Another One Bites the Dust

Remember this post?


Well, he won't be playing Spartacus from now on, as he lost his fight with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Rest in Peace, Andy Whitfield.

I hope that the rest of the guys I listed in my Cutie Nobodies list get to live.

This Is So Silly

just bumped into a picture on the web. Just randomly browsing and I hit this picture. I didn't know who this guy was but something in that small pic made me hit it  and enlarge it. I burst into tears. I couldn't breathe. I don't mean like this fake girl thing you read in novels and stuff, but I was unable to breathe, like I had an asthma attack. I couldn't stop crying.

I might have spoken about the man in my dreams. The man I've seen in my dreams since I was a little girl, six or seven! So it's been forever. Before I even watched tv. It was this distinctive look that has changed only a bit in all this time. Sometimes this man in my dreams was the devil, an angel, someone I had a crush on.. but the looks never changed really much.

The man in my dreams is a real person. He has been living and breathing all my life. I have never seen him nor heard of him.

This is so freaky, scary, stupid, everything.

Imagine my disappointment when I realized he's really someone. First I thought I might have seen him in a movie or in photos.. so I started some extensive studying and I was glad to find out that I have never seen any shows he has been on, has only done little things that'll go straight to dvd or get cancelled - so they never arrive to my country.

The creepiest stuff.. I started watching his show and saw him exactly in the same clothes the man in my dreams wears.  He even smiles the same way. That is so creepy I hate it. It almost made me throw up, really. Twice.

So, Alex O'Loughlin, he looks just like someone I've known all my life. Why the hell couldn't he be someone else? A no one. But now this all ends up to being a crush over a celebrity, no matter how much I explain it. I wish I had my old diaries so I'd have some proof. But my shit of-a-mother has destroyed them. Or given them. Or sold them..

Anyway, I'm still spooked after three days. 

And I hate the show Moonlight, because in that show a character has seen this man in her dreams since she was a little girl after he had saved her from death. I saw him first... In real life dreams! Fuck you. I have had that in REAL LIFE. For 22 years!

EDIT: So I photoshopped. Or Gimped in this case. This is the difference between Alex and the man in my dreams. Clickety click to notice the difference in larger amounts..

Enlightenment

I just realized something. I've been kept out.

I've been out of something and by telling this I'm going make at least one of my two followers think I'm the shallowest person online ever.

I never knew there was  a Matt Dallas... I saw a cute guy in Eastwick and then I started watching Kyle XY - now either my taste in cute men has changed very recently because two days ago I still thought Chris Evans was heaven on earth or I just have been kept out. I stole this pic from imdb just to make my point. Don't sue me, pic rights owners..


He is fresh faced, boyish with dark curly hair and those eyes you can't figure out. He's got this rumpled, just-woken look to him that makes both the girls and the mothers love him.

It's just a shame that he's not so into girls nor mothers. His genes should stay on Earth. I don't mean that being gay is bad, but you can't make kids with other boys -yet- so he'd need a girl... Those genes should keep on going. Really. Really.

Just a thought.. all the pretty girls in my school were kind of mean to other girls. I've always been snubbed by the really handsome guys so I don't really know but is it really true that beautiful outside rarely meets beautiful inside?

I'd really, really like to meet a straight guy who's devilishly handsome, funny, smart and can spend 12 hours a day playing Fallout 3 and doesn't go partying every weekend. Actually I'd like to meet a gay guy who's like that.

There's no such thing, is there?

He's Hawt!

Hawt.

Hawt hawt hawt.

Tyron Leitso

How cute is that?

He's got all this Jason Priestley - Clive Owen -thing going on.

AND I LOVE IT!

You Who Fall In "Love" With A Celeb

An open question to everyone who has fallen in love (or feel some part of the feeling): Is it the actor, the human itself - or is it the character?

I had to ask myself this question after using two minutes of my life to think if I really have extra heart beat for Simon Baker or is it Patrick Jane? How much Baker is in Jane?

Was it ever really Ewan McGregor or was it just Lincoln Six Echo?

Jensen Ackles or Dean Winchester?

Gerard Butler or Dracula?

Chris Evans or Harvard Hottie?

I could go on forever, you know.

Is it real? When you get that feeling, is it real or just as simulated as the characters that get it? Could there be distant chemistry?

My theory is that sometimes someone did look at me like THAT, so I feel that familiar flutter somewhere inside me. Someone had THAT tone in his voice that made me smile the rest of the day. They wake up something inside a person, whether it's a memory trace of something that has happened or just a plain response to stimulae. So, I never blush because of Chris Evans, but rather because I once was kissed by a guy who smiled a lot like him.

A crush I had did the same weird squinch with his eyes as Gerard Butler.

I had to stay up all night to figure that out.

Oh and by the way... Be afraid, Brad Pitt. There's a godly gift to Earth in a boy who plays Luke Van Helsing in a brand new (UK) TV show called "Demons". Holy Smoochy Moo. Born as late as 1986, this boy (Christian Cooke) will stimulate response from quite many girls in the near and far future, I dare say.

I asked a friend of mine to send me a screenshot of this handsome devil for your viewing pleasure, but apparently Christian can't act enough to NOT make a weird face. There's this one, anyway.

He's too pretty now, but a few lines around the eyes and girls will be on their knees in front of him. I'd say, however, that once he hits thirty (and stays far away from drugs, booze and late nights) this boy might grow up to be something awesome! If he (in addition to the trippy way of life avoidance -part) grows a good nature and well-mannered behaviour too, he could be something.

Another show (UK), "Dead Set": I'm a great fan of everything zombie, but this one just sucked. I mean really sucked. Don't bother. Unless you like everything that yells "suck" in every frame. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Hahahah. I just figured out that Mentalist creator was the same guy that was behind Rome, of which I loved the first season. So, will I hate Mentalist after this season, too?

I Think I Like Girls Too

Well, ONE girl.

Not like that. But close.

I was watching Inside the Actors Studio last night and Cate Blanchett was the guest. That episode was from 2003, but I suppose the data is still valid :p I can't believe how humble, funny and real she seems to be. If that's really what she's like in real life.. I mean WHOA.. If I was gay, I'd love her.

Let me answer the questionnaire too, since that's my favorite part of the IAS.

What's your favorite word? Twit

What's your least favorite word? Dynamic

What turns you on? A tall, handsome, dark haired, blue eyed, broad shouldered guy walking in highwater pants..

What turns you off? Arrogance

What sound or noise do you love? Distant thunder

What sound or noise do you hate? My mother's voice

What's your favorite curse word? Vittu (It's a finnish equivalent of cunt which I learned from one of J's friends)

What profession other than yours would you like to participate? I'd like to be a helicopter pilot.

What profession other than yours would you not like to participate? I'd never want to be a coroner..

If heaven excists, what would you like to hear God say to you at the pearly gates? You're not due yet. Go back.

Hottest Old Guys

Yet another list...

So, who are the hottest old guys on earth? Old meaning everything ten years older than me.

5. Ex-scissorhands, married-to-one-woman-for-ages, überboho

Johnny Depp

Who used to be the cutest guy on the planet. Before he got married, old and children.

4. Barely makes it to this list (is only ten years and a few days older than me so he is here)

Ewan McGregor

Whose Island I happen to like a lot. And the fact that he married a common girl.

3. This guy should have been Bond. But at least he's Boswell.

Clive Owen

There's that something in his look that makes your dreams nice and soft.

2. His name is Constantine... wait.. Neo.. no.. Johnny.. no..

Keanu Reeves

Number one choice for the number 99 movies. :) And Johnny Mnemonic was definitely, definitely not so uncool as everyone said.

1. Ex-alcoholic, ex-Dracula, ex-Sirius..

Gary Oldman

Check this video and weep. How can anyone look like that after 20 years of drinking?

The same guys all over again on my lists, eh?

But hey.. at least I dropped Gerard "Gerry" "I'm not Gay Gay" Butler after he sung a bit.

Oh and I saw the cutest movie year 2007 produced: The Water Horse: The Legend of the Deep
The ONLY thing that bothered me in that movie was the mother. I hate mothers. Especially mine. Eeew.

Toothache

My tooth broke and it kills me. I'll get to the doctor tomorrow, but it kills me anyway :(

I have a friend that looks like Jared Padalecki. This friend of mine is too thin and a bit too bad-toothed, but with some muscle, he could safely double as Jared. I wonder if I could persuade him to grow his hair and maybe visit the gym with me. We could try if he'd go as Jared.

I wish I had a friend that looked like Jensen. :(

AND I AM NOT A FAN! I still think he can't put a credible smile on his face. And according to the dream I had last night, he's a real dick.

Night Owl

The tune of the day for the hunk of the year:

Now playing: Sander Van Doorn - By Any Demand. Go, listen to it before it starts playing on MTV and all the shabby "clubs" you wouldn't dare show your face in..

By the way.. I'm sure I've forgotten something, I'm getting a hammering headache and I've becoming some kind of a night owl, since it's 3:26 am, I haven't been clubbing and I'm still awake.

Oh, and I went to see Die Hard 4.0 yesterday. Despite of all the "wrong" information given there (about servers and stuff and over-gloryfying the hacking thing), I loved the flick. I can honestly say that I think this is the best of the Die Hards. And the evil hacker king... aaw, what a cutie pie..

Bruce Willis, dude, you're still the man!

Oh, and I checked what makes a person a fan. And I'm not. It's not my fault, that my inner whatever likes to keep Jensen (or Ewan) a regular visitor in my dreams. The reason I have Jensen's photos in my blog is that he's cute. I'm not dreaming of marrying him, or dating him, or seeing him IRL.

Girls, he might be a total dick and he'd probably date only pure homegrown texas silicone implanted botoxed 22-year-old I'm-a-model. That's what they all do. Except Ashton Kutcher who married his grandmother :)

Good Morning

I haven't slept all night for some strange reason...

Some mornings waking up sucks, so I decided to skip that part today. It's six a.m. and the sun is just getting up, so there's no reason to go to bed. I'm gonna wait til the clock turns a bit more, take a shower and then try sleeping.

Meanwhile, lets get into my favorite topic, being currently mr. Dean Winchester a.k.a Jensen Ackles.

How can a smile be as fake as this?

If someone tells me Jensen Ackles is something more than a pretty face, I'll tell then to go screw themselves. This little pretty boy can't even fake a smile and not look fake.

It's as if he's trying to act that he's acting a smile.

But he IS so adorable and by now I have learned one thing in life: you're going to get far just by being adorable.

I'm so tired.

Think I'm gonna go take a nap. Just a nap.. just.. a... na..p

Creepy..

This time it's not unconscious, like with Ewan McGregor, who used to be a regular star in my dreams even though I only liked to watch his movies. I don't really think Ewan's that handsome and besides, if I ever had the chance to meet him, I would never try get between a married couple with kids. But I'm kinda glad the Cambridge dream was the last one I've had of him.

But with Jensen Ackles... I fuckin' hate him. Why? Of course these are the things that are told to the public and might not be true, but I have learned, that he insists people be honest with him (as do I. I can tell a lie as soon as it is told. And can't lie myself either), he does photography (which is something I like to do as well), sings and plays the guitar (and I have always had a major thing with guys who can play guitar and sing.. I have slept with two guys just because they sung so beautifully. And I've slept with three DJ's)..

I have seen some of the Supernatural episodes at least twenty times.. Why? I get to see Jensen. I get to wonder if that's the way he really smiles when he remembers something from years back. I get to wonder if he's really that much of a chauvinist in real life. I get to wonder if his smile is always that fake.. If he's a real dick IRL.. I get to wonder if he really wears those clothes IRL. I could easily check the latter by reading celeb magazines or surfing the paparazzi sites, but you know what? It's his life. I don't really care because it doesn't have anything to do with mine. The only celeb site I go to, is People. And I rarely see Ewan, Jensen or Jared (Who's also become a regular visitor in my dreams) on the pages of that (web) mag. If I ruled the world, I would jail all the paparazzis as stalkers.

... but anyway. It's so sad I'm not beautiful and don't live in Alaska (or where the hell they shoot Supernatural in). I will never have the chance to talk with him and see if he really is the way he is. And what's more sad, I will never get to try what it's like to kiss those perfect lips and see if his eyes are really greenish. AND NEITHER WILL MOST OF YOU, who daydream about Jensen..

Jensen Ackles: Get the fuck out of my dreams. I'm definitely NOT your type. I'm 26 and live half across the world and I have never been the fan -type. I don't have bright blue eyes and blonde hair, I don't have silicone boobs and I'm not rich. I've had enough of Ewan so I don't need you. Jared Padalecki: The same goes with you. GTFOOMD! Though you are really cute.. Like I have said some time earlier, if I would know Jensen and Jared IRL, I'd probably end up with Jared, who looks more witty than his overly-angelic-drop-dead-gorgeous friend and to whom I'd have to reach up if I wanted to get kissed.

But here's the thing. I have always had crushes on the guys that are tall and handsome (like Jared), that have one unique thing in their appearance (like the something strange in Jared's face) and appear gay-ish. But I have always ended up with a guy about my height, who can make me laugh every day over stupid things no one else would laugh to - and won't open the car door to me, doesn't ask me constantly if I'm in the need of something or if I'm okay and if I get pissed off, lets me rant and don't get involved. If you are like that, Jensen, feel free to e-mail me. :)

By the way.. I slept with a guy who sung Enrique Iglesias' Hero to me in 2001. Remember sisters, that's not a reason to sleep with anyone, you only get to laugh at yourself each time you hear the song.

Well, I guess I'm a sucker for musical men, whether they sing, play or spin.

My Dreamcatcher Is Borkened

I have this nice little dreamcatcher, bought it from a cute Indian stuff selling store. I've never been a believer in anything much, but this time I decided to believe and so far it has been working great. I used to have these horrid nightmares and they kept getting worse - I usually woke up screaming, panicked and sweatty every night..

Well anyways, after getting that dreamcatcher I've had - what - like 4 nights with nightmares. 4 nights in almost eight months is not bad after about 5000 nights with nightmares. I've been very happy after having good, beautiful, colorful dreams night after nights. I have developed an ability to keep watching a dream. Two best things I've had so far is: watching the same dream again on the following night and being able to go back in the dream and push it forward the way I want it to be.

New problems have occured though. Because I like sleeping, I sleep a lot. I always abuse the snooze button (who the hell invented that devil? Like we'd be tired after sleeping for 8 hours anyway) more badly than Kate Moss her cocaine.

And the gorgeous guys in my dreams - what the hell is that? Ewan McGregor, Jensen Ackles and surprisingly Sebastian Stan (who looks a bit like my ex, M).. Why? I see so many gorgeous guys out in the real world I keep wondering why the hell I keep having dreams of this handsome trio... Why can't I dream about the gorgeous exchange student in media studies?

And the sickest thing is that I have most of my dreams in English which - some of you may have noticed - is not my first language.

I'm scared to take my dreamcatcher off. What if the bad dreams come back and the dreamcatcher won't work again?

How to I unload Ewan McGregor out of my head? I don't even like most of his movies and anyone having a wife is a big IRL turnoff for me anyway. I'm not one of those girls who gather every single thing about their idol and post it all on a website. I'm not a fan, I don't drool over them (except for Ewan when he sings) and I don't talktalktalk about them all the time and find every gossip and wish they'd get rid of their wives/girlfriends/boyfrieds/whatev. I couldn't care less of Ewan IRL and still he haunts my dreams!

I once made a spell for me to appear in Ewans' dreams, just as a joke since I don't believe in that stuff. I guess that backfired and I'm getting all the Ewan I need (and don't want). So, kids, remember the rule of three times three. What ever you send out, it may come back powered three times.

Ewan, get the hell out of my head. Please.

Oh yeah, the other thing too, I keep having premonitions. They're just little things, mere hunches. I've been wrong twice, but usually they are a bit f**ked up. Like, this friend of mine. I hadn't talked with her for over a year and hadn't seen her either. I had a dream she had a baby boy. It was such a strong dream I had to dig up her number and call her. Surprise, surprise, she was pregnant and her due date was the following day. I told her about my dream and she promised to call me back when the baby had arrived. Three days and she texted: "A baby girl, big and healthy". I had a dream of myself drowning in a cockpit of a lorry, going through ice. Two days later this guy went down. I had a dream of drowning in an icy river and the next day I got a call from my sister telling my uncle went through the ice with a snowmobile and drowned.

So I've heard them déjavuthevers may be a sign of a future Alzheimer's. If it's true, I'm definitely one of those going down with it.

Well, time to go meet Ewan. Nites.

By the way, sorry if I seem to be all over the shop with my blog stuff - a bit comes up in my head, and then it f**ks off and then I just scribble what's left of it..

The Dream Guy

I met the man in my dreams again, the one I've seen since I was a child. Now, I might have mentioned that he takes different faces but I always know it's him. This time was much different though, I was searching for him, going to visit him in the prison he was in. I was trying to get to him, not the other way around as usual. That prison was a good place to be in, with good food, plenty of pretty girls for him and everything. and I was talking with him and he was flirting with me and I wanted to give him my phone number. He gave me a note book and turned a new page, but I had a glimpse of the other pages that were full of phone numbers already. I wanted him to choose me, so I took him to the ladies room, unbuttoned his jeans and wrote my phone number to his lower belly. Then I realized it's not him that I want, but his brother.

Now comes the creepy part: the dream guy looked just like Dean Winchester in the temptation scene of ep15 of Supernatural, wearing the same clothes. Even the colors of the dream were the same.. I saw the episode today for the first time - and had the dream three nights ago.

I have always been a sucker for the heartthrobs, but in real life, I've always end up with a pal of his, whom I didn't notice at first, but then I realize he's much cuter and might have a brain. Has happened to me three times already... So I guess this dream really had a message in it: In real life, if I was near Jensen Ackles, I'd have the hots for him, but after having a chat with him I might notice that Jared Padalecki might actually be more interesting and charming. Not that I ever will find out if they are really pals in real life. Nor ever see them in real life anyway.

And I'm not a fan of the show nor the guys. Actually, I find Supernatural being a cheap-set show that has had two good episodes, one decent and many crappy. Jensen isn't that good looking either. He's only drop dead gorgeous, and I know he knows it and has let his good looks get the best of his good charateristics, which are there, I'm sure. Padalecki might actually be my prefferred choice in real life, though he might be a real asshole. You just can't know. Once people hit the "celebrity" status they never show their real me to anyone else than the ones they have known before they "made it". That just sucks. I just wish people would leave their idols alone or if they see their idol, wouldn't go screaming to them. Well, some celebs are so full of theirselves they might enjoy it, but most of them would like people to

How do I know this? Well, I have experience of only two celebs, but they might agree with me.

I hate it when the famous people can't even go shopping without having an unwanted entourage of people wanting autographs, pictures or just a few words. I can't understand why people need to know everything about a guy who plays a creepy guy in a tv show or has the leading role in the new hit movie. They are just human beings and would deserve their own peace. All the celebs marry and date other celebs mainly because they can't go to the "normal people places" because they can never tell if it's a golddigger or a true person there talking with them. It sucks that people with celeb status only date people who are somehow connected to the media business. I'm sure a lot of celebs would be happier if they dated people who wouldn't give a shit what they are, just who they are. I know this sounds a bit naive, but not everyone who watches TV or the movies think that the actor or actress doesn't ever go take a dump or fart or have bad hair days. And yes, GIRLS FART TOO!

The first "celeb" I met was sitting next to me in a pub. He was having lunch with his assistant, I think.. I asked him if he was who I thought he was and he was just, like, yup. I figured he wanted to have his lunch (btw, he had wine) in peace and he acted very cold to his assistant too, so I said "Cool," and finished my lunch. I have told some of my friends about the day I sat next to a star in a pub, but I must confess I got more excited than I let my friends know.

The second was in a pub, chatting with a guy for a very long time, we had fun and he offered me a drink. I didn't know who he was, though I thought he was really cute and nice. I asked him what he did for a living and he got a bit upset because he thought I was faking, that "everyone knows him". I really didn't understand it was him and that I've seen him in television and in the movies as well. He asked me that how could I not recognize him. I said: you look different in real life and I've only seen the characters he's played, not him. Then I said where I'm from and that we don't have that much celeb magazines in my country - and the few mags we have, I don't read. Then I had to go. I never asked for his autograph, his phone number nor anything, just thanked for the drink and left. I hope he remembers me as the girl who never reads celeb mags and doesn't drink beer. But I must confess I sometimes think what would have happened and where I'd be if I really would have tried to hit on him and ask him out, or even ask for his phone number :) I have told this to none of my friends before (except the ones in Canada who were there too) so some of you will know about it now. I will never tell his name or give you hints of who he is because I heard that a woman who dated the Finnish prime minister for a while wrote a book about their relationship and all the idiots buy that book. Now that's pathetic.

Still NON-Gyllenhaalic.

Sometimes you just know when the day is going to be perfect.

I woke up and just knew.

The good things about today are definetly the dream I had last night, the wintery scene outside and the fact that I had the cutest SMS waiting for me when I finally got up. Now, I should have gone to school but when the alarm rang I just couldn't tear myself up. Because I was watching the best movie ever - a dream starring me and Jake Gyllenhaal. He is a) friggin' gorgeous, b) soo handsome c) not a very good actor. But in my dream he was. It's funny, how some dreams are just so realistic that you wake up a little confused, like "where the hell did HE go?" And the best part of the dream was that he wasn't an actor in it, but a reqular john working in his dads' firm. And I knew he was Jake Gyllenhaal, but it never occured me in that dream that soon he'll have to walk in front of the camera and be someone else. Funny.

The cutest part of the dream was definitely was when we were making out and his dad came and we were kind of embarassed -as if we were teenagers. The feelings in that dream were so real I started thinking that if dreams are really for us to have something we can't, just once. And how can a human body reflect the feelings that it has never felt before - like winning in the lottery - how can one have that exploding happiness -feeling if one has never won anyting. Just minutes before I woke up - I think- I had go home for awhile and when I returned there, his sister - Maggie- came and gave me a hug but I had missed him so much I couldn't see anyone else but him. And that welcome kiss was so full of pain and relief and..

I wonder if there's something wrong with me - I tend to be so reliant on my dreams. A bad dream can spoil a day, a good one can make it seem perfect.

But hey, I'm still a non-Gyllenhaalic. I'm not a fan. Fans are people who watch his films over and over again and talk about him to people and collect the posters and stuff. I just have him in my dreams, but it seems to me that he in my dreams is really someone else, someone I don't know but is there and he's giving the face for him - as if being the new DreamGuy of mine.

Oh, and In Real Life, I'm very, very confused. One day - like the day before yesterday- J means the world to me and on a day like today I wish I had the strength to pack my stuff and leave. But I know that if I leave him I'll never have anyone who can make me laugh like him and be my best friend. And I know he's so weak right now that if I leave he'll stop living. And he thinks the same way about me. No solution then.