I Am Leftovers

Beautiful Winter

2012-01-27T10:10:00.001+02:00

Oh, until after Christmas, it mostly rained. The weather was gray.. I was so longing for winter, a proper one with everything nice included, like snow. Now I have it. Everything is covered with snow, and now that the Sun is showing itself a bit more everyday, it's so beautiful to wake up. The only thing I want to complain ('cause you always have to complain) is how cold it is. They predicted a nice -26 (centigrade), and I think it's a bit too much.. you can go outside only if you wear something that looks like you're trying to reach the South Pole. But I don't really mind. The view from our bedroom window is amazing: I can see kilometer after kilometer of tree line, hills and sky. It's amazing!

I heard one American exchange student complain why a snow day doesn't cancel school or close shops. It barely snowed fifteen centimeters that day! He said they close schools for that. That's nuts... I get it if snows for nine days, and fifteen centimeters each day - at least, but this? Or then us Finns have some bolts loose in our head. We consider walking to school knee deep in snow perfectly normal, and it only stops the old folks or people who commute by bike. Of course, the people in the southern part of the country suddenly forget they don't live in tropical environment when it snows a little. They also usually forget how to drive a car. But the rest of us, we manage quite well, despite of the "snow chaos!" -headlines the papers make after a bit of snow.

Oh, and I quit playing Sims 3. It's crazy how badly it's done. It requires so much resources from a computer. I already have a high-end computer, with fast hard drives in RAID, and still the game lags. And I also think that I have reached my limit of seeing useless stuff being sold for way too much money. And they STILL don't have weather in Sims 3, which sucks. I want snow, thunder, rain, hurricanes...

In Love

2012-01-26T11:57:00.000+02:00

I woke up today, utterly smack smitten in love. It's been crazy this morning. I don't even know whom I'm in love with, but it feels like I've just met someone and fallen knee deep in love. I'm pretty sure this has something to do with a dream I had a few nights ago. I think I kissed someone in that dream. I knew him but I didn't know his name. It wasn't the man in my dreams, however. I usually know it's him when I wake up, but this was someone else.

The dream was weird anyway. It was a boarding school of some kind, and I was the house mother, and there was a man, maybe he was the house father then.. We were on a patrol in the corridor when he grabbed me by the waist, pulled closer and told me how he had wanted to kiss me forever. Then he started to kiss me, but pulled away just as it would have counted as a kiss. Then he started again, but our lips barely touched. Then again. I wanted him to kiss me so badly I woke up. :D

Or then I'm so entwined in my overgrown short story I'm mixing up life and reality. I was thinking about changing my character names to something less obvious, as I'm pretty sure everyone would recognize them. I have done such a good work in describing them, and I've used names connected to them.. Maybe I shouldn't have. People who are not connected to me, but are real is a bad choice. Just a tip to other scribblers.

But nevertheless, today I'm happy. Today is the best day for a long time... and I'm sure by the time I get home... Well, let's just say there hasn't been love for such a long time between us. Yes, he is still my best friend, but friendship isn't enough when I want to be in love, to be the center of the world for someone, for at least some time. I want to feel pretty, and kiss someone with feelings other than "let's get this over now, like every day..."

But, a reality check: love doesn't last for many years anyway. It's useless to leave someone just because you've reached a level of companionship rather then lovers. It's useless to leave someone because with the other one, you'll end up in friendship, sooner or later. Or then you start hating each other.

Another Writer's Block

2012-01-23T23:04:00.000+02:00

I have been trying to write my short story, but what I mostly get is bullshit. The story is now over 100 pages though I have thrown out so much. I think I have written approximately 200 pages... and I'm happy with one page. And I desperately need someone to read it and give feedback, but there's no one I trust enough to read it, or no one who'd I want feedback from. It's mostly something that has happened to me and would reveal too much from myself. The setting, people and some events are of course different, but a person who'd read it would know some things I'd like to keep secret. So, the reader can't be anyone I know, or who knows my friends and family

Politics

2012-01-19T12:24:00.000+02:00

So, the presidential election is on its way in Finland. I have already voted, and I hope my candidate doesn't win, because he's needed elsewhere. The person who's most likely to win is also not a bad choice, 'cause he already has years of experience and he's not a dumbass, like all the female candidates. Other, a deeply religious person is like Palin, and the other is like an escapee from a mental institute.. I would have voted for a woman if it was any other than those two... and of course the current president who is only interested in giving the immigrants, gays and lesbians everything they wish for at the expense of the rest of us.

So, I've tried to get people voting. Not for my candidate of course, but vote. Some of the young people in the country think that voting empty makes a statement. But it doesn't. They try to explain that there are no candidates for their liking, but I disagree. "It's always a choice between a douche and a turd sandwich". I think Stan said that.

I think only the people who do not have the right to vote or live in a country the elections are rigged, can appreciate the freedom to vote.

Well, if you are reading this, go vote. And if it's a choice between a douche and a turd sandwich, choose the one who is less a bother.

Apparently There Are Saints...

2012-01-11T08:34:00.000+02:00

The only thing in Islam I can respect is something that came out of a woman's mouth:

"I want to put out the fires of Hell, and burn down the rewards of Paradise. They block the way to God. I do not want to worship from fear of punishment or for the promise of reward, but simply for the love of God!" - رابعة العدوية القيسية

.. Something Is Up..

2011-12-25T19:28:00.002+02:00

I've been on such a good mood for too many days.

Something is going to explode, I'm sure of it.

By the way.. I have been thinking what to do with my short story of 100+ pages when I'm done with it... I'm going to put it online, of course. But where? Make another blog where to post it? Just put it online somewhere and link to as many sites as possible?

Have Yourself A Very Merry Christmas..

2011-12-24T13:56:00.005+02:00

I'll be thinking about three people in particular. Of course I'll try to spend a moment thinking about anyone who's ever been someone to me, but the three people who have affected me the most since last Christmas are in my thoughts today. A, for being there in my dreams and making most nights so precious that daylight seems unimportant, and even garish. C for being the driving force in my novel writing by just being alive, and a certain J, who deserves more than I'm able to give and be.

Merry Christmas to every Christian in the world. May you be able to celebrate this day without having to be afraid of your lives.

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates today for their own reasons.

Merry Christmas to everyone who lets us celebrate this day, regardless of their own opinions, beliefs and customs.

Last but not least, I wish Merry Christmas to the Mother. I love my home planet, and so should everyone else. It's the only place we got.

A Weird Reminder

2011-12-20T23:12:00.000+02:00

Remember a post where I mentioned I bumped into a Chris Evans -dobbelgänger? Well, I saw him again. He's an engineering student at my school, and we both attended a pre-christmas party. I saw him there, and gawked like an idiot. I instantly remembered he was the guy I bumped into this one summer. It's funny that I don't remember the last name of a guy who I used to date in high school (I remember his BMW), but I still remember what this guy was wearing on the day I saw him for the first time. It's funny that I don't remember what J was wearing on the first day I met him, but I remember this. It's weird. And it's not that I want to talk with him or get to know him. No, actually I prefer it to be something like a dream.

How crazy is that?

About school.. I've had my first practice now, and I have realized that this education leads to being an overglorified ass-wiper. I'm not going to spend years in school, and do shit job - literally. That is the reason you go to school, to be able to do something else than ass-wiping.

If I get a job during spring 2012, I'm quitting.

To some obscurity of cloud --
It will not do to say of night,
Since dark is what brings out your light.
-Robert Frost-

I Hate That Ginger Bitch & Other School Stuff

2011-11-07T11:27:00.001+02:00

So, there's this Canadian girl in my class. I fucking hate that bitch. She's a ginger, and she has no soul. She's evil, arrogant, thinks too highly of herself.. and she took my practice placement from right in front of my nose. I asked her to change placements, but she refused. And she whispered (too loudly for it to not to be a whisper) that I need the extra miles, because I'm a fat cow. Well, she's a skinny, boobles, short hobbit. I tried to reason with her, telling that her trip to my current placement is shorter than for me, but no. So I hate her. I had been talking about the placement for a week, and that BITCH took that from right in front of my nose! I wish she would die a fiery death.

She has caused quite the dent in my belief of Canucks being nice people.

I just hate that ginger bitch. If I was a witch, I'd summon a disease upon her.

About the school. Well, the honeymoon is over. I've clashed already with three people, and one of them has managed to make the rest of them hate me. Just because she misunderstood something I wrote, and didn't bother to ask before she started a huge rant. I basically did their job, and this was the thanks. Another case is with the ginger slut, and there's one with a Romanian cuckoo (who I actually believed to be nice). I've been skipping classes, and hating my time at school. I thought about quitting three times. I've been crying twice. No matter where I go, I seem to make things bad for me. I guess I'm a failure. And yes, I've been told it's not my fault, that I am nice and helpful to people, but it really doesn't help. I'm some sort of a catalyst to people. I decided I'll never be nice to anyone. And I'll speak with my classmates only if necessary.

Good things follow: I'm not afraid of needles anymore.

It Can't Rain All The Time

2011-09-24T19:05:00.001+03:00

It's been raining for almost a month now. Not every day, but most of the time.

I go to school by bike, and it's really not nice. No matter

About school... so far, I've enjoyed the school. I haven't even ditched a class yet. It's weird.

And now something completely different:

It's the extra tooth I'm growin in my jaw bone. <3

Silent Lucidity

2011-09-22T10:20:00.001+03:00

An incredibly vivid dream again.

It was weird to wake up and find myself from my own bed. It had felt like I had just been somewhere warm, and there was a guy called Josh.

Now, I don't know anyone named Josh, but he seemed so familiar.

We desperately wanted to touch each other, just to hold a hand, or even brush an arm, anything. There was nobody else there, but still we couldn't. I think that over the dream I felt it would be wrong to do it, because of J. Funny, it usually hasn't kept any of the creepy dreams away, especially ones like these.

But it felt like falling in love with someone, not ever wanting to lose them.

Anyway, I was awaken for just a moment, to realize it had been a dream, and where I was, but still asleep enough to be able to continue (I've been practicing this since high school) the dream. It's easy, but you need to practice remembering your dreams, and then learn how to fall back asleep, even if you don't feel like sleeping. You only have moments to do it.

Before I fell back asleep I reminded myself that it was okay to do it, that it was only a dream.

I managed to continue from exactly the moment I had woken from.

A little boy, his son, not much older than a toddler I think, was heading towards me, and I took him in my arms, and held him. The boy touched my forehead with his forehead, and stayed in that position, until Josh took my hand. He just held my hand, and I felt such a power, a surge of emotion fill me.. I can't even explain it. Like we were complete, a unit.

I put the boy back on the ground, and he happily toddled off. Then Josh kissed me, and I was so relieved..

I woke about 25 minutes later, and still could feel the sensation. It has now been three hours, but I still feel relieved. And I still smile.

Another One Bites the Dust

2011-09-12T12:54:00.000+03:00

Remember this post?

Well, he won't be playing Spartacus from now on, as he lost his fight with non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Rest in Peace, Andy Whitfield.

I hope that the rest of the guys I listed in my Cutie Nobodies list get to live.

Back To School

2011-08-24T14:22:00.003+03:00

So, I'm back to school.

It's an English speaking programme, and I'm very unhappy that most of the people there are not foreign. It felt like a good opportunity to have fun learning a profession I could actually get a job in, and maybe better my language skills. But yippikay-ee, everyone's fuckin' Finnish, with their Finnish accent. Except for the Canadian ginger, who looks like a bitch and who keeps giving me some nasty evil looks for absolutely no reason. I actually thought I'd like to get to know her before I talked with her. All the other girls are pretty and they've already done the clicque thing. And as usual, I'm out. Well, nothing new there. I'm blaming my mum who thought it was necessary to beat me up for absolutely no reason whatsoever instead of letting me go to someone's house or have someone over.

I'm not one who can fake-smile all day long, be all giddy and love the stupid games you play to get to know each other's face. After the first day, my face actually hurt from all the smiling. And by afternoon I desperately wanted a drink. I don't drink, and I'm getting a drink today.

The school really starts on Monday. I'm pretty sure I'll not make it to the end.

Oh, and happy birthday to someone special. Hope you have a good day. A little birthday song for you:

A Writer's Block

2011-07-21T16:32:00.000+03:00

I've been working on one thing for over a year now. It's a silly little thing, and it sucks, but still I keep writing it. The people have grown to be like friends, and it's weird to stop writing it every day when J returns home. It's funny that writing it, I'm somewhere else, among different people, and I'm different, and when I return back to my own life, I'm frustrated. It's a stupid love story, a triangle, trashy, like the ones you buy for a flight and then throw away.

I write it in English, and I know I shouldn't, because I write better in my own language. But some things are better said in English.

So, about the block. It's not that I cannot write anything, it's that I have too much. I write different scenes, I call them scenes. Then I decide they're too much, or too stupid, and destroy them. I've written 200 pages and destroyed 120.

And I can't read books anymore. I see a beautiful description, and I want to copy it. Plagiate, if you will.

Past Life Experiences..

2011-07-11T15:05:00.002+03:00

So, about me getting physically ill after seeing Alex O'Loughlin for the first time...

A friend, who is basically a yahoo over anything new agy, weird, paranormal etc, just explained that reaction. According to him, we have met in a past life - and in that life I've done something bad to him, so I had a violent reaction... so I asked around and had a recommendation of regression therapy. I would like to tell that I did go and have therapy to remember my previous lives, but since I don't believe in anything like that, I didn't.

Once, years ago, I did a humourous test about past lives - and according to it, in my previous life I was a chicken. Apparently he choke on a chicken bone in his previous life. Or that I was a poisoner (witch) in my life before my short life as a chicken, and he happened to be the victim. The reason I would think a witch would have poisoned anyone was because of one of these things: Either he was a crappy husband and I poisoned him, probably using a little belladonna cooked in his food.. maybe I burned the dinner that night... or I was in love with the town hottie - him - and fed him poison instead of the love potion. Or it might be that he was en evil lord and he just got what he deserved.

Now, when it comes to Karma.. my life has been pretty crappy this time, so probably I've now paid my dues. His life seems nice now, so apparently he got a reward for the sudden ending of his past life. Now, if he was bad and still he's rewarded in this life, my karma is just biting me in the ass, because I apparently killed an innocent person? Oopsy. I'm starting to think my theory no 2. with the love poison did me.

No Disappointments Until You Wake Up

2011-06-27T10:37:00.002+03:00

For a moment your stupid, unworthy life is perfect. You are happy, you know yourself and you are perfect - as much as you can. No disappointments until you wake up.

There are mornings that I wish I never wake up. Then, after a nightmare-ridden night I'm glad to wake. Now is that a dilemma or what? Other people worry about getting water to drink or someone bombing them on their way home..

Is it happiness that you actually sleep about 25 years of your life - or does it take something away? Is it a waste of a precious life or just waste of time? I read that you only learn in dreams, your brain works out the daily things and refine it to learning.. but what can you learn of a perfect life that disappears every morning you happen to wake up to your shit of a life?

Why are we cursed with the ability to have dreams? It's like the evolution's last 'fuck you' to mock us or something. Why give someone the best days of their lives, then wake them up to the reality that they are on a refugee camp with nothing but the clothes they stand up in? Isn't it cruelty? What about some poor fucker, who can barely write - can only put their words right out when they are deep in sleep?

Now, why this ramble? I was thinking about myself, my dreams. I do have a good life when compared to millions of others. I'm educated, well-enough behaving, I have a nice guy, a few good friends, apartment with a nice view, something to do every day and really no worries. Then why do my dreams affect me so much? Why a life I never had returns to my dreams night after night so that I can't be grateful of what I actually have? I'm constantly trying to tell myself to return to real life after a night... but yesterday I found myself smiling like an idiot for the whole day.

Now, let's put that half aside and talk about something else. I'm that kind of a person that I get deeply affected by something, mostly it's a tune in a song, a picture, a sound I hear. Like on a very windy day I stopped to hear the wind blowing in a grove of pines. Have you ever stopped to listen how much different it is from when it's deciduous trees?

Tune of today:

He Makes Me Cry

2011-06-26T22:06:00.004+03:00

I had this dream
you knew who I am
and loved what you saw
you loved me
as I am

waking up like this
after a life like that
I want to sleep

I am an old soul
and somehow I know
we were one in another time
it was another life
in it I did wrong

if this is what I deserve
I hope I get to rest
I cannot come back

a life is worth living
but if it's going to be
another life like this,
I don't want it
just take it away

What a Month!

2011-05-28T00:21:00.001+03:00

It's been hell, this month renovating our new apartment.

You wake up at 7 in the morning, go to the apartment, do stuff and by the time you're back in bed, it's already past midnight and it's about seven hours until you get up and repeat the last day. it's like one of those nightmares that you wake up in your dream and relive everything again.

We should be able to move today and everything is just not finished. Some of the woodwork isn't done. The new place isn't cleaned up yet... and I'm so tired! I just want to sleep 12 hours without waking up in the middle thinking I should be painting or something.

I thought renovating would be fun. It could be if you could only do a couple of hours a day, not around the clock for a whole month. I hate it. I don't ever want to see another paintbrush, piece of laminate flooring, sanders, hammer drills, screw drivers..

Ice Hockey

2011-05-15T23:57:00.001+03:00

Yayyy! Finland won! IIHF World Cup Gold is OURS!

Yes, yes, yes, 6-1.

And the best thing? We won the final against Sweden. Oh, sweet victory!

I don't give a shit about ice hockey, I only listened to the match, but it's been sixteen years since our last gold medal. It was time to bring gold home. This is a good day for the Finns. Maybe this victory brings some patriotism to the people.

Goodbye Nokia, Welcome... what?

2011-05-11T23:05:00.000+03:00

So, I gave up my Nokia. Because of them moving all the production from Finland to China. The Finns are losing a lot of jobs because of this China-phenomenon. Plus Nokia has Elop running it. And it's connected with Microsoft. And it rejected Android.

I've always (well, almost always, I had a Samsung once for a few months until it broke) had a Nokia phone, for almost 14 years now. I've never had to take a phone to warranty service and I've never had problems.

I've had a ZTE Blade for a few weeks now - and it's already gone to warranty service. It has the worst adapters, battery and capacitive display - but hey, it's a €100 phone. My last phone, a Nokia N958GB (which is back in service now that my Blade is having some work done), cost a bit under €600 and I was perfectly happy with it. Not that price says anything.. My cheap Nokias have NEVER needed any extra maintenance. I've never had a Nokia break, I've just always bought a new one.

But, as Nokia betrayed the Finns, I might as well buy some other brand. I've been having wet dreams about Samsung Galaxy S, but all our money goes to the mortgage now.

A Tiny Update

2011-05-10T10:02:00.007+03:00

The last time I wrote.. was in January.

A lot of things have happened since.

My friend who was murdered has a kid brother, who is now under suspicion of killing his girlfriend. That sweet boy! That kid - the friendliest ever. Good boy, who enjoyed playing outside.. social.. Now just a pathetic worthless druggie. That's how little you know people around you! I'm ashamed to know that boy now..

And the job.. well, it was a hoax. I was supposed to go and teach and they said they're going to pay me according to the amount of lessons I give. Nothing was said about selling the courses as well - not until I got the contract and was about to sign. So, I would have had to spend hours selling the courses, but I wouldn't have gotten paid. I so quit that thing. Guess my bad luck is still on its track.

J bought an apartment. We've been renovating it. It's a two-bedroom apartment with a fabulous view. I can hardly wait getting it ready so we can move. My hand - well, actually it's my wrist and thumb - hurts like hell. I'm suspecting a carpal tunnel syndrome.. But I'm not going to the doctor. Too many bad experiences from that health clinic. Well, as soon as we move to another neighborhood, I can change my clinic. Oh, and about that neighborhood.. a lot of young families, some elders and no immigrants. I guess we're part of white flight then..

By the way, J pays 30% direct tax of his paycheck. Plus VAT and other taxes. Wow it's great to live in Finland. And they are expecting us Finns to pay up the debts of Portugal, Ireland and Greece. Greece is what makes me roll around in anger.. They may retire at the age of 53. If I get a job, I'll be able to retire at 73. J will be able to retire at 68. How unfair is that? They get to retire while they still have some strength left, but we're basically in grave before we can stop working.

My kid sister found a boyfriend. He drinks a bit too much, but he's young. They are both young. But he's from the countryside, from a good family and is just what my kid sister needs: a well-bred boy, who is social and has a job. After a disaster of a relationship that's exactly what my sister deserves. That's a good thing.

My elder sister is pregnant. Again. This is her sixth. In all fairness, she didn't want to get pregnant this time and was denied sterilization when she asked for it six years ago (she was 28 at that time) after her fourth kid. I'm worried. She has arthritis and we're worried it's going to strike her back. If it does, she'll be a single mom of six who needs personal assistants. She is my sister and I love her, but she's so stupid. The Finnish social system and all the monetary support the government gives is meant to be short-term. She's now having her sixth kid of welfare. I haven't had one - partly because I don't have job and I don't want the government (and all the tax payers) having to feed the baby. I'm ashamed of my sister and a bit angry, but at the same time proud that she wants to work and has been working for a couple of months before this pregnancy.

We've been talking about having a baby ourselves too. I have three worries: First, my mental health. If I'm crazy like my shit-of-a-mother is, I don't want J or the baby anywhere near me. Second, money. J could support all three of us right now. But with a mortgage and these times in economy, it's too risky. We might end up on welfare too - and that's definitely what I do not want. Three, my weight. I'm obese right now and it's supposed to harm the baby. It's stupid anyway, I eat properly but still bulge from every corner. No chips, no sweets, no chocolate, no hamburgers, pizzas... Oh, there is a fourth worry. I'm 30 now. I'm getting old for having my first baby. Most women have one at the age of 26. And in four years my fertility rate goes down and risk rate goes up. I'm in a hurry. J could wait. He could take a twentysomething thai woman at his fifties and have as many as he wishes but my time is running out.

I've been worried for my country for years now and finally there's a little light of hope. The True Finns (as CNN named then, I'd prefer Concervative Finns) or Perussuomalaiset got a whopping 34 seats in the parliamental election. They would have needed only two more to gain the most power. Unfortunately there are still many idealistic idiots in the country. And of course the media paints the Perussuomalaiset's as neonazi, racist and all. And that's not what they are.. I'm happy that they are now working to save this country from news like this.

The leaves are green and getting bigger every minute. It's almost summer. And it's almost a crime to sit inside on a day like today.

Rest In Peace, Dear Friend

2011-01-20T13:06:00.002+02:00

It's sort of funny how things turn out. Funny, but definitely creepy.

Without the druggie dead in our neighborhood I would have never ended up knowing that an old childhood friend of mine was brutally murdered last summer.

I knew about the death but I never knew who the victim was. Then I heard his name and hoped it was someone else. When I saw a picture of the victim, I knew.

He was drowned and when he didn't die during the drowning sequence, they beat him up with shovels and stood on his throat. They sung happy songs (children's play songs) to cover up the sounds of killing that dear boy. He didn't die of all the kicking, beating and tormenting, so they buried him. He finally met his death and choked in dirt. He was left in his shallow grave but it wasn't enough for the three murderers. They dug him up, wrapped him and moved him 20 kilometers away from the city and put him in an empty house where the police found him after his worried relatives filed him missing.

I've known that boy since I was 12. He was a hunter, an avid fisherman. He loved to make lures for fly-fishing. He served in the second most prestigeous military unit in the country and served well. He enjoyed his drink, but always in a positive manner. He had many, many friends and relatives. He chose these three guys as friends and had to pay for it dearly.

I used to play on PlayStation with him and his kid brother. He introduced me to hockey trading cards, to their gold fish and other kids to play with. I never had other kids to play with at home. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere and because my shit-of-a-mum beat me up constantly for no reason whatsoever I could never bring friends over. So it was not before I was taken from her that I learned to actually talk with other kids and play.

Rest in Peace, dear friend.

No matter what the murderers defend themselves with or how many lies they tell and are able to feed the court, we know you are a star. We know the truth.

"Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly."— Neil Gaiman (Fables and Reflections)

The Murder In The Neighborhood

2011-01-16T23:40:00.002+02:00

Okay, so, basically now we know what happened. The woman killed was a druggie, her kid taken away to foster care. Crimes, you know, the works. The dude who allegedly killed her had been convicted of murder once already and had gotten out early. There are two more people involved, the wife of the killer and the brother-in-law of the victim. All criminals, druggies.

One druggie less, I say.

It's a strange January. It's a uphill-downhill ride with the temperatures. Tomorrow it will be something closer to zero (centigrade) and just today it was -21 (centig.). And the day after tomorrow it's supposed to be back to -20. It should be -20 the whole month through. I'm glad there's lots and lots of snow.

I'm nervous about starting at my new job. I've been overlooked in so many interviews I've lost every bit of confidence I once had plenty of. I'm half expecting to be fired. Everyone's saying be positive, be positive.. well, I can't magic the effin positive from nothing. FFS.

And Taking My Words Back..

2011-01-14T01:33:00.003+02:00

I apologize for my prejudice. It wasn't "honor murder" as I suggested.

The woman murdered in our neighborhood was a regular, home grown drugaddict criminal who was murdered by several people together. I heard a rumor they had told her that if she entered the city, they'd kill her. She did enter the city and they did kill her.

Apparently this was an inside thing of a group that has a variety of crimes on their rap sheet: drugs, theft, violence.

The public opinion is -of course- on the victim's side. Apparently she had spawned a child (that was in the custory of the woman's mother because the vic wanted to "go have a fun night out" = go back to her old habits) and everyone is all coochy-coo and "devastated". I do feel sorry for the kid. Actually I want to give a good spanking to the social worker who didn't take the kid and put it to foster care. Foster care is better than relatives if the relatives are useless.

Hello people... That's one druggie criminal less. And the ones who finished her off? In prison where they should spend the rest of their lives. But knowing the judicial system here, all of them are out in just a few lousy years, back in their business, having their rents and living paid for them - and just spending government funds.. that could be used in .. say.. caring of the elderly people? Funding afternoon activities for the less fortunate kids? Nooo.. cause they are druggie criminals, they are worth more to the society.

I'm not sorry for her. The kid is the only thing that worries me here. The grandmother obviously did a good (NOT!) work raising her daughter so raising her granddaughter might not end too well either.

I would have felt compassion if she had been killed because of crazy religiopolitic mumbo-jumbo that doesn't allow women their freedom. But I don't feel compassion because I don't give a rat's ass about people who waste their only life taking drugs. If she's had a hard life, you say? I've had a shitty life and you don't see me or thousands of other shitty lifed people taking drugs and commiting crimes.

Well, actually I'm commiting a crime... I'm speaking out my mind. It's actually punishable in today's world. Even if you base your opinion on the truth, the truth is so inconvenient to some well connected people that you are slowly silenced. Yes, even in a country that has always had it's pride in letting people speak their minds, vote according to their own preferences.. even here.

Just As I Complained..

2011-01-14T01:22:00.000+02:00

I got a job.

I'm not going to celebrate, though. Not until I've gone through at least three succesful days on the job. Or not until the first paycheck.

I don't know how much I'm going to earn. I only know that it depends on how many lessons I give. It can be something from €30-€2800/month. I hope it's closer to the latter.

I'm a teacher. And just a year ago I swore I won't enter another school. And this is worse: These are kids from 5-13 years.

I'm glad kids usually like me. I hope they like me 'cause I have no authority among kids. I'm practically a kid myself... I'm like Peter Pan without all the nutty talk. Well.. that's debateable.

I know what I'm going to buy first, though. A new graphics card. Or an external hard drive. And yes, I'm still a girl. I need a new GPU more than a pair of UGGs.

Soooo, Murder In The Neighborhood, eh?

2011-01-12T18:32:00.000+02:00

A 35-year-old guy killed a woman of 27. I don't know in which building but I know it was on the same street. He killed her on Epiphany eve, stuffed her in a sports bag and carried her to the woods on the outskirts of the town. A passerby found the bag and paid attention to it because her foot was sticking out.

That's so creepy. It's just a year since the roma people shot other romas and now this. I used to think this neighborhood was peaceful and quiet and after the crazy immigrant who I've been dealing with and the shooting and the murder I'm starting to think this is not a safe place anymore. I sure as hell am not letting my kid sister walk up here alone again. I'm not a tiny girl like her but I'm starting to think I'm too afraid to walk outside alone myself.

Since I'm prejudicial I'm voting this to be the sole aftermath of letting so many "asylum seekers" (that are actually here after the free upkeep, not the safety) and them bringing their problems with them. But since I'm also fair, I'm willing to apologize for this statement if we find out it's not an honor crime.

Oooh, New Year!

2011-01-12T02:13:00.007+02:00

Well, hi

It's a new year. I still haven't broken my new years promise which was whine less and be nicer to everyone.

I have, indeed, whined less. And I've smiled to people even if they didn't smile back. Everyone should try that every now and then. Surprisingly you feel better if one out of the 200 people you smiled at smiles back.

It's still an awesome winter even though it was two days above zero (centigrade). It's been snowy, cold and awesome. I've been out more this winter than last year combined (and I'm not exaggerating).

We went to see the fireworks on new years eve. It was sad that the whole firework show given by the town was covered in low hanging clouds.. or mist.. or something. It was bizarre, the red, green, blue and golden flashes inside the mist thing.

I still don't have a job. I've been looking, been interviewed, but I guess I'm not good enough. I have a strategy, though. I'm going to look fabulous the next time. I heard some men hire girls for their looks, not how much work experience or education they have. That's my strategy. I'm onto it. I've lost 8 kilos since I made that decision. I still look kind of cute (and I know I've looked hot at one point since I got hired for two jobs by men that proved to be quite the old perverts).

Oh and I've lost the eight kilos by losing everything that says 'light' from my diet. Apparently you do need whole milk and actual fats to stay fit. You don't eat as much as you've being nourished with less... If you want to lose weight: Lose all that says "light".. I've already dropped all energy drinks since my last toothy experience and a couple more after that. Of course it means I don't get to drink sugary juice or cola. (I do have a cola day. I can drink cola on Fridays. I also have a karkkipäivä (Finnish kids usually have one day a week they can eat candy). That's why our teeth are among the best in world. I'm not sure if I remembered to tell about the last of my wisdom teeth that was removed last autumn. Removing that caused a whole jawbone infection. Jesus Christ the pain... I was basically on horse tranquilizer and antibiotics. I'm glad I don't have to do that ever again. Oh and I now know I have an extra tooth growing above my teeth. It's awesome. I have to upload the röntgen image sometime. Now I'm too lazy.

I must have done something really mean in my previous life for getting this much shit on this one. Well, actually, according to one fortune teller, in my past life I was a chick (that got eaten), before that I was a sailor that was working on a slave ship from Congo to New Amsterdam or something - and before that I was a witch and I'm responsible for poisoning three people. I guess being a chicken once paid all my previous sins and now I'm only getting the minor stuff. Like having mostly shitty life. And J is my price for making this life (after the chicken part) mostly law-abiding.

We've been planning a trip to Sweden and Norway next summer. We, or J, is going to drive the whole 3000 kilometers in seven days. It's going to be hell. I hope the car AC dies or something. I get to visit the world's northernmost IKEA in Haparanda, Sweden. And I get to show J what it looks like in the North. Show him why I love Lapland (no matter if it's Finnish, Swedish or Norwegian Lapland or all of them). I hope he likes it. The scenery up their is something you either love or hate.

First I wanted to go to this awesome little place called "Å i Lofoten". It's a small old fishing village (with all new houses) that rents 'rorbuer' or fishing cabins. I checked it on Google Maps Street View and the scenery was so awesome I instantly knew that's the place I want to go to. Then I found out they charge over 1050 NOK (It's 135€) a night. In a cabin you a) can't get linen for (they charge extra), b) you need to clean the cabin yourself and c) no breakfast. You can get a business class hotel room in Helsinki city for one night with that price - with continental breakfast, swimming pool and a sauna. Lofoten is an experience I can easily pass if two nights there eat almost half of our hotel budget. In Finland, we get two nights with that price in a real hotel room with breakfast and in Sweden, we get two nights and a boat trip for that price. So we changed our plan, we're going to leave Lofoten i Norge for good and just go by and spend the money on a eco whale safari. I don't know about the eco stuff more than they don't roar the engines around the whales. I'd rather go see live whale tails once in my life than pay for too much for a small cabin you have to clean up yourself. I knew Norway was expensive but that expensive. But I heard they get good wages for basically being lazy workers. By the way, I've been learning Norwegian for a few days now. I heard they hate Finns so we need to sound at least Swedish. I'm so glad I can do "sjungande svenska" or 'flowing' Swedish.. It's easier to learn Norwegian when you already know Swedish. But some of the words.. my favorites so far are 'drosje' for taxi and 'sykehus' for hospital - I like the way they sound when you pronounce them with near correct accent.

Oh and I'm so going to work in Norway. After we go check it and if I can master the language there. Of course J will get a job, he's so good at what he does. I don't mind being the mailman. The goddamn mailman earns almost 19€/h. It's a shitload more than here. I heard they are quite the language racists, though, so you really need to speak the language if trying to get a job. In Norway, you pay less taxes, earn more, have more vacation (darned oil money, it's the oil..), they actually encourage having kids.. and they have the most awesome sceneries in the world.. It's my country. The people I'm not so sure of.

... and more about the language. I know I'm good. I speak nearly perfect Canadian accent (yeah, they do have an accent) English, I can speak proper, genuine Swedish.. when I'm not in the country and around people who speak it themselves. When I'm amongst the native speakers I go insecure, tackle with words. Except for when I'm drunk. And I haven't been drunk for a while now.

I better finish this before it turn out to be a goddamn novel.

Winter Without Job

2010-12-03T13:23:00.000+02:00

I'm so happy. It seems that we're getting a proper winter this year too! It's been snowing. Today it's about ten degrees below zero (centigrade) and it's been like this for a few weeks. The trees are covered in frost and everything seems mostly white. It's so pretty outside it makes me smile. I went for a walk the other day and noticed I was smiling the whole time I was out there. The walk was nice until yesterday when I noticed my sartorius is so stiff I can barely stand up straight. I guess it's the downside of never exercising.

Oh, a few weeks ago I had this very strange fever attack. I was fine at six and was down with a 39,5 degrees (centigrade) fever by eight. I was so hurting everywhere, cold, hot - everything by ten in the evening I thought I was going to die. I took some pills and had the fever down by next morning. Since that fever I've felt like shit (or even shittier), headachy and nauseous..

I forgot to tell we gave up the bird, our agapornis. She didn't work well with us being by herself so we gave her to someone who had company for her. Since that I've felt I won't be taking any pets from this day on.

I'm still out of work.

Romantic Dreams

2010-10-28T02:36:00.002+03:00

I had such a romantic dream last night I've been smiling the whole day.

Smiling like an idiot, actually.

Burn a Quran, Save the Earth

2010-10-12T15:36:00.000+03:00

You give the muslims free passes to demand everything they wish for giving up on their terrorism, other crimes and threats.

Don't you stupid fuckers ever learn that islam isn't about peace and there aren't extremists, they are either muslim or not, there is no middle ground!

I'm ashamed to see my country is full of idiots who believe that if you give them places to worship, money and education, you can habitate them to society. That will never happen. They just demand more and more since you're stupid enough to give.

Being peaceful isn't in the Islam agenda! Don't you start getting it after every claim they make and it's not accepted, they blow up something or burn cars. In France, they rioted because one criminal was actually in trial and got judged and the normal racist/cultural difference didn't get a free pass!

They are talking about locking your wives and daughters inside your houses. Your daughters not being able to marry for love but them to get married with some old perv who rapes them over and over again and are allowed to beat them up for saying what's in their mind. (And no, I'm not mentioning Muhammed and his 9 year old wife!). If you have an inch of non-rotten brain you don't let that hell into your country! Sweden did and see what's already happened? Emergency services won't go into same neighborhoods with muslims. Women are daily killed for trying to live life as they are entitled: free.

And if you don't take up on their faith, you are free kill. How's that for your "let all flowers grow" -mentality? Even if you care only about the insides of your wallet, I'm sure you have some consideration to your life? Or not even that, how about your wallet? 'Cause one way to deal with bloodthirsty muslims is to pay them for your life.

Get off you high horse and stop believing all the shit oil money fueled media feeds you. Please, do some research - you don't even have to do much - so you'll know I'm right.

Get off your high horse and start understanding that the fuckers you let order you around today might have your grandchildren as slaves or worse, dead.

By the way. For stating the obvious, I might be jailed one day. That's how far we are already.

Swedish "valet" and Racism

2010-09-21T23:46:00.001+03:00

The Swedish election this year brought a shocking news: A party that tries to take regular swede's living and being under their wing is getting smoked out of the building. Why? Of course there's the explanation of today: racism. They are racist. They are trying to get rid of the immigrants who refuse to work, force the people in Sweden to accept their ways and commit the majority of crimes in the whole country. Stating this I'm actually racist, because it is forbidden to say what you think in a country ran by people who claim to accept anything and anyone who ever feel like exploiting the very good social system Sweden offers to its nationals.

No, really, I'm not racist. I don't promote violence towards the immigrants, I do not want them dead, hurt, isolated or anything like that.

I just don't want the tax money we pay to go to people who do not even try to learn the language, behave and get a job or education. These people don't try. 99% don't give a shit.

Almost every immigrant from non-western country has committed a crime. They don't get punished properly. They don't lose any of their privileges, they don't get deported.

In Finland, an immigrant who comes to the border, claims to be in search of asylum is given their own apartments, money from 1000£ to 5000£ depending on how much they can milk out of different agencies meant for the Finnish people. They complain that the people are racist, there are no jobs for them and they are not accepted to schools. Yeah. Racism, the magic word.

I know a few immigrants who actually attend school. I know a few that work, but everyone of them is either from a northen European country, from the UK, US, Canada, Australia...

None of the ones who come from Africa or Middle East (and now Eastern Europe) work. Well, they do run "ethnic" eateries (offering pizza and kebab) and they are celebrated by the government, that this is the immigrant material we need. However, they receive a three year tax free operation bonus, starting money and constant monetary support. A Finn has to take a loan to start their own business. When the three years of tax free operation bonus ends they name their children the owners of the eatery and again another three year run.

It's humiliating to notice that a Finn who goes to KELA (The social insurance institution of Finland - helps the poorer Finns) or Social Services goes there in dire need of food and shelter. The immigrants drive their social services paid cars there. I've seen an immigrant driving a brand new BMW.

They forbid their wifes to work, they teach their children that not working is okay. They do not bother to learn the language, since they'd have to go to school and work and pay taxes if they did. They do not bother to do anything but complain and milk any money they can. And that money is away from the ones who it's been gathered for: the less fortunate Finns and Swedes.

Four immigrant children are paid for their own language course. A group of sixteen Finns is needed to get a course on a language they want and need to learn.

Rheumatism specialised hospital was closed because the city couldn't find the four million euros it needed to operate. However, the city was able to find the funds for a immigrant center (that houses people who come as refugees or asylum seekers).

Schools are closed, the groups are getting bigger (in a country that's famous for its excellent education) and at the same time smaller groups are offered for immigrants.

We don't have enough money to hire more doctors, teachers, nurses, police or people we need. Because we pay for immigrants who don't care about anything else than their weird religion and beating up their women.

Ghettos are forming. The natives are not interested in living with people who claim to be above the rules of the country. They do what they want to do and some even congratulate them. Cultural enrichment it's called. There are some areas in Sweden that the police don't go. But it's racist to say the immigrants need to integrate, yeah, that's what the idealistic idiots who don't have a single ounce of understanding of anything say. The idiots who are elected by their friends.. Small elite runs both Sweden and Finland and they are the reason the majority of tax payers are suffering. They say that the Finns are racist. When they do not live with the immigrants in the same neighborhoods. Their children go to private schools where they are against racism but don't get to see how a muslim boy exorts the teacher to give him good grades (or else it's racism)..

A car gets stopped after some weird behavior on the road. The windows are darkened so we don't see who drives it. After the driver openes the window we see it's an immigrant. The police explains what's going on. The driver says: "It's racist to stop me.."

Oh, and a criminal lives in the same house with me. Actually he's the relative of a major war criminal from an eastern european country. He hasn't even bothered to change his name. He's here on asylum status and everything he needs is paid while his victims suffer in their own country or are dead. He's the one who said he'd kill me.

Who the fuck came up with the idea that it's okay to yell racist every time when someone doesn't share your childish idealism?

The immigrants (that come with seeking for asylum -status) are trouble. They rape women, they commit way more crimes in relation to how many there are. They require priviliges without paying anything back. Not even a certain humility of knowing they are paid by everyone around them.

And I'm not talking about the people who are brought here from refugee camps. They are the ones in need, not the ones who come here with a plane ticket they pay.

I'm not talking about the real immigrants that come to the country willing to work, learn the language, pay taxes and live. I'm talking about that useless population that comes here like a rat infestation that only leaves when the boat is sinking.

That's what's happening. The boat is sinking.

This is what the Sverigedemokraten in Sweden and Perussuomalaiset in Finland are trying to avoid. That's why I'd vote for them.

Sweden is going for re-election. The majority parties are trying to get Sverigedemokraternas out. I hope they don't succeed. It's time the leeches are stopped.

And a little note: Perussuomalaiset doesn't have neo nazi nor racist background. It's the bigger party ran media that claims it. Everyone claims to know that Perussuomalaiset's are racist but I don't see an inch racism in their Election manifest. Do some research before you make your uncivilized notions.

News

2010-08-30T02:29:00.000+03:00

No, actually there's no news.

I got two last wisdom teeth removed. Got a horrible, painful infection. Been on antibiotics since.

The heat-hell of summer is over (yippikayee) and it's fall. Leaves are turning yellow. It was hell. Been sitting inside most of July and August.

I watched My Stepmother is An Alien (starring Dan Aykroyd and Kim Basinger) from year X before Y (=old). I still liked it. It was entertaining.

I started playing EVE Online again. Let's see if I can play it long enough to go past trial.

I haven't written ANYTHING whole summer. Been thinking of it. Had good ideas. Still don't got the talent.

Have started a dream journal (yes, pen on paper). Funky dreams.

I feel sick as hell. Every day something new and the old ones don't go away. Now either I'm going crazy (hypochondriac crazy) or I have AIDS.

Other than that, life's peachy.

Clean Bill of Health

2010-07-23T20:43:00.002+03:00

So, After some blood tests and discussion with the doctor, I'm healthy. Over healthy - said the doctor since I'm overweight I should have diabetes or something.

I feel shitty, however. Sick - I mean. Well, if I happen to die suddenly, the autopsy should bring peace on the subject. Though by that time I won't be around to hear it.

The Man in my Dreams was way scary last night. All evil this time. Wonder what's heading to my way now..

Night Out

2010-06-21T02:14:00.002+03:00

Had a nice night out for a change.. Went out with some friends and my kid sister. It was this place called "Ugly" and it really is ugly. The interior is so far from anything stylish, the popular drinks are served in a potty instead of a glass and their Long Island Ice Tea is wicked. The music went from zero day to way old. The people went from barely legal to way old. Nice place.

Had a wicked strawberry margarita. I don't even remember the last time I had alcohol.

I saw J. He wanted to see me. I said no, it wouldn't do us any good.

Oh, the update. So, my kid sister (the one that our shit-of-a-mum tortured) has moved in my town, she's working and hopefully better. I wish she had more friends, but gladly she has some..

I'm not talking with my other kid sister. She compared me to our mother. That's unforgiven and will stay such.

I'm not talking with my older sister. I'm tired of her stories. They are always the same, bills, money, complaining of people.. And I feel like shit for her life never seems to get any better. And I wish I could make her life better.

I still don't have a job. I've been sending shitload of applications and CV's around. Apparently no one wants to hire a woman. Especially one who looks like me and has been sick since last November.

I had another set of antibiotics for mycoplasma pneumonia. The doctors didn't believe I felt shitty in my lungs until one brave doctor sent me to have blood work done. After the blood test they had to agree I was right (of course I know my body better than them, I've lived with it for over 29 years..) For two weeks I was like a vampire, avoiding sunlight (because the antibiotics made my skin sun allergic). It's been four weeks since I ate the last antibiotics (this time) and I should go have some blood work done. The crappy thing? I don't feel well.

This Is So Silly

2010-06-18T18:57:00.010+03:00

just bumped into a picture on the web. Just randomly browsing and I hit this picture. I didn't know who this guy was but something in that small pic made me hit it and enlarge it. I burst into tears. I couldn't breathe. I don't mean like this fake girl thing you read in novels and stuff, but I was unable to breathe, like I had an asthma attack. I couldn't stop crying.

I might have spoken about the man in my dreams. The man I've seen in my dreams since I was a little girl, six or seven! So it's been forever. Before I even watched tv. It was this distinctive look that has changed only a bit in all this time. Sometimes this man in my dreams was the devil, an angel, someone I had a crush on.. but the looks never changed really much.

The man in my dreams is a real person. He has been living and breathing all my life. I have never seen him nor heard of him.

This is so freaky, scary, stupid, everything.

Imagine my disappointment when I realized he's really someone. First I thought I might have seen him in a movie or in photos.. so I started some extensive studying and I was glad to find out that I have never seen any shows he has been on, has only done little things that'll go straight to dvd or get cancelled - so they never arrive to my country.

The creepiest stuff.. I started watching his show and saw him exactly in the same clothes the man in my dreams wears. He even smiles the same way. That is so creepy I hate it. It almost made me throw up, really. Twice.

So, Alex O'Loughlin, he looks just like someone I've known all my life. Why the hell couldn't he be someone else? A no one. But now this all ends up to being a crush over a celebrity, no matter how much I explain it. I wish I had my old diaries so I'd have some proof. But my shit of-a-mother has destroyed them. Or given them. Or sold them..

Anyway, I'm still spooked after three days.

And I hate the show Moonlight, because in that show a character has seen this man in her dreams since she was a little girl after he had saved her from death. I saw him first... In real life dreams! Fuck you. I have had that in REAL LIFE. For 22 years!

EDIT: So I photoshopped. Or Gimped in this case. This is the difference between Alex and the man in my dreams. Clickety click to notice the difference in larger amounts..

It's Almost Spring, So.. Babies!

2010-03-16T20:36:00.002+02:00

Just a pic today:

Trying to keep the young ones alive now that their mum ditched them..

Kisses That Do Not Happen

2010-03-12T01:01:00.001+02:00

So,

I've noticed that movies don't have these liplocking, twisting, raw Clark Gable -type kisses anymore, but kisses that do not happen.

First kiss that didn't happen - and I noticed was in Identity, where Ed and Paris argue in the rain and he leans to her as to kiss her but never does. Kissing her would have ended the angry, fear filled situation but not kissing her ended it up too. Just the almost -moment there... Just a second in the movie. I didn't really enjoy the rest, though I have it on DVD.

Another kiss that doesn't happen comes in the middle of an argument - in rain - as Mr. Darcy confesses his love and proposes to Lizzie, who is pissed off by the way he arguments the difference in their situation in life. The kiss doesn't happen because of the propriety rules of the time. Check Pride & Prejudice starring Keira Knightley to see the moment.

My favorite kiss that doesn't happen is in Stardust. While Tristan and Yvaine are walking towards the village of Wall, Tristan pushes Yvaine to a bush to hide from the people coming towards them. He falls on her and she asks isn't he tempted (to kill her and have her heart for eternal life) and it seems to the viewer that she asks him doesn't he feel tempted to kiss her and he almost does. Check Stardust with Claire Danes and Charlie Cox.

I think I like kisses that don't happen in life too.

This one guy who would have kissed me but didn't have a chance since we were interrupted, I never got to know what kind of a kisser he was and now I'm free to imagine he would have been the perfect one. He was also devilishly handsome, so way out of my league.

There have been kisses that I wish didn't happen..

...and kisses that were meant to happen.

I love kisses. I'm in a kissing mood today. Wish I had someone to kiss.

Ghostly Visions

2010-02-26T18:42:00.000+02:00

Here, some pics from my archives... try to find the ghosts!

A Gay Surprise on the Double

2010-01-31T00:18:00.000+02:00

So,

a friend came out of the closet with a nice declaration of relationship to a person of the same sex. Everybody's known his interests forever, but no one ever actually said it or asked about it and he has never told himself. I was never sure and we're not that close, he's a friend of a good friend.

I'm not against gay people. That's the way they were coded and this is they way I was coded, there's nothing anyone can do about it.

So why are my thoughts so weird?

Has he told his parents?
What does is ex-girlfriend think now? Does she think she made her gay because of their botched relationship?
I hope I hadn't said anything bad against gay people in front of him.
I hope I didn't try to match him with a girl...

That kind of thoughts.

Everyone else has been congratulating and being happy. I'm just numb. Why can't I feel happy or am I - somewhere I don't want to let myself know - against the homosexuals?

I tried to think being gay is against the nature, that the default is something between a woman and a man. But it is natural. We're monkeys and monkeys have homosexual encounters. They are not driven away or shunned. The Greek based their relationships between the men and the women were only for breeding. The mightiest thinkers on Earth, the Greeks. The fathers of drama. There's nothing really weird about being gay. I just can't see it any other way than it's obvious.

So why is it bothering me? Well, not bothering but raising these weird, useless thoughts?

Well, there's one thing that really bothers me. I posted my thoughts on Facebook. I guess I wrote it so that one person got it the wrong way and asked me what I meant by it and added; "I was only thinking because, you know, I'm gay.." Now, in his profile he says he is interested in men, but I always thought it was a joke. He's that kind of a person, into weird jokes that are sometimes baffling, so I thought this was one of them. So he's gay too. I've known him - though not so well, more like every third weekend, lately Facebook kind of known - for almost nine years and it never occurred to me. So he's been openly gay all this time and I thought it was a joke. Should I be ashamed or does it mean I'm really so okay with this stuff that I don't have a real stand on this. No real opinion.

This doesn't change how I feel about these people or change the way I treat them, I don't actually care. But why these thoughts? It can't be because I'd regret the things I've said or done in front of them, they already know I'm an idiot.

And About The Sims 3

2010-01-15T16:24:00.000+02:00

After a pretty extensive gameplay of Sims 3 I can say a few things..

The bad things:

A.I. - Not good. Not good at all. (They still are idiots.)
Music: Gets on your nerves. (It's too simmified)
Unpassable intro (there's a mod for that, thank heavens)
Stupid launcher system (which you can pass, thank heavens)
Too ugly default people (people aren't really that ugly, not even the ugly ones and not all black people have puffy lips, large noses and flat forehead)
Too stupid names (What cruel person would give their kids THAT kind of names anyway?)
Ridiculous save times (even with all patches it takes me 2 hours to save a town with 30 families)
Patches (make half ready and then patch? Not a decent thing to do)

The good things:

There's something to the game that makes me play it
World Adventures - awesome! (minus the fact that there are no hotel rooms etc)
The scenery
Mods

Still waiting for:

Makin' Magic
Pets
Apartments

But the fact is: without people who make mods to remove stupidities or add things, the game would suck. Big time.

Even though people on More Awesome Than You are rude as hell and way too much in love with themselves, you might want to check whatsitsnames Awesome mod. It has saved me from so many days of killing off my sims because of the stupid things they do. Don't read anything they write, just read the manuals that come with what you download and you don't get pissed off at them. I even considered donating to the site they keep, but then I figured that I better not, I dont' want to support that kind of behavior.

But, like we learned from Stan, it's always a choice between a douche and a turd sandwich.

Wait! They Ate What? Take a Picture!

2010-01-15T16:01:00.000+02:00

So I happened to pop by at People.com

They had made news of what some whatsitsnames ate. Who the poo cares? If I go to a celebrity site I want to know who's making a new album, who dropped out of movie - or what horrid clothes we might expect H&M launch next fall, but this? Is it really all about where they spent their vacation, what they ate and who were they out with? I just don't get it.

I found a site that mainly centers on female celebs and their bodies. I don't know what men think and I'm sure they enjoy watching a well-formed body, but I don't consider an anorexic body anything more that hideous.

I read that a female athlete was publicly humiliated by some idiot who claimed she's fat. That girl has zero percent overweight. I'm sure there are a bunch of fifteen-year-olds throwing up because of that right about now. That's sick. Even if it's coming out of your opposition.

I'm sure most brits already noticed the pictures of girls that didn't know how to dress for winter. There was this one pic of a girl passed out on snow. It was supposed to show how stupid she was, not dressing up properly for winter, but all I noticed that she was already frostbitten and the photog took a pic instead of helping her up and to warmth! That is so sick.

There was this incident with people taking pictures instead of helping: The guy died. What the fuck is wrong with people today?

And a completely different subject: me.

My sleeping pattern is.. well.. gone scrambled. I go to bed at six am and wake up at 2 pm. It's because I don't have to go anywhere. I have been trying to stay awake until next evening but being almost 29 it doesn't go so well as it did when I was 19... Or I try going to bed by 10 pm and just stay in bed until I fall asleep. Most nights I'll lay in bed for seven hours, then give up.. Is this insomnia? Sub-somnia? Or am I just so much a night person..?

Tired

2010-01-08T18:09:00.003+02:00

I've slept almost the whole day. Horrible dreams! I was in love with J's friend and J was in love with L. I didn't want him and her be together so I slit her throat, cut very deep. I cut a small cut to J's throat and he started to choke in his own blood. Then I felt ill and pity -and woke up. It's hard to breathe, I guess that's why I had a nightmare.

That dream, however, made me think why the 2nd woman always get the hate, not the man?

Enlightenment

2010-01-06T23:19:00.001+02:00

I just realized something. I've been kept out.

I've been out of something and by telling this I'm going make at least one of my two followers think I'm the shallowest person online ever.

I never knew there was a Matt Dallas... I saw a cute guy in Eastwick and then I started watching Kyle XY - now either my taste in cute men has changed very recently because two days ago I still thought Chris Evans was heaven on earth or I just have been kept out. I stole this pic from imdb just to make my point. Don't sue me, pic rights owners..

He is fresh faced, boyish with dark curly hair and those eyes you can't figure out. He's got this rumpled, just-woken look to him that makes both the girls and the mothers love him.

It's just a shame that he's not so into girls nor mothers. His genes should stay on Earth. I don't mean that being gay is bad, but you can't make kids with other boys -yet- so he'd need a girl... Those genes should keep on going. Really. Really.

Just a thought.. all the pretty girls in my school were kind of mean to other girls. I've always been snubbed by the really handsome guys so I don't really know but is it really true that beautiful outside rarely meets beautiful inside?

I'd really, really like to meet a straight guy who's devilishly handsome, funny, smart and can spend 12 hours a day playing Fallout 3 and doesn't go partying every weekend. Actually I'd like to meet a gay guy who's like that.

There's no such thing, is there?

Another Year Behind

2010-01-04T20:51:00.001+02:00

This year I'm going to be 29.

It feels funnier each day. Like I'd have to start thinking about kids, house and work. Stop living in dreams. But I don't want to. A few days ago I was just talking with a friend and I said I don't feel a day over 15. My body is just getting old but I still think the same things I thought in high school. I play on PC and on Wii, have snowball fights, all my hobbies are almost the same I had has a kid (minus the sports). I'm all the same except grown ups pay attention what I have to say, I worry about bills and think about groceries.. but the rest? I guess I'll have to start growing up soon. But what if I never grow up?

Change of subject: My dreams:

Today when I was watching HP: Prisoner of Azkaban, I realized something when Dumbledore's line came up:

"Let them sleep for in dreams we enter a world that’s entirely our own. Let them swim through the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud."

I think that's the reason I like to sleep. Now that I've practiced to remember and guide my dreams, I can sometimes decide what to watch. Like yesterday I felt like having a love dream and there it came. It was weird because the person I wanted to be the leading man was not the one I wanted but it was nice to watch. My nightmares have almost disappeared completely. Every night used to be like hell, but these days it's like one nightmare/week. Excellent. At least I'm at peace with something..

I still have pneumonia, btw. 2nd round of antibiotics.

RIP Brittany

2009-12-21T10:27:00.001+02:00

So, Brittany Murphy is the latest celeb death... I sure hope she didn't OD like everyone in Hollywood tends to. The latest gossip states flu like symptoms. I hope it wasn't H1N1. People of 32 don't usually just kick the bucket,not even diabetics.

Someone even had the guts to say that because she has a hit single with Paul Oakenfold, she must be a druggie. Not everyone who listens or produces trance or other electronic stuff takes drugs ffs! I have NEVER taken drugs, not even weed. Fuckers. Excuse the language.

Everyone's going on about Brittany's movies and how she was a talented actress and a singer too, but I remember her only as the troubled kid in Prophecy II.. is that lame?

Oof, Sickness Is Rising..

2009-11-23T17:24:00.000+02:00

I haven't been on for awhile and have a good reason..

Swine flu, aka spanish flu aka (A)H1N1 - (spanish flu according to conspiracy theories)

Swine flu was pretty easy:

Fever went up to 38,7 (centigrade) in a few hours
Dry cough
Headache (worse than migraine)
Pressure on chest
Muscle weakness
Tiredness

- just like your regular influenza.

However, I have asthma, so I took it seriously.

Got Tamiflu, five days.

After five days went to the doctor, complaining difficulty to breathe, diagnosis: my asthma had gotten worse.

Got Prednisolon, five days. Double dosage of Symbicort.

Went to the doctor, complaining difficulty to breathe. Went for x-rays, blood tests, EKG.

Diagnosis: pneumonia.

Got Amoxillin, ten days

Feeling much better now, but still have this horrible weakness and it's still hard to breathe..

I'm happy to be alive, though. Most people who have died had something wrong with their lungs..

The Teach

2009-11-05T09:27:00.001+02:00

I had a short streak of substitute teaching at the local business school. That week drained energy from me like a troupé of vampires. A killer week. The students were still in their teens, but hell, they were acting like we used to - in pre school! All the swearing, teasing, it was hellish. Half the time I spent telling them off. Note, these were people who are supposed to enter real adult life next year, with work and responsibilities!

I'll never do that again. I'd rather live of J's money. Sorry, J.

I Don't Want Them Here

2009-10-12T22:29:00.001+03:00

They are called "social tourists" here. They are the ones who come to a country, claiming to be in danger in their own country (and they are, but mostly because they have done something wrong there). We have plenty of them. If they come here, they are entitled to over 800 euros and free housing for doing nothing. They come here, claim to be children (under 18) but refuse DNA testing to find out if they really are under age. They are the ones who don't work, study or try, they just hang out in their expensive clothes. They drive better cars that most of the people who pay for their living. They cause "white flight", they insist different rights, they insist their culture being more valuable than our own.

It's not good.

I'm not a racist. I have bad experience. Many, many bad, two good. The two good are: One boy who was adopted here as a baby and one girl who is half korean, half russian and has lived here from since she was six. She was my best friend in high school. Both of them are doing well in their life. Neither has committed a crime. Both are working. The rest? Scum. The statistics speak for themselves: foreigners commit most crimes compared to their numbers in country. They don't do anything. They don't try to learn our language. They don't study. They don't let their kids learn our language. They are NOT TRYING. And we are paying because we have idiots like Astrid Thors who haven't lived a day with these people and lives in some kind of an utopia.

What about Islam? The religion is good, there's nothing wrong with it. It defends good values. The ones who take a religion and twist it to their sick minds are to blame. The only bad thing about islam is the way they treat women - even if it's only the things mentioned in Qur'an, not the sick part. I don't want islam here, because I'm a woman and I don't want a person suffer because they don't have a penis. Women have suffered plenty already and men are still to pay for past things. Oh, and what about the western men who turn to islam? They are the ones who beat women and can't keep one who wants to think for herself.

I don't want them here. I just don't. Someone tell me a country that doesn't accept social tourists and I'm going there. There's no reason for me to work my ass out and pay these ridiculous taxes and walk in Helsinki and see these people hanging at the metro station, doing nothing, in their expensive designer clothes with the money we pay for our kids to go to free schools, have free medical services...

Please note: I have nothing against the people who are willing to speak our language, work or study and live the way we do here.

Ghosts! No, really! I swear!

2009-10-04T15:35:00.002+03:00

I've been watching Ghost Hunters on SyFy (Why did they change it from SciFi?). For many days, I've been annoyed by some of the things they often use:

"We actually had an actual apparition" - The word "actually" just so annoys me. It's like I'm lying but I'm trying to assure you I'm not lying.

"To be honest.." It's never honest. Anyone who ever says "To be honest, I.." is so lying..

"Honestly, I.." am lying. Yes.

There is some good evidence, but I know a place that has real haunting, real apparitions. There is one place Ghost Hunters International should visit:

+66° 22' 32.24", +25° 22' 53.88"

The place used to be small inn, with seven rooms in a separate building. It's been closed for years now, but I know six people who have had experiences there, me being one of them. I've been there at night, after closing, before opening, seen the kitchens, cabinet, etc.

I think I have mentioned the place before, but I'm starting to be pretty sure that place is really haunted. It even has a good story. While the germans were moving to the north to burn Rovaniemi, they had a camp there. It's not known if the story is true or not, but supposedly they raped and killed people there; women, children, men..

I'll list everything I've heard or seen myself:

A singer, who had a gig there, was having a drink after the doors closed. She heard children yelling and crying. She went and asked my mother (whom she knew very well) that if her kids (me and my kid sisters) were still up. We often slept in one of the rooms if our mother had to work late and the rooms were free. We were sleeping at home that night. The same singer had a beer bottle threwn at her later that night. Only, there was no one to throw stuff at her.

My mother had closed up and was counting the bottles, when she saw something walk by her. She thought that the bartender had returned for something and asked him what he had forgotten. She got no answer, but a beer bottle at the counter exploded. The bar tender had left the premises the moment he had finished work, so my mother was alone there.

It was daytime when my older kid sister went to our mother and said: "There's a man in the cabinet". Mother got upset because I was supposed to open the doors in half an hour and she thought I'd let someone in. She went to find the man and ask him to go outside, but didn't find anyone. I was sitting in the reception and she came to give me a shout. I told her to go check the door and the door was locked.

My youngest sister sat in a chair and talked to someone who wasn't there.

The cook heard banging, as if someone had been shooting inside. He went to check and nobody there...

I went to the cabinet, I was supposed to do something I guess, but I felt so uneasy there, like really uneasy. I got scared and ran away. I never got the nerve to go to the cabinet alone.

There were two hotel rooms that got the chills running down my spine. Room 1 was the finest room, a little honeymoon suite feeling to it. One day I was changing the sheets (because I had to work there sometimes) and had my back turned to door. There was this guy, who worked at the hotel and he was supposed to help me. So, I felt a hand pushing my shoulder and I thought he had come. I talked to him and when got no answer, I looked to see if he had Walkman on or hadn't heard me, but there was no one there. I went to see him and found him setting up glasses at the pub. Room seven was even creepier. We were sleeping there at one point and I woke up having my covers pulled off me. My kid sisters were sleeping next to me, but they weren't moving or pulling the covers. That room was so creepy anyway, I always had to sensation of being not welcome there.

The pub was scary as hell. Even with lights on, I was so scared there. It felt very hostile. I was doing my homework there one time, when I was sure someone was standing at the counter. I raised my eyes, but nothing. Just this evil, hostile feeling.

The fireplace room was creepy too. Often the workers saw someone walking by the counter, from the sauna to the main hall. For me, that place had the less creeps.

Oh yeah, and one of the employees, a guy in his twenties, was scared of being there alone. He got fired and killed himself later by jumping to a river.

Bangs, wailing, crying, footsteps, exploding beer bottles, people, shadows.. that place had everything!

I was eleven at that time, my mother was violent towards me and I was troubled. Poltergeist anyone?

I so want to go back there and spend a few nights hopefully with equipment, like cameras and stuff. It's a shame it's such a long drive from where I live, ten or so hours :(

I think that with all these investigations, they should use a catalyst..Which would be better than a tormented child?

Putin Says It's War For Finland

2009-09-29T15:45:00.000+03:00

This woman, Rimma Salonen, married to finnish man, abducted their child to Russia. Mr. Salonen went to get the child back and they smuggled the child back in a consule car. The foreign minister, Stubb, didn't condemn the smuggling and Putin said in a statement: "by giving his support for the consular activities, the Finnish foreign minister hs put millions of innocent people in jeopardy.."

Russia is known to "feel the need to protect their citizens" with war-like actions before. Finland houses thousands of Russians today. See something there? Does anyone remember Georgia?

So, Russia doesn't give a shit what their consules do in Finland (they have probably forgotten the speeding and parking tickets, rapes and other crimes), but if a Finnish consul does the same thing, its war. Russia doesn't give a shit about the human rights, they don't give a shit about the earth, but if a Russian woman commits a crime in Finland and is brought to justice, it's war?

The last time these two countries were at war, RUSSIA started it by shooting an claiming that the Finns shot first. Now, I KNOW even Finns are not that stupid to shoot at a country with massive overpower?

Oh, and according to the newspapers, even Russians believe Putin is still the leader of the country, not Medvedev the Puppet. So, if Putin says it's war for Finland, they probably are already planning something.

And what hope do we have, then? Finland is full of wussy men who only play WoW. They would probably be the first to cross the borders to Sweden... Our parliament raises their own wages while cutting the funding for defense. We have about 30 helicopters when the Russians have 1500 or more. If they attack, the only possible military powers in the world will stay out of it to avoid oil crisis. Sweden will stay out if of course..

Like I've said before: If Russia attacks and if I go, I'll take a hundred with me.

Finland will never attack! First of all, we're not that stupid and second: we don't have the necessary men nor the equipment.

Moral Responsibility of the Companies in Asia

2009-09-24T16:05:00.002+03:00

So, the Chinese are stealing our jobs. Why? Because they are cheap. If they can have ten employees for the price of one in Sweden, that's where they're going. To maximise the profits of course.

Plus, China doesn't care about the environment, so their factories are pushing the same shit we're trying to get rid of. So instead of substituting more energy and environment efficient factories, companies move their production facilities to China. Nice work.

So, what should China and India do, then?

1. Demand education: If a mother is working in the factory, a factory nanny can take care of the children, so the children can play and not work at home or at some other place (like they do in India). Letting their children have at least the basic education is worth everything (at least future, skillful employees).

2. Pay or food. Employees would be paid for overtime or they are given enough nutritious food at work. A work day (12 hours) is much more effective if the employees are healthy. Besides, a worker works well with a full tummy.

3. Demand Proper Setting: Every hired factory worker should have at least proper housing and food (in those factories that have housing). A bed with in a small room with four others and sharing a bathroom with twenty others is not decent housing for a long time. People who live outside the factory should be granted food at least. If work hours are long before the deadline, all employees provided with food, drink and breaks. Having a possibility for company health care is essential, especially if the factory handles less nice stuff.

Housing would cost, of course, but this is the setting I'd prefer: One apartment would house four employees (or a family), have one bedroom with bunk beds, a kitchen and a bathroom. The apartment building would have a space for social gatherings, seats, maybe a few posters. 40 apartments can fit easily and the building costs would be something similar to building a large house in the US. So, a factory owner could postpone their new Hampton's house or the wife's mercedes for a year and take care of the employees. If the company should close the unit in C/I/whatever, they could sell the building to the government for a nominal fee.

Now, the education part: Hiring a teacher from the target country should be easy. India, for example, has quite many people with language skills and some education. Besides, the kids only need to learn to read, write and maybe do some calculus. Anyone can teach them, no need for certified teachers as long as the teacher speaks the kids' language. A meal at school is a very good reason for their parents to let their kids come to school.

Pay.. Pay is always difficult. I couldn't say how much a Chinese factory worker should earn, but It should be decent.. So, if a factory worker in Sweden earns 1400 euros a month plus healthcare and low cost meals at work, it would only be decent to pay the Chinese 350 euros and a meal. It's horrible to hear that they work overtime in poor conditions and earn a swedes' monthly pay in a year

It's horrible to hear that my jeans that I bought for 49 euros have been made by little chinese girls who earns the same amount by working 12 to 16 hours a day for a month. It's sick and it's cruel.

No, My Sim Is Not A User

2009-09-19T18:39:00.000+03:00

Wanna See My Tooth?

2009-09-02T11:52:00.000+03:00

THIS is why you go to a private dentist and do not wait six months for appointment to communal dental care. THIS is why you do NOT drink cola or energy drinks.. THIS is what happens if your kids don't learn to wash their teeth (though this is because of a lot of coca-cola, pepsi and energy drinks, not the fact that my mother didn't bother paying attention to my dental care)..

Introducing my number 32 a.k.a right third molar.

Had two dentists and a nurse jabbing this devil off my mandible.. Last time the dentist didn't look under the gum pocket (cause he was interested in my left molar and time was hurrying) and saw only the healthy part, I think. Because six months ago this tooth made it with honors and for the six months, I was waiting to get my left molar removed..

A horrible, terrible headache and I can't really open my mouth.

Toothache and Medvedev

2009-08-31T16:29:00.000+03:00

For some strange reason they are still expecting us that Medvedev is Russias' president..? Well, yes, he might be the president, but the one who rules them all is Putin. They just think we are stupid enough to think there is no new Stalin or Lenin in Russia. Come to think of it.. I just might lose my head for having said that...

I woke up with a tootache, third day in row. It's killing me to know that it still takes another thirty days before my dentist. Or then I just might call the emergency and say I can't sleep or chew properly. Latter being not necessarily a bad thing.

Summer's Gone

2009-08-28T12:28:00.002+03:00

Aaaw, I just noticed there are so many yellow leaves already! That means the summer is gone, though I'm pretty sure it's still warm outside. I haven't been properly out for a week or two; I've gone out for groceries, not really for anything else. Been mostly playing Fallout 3 or Civ IV.

We have a new parrot, an agapornis roseicollis, and she's making my nerves crack. I'm not her numero uno human, and she's so letting me know I'm not the IT person for her. She sings very prettily, but tends to do these terrible screeks in the morning, if I don't go and turn the radio on for her. She's pretty, yellow and red and bites hard. How do you teach a bird not to bite you, anyway? You can't push her away not to make her fear your hand. She doesn't understand yelling at her.. There are days when I wish J woudn't have taken her at all, but most days she just keeps melting my heart over and over again.

For all my life, I have written these short stories, nothing fancy and more teen stuff than grown up stuff. I did this one story, over 70 pages and decided it was too crappy. Now I have a writer's block and it's killing me. I get nothing out. I wish I was natural, that words just came out me.. but nothing. I'm worthless, talentless and ugly. What more could go wrong?

I have applied for 23 positions in the last three weeks. Three replies, one interview, no job. I'm starting to hate this unemployment. Every month without a job makes the chance of getting work go further.

<3

2009-08-27T19:33:00.001+03:00

Did I already mention that I've graduated?

About The Guy Who Said He Was Going To Kill Me

2009-08-13T15:12:00.003+03:00

Remember the argument I had with this immigrant? About him parking where ever he wanted?

Well, a few days ago I learned that he is has an arrest warrant on him in Sweden and he's wanted for questioning here.. So he has committed crimes in Sweden. Now he's stolen his daughters' passports..

... but I heard he still is in this town and he tried to burn his apartment in order for them to get a bigger and better apartment.

So this is how they pay back our help.

A Lovely Mini-Break

2009-07-14T13:39:00.003+03:00

I have had this really strange feeling for a couple of days, like something has been pushed to wrong direction or as if something weird is going on. I can't seem to get rid of the feeling, though I seem to have tried everything.

Well, I'll find out sooner or later.

In the mean time: We had a long heat wave. I was worried, because the grass started to turn yellow, but for a couple of days we've had pretty decent downpour. I don't mind the rain at the moment, I'm only glad that the trees are finally looking more alive.

I spent a nice weekend at my oldest friend's place (oldest friend whom I still see every now and then), we went to the rides at the the park in his town, went sightseeing (mainly local old architecture), shopping and even got to play Battlefield: Bad Company on PS3.

The best part of the weekend? I got myself three Neil Gaiman paperbacks: Anansi Boys, American Gods and Smoke and Mirrors. I love the short stories. The Holy Grail -story almost bought tears to my eyes.

I'm starting to get desperate on the job market. I really need, need, need a job.

I So Want To Eat

2009-07-05T18:12:00.001+03:00

Hamburgers

Pizza

Candy

Ice Cream

Anything, basically.

I'm so sick and tired eating right and GAINING weight.

R.I.P Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T22:26:00.000+03:00

... Good night and have a good journey!

Yes, Please!

2009-06-18T13:15:00.002+03:00

I stole this from Twitter pics.

Chris Evans

2009-06-18T01:06:00.001+03:00

Chris Evans is one of the few people who should never smile. His upper lip seems to disappear when he smiles. So, pout, pout, pout, Chris.

I Want To Lick Neil Gaiman's Mind

2009-06-11T20:01:00.002+03:00

.. to see if it's salty or sweet.

I loved Coraline as a movie, now I only have to get it as a book.

I have Neil Gaiman reading Stardust, Anansi Boys and Graveyard Book, audiobooks. I just love them and keep listening then over and over again!

Definitely Not A Good Day

2009-06-09T14:39:00.001+03:00

I thought I'd lost weight.

No. Gained 8 pounds! 8!

The weirdest thing is that I haven't even been eating "wrong". And I've eaten less and trained more. I don't understand.

This ruins the whole day.

After 10 Hours Of The Sims 3

2009-06-03T11:48:00.008+03:00

I like the body modification thing: You get fat by eating too much and you get thin by excercising:

The sceneries are amazing. Mostly the game looks like The Sims 2.

A sim can tutor someone when they are skillfull enough.

Most of the textures, clothes, hairs and accessories are fugly, but with a little work, you can get pretty decent furniture and clothes:

What is cool:

Music by Steve Jablonsky (though it sounds too simmy, not Jablonsky-ish)
Enabling/disabling aging from the options
Semi-dynamic lighting
Scenery on both neighborhoods
Waves
45 degree angles
Half-grid (the old grid is cut in four parts, so you'll have more options when decorating)
Sim lifespan from 30 days to epic 960 sim days, choosable from the options
Amount of free will (but they still are idiots)
The graveyard
The gnomes
The opportunities
Characteristics

What is not cool:

Jobs
Playing another family in the same "game" is too difficult for beginners
Transportation is not as cracked up as they let us believe
Recycled models
Too little everything unless you want to buy them from the EA shop (for way more than they are worth)
Vegetation is half-life type sprite stuff. Fugly and the sprite thing is very noticeable
Too much of your day goes to hygiene and eating (unless you buy traits)
Relationships are too hard

Cheat codes:

kaching - 1k
motherlode - 50k
familyfunds - any k
hideheadlines on/off - hides everything from above their heads
jokePlease - prints a lame joke on the console
testingcheatsenabled true/false - use shift + mouse on the mail box, there are some good options, like "make all happy" that will fulfill their needs
hideobjects on/off - objects won't fade when you're zooming closer
help - (on build/buy mode) shows most cheats

What's best: You can get The Sims 3 for only 29.99 from Play.com (but you must pay £, if you pay with €, it's more expensive.

I Hate Them

2009-05-24T21:04:00.002+03:00

So, my thesis wasn't ready after all. It came back from the inspectors with a "well, basically it sucks, but we'll have to do with this"...

"Sorry it took some time to let you know this.." and "You'll do the changes by tomorrow morning?" Yeah. I have to be at work at 8 and I'll of course get it done by tomorrow. And I didn't even get the last course assignments so I can't finish the last missing course.

Two of my teachers bullied me and I had to take a break from studying and now they are claiming I've been lazy and "have had chances to finish the courses..." I should have sued them when I had the chance.

This Is Me, Partly

2009-05-21T21:26:00.005+03:00

So, I guess I haven't told that my grandparents were sámi people. Yesterday I started learning more and here I am today, listening to the anthem of the sámi:

In Dreams, We..

2009-05-20T14:35:00.003+03:00

And I thought I was the one having weird dreams. I have been chatting a bit with a woman at my workplace. Today she told me about this dream she keep seeing all over again. In this dream, she owns a small studio apartment. She knows it's there and is happy to have that place. Suddenly she remembers that she has cats and dogs in there and goes there, usually by bike. She always finds one of the cats there, dead and feels guilt, then wakes up.

I have recurring dreams, too, but mine are always somewhat enjoyable, minus the ones I've been haunted by the devil or its minions.

Just yesterday I noticed (as I was watching Miss Potter for the umpteenth time) that I haven't seen Ewan McGregor in my dreams for quite some time now. Thank heavens. By the way, I love the movie Miss Potter and I don't understand why. I think it's because I don't like my mother, neither does Miss Potter in the movie. She's something of an oddity in her time, so am I. Maybe it's the music. Or Ewan McGregor singing "Let me teach you how to dance" without harmonizers etc.

I rarely cry in the movies, but this one manages to open the floodgates almost every time. Well, I was pretty emotional yesterday, because Hubble was released back to its lonely orbit.

Tune of the moment: Peter Gabriel - I grieve

I grieve for you
You leave me
Let it out and move on

Hubble Is Free Again...

2009-05-19T17:35:00.009+03:00

So, Hubble is free again. And alone up there.

I read the goodbyes were emotional and of course I FORGOT to watch it live on NASA tv because I was at work.

It's hard not to think of Hubble as something alive. I really have always thought it more as a friend, or more like a pet.

There will be no more repair missions to Hubble. No one will ever give it a hug. :(

Sometime after 2020, NASA will send a robotic spaceship to steer Hubble back into the atmosphere and if not burned, it will be sunk into a watery grave in the Pacific ocean. In the mean time, let's enjoy all the information it brings us and for today, you can check HubbleSite.

Long live Hubble, may your solar panels and gadgets work for many years to come.. May all the nasty bits and pieces of space go round you and let you show us more of this space we call our home!

Tune of the moment: Haley Westenra - Prayer
Let your arms enfold us
Through the dark of night
Will your angels hold us
Till we see the light

What The F Is Wrong With People?

2009-05-19T14:33:00.005+03:00

I just saw a documentary about the man who was pregnant.

They wanted a baby. They got one.

What's the problem?

Oh, the fact that Thomas used to be a woman?

I have always seen homosexuality as a line of code in genes, not a mental disorder or something criminal. This is the same thing, something in the code (and no, I'm not a programmer/coder): He was born a man, but his genes produced a female body. It's not a miracle, it's not gross, it's just something that had different boolean values. Nature has done some other weird stuff, so why would a man growing inside a female body be gross? I don't get it.

Don't think of me gay happy. I'm not. I see mother-father (even if hormonally produced) families as the default ones, and I don't approve homosexual couples adopting children. Not because it would be awfully wrong, but because there are people like the ones who keep on harassing Thomas and Nancy Beatie. Beatie's daughter will so be bullied at school and it pains me.

Just thinking..

The Music Video I'd Like To See

2009-05-16T12:03:00.004+03:00

Imagine that today Metallica releases a new single. The music video starts on MTV and you expect the same usual stuff you usually get.. but hey, that doesn't look like James Hetfield...

It's Foo Fighters fake-playing it!

How awesome would that be? How much balls both of the bands would have? That is the kind of music video I would like to see.

It's Over

2009-05-15T12:38:00.004+03:00

Finally.

My Bachelor's Thesis is done. Eightysomething pages, full of crap of course.

A nice surprise form school:

If I graduate, I will have at least 260 credits. 210 is required to graduate.

Having this extra year isn't such a bad thing in the end. I thought I had too little, but I have a year and a half worth of extra studies. I'm not such a loser as I thought.

I've been watching NASA TV, following live feed from the Hubble servicing mission. I was glad to read the comments, because they show a tremenodus love for Hubble and assure that people approve the use of money for this mission. I'm glad I'm not the only silly one on this Earth.

I wonder how it feels like to wake up, look out of the window and see Earth. From up there the view would probably leave anyone speechless. Is the sea still blue from up there? Is there as much green as the pictures show?

Threat

2009-05-14T12:00:00.003+03:00

I heard Russia claims that if Finland joins NATO, Russia will invade Estonia. Just like before. According to a source, this is exactly what happened before Russia (then Soviet Union) attacked Finland the last time. I heard it was a politician who stated this and that he was quite clear. I knew that the Russians think Finland as their colony, but that's a bit thick.

How much of this is true?

If Finland joins NATO, will she receive support?

I'm thinking of moving to New Zealand. I heard it won't accept refugees and requires skilled people, so two of my worries would be removed. And she'll be far away from Russia and not geographically interesting to anyone.

My New Favorite Show

2009-05-13T22:38:00.001+03:00

I've Had Enough

2009-05-10T10:15:00.011+03:00

We live in an apartment block in an area that has had a bad reputation for awhile, mainly because of the town renting some of the buildings to narcs, alcoholists and immigrants (and as a sidenote: the tax payers paying for their rent)

Before I start, I have to tell you a few things beforehand: It is legal to park a car there temporarily if the driver is in the car. I've had seen that same red Opel parking there quite many times for hours and hours. I also have seen other vehicles parked there even through the night. Most of the time when people were told not to leave their cars there, they explained by "carrying groceries" etc. For hours. I personally want it to be left car free because one woman in our end of the house needs ambulance and taxi services to the front door and by parking in front of the first two doors nearest to the road will block the way.

Now to the thing that happened on Friday:

J went and told an immigrant it's not allowed to park in front of the doors and the hell broke loose. I wasn't there to witness the beginning but what J told to the police went like this:

J was waiting for me, sitting in his car, we carpool to work. He noticed that the red Opel that came there was the one that's been parking there all year round. He told the man it was not allowed to park there and the man went nuts. The man started yelling at J, making a gesture as if he was cutting his throat. J locked the car doors, so the man started knocking the windows and trying to open the door. Then he took a rock from the ground and was about to throw it to the car when his wife got there and asked him to drop the stone. The man dropped the stone and came towards J's car, knocking the window.

At this point I came out and saw what was going on. I saw J's face and I knew something was up. Then I saw the red Opel and knew exactly what was going on. The man stopped and started to go towards his car.

I said: "Please don't go anywhere, I'll call the police to solve this!" The man yelled at me in his own language and then came toward me, yelling "I'm taking my sick wife to the hospital", then swearing and calling me an idiot etc.

I repeated, "Wait, I'll call the police to get this solved!" "Call the police, you idiot, call your mother, sisters, whatever!" The wife came to me and started gesturing wildly, explaining what was going on. She said: "I'm sick!". I didn't say, but I thought by yelling and gesturing to me she wasn't so sick she couldn't have walked to the parking lot that's less than 40 feet away, so I said: "It doesn't matter. Leaving your car here is not allowed." I, was, like "whoa" at that point.

I said: "I've seen this car parked here many times for hours and that doesn't count as taking someone to hospital." The man got more angry.

I started walking towards J's car, they yelling at me. At this point I almost laughed at the mans anger and I turned to J and smiled. The man kept on yelling at me and this time, as I felt threatened, I said: "I don't care if you're taking your wife to the hospital now, this car has been parked here without a driver many times..." and tried to add that he should remember this later on, but he gestured towards J and said: "He's parking here!" I said: "It's different, the driver is in the car and he can move it if someone needs the road (it is legal to do this)".

I tried to explain there lives a woman who needs ambulance and taxi to her door, but he didn't pay attention, just kept yelling. I told J to call the police as I got scared. Now the man went absolutely mad and said to me: "I will shoot you!". Baffled, I asked: "Are you threatening me?"

"I will shoot you!"

I said to J: "Call the cops, he's threatening me." To the man: "You're threatening me!" He muttered something, got to his car and drove off.

We got to J's car and drove straight to the police station.

We can't get protection unless something happens (they try to hurt or kill us). So, what to do? Get ourselves ballistic vests? Helmets? I take this very seriously. If a muslim is threatening to shoot a woman, they usually do that. They shoot, stone, hang and drown their women for minor things that are not even called crimes here, so why would I, being a white, non-religious person, be worth more? They kill their own daughters when the daughters are trying to integrate to the western society!

So, immigrants who came to this country as refugees are above the law, I suppose. A police officer's son, whom J explained the whole story, laughed and said: "There's nothing the police can do. Social services pay for their fines and that's it because having to pay fines won't integrate to the society." So basically J, who pays 27% of is income as a tax, pays that fine. The police's son also told his father has seen this dozens of times and it always ends the same way: Refugees get the best legal representation for free and the victims are left with nothing... Or that the criminals only have to appeal to the fact that they are "from a different culture". The police who took our report even hinted that this whole case will be of "difference of cultures" and probably won't result in anything. Except that the other side might sue for racism.

I have always figured that if I am a guest somewhere, I play by their rules (check here)

Now I can safely say I'm not a racist even though I have felt like one for some time. Being a racist means that you have prejudice towards people from other countries and other cultures. I don't have prejudice, I have first hand experience. I don't mind people immigrating or what color their skin is. I only care what they do and so far I haven't seen good behavior.

They are guests in this country, they should obey OUR rules!

I can't believe that I have to live in fear in my own country because of some fuss-ball idiots who want to pretend they are good an humanitarian. Let these immigrants move next door to them and see what's it like for us normal people. Of course they don't mind having more immigrants and refugees because they don't have to live with them!

More Hubble & Some Heavenly Creatures

2009-04-24T11:55:00.005+03:00

NASA just launched a site for the mission to repair Hubble. Go see it.

"..And we’ll also be installing a soft capture mechanism on the bulk head of Hubble that will help facilitate a future mission to Hubble, primarily for the purpose of de-orbiting it at the end of its useful life.."

I cried. :(

My zebra finch babies are growing so fast. They started taking longer flights yesterday. I felt so bad because I suddenly realized they deserve to be free. They will never feel the wind beneath their wings, never perch on a tree enjoying sunlight. I know they wouldn't survive in the wild if I managed to get them to Australia but I would like them to be go there.

For a light ending I present a medieval bog:

The Kiss

2009-04-23T19:20:00.003+03:00

Yet another kiss dream:

I've kissed this person in a dream once before, but this time I hadn't even thought about him for ages. We used to spend some time together before J came along, but have grown distant through the years. He has kissed me in real life, so I know how weird the dream is.

So, we were at a party somewhere and I saw him. He came towards me, chatted with me and J and as soon as J got out of sight, he kissed me. In real life, he's not into kissing, so I was surprised even in the dream. The kiss was very passionate, long and.. umm.. wet. I was thunderstuck when he stopped. Then he pulled me further away from people and started acting very

According to dreammoods "If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her."

Not romantic interest, definitely not, but I think that is true on the whole. That ship sailed years ago. So, I guess this was just one of my quirks on the dream front.

I have been on a very good mood today, smiling all the time. I wonder if it's because of the dream..

Also, I happened to bumb into this guy I dated for a very short time before I met J. He remembered me, but didn't even greet. I don't remember his name anymore. After all, we went out for three weeks or so.. Well, I left him because he was a wuss. He's still handsome as hell, though. Wuss.

Something Is Coming

2009-04-22T15:57:00.004+03:00

A few old ladies have said the same thing: When animals that usually try to avoid humans, approach people, something huge and bad will happen. An old man once said: "When animals start to approach people in numbers, a war is coming.."

This spring, A LOT of wild animals have been reported to visit gardens, yards and towns, so much it has made the newspapers.

I was so scared when I heard the Russian president Medvedev was visiting my country. I thought that if Russians wanted to get rid of their puppet president and "ask" Putin to take control again, my country would be good for it. They have started a war once before by blaming us for shooting at them (like a country this small would actually be stupid enough to start arguing with a country tens of times the size and population of our own). Shooting their president would be a good excuse. Well, Medvedev is out and we're still at peace.

Oh, and if war (with anyone) comes and if I survive the initial attack, I will MOST DEFINITELY join the nearest underground army. And if we go, I swear I'll take at least a hundred attackers with me.

Good Luck, Atlantis! Happy Birthday Hubble!

2009-04-22T13:33:00.006+03:00

The shuttle 'Atlantis' is soon launching to a dangerous mission.

The mission? Repair Hubble.

The ones who have been reading my ramblings might remember that I feel very deeply for Hubble. I love the pictures it has taken, I love the idea that it has brought so much information from the surroundings of this planet, so I love Hubble. I was devastated after the first reports of its possible shutdown. I'm glad they decided to repair it instead of just abandon it or whats worse: burn it.

I hope the mission is a success and that everyone will return home safe.

So, thanks NASA!

Oh, and yesterday was Hubbles' 19th Birthday!

Oh, and as a sidenote: I heard Stephen Hawking has been hospitalized. Hope he still has the strength to keep living and fighting ALS.

"I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image."

Why Does It Always Happen To My Favorite Characters?

2009-04-20T10:18:00.004+03:00

Why, oh why do they ALWAYS get rid of all the good characters and why?

I understand the character of Gil Grissom from CSI. He was through with it himself. With Gil and Sara gone, there was no reason to watch it.

I was furious for Ghost Whisperer killing Jim and merging him with new-agy stuff. That was one series not to watch.

Now Kutner from House! He quit house to take a position as associate director for the Obama administration's Office of Public Liaison! WTF? For that!? Goddamn political shit! I still haven't decided if I quit watching.

What's next? Patrick Jane -character quits Mentalist?

We Got To Let Norway Know..

2009-04-18T10:08:00.004+03:00

South Park did it again! The reason we've bought all seasons on DVD is right there in the 13th episode, the essence of South Park!

Finland gets nuked and for what? Because of Randy and Stan cheated on Pinewood Derby and by doing that started a huge chain of lies that go up to intergalactic level. I like the way Finland is portrayed here. Although the president in real life is not a man as in this episode, but the ever famous Tarja from Conan O'Brien Show (r.i.p show). I guess they mixed the prime minister with the president.

"We got to let Norway know, they were pretty close.." cracked us up. I bet our neighbors enjoyed our nightly laugh-a-rama.

By the way, Matt & Trey, Norway doesn't like Finland. Nobody likes Finland, not even the Finns!

If I Ruled The World

2009-03-31T15:05:00.009+03:00

Language:

Everyone would speak English, other languages would be banned

Reproduction:

Age of consent would be 18. Having sex before 18 would result in a criminal punishment for older party

Giving birth would be free

Maternity counseling would be free for everyone

Finnish style maternity package would be granted for everyone

Single people wouldn't be able to adopt until age of 35

Gays wouldn't be allowed to adopt

Each family would be paid €2000 for a healthy baby when the child turns five months.

Each child would get €100 a month child allowance until the child turns 17 if the parents earn less than €11/hour

Relationships:

There would be no official relationships, just live-in partners

Gay relationships would be banned, but not punished

Taxes:

Everyone would pay a tax of 21% regardless what they earn

Inheritances under €20k would not be taxed at all

Inheritances over €million would be taxed 46%

Minimum wage would be €8/h

Women and men would be paid equally

Schools:

Everyone would have to go through basic school

Everyone would go through nine years in basic school + one life coach year
Schoolday would be from 10 to 15 Sunday to Thursday

Monday would be Physical Education day

School would start at the age of seven:

1 year play school (learning to read, write and calculate)
1 year English
1 year mathematics
1 year biology
1 year music and arts + culture studies
1 year
1 year history, philosophy
1 year mathematics, chemistry & physics
1 year recapping everything that's been learned
+ one year life coach = taxes, social support, family, working, profession tests etc

Every basic school work would not be evaluated by numbers, but by fail/pass

Schools and work places would provide one hot meal/day for everyone

Everyone would be evaluated to best and second suitable profession and get to choose
between. The ones who wouldn't comply to this, would fill in professions that lack
work force.

Students after basic school would live in school provided apartments and pay no rent

Students would receive student allowance of €200 a month after they turn 17

Work & Vacation:

Work hours would be from ten to 15 from Sunday to Thursday and from 12 to 15 friday
The ones who work saturdays too would get paid 400% for the working hours

People with family would get two weeks vacation every year in summer, two days late fall, one week mid-winter and one week late spring
People without family would get two weeks vacation every summer and one week mid-winter

Crimes:

Small crimes would be punished by community service

Domestic violence would be trialed regardless of what the victim thinks

Childporn dealers and users would be castrated

Rapers would be castrated

One time in jail would be with benefits such as nutritional food, private room with private shower and education
Second time in jail would remove all rights to benefits. Food would be good enough to keep prisoners alive in large cells
Multiple crimes would result in a close-up to all-criminals area where they would run their own area together, producing food and goods for theirselves with threath of death penalty on inside crimes
Death Penalty for Murder would be introduced

Alcohol and drugs would be strictly banned and alcohol/drugs related stuff would be force treated

Smoking cigarettes and cigars would be banned everywhere but inside homes, but smokers wouldn't receive free health care

Religion:

Every religion would be banned not to show outside of a person

Discussing religion would be punished

Trying to "sell" religion would be punished

Churches wouldn't be able to take members younger than 18 years

Churches couldn't show outside

Health:

Everyone would have to pay 10€ per visit to the health center (doctor appointments) and 20€/day to hospital. There would be no private hospitals or doctors.

Plastic surgery would be prohibited unless it would be used to fix marks of accidents or violence

Fun:

Movies would be rated suitable according to age:
3+ no violence, sex, bad language, arguments
7+ no violence, sex, bad language
13+ no violence, sex
16+ no gore
18+

Night clubs would be prohibited for people under 23
Entrance fees would be standard €1,5
Age would be confirmed by iris scans included to personal id cards

All museums would be free and if approved, subsidised by the government

Old age + Pension:

Old people would be granted the same pension regardless of what they earned : €1100 a month and wouldn't have to pay tax

Other stuff:

Internet would work by identification by iris scans

Cars would be electric. Speed limits would be 30km/h in city and 90 outside city.

Non-presentative art would be banned

Driving license could be obtained by the age of 17 and renewed every three years

Aren't you glad I don't rule the world!

Funny As Poo

2009-03-26T11:32:00.005+02:00

This cracks me up every time:

Time Warp Dude Is Hawt

2009-03-23T14:48:00.004+02:00

I never actually realized how hot the guy in Time Warp is. You know, the bald one. Jeff Lieberman is a real-life scientist. In case you haven't seen Time Warp, it's just passed its first season of hi-speed camera action. In addition to that beautiful set of brown eyes and a sharp nose, he's not only smart in robotics, but musical. I didn't know that before today, but somehow I've had this image of him playing electric guitar. I don't know if he does play guitar, but anyway.

He's hawt and I must confess having a few nice dreams about him. No, really. Of the few people in public's eye, I'd really like to hear what goes inside his head.

I Still Hate Being Erica

2009-03-12T10:47:00.007+02:00

So why am I watching it?

I think this picture speaks for itself. I suffer every episode in hopes of seeing Tyron Leitso. The Hottest of the Ha-w-tee? Yup. Is watching a TV show because of handsome face okay to deal with the torture of the life of that poor woman character? Wouldn't you want to have just one smile from that face?

Endless Ocean

2009-03-10T21:22:00.004+02:00

I just spend three days playing Endless Ocean on Wii.

I actually almost cried when I took the first dive.

I simply love it! I've had an aquarium of my own and have thought getting myself a salt water aquarium. Okay, the surroundings get a bit boring, since everything keeps the same, just a bit variation with layout. The bottom texture starts to annoy after ten-thirteen hours.

The fish are great! There's a lot of variation of species and they've also included some amazing fish (& some mammals, amphibians etc) and even a sea cucumber (my favorite!)..

I've found some of the species, like, a gazillion times and some species won't show up even if I dive the locations day and night and night and day, so, after going through the whole game I still have 40+ species unfound.

And I really don't get the Polar bear. Baby animals that come on the deck of the boat are a major plus! I just love the penguins!

Only thing that really bothers me is the partner thing. First, you can't have all the dolphins as partners (choosing is difficult) and having a wild thing as a partner (pet) to train is NOT OKAY in real life. It keeps amazing me how the dolphins seem to really like humans in real life.

Well, come to think of it, petting fish that live out on the reef is not okay in real life either, but I suppose Endless Ocean is better to learn of the marine life than going out there really. Besides, petting Red stingrays isn't probably smart in real life.

The soundtrack is great for diving. It's soft, flowing and Haley Westenra (Lucy, anyone?) has a very, very beautiful voice. I don't like that kind of music, but surprisingly that didn't annoy me.

I Hate Myself And I Want To Die

2009-02-26T15:26:00.005+02:00

Actually, I don't.

I'm still fat, but otherwise, I kind of like myself. I like the way my thoughts come and go. I like my voice. I have brown eyes, but mostly when I want them to go away, I use opaque contact lenses. I like my upper lip. I like the way I'm prejudical. I like the part in me that's racist. I think I like me.

The only thing I would really, really want to change is my history. But I heard that a heart medicine might erase bad memories. So, I'll just wait for the beta blockers to come to aid.

Oh and I'd also like to be shitload rich. :)

Alone In The Dark

2009-02-24T00:04:00.003+02:00

I'm still afraid to sleep alone.

As a kid, I used to make sure my covers were stuck under the matress and my toes firmly hidden. Most of the time, I couldn't sleep because of the random sounds the house made.

I still have nightmares, but for some reason they have gone from horrifying, sweat-breaking, screamily nightmares to stupid nightmares that won't bother me the next day.

For the next two nights I have to sleep alone. Most likely I'll keep the bathroom light on. Silly. I'm 28 ffs.

My Favorite South Park Episode

2009-02-20T19:48:00.006+02:00

Cartman goes to Idols and bets with Kyle and Stan that he can make it to the finals. They all, including Kenny sign up and fake their age. Cartman will do the stupid audition stuff the American Idol losers do. Simon Cowell loves him, though. And Kenny shines like the brightest star and ends up in the finals and eventually wins. He gets disqualified when Cartman reveals their true age. Kenny however will sign a record contract.

I Want Graveyard Book - The Movie

2009-02-13T10:09:00.011+02:00

When listening to (yes, I'm addicted to audio books - nothing beats playing Fallout 3 & listening to books) The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, I formed this image in my head even though Neil Jordan has been assigned to write & direct a movie of the book:

The Graveyard Book - The Movie

Directed by Tim Burton

Produced by Danny Boyle / Edgar Wright.

Starring:

Liam Broggy as young Bod
Alex Pettyfer as late teen Bod
Gary Oldman as Silas
Helena Bonham Carter as Miss Lupescu
Emma Roberts as Lisa Hempstock
Sophie Wu as teen Scarlett Amber Perkins
Tim Kang as The Man Jack
Toby Stephens as Mr Owens
Rae Ritke as Mrs Owens
Kevin McKidd as Caius Pompeius

But, I guess we'll be seeing a crappy shitmovie that will spoil the book.

Sims 3 Will Be Delayed!

2009-02-04T15:40:00.003+02:00

So,

Sims 3 won't come out until JUNE! JUNE, people! This delay better produce a 100% bug free, enjoyable game for that shitty price.

I don't mind delay, I'm still waiting for Blackmesa, but knowing that EA will only produce a half-made, bug-infested game pisses me off! And I'm still stupid enough to go buy it.

This sucks.

I Hate Being Erica

2009-02-04T14:16:00.007+02:00

So, there's this new show, called Being Erica.

I hate it.I fucking hate it.

I hate all these things about people who get more and more shit every day from their family and more: from their friends. Episode five of Being Erica made me want to kill every woman on this planet.

A good reminder why I don't like women and have only one female friend. I've been deceived, bullied and overlooked by girls and women all my life and seeing one woman - even fictinally - tortured by other women makes me want to puke!

I hate women. The only women I stand are my sisters (partly because I have to and they have more in their heads than the current lipstick fashion and pooping children) and my friend L, who doesn't like the woman stuff either.

However, the crappy show has made me think. What if I'm 32 in just four years, I probably won't be married, employed nor with children. Then I'll be glad I don't have bitches as friends.

A Little Something From The Past & Comets

2009-02-03T12:51:00.010+02:00

The comet Lulin is visible for a couple of weeks. I haven't seen it yet, because it "rises" above the horizon very early in the morning. I have a good telescope and I haven't been able to use it for quite some time now, because most of the time the weather sucks.

My Ex spoke to me on MSN today. I removed him from my friend contacts ages ago cause I thought it would be annoying to J and my ex's wife if we talked to each other. But today I figured it is totally okay and added him to friends again. We don't have feelings for each other anymore. We broke up for a reason back then and we live 600 kilometers apart, so what harm could it do to anyone?

I still love him, when he comes to my mind once or twice a year, but not in that relationship-love -manner. It's like the love you feel for something good that happened, the good memories and feelings remembered. I love all my exes, the good bits in them. But I would never want to have a relationship with them again. I know what was M's biggest fault and I bet he found a great deal in me. Being awfully jeallous isn't the smallest, I bet.

The only relationship I regret were the two I didn't have. One because I didn't want to break up with M and one because this guy was too good a friend to lose. The friend has long been gone, so no harm would have been done anyway.

Regrets, one thing the humans could do without.

He's Hawt!

2009-02-02T10:47:00.003+02:00

Hawt.

Hawt hawt hawt.

Tyron Leitso

How cute is that?

He's got all this Jason Priestley - Clive Owen -thing going on.

AND I LOVE IT!

Adrenaline Rush

2009-01-30T10:42:00.004+02:00

A little bit Left 4 Dead before going to school...

I've had one of the greatest adrenaline rushes playing Versus mode today. Really, I'm still shaking. And I haven't had this much FUN playing games. I always enjoy playing games (even if they are buggy mod-like too-expensive too-recycled games), but actual laughable fun I haven't had so many times.

Versus Achievements:

BIG DRAG

Drag a Survivor 100 feet with your tongue as a Smoker.
It's actually quite hard. Hitting the target for one thing, but actually being able to drag someone 100 feet before their team helps them is difficult. And deadly.

DOUBLE JUMP

Pounce two different Survivors on one life as a Hunter.
My life as a hunter has been very short today, but I actually managed to win us a round by incapping these two right before would've gone to safehouse.

OUTBREAK

Catch a rare strain of infection, then pass it on to someone else.
I didn't even understand what happened :)

Achieving Survival

2009-01-29T06:40:00.011+02:00

38 Hours gone ->

DEAD STOP

Punch a Hunter as he is pouncing.
Enjoyable, but less desirable if you are the one who's getting pounced.

DRAG AND DROP

Rescue a Survivor from a Smoker's tongue before he takes damage.
Did you know you can even hit the Smoker tongue with your gun or your fists? Even a medkit as a melee will release your buddy.

BLIND LUCK

You or another Survivor take no damage after being vomited on by a Boomer.
I've had nightmares of Boomers vomiting on me. Just use the vision you have left, go to a corner and shoot everything that moves.

MY BODYGUARD

Protect any Survivor from an attacking Infected 50 times.
Love your friends and they'll love you back. It's quite useful. It's all about the co-op. If you see your friend gets some, go help ffs!

AKIMBO ASSASSIN

Survive an entire campaign using only pistols.
Yes, but you can also use gas tanks, pipe bombs, molotovs'. The only thing you can't fire is the minigun or your primary weapon. And yes, you can use two pistols.

FIELD MEDIC

Heal 25 Survivors with a first aid kit.
Helping others is fun. Everyone should try it.

PHARM-ASSIST

Give pain pills to 10 Survivors.
Helping others is still fun.

HERO CLOSET

Rescue a Survivor trapped in a closet.
This is a tricky thing. Someone will have to "die" and respawn to a closet near you. I achieved this from helping Louis the AI out of a closet after a Tank had some private fun with him. If someone keeps yelling "Get me out of here", go help.

HUNTER PUNTER

Shove a Hunter off of a pinned and helpless Survivor.
Shove them away and kick their butt. Fun and easy.

TONGUE TWISTER

Kill a Smoker who has grabbed you with his tongue.
Piece of cake. You'll only have couple of seconds before you lose the ability to move, so you better a) aim to the head and b) fire as fast as you can and c) hope you have some friends around.

NO SMOKING SECTION

Kill 10 Smokers as they are pulling helpless Survivors.
Smoking is bad. If someone has gotten the tongue treatement, take a rambo attitude, run towards the smoker and shoot as fast as you can!

101 CREMATIONS

Set 101 Infected on fire.
This was surprisingly easy. Just threw a few molotov's to a horde and voilá!

DO NOT DISTURB

Sneak past all Witches in a campaign without disturbing one.
Sneaking past all Witches wasn't as easy as sneaking is supposed to be. You never know if the witch will moan right in front of the only door you can go through or not. A few tries (and lots of errors)!

TANKBUSTERS

Kill a Tank without it dealing any damage to a Survivor.
On Easy, this is easy. Otherwise, duck and run.

NO-ONE LEFT BEHIND

Beat a campaign with all 4 Survivors.
Easy, even with AI survivors. Less easy on Advanced.

UNBREAKABLE

Finish a campaign without ever using a first aid kit on yourself.
Yes, you can use pain pills. Stay behind everyone in hordes, when you hear a special zomb, stay in the middle and you'll be okay. Ask for teammates to assist you with pills. And DO NOT playi with AI players. They'll attempt to heal you just as you're hopping to the boat.

WITCH HUNTER

Kill a Witch without any Survivor taking damage from her.
Basically, someone annoys the witch, everybody shoots before she gets to the annoyer.

PYROTECHNICIAN

Blow up 20 Infected in a single explosion.
"Boom". I love the (virtual) smell of burning zombies in the morning! Pipe bombs for teh win!

GROUND COVER

Save another Survivor from a Special Infected while on the ground.
I usually haven't been that long on the ground, but I managed to save two survivors while having a ground break. Just aim and shoot at a zomb that is either hitting or about to strike a teammate. I even managed to save two from pouncing Hunters.

CLEAN KILL

Shove a Boomer and then kill him without him splashing on anyone.
Boomer, check. Mouse button 3, check. Fire at will, check.

STAND TALL

Survive a campaign without being incapacitated.
Try achieving this on Expert and you wish you'd never been born. Easiest way to achieve is to play with trusted friends, go to a safe place when the horde comes (such as a room with every survivor in) and shoot through the door.

BACK 2 HELP

Leave a safe room to save an incapped teammate and bring them back safely
I never understand why I went back. I was safe in that room and I just could have let J die. But nooooo, I had to be the hero and go back.

BURN THE WITCH

Light a Witch with a Molotov.
I so enjoyed this. I didn't enjoy the burning Witch incapping me.

TOWERING INFERNO

Light a Tank with a Molotov.
First achievement and by accident. I so enjoy having someone write "TANK!" in team chat. It reminds me of the days playing Natural Selection and someone typing (or yelling) "Onos!"..

SPINAL TAP

Kill an Infected with a single blow from behind.
Sneak behind a sitting zombie or one that's leaning to a wall, then just a quick snap using the butt of your primary weapon.

BRAIN SALAD

Make 100 headshot kills.
Aim in the head. Eventually, it will come.

JUMP SHOT

Headshot a Hunter while he's leaping.
This was somehow hard for me to get. If you've the bounce target, you really have to hit the head or get pounced.

MERCY KILLER

Survive the No Mercy campaign.
Go high. The roof behind and up the minigun is the best place to be if you have a friend up there too. That way you can keep a good eye on the special infected. Save one pipe bomb to the last horde that comes after the helicopter (is finally coming). When the leader says "The helicopter is here", go towards the landing pad and WAIT until you SEE zombies coming. Then throw the pipe bomb and have a few exta seconds to make sure everyone gets in to the helicopter.

TOLL COLLECTOR

Survive the Death Toll campaign. Same thing as with Mercy. Everyone should be near the minigun here, it's the best place to be. Keep one pipebomb and once you're going to the boat, wait until you see the last horde and then throw the pipe bomb. It's much easier to hop on the boat if you don't have to shake off ten zombies.

DEAD BARON

Survive the Dead Air campaign.
This is the trickiest one, in my opinion. Everyone should go on top of the tank truck and shoot from there. When the Tank attacks, duck the rubble he sends flying towards you, but stand your ground. When he's climbing on the tank truck, go down and shoot that bastard. Repeat. Remember to save a pipe bomb! Even one should suffice.

GRIM REAPER

Survive the Blood Harvest campaign.
The corn field horde is a wee annoying one. Just stay together. Pipe bomb is useful in the end too, but to survive, everyone should go to the second floor roof corner and stay there between Tanks. Boomers will make it difficult, but we've had the best survivals in that corner.

Left 4 Dead

2009-01-26T13:39:00.004+02:00

I finally got myself Left4Dead after realizing it's much cheaper in GBP, so, since Steam doesn't allow Euro countries to pay in Pounds, we asked a friend of our to buy them as a gift. So the price isn't even annoying anymore.

After playing 42 hours Left 4 Dead, I have come to find a few annoyances: Recycled textures and models (from HL2, CSS) - so they didn't even bother making new models (for that price!!). Some of the sounds are recycled, too. And the four campaigns each taking an hour or so, is way too little to play. So, basically they sold a mod priced like a standalone game. I'm so glad I didn't preorder.

The good side of the game is the co-op fun. It's so much fun having to trust other players to watch ones' back. I had a few scares. And I still panic when the Tanks growls somewhere near us. Sneaking by the witch is always creepy, especially if one of the team happens to like to startle the witch rather than just sneak. The Achievements are fun but annoying to reach. Trying to headshot a jumping Hunter is pretty hard. I haven't even tried Versus mode, since I'm co-op in every game!

So, in conclusion: I like the game, but I'm still disappointed.

The N Word

2009-01-17T18:50:00.005+02:00

I don't get it.

What's wrong with the word nigger? In my country, it was used to define a certain group of people, like, since day one Africa was found and IT WAS NOT RUDE. It was a definition and at occasions, it was found cute. Then they started immigrating and suddenly it became offensive.

What if we told the black people it's racist to call us "white" or refer to our skin color in their speech? Isn't it more rude to use the terms black and white than using a word that they use to define themselves?

I think the use of the word "coloured" is wrong. They are not coloured, as if white is the default and they would be coloured.

I want to meet just one black person who doesn't claim every misfortune they have on "white people" being racist. No matter what you say or do, even if it's the undeniable truth, you're a racist, because that doesn't suit them.

I won't deny the trouble they have gone through because of "white" people, but hey, women have had full human rights for just a bit longer than black people. What do you think of that? If a man is chosen to a job, can I claim it's racism?

The definition of racism has gone bonkers. These days you're a racist if you speak the truth. Because the truth is inconvenient to some people.

If the "black" people have so much trouble living where they live, they might be welcome in the country they originated from. I'm so sick and tired having to be careful of every word I say in front of a black person (or other race people). Not because I'm afraid I might say something offensive, but because you don't know what will be the word they might find racist today.

EA Approves Sims 2 Donation Sites

2009-01-17T01:06:00.006+02:00

EA approves Sims 2 donation sites..

At least in my opinion. Today I came across to a Sims 2 fan site named Holy Simoly that announced it's second creator was invited by EA to play Sims 3. In my opinion, that's their statement that selling that stuff is okay. By inviting someone that sells stuff they have the rights, I say it's announcing they don't care. Or that they care more. I bet there are some studies telling how the amount of available custom content raises the chance to sell expansion and stuff packs. Well, at least, it was. Since it's time for Sims 3.

Today I found a pre-order Sims 3 that included a plumbbob usb memory. I so wanted that. But the salesperson didn't know the price for the game. He said it's now in 60 euros and it will probably rise a bit. I hope they crack the game soon, cause I sure as hell am NOT paying 60+ euros a game. Geez, I thought Fallout 3 was expensive. Sims 3 doesn't even look much different from 2. The furniture is ugly as hell - again and the clothes ever fuglier. What the hell are those people? 90? Floral and animal patters ARE OUT FOR GOOD!

Overpriced games remind me of Left 4 Dead. I was among the first who heard about it and was expecting it all excited, but then I got my hands on the demo and found out it looked like shit and it was boring after an hour. I could have bought that to play with some friends, but the price tag.. Jesus christ, $45!! It looks like a Half Life mod for geez sake!

A Note To A Sick One

2009-01-15T12:51:00.002+02:00

Hi,

I'm sorry you got sick. I don't know what caused it but I know I'm one of the reasons. I know we have a lot of microbes that itch, burn and cause sickness, but you had the biggest and deadliest.

So, you will die. We, all of us, tend to hope you'll know when it comes and you'll try to fix yourself on your own, but I'm afraid you can't. Not as long as the people around you won't do anything to help.

You're so beautiful. From the outside you're perfect. There are some marks of hard existence on your surface, but that only makes me like you even more. You're the only round one people will never call fat :)

You're my mother, my father, the giver of life. I'm sorry your life is at an end - too soon to be called fair. I was hoping it wasn't a sickness caused by people but something that couldn't be changed. And here it is, after so many years, it has caught you.

We, your children will kill you unless you kill us first. Please do that. Most of us don't deserve life anyway. But if you can, please find a way to not to destroy the other living things. They can't help themselves. We could, but won't.

I'm sorry, Earth, in behalf of some seven billion different stupid, selfish, arrogant viruses on your surface. You should have thought twice.