Okay. I'm officially over 30. I still don't feel a day over 15. When is it coming, adulthood?
I have realized I want to stay at school. I like most of my schoolmates, and I really think this is something I should be doing. I have already told everyone that I'm leaving, so I can't change my mind anymore. I'm feeling this weird, panicky feeling that I shouldn't quit. That this thing should run its course. It's creeping the poo out of me.
Then, there's a girl. If I was gay, I would probably love her.
Her name is Joanne. Her eyes are big and amazing green, and her round face is so beautiful. She even has freckles. She's a bit round, but perfectly so. She looks like a proper woman, and an amazing one. Her accent is amazing. I could listen to her for hours. I would like to be her friend, but I have wanted to make friends with so many people who ended up disappointing me badly. So I won't even try, though we are about the same age and at a similar situation in life.. Our nephews are even about the same age. I know I'll probably lose a potential friend here, but I'd rather like her when I don't properly know her. So, she'll only be my friend in my short story.
When people were made, there were some pieces left - enough to make one more person. That's me. I'm leftovers.
Friday
A Vivid Dream & Some School
Again I had such a vivid dream it has been hard to concentrate. I only remember a pair of piercing blue eyes, messy faux-hawk hairdo, and an amazing, amazing body. And again kisses that do not happen. What's with the goddamn kisses that don't happen? I need a Joseph or someone to explain these dreams.
And I decided to quit the school. I want to be a nurse, and I'm sure I would make a good one, but I will not be wiping people's asses for the rest of my life. Gerontology is up and coming subject, but I haven't spent almost my whole life in school to wipe other people's asses. That job is for the ones who drop out of high school.
And I decided to quit the school. I want to be a nurse, and I'm sure I would make a good one, but I will not be wiping people's asses for the rest of my life. Gerontology is up and coming subject, but I haven't spent almost my whole life in school to wipe other people's asses. That job is for the ones who drop out of high school.
Beautiful Winter
Oh, until after Christmas, it mostly rained. The weather was gray.. I was so longing for winter, a proper one with everything nice included, like snow. Now I have it. Everything is covered with snow, and now that the Sun is showing itself a bit more everyday, it's so beautiful to wake up. The only thing I want to complain ('cause you always have to complain) is how cold it is. They predicted a nice -26 (centigrade), and I think it's a bit too much.. you can go outside only if you wear something that looks like you're trying to reach the South Pole. But I don't really mind. The view from our bedroom window is amazing: I can see kilometer after kilometer of tree line, hills and sky. It's amazing!
I heard one American exchange student complain why a snow day doesn't cancel school or close shops. It barely snowed fifteen centimeters that day! He said they close schools for that. That's nuts... I get it if snows for nine days, and fifteen centimeters each day - at least, but this? Or then us Finns have some bolts loose in our head. We consider walking to school knee deep in snow perfectly normal, and it only stops the old folks or people who commute by bike. Of course, the people in the southern part of the country suddenly forget they don't live in tropical environment when it snows a little. They also usually forget how to drive a car. But the rest of us, we manage quite well, despite of the "snow chaos!" -headlines the papers make after a bit of snow.
Oh, and I quit playing Sims 3. It's crazy how badly it's done. It requires so much resources from a computer. I already have a high-end computer, with fast hard drives in RAID, and still the game lags. And I also think that I have reached my limit of seeing useless stuff being sold for way too much money. And they STILL don't have weather in Sims 3, which sucks. I want snow, thunder, rain, hurricanes...
I heard one American exchange student complain why a snow day doesn't cancel school or close shops. It barely snowed fifteen centimeters that day! He said they close schools for that. That's nuts... I get it if snows for nine days, and fifteen centimeters each day - at least, but this? Or then us Finns have some bolts loose in our head. We consider walking to school knee deep in snow perfectly normal, and it only stops the old folks or people who commute by bike. Of course, the people in the southern part of the country suddenly forget they don't live in tropical environment when it snows a little. They also usually forget how to drive a car. But the rest of us, we manage quite well, despite of the "snow chaos!" -headlines the papers make after a bit of snow.
Oh, and I quit playing Sims 3. It's crazy how badly it's done. It requires so much resources from a computer. I already have a high-end computer, with fast hard drives in RAID, and still the game lags. And I also think that I have reached my limit of seeing useless stuff being sold for way too much money. And they STILL don't have weather in Sims 3, which sucks. I want snow, thunder, rain, hurricanes...
Thursday
In Love
I woke up today, utterly smack smitten in love. It's been crazy this morning. I don't even know whom I'm in love with, but it feels like I've just met someone and fallen knee deep in love. I'm pretty sure this has something to do with a dream I had a few nights ago. I think I kissed someone in that dream. I knew him but I didn't know his name. It wasn't the man in my dreams, however. I usually know it's him when I wake up, but this was someone else.
The dream was weird anyway. It was a boarding school of some kind, and I was the house mother, and there was a man, maybe he was the house father then.. We were on a patrol in the corridor when he grabbed me by the waist, pulled closer and told me how he had wanted to kiss me forever. Then he started to kiss me, but pulled away just as it would have counted as a kiss. Then he started again, but our lips barely touched. Then again. I wanted him to kiss me so badly I woke up. :D
Or then I'm so entwined in my overgrown short story I'm mixing up life and reality. I was thinking about changing my character names to something less obvious, as I'm pretty sure everyone would recognize them. I have done such a good work in describing them, and I've used names connected to them.. Maybe I shouldn't have. People who are not connected to me, but are real is a bad choice. Just a tip to other scribblers.
But nevertheless, today I'm happy. Today is the best day for a long time... and I'm sure by the time I get home... Well, let's just say there hasn't been love for such a long time between us. Yes, he is still my best friend, but friendship isn't enough when I want to be in love, to be the center of the world for someone, for at least some time. I want to feel pretty, and kiss someone with feelings other than "let's get this over now, like every day..."
But, a reality check: love doesn't last for many years anyway. It's useless to leave someone just because you've reached a level of companionship rather then lovers. It's useless to leave someone because with the other one, you'll end up in friendship, sooner or later. Or then you start hating each other.
The dream was weird anyway. It was a boarding school of some kind, and I was the house mother, and there was a man, maybe he was the house father then.. We were on a patrol in the corridor when he grabbed me by the waist, pulled closer and told me how he had wanted to kiss me forever. Then he started to kiss me, but pulled away just as it would have counted as a kiss. Then he started again, but our lips barely touched. Then again. I wanted him to kiss me so badly I woke up. :D
Or then I'm so entwined in my overgrown short story I'm mixing up life and reality. I was thinking about changing my character names to something less obvious, as I'm pretty sure everyone would recognize them. I have done such a good work in describing them, and I've used names connected to them.. Maybe I shouldn't have. People who are not connected to me, but are real is a bad choice. Just a tip to other scribblers.
But nevertheless, today I'm happy. Today is the best day for a long time... and I'm sure by the time I get home... Well, let's just say there hasn't been love for such a long time between us. Yes, he is still my best friend, but friendship isn't enough when I want to be in love, to be the center of the world for someone, for at least some time. I want to feel pretty, and kiss someone with feelings other than "let's get this over now, like every day..."
But, a reality check: love doesn't last for many years anyway. It's useless to leave someone just because you've reached a level of companionship rather then lovers. It's useless to leave someone because with the other one, you'll end up in friendship, sooner or later. Or then you start hating each other.
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