It seems to be forever since the last time I felt like saying anything to anyone.
Most of my problems are either long gone or getting smaller. The thing in my tummy wasn't anything dangerous and it's easily removable. But I'm gonna have to get that thing removed soon. Daily headaches, difficulties of breathing, tummy aches, they seem to have disappeared. I'm very happy about that.
The only problem is J, whom I still don't trust. He repeated the internet-dating stuff again, this time with pictures and all. I hated him for that and I still think I do hate him just a little bit. But we're coping. But I'm still being paranoid and - silly - revengeful. I often find myself thinking that if I did that too would it make it easier for me to cope with all J has done to me?
But, I'm still ugly and fat and no one would even look at me.
I have to confess that I kind of miss the first kiss thing - as I have explained before.
One learns to live without some things, though.
... and sometimes sweet memories are greater than new experiences - as I learned a couple of days ago having another bagel in the local deli.
Sadly, one of my teachers passed away on christmas day - he was in his middle fourties and one of my favorites for his funny way of speech. His death made me think I have to take better care of myself. People in this country are more afraid of cancer than the real killer, cardiovascular diseases which apparently were the cause of his death. To avoid early death I'll really have to start thinking of me instead of others. After all we only get one life and it would be silly to waste half of it by dying too soon, eh?
Every day I see stressed people around me and some of them I care about. I'd hate to see them going down.
There are a few people I'd like to get rid of, though. With no regrets.