A scary thought I had a few days ago when there was something on TV about those old people who had absolutely nobody in their life and they died all alone in their apartments. Usually it's the neighbors complaining about the smell or the postman reporting when those people have been found. I wonder have they done something in their past that there is no one. What did they have in mind on their last day alive? I know one whose life is bound to end like that - my mothers. She burns all the bridges behind her each year, ditches her friends whenever they even say something she doesn't like. But I don't feel sorry for her. If someone can really say hating someone - I can. She's destroyed my life and she's the reason I'm a wreck who doesn't trust anyone. Maybe I'll wind up dying alone as I can't let anyone near me 'cause I'm afraid that they'd really learn to know me and then hurt me really badly. When I'm saying "knowing" me, it doesn't mean knowing that I laugh on bad jokes and what kind of movies I'd like. I know that there isn't such a man living on this earth - but still keep hoping. Like Bridget Jones. Don't get me wrong, people, I like having J in my life - but I can't help the naiive side in me. I will always be that princess (Ugly, though) waiting for the prince to arrive. I gues when it comes to me, the prince would likely run away.
I think I will go back to Canada. Eventually. I know that leaving this country will be easy, but staying in another knowing nobody (and I don't make friends easily) is very hard. Of course I will have male friends - I'm always like one of the guys. But I've always wanted to have a girl friend who doesn't try to compete with me and who doesn't think she's prettier than me. I had a friend who knew she is very beautiful - And I had to hear about it every day - which made me feel even uglier.
A note to myself: Don't talk so much.
Tune of the moment:
Delerium - Innocente