Today was a particulary fine spring day: The sun was shining from a bright blue sky and the wind blew softly from the East. There is no snow at all and I already saw green grass growing by the wall. Today was the perfect day to believe in soul, believe in angels and believe in god. Today was a particulary fine day to die, but not for you.
I woke up, did what I usually do during the day and paid no attention. I walked by at least ten times today and never checked if you were okay. You were lying there the whole day and I didn't even notice. I talked to you and expected no answer, like always. You never answered to me anyway, so I didn't mind.
J found you there, laying on your tummy, in the corner. He called me and cried. I couldn't look at you for more than just a second. But that second was enough for me to see you were dead. For the rest of my life I will remember how calm and soft you were, just laying there. I hoped you were still alive but your cold body told me the grim reality. You were there no longer.
I know you died when I was sleeping. I didn't hear if you called for help or suffered long before the release finally came. I don't know what were your last thoughts of if you were capable of thinking anymore. I don't understand why you didn't fight back. I can't understand why you were picked and not someone else less important to us.
I know who killed you but though I tried, I couldn't revenge your death. I looked at his eyes but instead of anger I felt pity. I'm sorry. It would've been so easy to me - just a quick snap - but it wasn't really his fault. It was mine. I brought him to your life and - trust me - it will haunt me for a long time.
Today was a particulary fine day to realize there is no god. Because if there were, everyone would die of old age rather than by someone else's actions.
Tomorrow J will look up a good place for what's left of you. It will be somewhere under a tree so there is shelter for you. He'll make sure that the sun will shine there and the wind won't be too harsh.
And though you were just a bird, I have shed more tears than the day my first love was buried.
Because you were my own.
Good bye, Täplä. I will remember the white of your wings and how beautiful your feathers look like even at death. I will remember how you used to groom my fingers and I think I can still hear the sound your wings made when you flew. Your color will stay in my thoughts and I hope one day I'll see someone like you and can imagine it's you.
Oh, by the way, Lumikki is calling out for you and doesn't understand. You weren't there today and she's looking for you. She's alone for there is no one to sleep by her side anymore. But lucky for her, she doesn't understand and in time will forget about you..
I wonder if my heart will ever mend
I just let you slip away
4 am forever