Not knowing where to go is just killing me. It's fuckin' eating me day after day until there's nothing left. I want so many things but don't have the means to get them.
I know I don't belong here. But where is it then? There is always this crazy feeling of not being able to stay where I am, I always want to go somewhere else and maybe be someone else.
Childish, I know.
Can't help it, though.
That's.
Oh, by the way, I wonder if there is anyone in the world who would accept me the way I am? With all my frantics (kill me for wrong word here) and every bad aspects in my nature.
I read Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice two days ago. I liked the story very much - I could, actually, be in Elizabeth Bennet's shoes one day. I'm proud and I'm very prejudical (another wrong word?) and that could be the fact that I'm always misunderstood and misunderstanding.
Funny. My English has been better.
A moment later..
Great. Just got humiliated in front of the class. I hadn't been added to the "learning environment" for that class - so I didn't know about the start date of the course. Which was last week. I checked his home page and boom, nothing there. I asked a simple question why I hadn't been added at all and the teacher started a monologue in which I was the major culprit. Of course I wouldn't have fuckin' asked if I knew that I was late! Of course I wouldn't have been absent from the first class if I'd knew when it was held! There is no prejudice at all when I say that he's an old fart who should be sitting in his diapers in some mental institute.