I Hate Myself And I Want To Die

Actually, I don't.

I'm still fat, but otherwise, I kind of like myself. I like the way my thoughts come and go. I like my voice. I have brown eyes, but mostly when I want them to go away, I use opaque contact lenses. I like my upper lip. I like the way I'm prejudical. I like the part in me that's racist. I think I like me.

The only thing I would really, really want to change is my history. But I heard that a heart medicine might erase bad memories. So, I'll just wait for the beta blockers to come to aid.

Oh and I'd also like to be shitload rich. :)

Alone In The Dark

I'm still afraid to sleep alone.

As a kid, I used to make sure my covers were stuck under the matress and my toes firmly hidden. Most of the time, I couldn't sleep because of the random sounds the house made.

I still have nightmares, but for some reason they have gone from horrifying, sweat-breaking, screamily nightmares to stupid nightmares that won't bother me the next day.

For the next two nights I have to sleep alone. Most likely I'll keep the bathroom light on. Silly. I'm 28 ffs.

My Favorite South Park Episode

Cartman goes to Idols and bets with Kyle and Stan that he can make it to the finals. They all, including Kenny sign up and fake their age. Cartman will do the stupid audition stuff the American Idol losers do. Simon Cowell loves him, though. And Kenny shines like the brightest star and ends up in the finals and eventually wins. He gets disqualified when Cartman reveals their true age. Kenny however will sign a record contract.

I Want Graveyard Book - The Movie

When listening to (yes, I'm addicted to audio books - nothing beats playing Fallout 3 & listening to books) The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, I formed this image in my head even though Neil Jordan has been assigned to write & direct a movie of the book:

The Graveyard Book - The Movie

Directed by Tim Burton

Produced by Danny Boyle / Edgar Wright.

Starring:

Liam Broggy as young Bod
Alex Pettyfer as late teen Bod
Gary Oldman as Silas
Helena Bonham Carter as Miss Lupescu
Emma Roberts as Lisa Hempstock
Sophie Wu as teen Scarlett Amber Perkins
Tim Kang as The Man Jack
Toby Stephens as Mr Owens
Rae Ritke as Mrs Owens
Kevin McKidd as Caius Pompeius

But, I guess we'll be seeing a crappy shitmovie that will spoil the book.

Sims 3 Will Be Delayed!

So,

Sims 3 won't come out until JUNE! JUNE, people! This delay better produce a 100% bug free, enjoyable game for that shitty price.

I don't mind delay, I'm still waiting for Blackmesa, but knowing that EA will only produce a half-made, bug-infested game pisses me off! And I'm still stupid enough to go buy it.

This sucks.

I Hate Being Erica

So, there's this new show, called Being Erica.

I hate it.I fucking hate it.

I hate all these things about people who get more and more shit every day from their family and more: from their friends. Episode five of Being Erica made me want to kill every woman on this planet.

A good reminder why I don't like women and have only one female friend. I've been deceived, bullied and overlooked by girls and women all my life and seeing one woman - even fictinally - tortured by other women makes me want to puke!

I hate women. The only women I stand are my sisters (partly because I have to and they have more in their heads than the current lipstick fashion and pooping children) and my friend L, who doesn't like the woman stuff either.

However, the crappy show has made me think. What if I'm 32 in just four years, I probably won't be married, employed nor with children. Then I'll be glad I don't have bitches as friends.

A Little Something From The Past & Comets

The comet Lulin is visible for a couple of weeks. I haven't seen it yet, because it "rises" above the horizon very early in the morning. I have a good telescope and I haven't been able to use it for quite some time now, because most of the time the weather sucks.

My Ex spoke to me on MSN today. I removed him from my friend contacts ages ago cause I thought it would be annoying to J and my ex's wife if we talked to each other. But today I figured it is totally okay and added him to friends again. We don't have feelings for each other anymore. We broke up for a reason back then and we live 600 kilometers apart, so what harm could it do to anyone?

I still love him, when he comes to my mind once or twice a year, but not in that relationship-love -manner. It's like the love you feel for something good that happened, the good memories and feelings remembered. I love all my exes, the good bits in them. But I would never want to have a relationship with them again. I know what was M's biggest fault and I bet he found a great deal in me. Being awfully jeallous isn't the smallest, I bet.

The only relationship I regret were the two I didn't have. One because I didn't want to break up with M and one because this guy was too good a friend to lose. The friend has long been gone, so no harm would have been done anyway.

Regrets, one thing the humans could do without.

He's Hawt!

Hawt.

Hawt hawt hawt.

Tyron Leitso

How cute is that?

He's got all this Jason Priestley - Clive Owen -thing going on.

AND I LOVE IT!