Over-golded, trendy clothes, big belly.. This was my doctor today.
He suggested that my high blood pressure that came out of nowhere two days ago is because I might be bi-polar, suffering from migraine or panic disorder. He also said I might be a bit depressed or anxious. He also added that having a history of childhood abuse might effect my mind (no shit, Sherlock). Not to forget he thinks I'm anemic. Oh and let's not forget that he sent me home with blood pressure 30 units higher than it should be.
Nothing's changed, I'm just a bit poorer and yes, my head's still humming, my heart's beating too fast and NOW I'm pissed off too. I though I've had some poor doctors, but this one... The next time I'll go see a doctor is in a body bag. I've had it. No one calls me crazy until I start seeing pink elephants climbing trees.
And apprently I'm wrong about thinking what depression meds did to my sister has something to do with how they'll effect me. After all, we only share most of our genes. But no.
He just wanted to know do I like my life. I had to think a sec. I have J, a few well chosen friends, a nice place to live in, my most important people are alive and the only thing in my life I don't like is school. I, amazingly, like myself. I'm surprisingly happy being fat.
I basically told the doctor to go fuck himself. Well, no, I was polite as always. But I DID ask him why was he being so arrogant. "I'm not being arrogant, you're just being touchy." After a night of takykardia, humming in my ears and worry about my health in all, I'd like to have something else said instead of stating that I'm a mental case.
I'm not. The only thing I don't have the energy to do is school stuff. I can go out (even though my back aches), go shopping, sit on the computer, watch movies, talk with people, play Wii with people, cook, smile, laugh, cry... I am not crazy or even mentally unstable (isn't what all the really crazy people say), I just don't like school, had a tumor-like thingy in my belly (that's still hurting) and a muscle that hasn't healed properly.
It's all in me head, as Mr. Tweedy has to remind himself every now and then (in Chicken Run).
I forgot, there's one annoying, arrogant doctor I like and that's House, MD.
Tune of the moment:
Disturbed - Down With The Sickness
When people were made, there were some pieces left - enough to make one more person. That's me. I'm leftovers.
Showing posts with label Hell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hell. Show all posts
Thursday
Monday
(Un)Holy Shit!
I had to sleep two night before I realized how unfair life is.
Why couldn't I have been born beautiful, smart and somewhere in Los Angeles?
Why do all the beautiful men live somewhere else than here?
Why can't I just grow up and get this life once and for all and STOP having these dreams everything is perfect and then wake up to this ****** unfairness of a shit of a life.
It is so unfair. UNFAIR! DO YOU HEAR ME FATE?! U-N-F-A-I-R!
If there was a god, I'd stop talking to her and make a deal with the devil.
So, devil, since YOU'RE obviously there (cause life sucks), I'd like to make a deal.
Let me live until my 112th birthday without falling sick once, out of any harm, be happy and not remembering this deal. I'd also like to win three times in the lottery (when ever I choose to), having the jackpot all for myself. I wish I wouldn't have to work a day in my life and I'd never go bankrupt, nor lose anyone in my life to death until they've turned 72. And let me have the man I want if he is a) single or b) divorced. Oh, and I'd like him to like me the way I am the moment I meet him the first time. And I'd also like to buy J a beautiful, nice, fair girlfriend who he deserves (I guess).
In exchange I'll give my undying soul to be tortured in hell for all eternity plus I'd be willing to throw in the soul of the three children I'm to give birth to be tortured in hell for the first 30 years after they die in the age of 92 years.
kthanksbye.
Why couldn't I have been born beautiful, smart and somewhere in Los Angeles?
Why do all the beautiful men live somewhere else than here?
Why can't I just grow up and get this life once and for all and STOP having these dreams everything is perfect and then wake up to this ****** unfairness of a shit of a life.
It is so unfair. UNFAIR! DO YOU HEAR ME FATE?! U-N-F-A-I-R!
If there was a god, I'd stop talking to her and make a deal with the devil.
So, devil, since YOU'RE obviously there (cause life sucks), I'd like to make a deal.
Let me live until my 112th birthday without falling sick once, out of any harm, be happy and not remembering this deal. I'd also like to win three times in the lottery (when ever I choose to), having the jackpot all for myself. I wish I wouldn't have to work a day in my life and I'd never go bankrupt, nor lose anyone in my life to death until they've turned 72. And let me have the man I want if he is a) single or b) divorced. Oh, and I'd like him to like me the way I am the moment I meet him the first time. And I'd also like to buy J a beautiful, nice, fair girlfriend who he deserves (I guess).
In exchange I'll give my undying soul to be tortured in hell for all eternity plus I'd be willing to throw in the soul of the three children I'm to give birth to be tortured in hell for the first 30 years after they die in the age of 92 years.
kthanksbye.
The Night In Hell
If all the bees on earth would die, the humans would follow four years later.
Fate, do you hear me? I swear I'll never take a swing at a bee again. Never.
Now, about my night in hell.
I woke up three times last night.
The first time I woke up to somebody calling my name, my first name, the one I don't use. I thought it was IHQ, but he was snoring his lungs out. But he only calls me by my nickname.
The second time I woke up, was that I just opened my eyes. The light from outside formed a cross on the wall. I was very freaked out and turned the light on. But the third time.. it took me almost two hours to be able to sleep again. I woke up to someone pulling my leg. Really pulling.
First I thought it was J kicking me in his dreams.. But he was facing the other way..It was pulling me outwards, so it wasn't a cramp. It was as if someone would be at the bedpost and pull. I was still really scared when I got to work. And the fact that I actually saw something in our livingroom, made it worse. I turned the TV on to watch good morning finland and then I saw something dark standing right outside the door. I thought it was J who came back to pick up something he forgot. I said hi and it was gone.
...
Fate, do you hear me? I swear I'll never take a swing at a bee again. Never.
Now, about my night in hell.
I woke up three times last night.
The first time I woke up to somebody calling my name, my first name, the one I don't use. I thought it was IHQ, but he was snoring his lungs out. But he only calls me by my nickname.
The second time I woke up, was that I just opened my eyes. The light from outside formed a cross on the wall. I was very freaked out and turned the light on. But the third time.. it took me almost two hours to be able to sleep again. I woke up to someone pulling my leg. Really pulling.
First I thought it was J kicking me in his dreams.. But he was facing the other way..It was pulling me outwards, so it wasn't a cramp. It was as if someone would be at the bedpost and pull. I was still really scared when I got to work. And the fact that I actually saw something in our livingroom, made it worse. I turned the TV on to watch good morning finland and then I saw something dark standing right outside the door. I thought it was J who came back to pick up something he forgot. I said hi and it was gone.
...
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