racist, stupid and unforgiving nation. In my country, most of the refugees drive better cars then half of the nation and they wear designer clothes. Let's face it, it's not the poorest and the ones most in danger who come here, since they wouldn't have any money to buy their flight in.. Still they demand... because they have "suffered". What, a flight here and the time bureucracy takes?
What about the crimes then? At one point, 46% of the refugees had committed a crime of some sort, most of them being stealing.. That's a big deal in a country where most of the crimes are committed by foreigners. And what do they get for committing crimes? A pat on the head and subtle "No, that's a bad boy"..
If it's true that homo sapiens sapiens came from africa, how come we are feeding them? How come our doctors are the best ones? How come we police the world? They have had more time to evolve, to make things, to invent things and still it's this way?
Yes, I'm a racist. But hold that anger of yours.. I want to explain myself.. I'm not a racist in the crude meaning of the word. My best friend was of korean descent. I had the biggest crush ever on an African born boy. The Palestinian boy in our school was the nicest ever.. Those days I was ashamed for the ones who were called racist. Until I realized what was really going on and how many things are *bleeped* up in the world..
My racism doesn't go to the extremes, though. I do approve taking in refugees. I do approve refugees being taught their own languages at our school. I do approve working or studying refugees who at least TRY to get into the society. That's not racism.
Here's the racist part: I do not approve crime committing, lazy, cheating, wife-beating dogs. I don't want them in my county and would send them back without a thought. But because of organizations such as Amnesty, they are kept here.
War is a good excuse to do stuff. "I come from the war zone I must be understood" When my country was in war, the people who fled were doing shitty jobs, trying not to step on anyone's toes and doing what they were told to do because they understood it's a different country and their ways must be respected... Most of them have grandchildren who don't know a word of their grandparents language. Most of them got education in their new country and stayed there as tax payers - as a part of the society..
So how did I become a racist?
The change in me started happening when I happened to witness three somali boys attacking an old woman when I was 13. Adding, hearing two Iraqi guys conversing on what they could do to me because I'm a white, christian born woman thus worth nothing when I was 16. Or that turkish man offered a sum of money worth 100 euros to buy me for a night when I was visiting Turkey in 1994.. Or the fact that not having sex with a somali guy after he bought me a drink gave him right to call me a whore. My dislike over middle-Easterns rose, after reading books like Sold!, The Princess (Trilogy) etc. The last bit was seeing the movie Black Hawk Down. Though I realized it was just a movie and probably a bit one-sided story, I'll never forget the anger I felt that day walking out of the theatre. Or currently, hearing gay people being hung because of a misspelled line of code in their DNA.
Tell me.. why could a Roman woman in 100AC have a right to inherit her fortune, have a place in the society and her opinions heard and appreciated when an English woman didn't have the right to her own body in 1779? Or how did the Romans appreaciate and teach their children honest, truthful and able citizens without constant beating, but the English children didn't have value more than a dog sometimes in the 1700?
My country has been accepting immigrants in a rather minimal amount. We don't get much of the trouble as do countries like the UK, Sweden or France.. My country has to build mosques in order to help refugees to cohabilitate to the society (isn't that the way they are taught to keep to themselves instead of getting to know their new surroundings)... The immigrants who are coming here demand more monetary support, more places for them to hang out, more understanding, more.. more and more.. They are fed by taxpayers, their clothes are paid by taxpayers, their children are educated and then they go back to their own country. I reckon that's stealing. They get everything and give nothing in return. At least they should have the decency to try living here after they are given a life.
And we are blamed to be racist, stupid and unforgiving nation. In my country, most of the refugees drive better cars then half of the nation and they wear designer clothes. Let's face it, it's not the poorest and the ones most in danger who come here, since they wouldn't have any money to buy their flight in.. Still they demand... because they have "suffered". What, a flight here and the time bureucracy takes?
What about the crimes then? At one point, 46% of the refugees had committed a crime of some sort, most of them being stealing.. That's a big deal in a country where most of the crimes are committed by foreigners. And what do they get for committing crimes? A pat on the head and subtle "No, that's a bad boy"..
If it's true that homo sapiens sapiens came from africa, how come we are feeding them? How come our doctors are the best ones? How come we police the world? They have had more time to evolve, to make things, to invent things and still it's this way?
Yes, I'm a racist. But hold that anger of yours.. I want to explain myself.. I'm not a racist in the crude meaning of the word. My best friend was of korean descent. I had the biggest crush ever on an African born boy. The Palestinian boy in our school was the nicest ever.. Those days I was ashamed for the ones who were called racist. Until I realized what was really going on and how many things are *bleeped* up in the world..
My racism doesn't go to the extremes, though. I do approve taking in refugees. I do approve refugees being taught their own languages at our school. I do approve working or studying refugees who at least TRY to get into the society. That's not racism.
Here's the racist part: I do not approve crime committing, lazy, cheating, wife-beating dogs. I don't want them in my county and would send them back without a thought. But because of organizations such as Amnesty, they are kept here.
War is a good excuse to do stuff. "I come from the war zone I must be understood" When my country was in war, the people who fled were doing shitty jobs, trying not to step on anyone's toes and doing what they were told to do because they understood it's a different country and their ways must be respected... Most of them have grandchildren who don't know a word of their grandparents language. Most of them got education in their new country and stayed there as tax payers - as a part of the society..
So how did I become a racist?
The change in me started happening when I happened to witness three somali boys attacking an old woman when I was 13. Adding, hearing two Iraqi guys conversing on what they could do to me because I'm a white, christian born woman thus worth nothing when I was 16. Or that turkish man offered a sum of money worth 100 euros to buy me for a night when I was visiting Turkey in 1994.. Or the fact that not having sex with a somali guy after he bought me a drink gave him right to call me a whore. My dislike over middle-Easterns rose, after reading books like Sold!, The Princess (Trilogy) etc. The last bit was seeing the movie Black Hawk Down. Though I realized it was just a movie and probably a bit one-sided story, I'll never forget the anger I felt that day walking out of the theatre. Or currently, hearing gay people being hung because of a misspelled line of code in their DNA.
Tell me.. why could a Roman woman in 100AC have a right to inherit her fortune, have a place in the society and her opinions heard and appreciated when an English woman didn't have the right to her own body in 1779? Or how did the Romans appreaciate and teach their children honest, truthful and able citizens without constant beating, but the English children didn't have value more than a dog sometimes in the 1700?
India's Pride(s)
Tell me,
Why in India, children born with diseases that cause malformation, are celebrated? Here they'd be hidden inside their homes and operated as soon as possible. In India, it seems to me, they are only operated if their condition causes them pain or difficulty of movement. Children born with too many legs and hands are worshipped as god-sent.
Though I'm heavily opposed to religions, this belief I like. They don't see the children as discusting and non-likeable because of how they are born, but believe they're given something special. A whole village gets famous thus being able to make money.
But why do these stories come out of India only? Are the only Shiva or whatsitsname -children born in India?
What I really don't want to know is how they deal with these children in the countries that do not support this belief (nor the health care system to try to fix them) ..?
Why in India, children born with diseases that cause malformation, are celebrated? Here they'd be hidden inside their homes and operated as soon as possible. In India, it seems to me, they are only operated if their condition causes them pain or difficulty of movement. Children born with too many legs and hands are worshipped as god-sent.
Though I'm heavily opposed to religions, this belief I like. They don't see the children as discusting and non-likeable because of how they are born, but believe they're given something special. A whole village gets famous thus being able to make money.
But why do these stories come out of India only? Are the only Shiva or whatsitsname -children born in India?
What I really don't want to know is how they deal with these children in the countries that do not support this belief (nor the health care system to try to fix them) ..?
Saturday
Hans Zimmer Is My Musical God.. After Beethoven
I'm not sure if I have spoken of this earlier (and I'm too tired to actually check it), but Hans Zimmer's soundtrack for DaVinci Code (which I still haven't seen except the end) includes a song that stopped my life for the six minutes it runs. I was listening to the soundtrack from the beginning and paid no attention to it until that track came. It made me stop what I was doing and just listen. Then the music rose to the hights (I wish I knew the correct musical term for it), and out of nowhere, there were just tears coming out of my eyes. I didn't think of anything, but the tears just ran - and I just sat there in awe. That track has to be the best piece ever right behind Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. The latter has made me feel feelings stronger, but only once or twice in my life I have heard something that made me cry and Chevaliers De Sangreal did that.
Thank you Hans Zimmer for making this piece. I have heard others have felt it too and I've read that many think it's your best piece ever.
Good night.
EDIT: Apparently the correct term for pieces like Chevaliers De Sangreal would be "played appassionata"
EDIT 2: I knew I have liked the productions of Hans Zimmer for ages and my old Rain Man soundtrack proves it :)
EDIT 3: Should I really sit down and watch the movie for which it has been written?
EDIT 4: I still love this tune (which has made me teary too)
Thank you Hans Zimmer for making this piece. I have heard others have felt it too and I've read that many think it's your best piece ever.
Good night.
EDIT: Apparently the correct term for pieces like Chevaliers De Sangreal would be "played appassionata"
EDIT 2: I knew I have liked the productions of Hans Zimmer for ages and my old Rain Man soundtrack proves it :)
EDIT 3: Should I really sit down and watch the movie for which it has been written?
EDIT 4: I still love this tune (which has made me teary too)
Tuesday
Rude Internet Part 2
Remember This Post?
Well, obviously someone from the forum (I spoke of) ended up in this blog. As a result, my account on that forum was suspended. I just had the best laugh ever. Touchy little people.. It's a shame I can't reply to all of the comments I received about myself there...
On a game mod forum (not Sims this time), I found probably the meanest person ever. Someone asked for level designing help and this person offered a very offensive answer that made me angry. Then I searched for all of his posts and found out that of the tens of posts he made, he had not made one nice one. It was all about mocking other people's thoughts, skills and suggestions. What does he gain from that? I don't understand.
Well, obviously someone from the forum (I spoke of) ended up in this blog. As a result, my account on that forum was suspended. I just had the best laugh ever. Touchy little people.. It's a shame I can't reply to all of the comments I received about myself there...
On a game mod forum (not Sims this time), I found probably the meanest person ever. Someone asked for level designing help and this person offered a very offensive answer that made me angry. Then I searched for all of his posts and found out that of the tens of posts he made, he had not made one nice one. It was all about mocking other people's thoughts, skills and suggestions. What does he gain from that? I don't understand.
I Think I Like Girls Too
Well, ONE girl.
Not like that. But close.
I was watching Inside the Actors Studio last night and Cate Blanchett was the guest. That episode was from 2003, but I suppose the data is still valid :p I can't believe how humble, funny and real she seems to be. If that's really what she's like in real life.. I mean WHOA.. If I was gay, I'd love her.
Let me answer the questionnaire too, since that's my favorite part of the IAS.
What's your favorite word? Twit
What's your least favorite word? Dynamic
What turns you on? A tall, handsome, dark haired, blue eyed, broad shouldered guy walking in highwater pants..
What turns you off? Arrogance
What sound or noise do you love? Distant thunder
What sound or noise do you hate? My mother's voice
What's your favorite curse word? Vittu (It's a finnish equivalent of cunt which I learned from one of J's friends)
What profession other than yours would you like to participate? I'd like to be a helicopter pilot.
What profession other than yours would you not like to participate? I'd never want to be a coroner..
If heaven excists, what would you like to hear God say to you at the pearly gates? You're not due yet. Go back.
Not like that. But close.
I was watching Inside the Actors Studio last night and Cate Blanchett was the guest. That episode was from 2003, but I suppose the data is still valid :p I can't believe how humble, funny and real she seems to be. If that's really what she's like in real life.. I mean WHOA.. If I was gay, I'd love her.
Let me answer the questionnaire too, since that's my favorite part of the IAS.
What's your favorite word? Twit
What's your least favorite word? Dynamic
What turns you on? A tall, handsome, dark haired, blue eyed, broad shouldered guy walking in highwater pants..
What turns you off? Arrogance
What sound or noise do you love? Distant thunder
What sound or noise do you hate? My mother's voice
What's your favorite curse word? Vittu (It's a finnish equivalent of cunt which I learned from one of J's friends)
What profession other than yours would you like to participate? I'd like to be a helicopter pilot.
What profession other than yours would you not like to participate? I'd never want to be a coroner..
If heaven excists, what would you like to hear God say to you at the pearly gates? You're not due yet. Go back.
Monday
Hottest Old Guys
Yet another list...
So, who are the hottest old guys on earth? Old meaning everything ten years older than me.
5. Ex-scissorhands, married-to-one-woman-for-ages, überboho
Johnny Depp
Who used to be the cutest guy on the planet. Before he got married, old and children.
4. Barely makes it to this list (is only ten years and a few days older than me so he is here)
Ewan McGregor
Whose Island I happen to like a lot. And the fact that he married a common girl.
3. This guy should have been Bond. But at least he's Boswell.
Clive Owen
There's that something in his look that makes your dreams nice and soft.
2. His name is Constantine... wait.. Neo.. no.. Johnny.. no..
Keanu Reeves
Number one choice for the number 99 movies. :) And Johnny Mnemonic was definitely, definitely not so uncool as everyone said.
1. Ex-alcoholic, ex-Dracula, ex-Sirius..
Gary Oldman
Check this video and weep. How can anyone look like that after 20 years of drinking?
The same guys all over again on my lists, eh?
But hey.. at least I dropped Gerard "Gerry" "I'm not Gay Gay" Butler after he sung a bit.
Oh and I saw the cutest movie year 2007 produced: The Water Horse: The Legend of the Deep
The ONLY thing that bothered me in that movie was the mother. I hate mothers. Especially mine. Eeew.
So, who are the hottest old guys on earth? Old meaning everything ten years older than me.
5. Ex-scissorhands, married-to-one-woman-for-ages, überboho
Johnny Depp
Who used to be the cutest guy on the planet. Before he got married, old and children.
4. Barely makes it to this list (is only ten years and a few days older than me so he is here)
Ewan McGregor
Whose Island I happen to like a lot. And the fact that he married a common girl.
3. This guy should have been Bond. But at least he's Boswell.
Clive Owen
There's that something in his look that makes your dreams nice and soft.
2. His name is Constantine... wait.. Neo.. no.. Johnny.. no..
Keanu Reeves
Number one choice for the number 99 movies. :) And Johnny Mnemonic was definitely, definitely not so uncool as everyone said.
1. Ex-alcoholic, ex-Dracula, ex-Sirius..
Gary Oldman
Check this video and weep. How can anyone look like that after 20 years of drinking?
The same guys all over again on my lists, eh?
But hey.. at least I dropped Gerard "Gerry" "I'm not Gay Gay" Butler after he sung a bit.
Oh and I saw the cutest movie year 2007 produced: The Water Horse: The Legend of the Deep
The ONLY thing that bothered me in that movie was the mother. I hate mothers. Especially mine. Eeew.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)